Category: Purpose

The Value of Recognition and Appreciation

Posted on by Ming Poon

“We all need to be recognized for the successes we achieve and the work we put into what we value as recognition and appreciation are large factors to our growth” – Hailee Piendl

 

Hailee Piendl (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Why do we strive for recognition and appreciation?

 

“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated” – William James. We all need to be recognized for the successes we achieve and the work we put into what we value as recognition and appreciation are large factors to our growth. It is a part of being human and a motivator for almost everyone. We strive for a “job well done” as it fuels the work we put in at our jobs, our relationships, and how we value ourselves.

 

The value of recognition in the workplace

There is a reason one may see a picture framed on the wall of their workplace that reads “employee of the month”. Incentives for employees to do their best and show impeccable customer service is to be recognized by their co-workers that they are “the best” of the month. 

My first job I ever had was at a pet store for minimum wage (shocker) and getting my first raise and being given the responsibility of managing the store was a huge accomplishment. That incentive gave me a boost of confidence in myself and in turn, I became more attentive and did an even better job at work. Hard work pays off after all! 

I believe giving incentives to employees is a great way to grow a company and those who are a part of it. Being praised for a job well done and a plaque to prove it grows one’s confidence and drive to be better, leading to a greater career and overall success of a company. We strive for recognition and appreciation in the workplace to feel respected by a community we value the opinions of.

 

Appreciation in relationships

Studies have proven appreciation and gratitude to be contributing factors to the success of one’s relationship. Whether it be with a spouse or family member, selfless deeds we do for one another would not continue if we did not get recognition for them. Why? Because it is a basic need to feel appreciated in a relationship. 

Many of my romantic relationships have ended because one of us felt invalidated in what we were giving to the relationship. The teeter totter of appreciation was tipped too far to one side and when love isn’t enough, what’s the point of being with someone who doesn’t value you? 

We need recognition to feel loved, to be seen by the one person we love the most. Oftentimes their opinion is the one we value most of all. Therefore, we seek their approval. One of the most common complaints from couples in a committed relationship is “He/she just doesn’t appreciate me”. Thus, they end up in couple’s therapy trying to figure out the underlying issue when a simple “Thank you, dear” would have gone a long way. Knowing it is a part of human psychology to be appreciated would improve relationships. 

 

Our beliefs and how we value ourselves

This is a tricky one, sometimes seen as self centered or selfish but don’t be mistaken. 

Selfishness is defined as: “lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.” Viewing ourselves in a high regard and believing we are worthy is one of the common qualities of highly successful people. It is not selfish. 

I believe viewing yourself in the highest regard is one of the greatest forms of self-love you can give yourself. The previous forms of validations above are through external sources. However, real success comes from the internal knowing we are worthy of success and love. 

If you don’t have the skill to validate yourself, one will eventually be starved of the external validation we need to be confident and go after our goals. 

 

In conclusion

We all need validation and appreciation because it is a basic need for humans. We gain that validation through external sources such as the community at our workplace and the relationships we share with others. Additionally, we need validation from ourselves to ultimately sustain confidence in ourselves and reach our goals.

 

—

My name is Hailee and I have an unbreakable passion for health, wellness, and writing! I started blogging not too long ago and have since enjoyed every second of it. I write fitness and nutrition based articles over on my website www.youngandwyld.com. I am also a bookkeeper by day and online CPT by night who loves to help people achieve their goals while enjoying the process every step of the way:)

Lessons from New Grad: Why you should try less

Posted on by andrew

Hello, my name is Hayley Chan, and I am a recent Criminology graduate of Western University. As a passionate advocate of . . .

Hey. My name is Hayley and I’ve been painstakingly Ctrl- C-ing & Ctrl -V- ing the same intro sentence across 71 different cover letters since September of 2020. 

As productive as this process seemed, it was truly just plain – painful. Painful when that hopeful Indeed job posting says they’re just looking for a new grad with excellent communication and interpersonal skills – and of course that great work ethic – only for me to later discover that the position was filled by the first female rocket scientist to ever walk on Mars.

What were my next steps, you ask? Before I get into that, it’s worth mentioning what I wish this article was actually about. I wish this article was about how to keep persevering, how to get the job over that women’s rights public speaker/rocket scientist – yes, my imaginary competitor is also an eloquent activist for feminism.

And yes, I almost always pushed through. I’d get up the next day. Make my schedule. Do my company research. Send numerous LinkedIn invitations.

Seems like I had it all together right? After all, failure is a part of the process. 

Well, that’s what I was hoping. 

But this process didn’t work for me. I was trying so hard when I should have been trying less. 

In my opinion, as we progress through the 21st century, it’s actually getting harder and harder to just “try less.” We live in a nine-to-five, workaholic, productivity-to-the-max culture.

Moreover, thanks to Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram, we are constantly bombarded with images of this lifestyle, which have become measures for normative success; it’s hard to not compare oneself to what we see on social media both consciously and subconsciously. And it’s harder to not care about how you measure up to others, and what others think about you in this respect.

This was especially true during such a monumental time in my life – post-grad. I was surrounded by people, virtually and in real life, who were jump-starting their careers, making my criminology degree feel slightly . . . useless? 

So when September came, I spent four months learning how to network and tailored polished resumes and cover letters for general business roles.   

Based on my actions, it would appear as though I cared about the field of human resources or general business administration. Wrong. 

I just cared about how I appeared. 

With each new cover letter, I was trying to convince not only the hiring managers, but also myself of my interest in the job. And I think at some point, I started to actually believe I was passionate about recruitment cycles and process improvement.   

I truly wanted to enjoy the journey because I desperately craved the end result – validation, money, prestige. 

But as stated by Mark Manson in the subtle art of not giving a f***,

What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The relevant question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?”

The success of getting a full-time job in HR or in general business roles and making my first yearly salary sounded ideal. 

But when it came down to it, this end goal did not justify slaving over these job applications every day for four months – applications where I spent copious amounts of time tediously stretching my experiences to fit the job requirements. It also didn’t even justify furthering my education in those fields. These pains were genuinely not worth my time and energy, because my goals were entirely created and driven by how I wanted others to perceive me. I got so caught up in my quarter-life post-grad crisis, frantically applying to jobs from a state of urgency, where my efforts anxiously screamed, “What do I even want to do with my life?!” without actually taking the time to properly answer that question. 

It was like being newly single. You’re not too sure about what you want, and you may be kind of emotionally unavailable, but you pursue relationships that aren’t good for you or the other person. Why bother, or hurt yourself, when you could be taking that time and energy taking a break and doings you love? 

We often try jumping into things without premeditation, and we hold on so hard to how we want things to be, because these ideas supposedly measure our worth, rather than accept simple truths like:

It’s okay to be unsure.  

It’s okay if things don’t work out.

It’s okay to not have everything figured out.

It’s okay to pause, and just do what you can with what you have. 

When I stopped focusing my efforts on what I didn’t want, I was able to think more about what I actually wanted. I started receiving more responses, creating job applications more easily, and feeling more satisfied with my progress. I no longer cared about what other people thought, because I was focused on achieving a goal that would be worth my time, energy, and satisfaction in the long run. Barriers, obstacles, and failure still existed, but caring less about what others thought and caring more about what I wanted made that pain much easier to sustain. 

I’m not saying don’t reach for the stars. Just take it easy. Keep your feet on the ground and head out of the clouds – and stay off of that rocket scientist, feminist activist’s LinkedIn profile.

What’s truly worth your time? Comment below or join one of our many Low Entropy meet-ups to share your life priorities and passions with us.

Changing Careers: The Bright Side!

Posted on by andrew

When you’re stuck in the drudgery of a job you don’t like for long enough, the status quo can feel like a shadow cast from a monumental, immovable obstacle. Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Blaine Hancock, however, reminds us that if we’re willing to charge in a different direction, brighter days might be just around the corner.

 

Changing careers can be an incredibly frightening process. Leaving a career you dislike to pursue a different path can be difficult to even consider. Why leave a consistent paycheque? Why leave a career you’ve dedicated years of your life to? Why leave a job you worked so hard to get? Taking a big step away from all that you have known is never easy.

 

Well, I’m here to tell you that, though there are a few scary things about leaving a career, there are also MANY good reasons to change or consider changing careers! You will feel a renewed sense of ambition, you may reconnect with old passions you left in the dust, and much more! Hooray for the bright side! Let’s take a closer look at some positives that can come from a career change.

 

Renewed Ambition

 

After working at a job for an extended period of time, especially if it’s a job you’re not particularly fond of, you often lose your sense of motivation and struggle to pull yourself out of a monotonous routine. Once you take the step of deciding to change careers, you will feel an enormous sense of renewed ambition and drive. You will be more motivated than ever to figure out your next path. This ambition and drive will also translate to many parts of your life you have been neglecting or pushing aside. Use this ambition to create the best version of yourself.

 

Explore New Paths

 

Of course, the most obvious positive that can come from a career change is the ability to explore new career paths. Although the amount of options to consider may feel overwhelming at first, you will quickly realize that it can be so much fun to look into the next chapter of your life! Do you look for a career in a similar field? Do you do a complete 180 and change your career aspirations entirely? Do you go back to university or take a free online class? The world is your oyster!

 

Reconnect with Old Passions

 

When we change careers, we often reflect on our past and what we did, or didn’t do, to reach our current position in life. This reflection can help us remember certain pursuits and activities we used to like, but ended up temporarily kicking to the curb to pursue our current career. Reconnecting with these old passions will help you to recognize that you have way more interests than just the ones you’re pursuing currently. Furthermore, it will help you to realize that there are other career options that might be a perfect fit for you.

 

Reevaluate Your Mental Health

 

One interesting positive that can come from a career change is a reevaluation of your mental health. While working in a career you dislike, you often don’t fully realize the negative effects it can have on your mental health. Stepping away will give you more time to reevaluate how you are doing and figure out the best way to rejuvenate your mental well-being. Also, this gives you an opportunity to think about switching to a career that’s better for your mental health, or at least think about how you can better handle your mental health while working.

 

After reading this blog, you still might be hesitant and afraid to change careers or consider changing careers. That’s totally okay and understandable: it’s not an easy decision. But don’t forget, there are just as many positive reasons for a career change as there are scary ones. Remember to look on the bright side!

 

Have you made a big career change in your life? Tell us about your decision and how it’s turning out in the comments or in person with a Low Entropy discussion group!

Always a Mountain to Climb

Posted on by vwideski

From the symbolism of mountain goats to democratizing spirituality, Low Entropy Leah Costello speaks on the importance of accepting – and even embracing – the persistence of adversity in life, and how it can enrich every journey.

My grandmother Joan’s life advice: “There’s always a mountain to climb.” As a Capricorn, the sign of the sea goat, I appreciate the imagery of a goat persevering up the summit.

I passed on Joan’s advice to my friend Jesse and he said, “God, that’s depressing! She’s a really happy woman, isn’t she?”

I explained that she is a happy woman and I agreed with her – there’s never a time when everything will be perfect. Jesse holds onto hope that there will be. And so did I, for many years. I kept thinking, after this everything will finally come together. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get to the top of that mountain. I should have it all figured out by now! Some people have perfect lives, right?

I didn’t get it for a long time. I got part of the way there when I started reading Pema Chödrön, the acclaimed Shambhala Buddhist monk who lives in my homeland of Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. She says that there will never be a time when everything comes together, that we have to accept where we are in every given moment without judgment. If I’m being honest with myself, it took some very deep wounds and family tragedies to gain a deep understanding of this concept. Eventually, I realized that this is what my grandmother was getting at in her mountain-climbing analogy.

So what does this mean in practice? Well, I’m still not 100 percent sure. I’m figuring it out. I’m far from a monk living in the isolated highlands of Cape Breton. I do yoga videos at home like everyone else. But no matter what you are doing, you can always make room for yourself. I struggle during corpse pose to keep myself from making an inventory of all the things I have to do that day. It’s hard not to silently criticize myself and others, and even harder to confront the people I love.

My current philosophy is a simple, albeit cliché one: life is a journey and not a destination. That’s what Pema and Nanny Joan are getting at. Bring yourself back to yourself: back from the downward spiral of to-do lists, back from the chain reaction of thoughts that lead nowhere and back from the dramatic arguments playing out in your head.

People call this mindfulness, but you can call it whatever you like – whatever gets you there. My Nanny didn’t study as a monk, but she gets it. A lot of people get it. They clear their heads, get some air, gain perspective, check in, pray, give offerings, do therapy and get a little help from their friends.

People get caught up in fancy spiritual terms and forget that they were coined in a very different time from our own. The same idioms and imagery may not work for us. Spiritual practices, such as mindfulness and prayer, capture a universal part of the human experience. Human experiences don’t “belong” to any particular culture or group. You can bring yourself back to yourself in many ways, whether through established spiritual traditions or more eclectic approaches.

For my grandmother, it’s mountains and goats. The goat climbs up the mountain in his endless pursuit of the summit. But when he gets to the top, he sees the whole mountain range. It’s endless and stretches out to the horizon. He might get discouraged, but during that peaceful time on the summit, he can see the whole picture, the totality of challenges that we all experience. It allows him to practice acceptance of the perpetual climb. And that acceptance gives him the strength to move forward.

How do you handle recurring challenges? And are goats the most inspiring animal? If not, then which one? Start the debate in the comments or at a Low Entropy meeting, and convince everyone with your air-tight argument.

. . . and also it’s flamingos. It’s obviously flamingos.

Alone This Time

Posted on by dev_team

As the matriarch and primary caregiver in her troubled family, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Kathy Woudzia had her fill of responsibilities and challenges. These roles became her identity, and she was good at them. But what happens to a person when all that was familiar disappears, and they’re left to pick up the pieces left behind?

Please note that this article discusses substance use.

In this past year many changes have occurred in my life. Since I was 21 I’ve been a mother and wife. I’m 58 now and the kids have all left home. I never really understood the term “empty nest syndrome”, but I certainly understand that sentiment now. When I became a wife and mother that became my identity, how I defined myself. Because I became a mom at such a young age, I gave up a post-secondary education. Although I enrolled in online university courses for certifications in health and fitness studies and business, I never completed my degree. 

Over the years I held jobs as a bookkeeper, library technician and conference planner, but held no formal education in any of those areas. When I was 32 my marriage to my first husband and father of three children ended. He had struggled with alcoholism for years. Six years later I met my second husband, a professional, and at the age of 41, was blessed with my fourth child. Because his job was so demanding, we decided that I would primarily stay home, raise the kids and look after the household. 

In September 2015 my beautiful little granddaughter was born. Unfortunately, I wasn’t aware that her mom, my daughter, and her partner were addicted to opioids. My granddaughter was born addicted to opioids and needed to be slowly weaned off over the course of one month. Because my daughter and her partner were ill-equipped to care for her in a safe and responsible way, I was compelled to resign my on-call position with the Richmond School District as a library technician and begin to care for my first grandchild. Later, my daughter would move in with my husband while she was recovering from her opioid addiction. 

Many addictions include relapses, and that was the case with my daughter and her partner. For three years I was not only the wife of my husband and mother to one teenager still living at home, but I became a 24-hour on call caregiver to my daughter, her partner and my granddaughter. My days were overfilled with family obligations. I couldn’t wait to have some alone time!

Throughout my 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s I have been parenting with little to no regard for self-improvement in areas outside of family. I devoted so much time to them that I failed at keeping old friendships or starting new ones. When my daughter was in recovery and went back to her position as a science teacher, I spent my days caring for my granddaughter, cooking, cleaning, shopping and working out. That was my life minute-to-minute, day-to-day, year-to-year. It is amazing how quickly the days turned to years and the years turned to decades. I had no profession outside of being a professional wife and mother.

Then, in 2018, things began to spiral downhill. On April 22, 2018, my daughter, mother of my granddaughter, died of an accidental opioid overdose. Suddenly my world was turned upside-down. The loss of my eldest daughter was devastating and I missed her dearly. When she passed away I also lost my granddaughter because she moved to Vancouver Island to be with her dad, who was recovering there with his family.

Initially, the lack of constant attending to others was a welcome one as I was fatigued with caring for so many people and having so little time to myself. Now it was just my 17-year-old daughter, who barely needed me and my husband to look after her. I filled my days with shopping and working out with some new friends I had made after the loss of my daughter. I enrolled in a writing course with New York University and began writing about my daughter. Then another blow. My only sibling, my brother, died of complications due to alcoholism. Another devastating loss exactly one year to the date my daughter had passed. 

Six months after my brother passed I began struggling with mental health problems of my own. I began experiencing bipolar symptoms. I was admitted to a hospital for one month in January 2020. When I was released from the hospital my husband had moved out of our home. Soon after, my husband had officially left me, my daughter went to university and I found myself completely alone.

The old parable, “the grass is always greener on the other side” is certainly true in my case. From wishing for alone time to longing for the busy days where I didn’t have a minute to myself, I have now realized I do not enjoy my time on my own. Not having developed many hobbies (outside of writing and exercising) or friendships, I often find myself very lonely and depressed. Because my job was professional wife and mother, I now find my life significantly vacant of activities I used to enjoy.

For the past four decades, a constant flurry of activity gave me a sense of purpose. In the absence of a husband or children to care for, I have now lost my identity. In raising my children, I was propelled by a desire to ensure my children transitioned to successful adults. In my mind, I was convinced that because they had graduated from universities with degrees, that meant success. My daughter once said in a card, “mom, if us kids were your employees then you would win employer of the year award”. That summed it all up for me. I had put all of my energy into what I viewed as my profession, motherhood. I completely immersed myself in activities that were centred on my kids and husband. Without either as a conduit to stay busy, I now find myself with loads of spare time and no  purpose: a toxic combination. 

Empty nest syndrome did not have meaning for me until I experienced it. In addition, I have experienced additional substantial losses in my life. The reality is, I have no one left to look after. In facing “ENS” head-on, I am compelled to find a new purpose outside of my husband and children – a new identity.

Do you have any advice for anyone who might be experiencing ENS? Or maybe you have your own struggle to share, to let us know we’re not so alone after all. Please let us know in our comments section or in person at a Low Entropy meeting. 

What I’ve Found While Searching for a Job

Posted on by dev_team

Unemployment is not only a source of rejection and self-doubt for many – it can also impact your very livelihood. With persistent optimism, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Catherine Pulgar shows us how she is navigating this difficult period in her own life.

The job search is so challenging, especially if you are a recent graduate. In my own experience, every time I read job posting – even an entry-level one – I doubt myself. “Am I qualified? Look at all the skills and experience they require…” 

I’m still working at it, as I’ve been searching for a marketing position since late July. Some days are better than others, due to the financial problems that come with being unemployed. However, job searching in itself has been an opportunity to learn skills. I’ve developed an increasingly calm approach to my job search, by reminding myself that I’ve been applying my skills in other valuable ways, including volunteering for two organizations.

But being grateful and cheerful in this situation can be challenging. For example, I had a fantastic interview a few weeks ago, but received an email later saying they moved forward with another candidate. It was disheartening and discouraging. However, I’ve found I must honour the emotions that come with these vulnerable experiences. This was not my first rejection, and I have been learning constructive ways to overcome the sad, angry or hopeless feelings that can arise in situations like this. 

Each person has their own way of handling rejection. It’s easier for some than others. In my case, since starting my job search journey, I have come up with ways to deal with the stress and its impact on my mental health.

  • Writing a Reflection Diary: This is a great technique where I write out my daily accomplishments, challenges, or tips for things that I may want to improve. I write at least three phrases almost every day about things in my life that I am grateful for. It helps me stay positive, just remembering the bright side of things, and that we can always find something positive, even in the most stressful moments!
  • Working Out: Even though I’m not a fanatic about working out every day, it is an excellent endorphin source that helps me clear my mind, relax and reach internal peace.
  • Meditating: Sometimes I practice meditation and yoga, because I feel these two activities are a great way to release stress and balance my body.

Still, during this time, I struggle with rejection. But I have also come across amazing people while on my job search path. People who have offered me advice, support and comfort. My partner Victor told me, “If you do not have this or that skill, study and master it.” Thanks to him and others, I have cultivated my perseverance to keep studying and learning. 

Remember that if you do not have a skill or experience, do not feel bad. Every person started from scratch until they became masters in their field.

Do you have any tips on how to handle the emotional toll that unemployment can bring? Your experiences and advice could make a big difference in someone’s journey – share them in the comments section, or at a Low Entropy meeting.

Three Easy Steps to Conquer Paralyzing Fear

Posted on by dev_team

New beginnings can be scary. Not everyone can let it go and dive into the unknown, but Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Anna Bernsteiner has advice for when you feel frozen by your anxieties.

Back when I was a kid, the most terrifying feeling on this planet was change. I remember one time when I was five years old, my parents replaced some furniture, including a sofa table I loved. That’s all it took to upset me incredibly: everything new was bad.

Of course, things are different now, but whenever I’m close to a really big change and have to make a decision, I feel that crippling fear of the unknown climbing up my body again. Not knowing what comes next and not knowing if my choice is the right one . . . new beginnings and chapters still frighten me.

However, I’m learning that the new and unknown is the one thing that makes us grow. It challenges us and what we think we know. It pushes us to self-development and greater adventures. Life doesn’t stop, and the most important lesson I have learned this year is to flow with whatever it throws at you.

So when you face change and feel anxious, try to remember that, whatever it might be, you have control over your life. No matter how drastic a decision might seem in the moment, think of how it might look in a few years. Is it still really that big of a deal? It could be a breakup, a new job or a move that’s giving you the chills and makes you scared. If you look at it from a distance, it won’t have as much power over you, and you will be less anxious and more open-minded to new beginnings. Try to zoom out for a moment and see the bigger picture of these nerve-racking situations.

Another method that helps me face the new is by writing it out, or talking about it with a friend. By explaining the problem and the fear attached, it takes away some of its intensity.

Last but not least, believe in yourself. Change is rarely comfortable. We have to go through some rough patches to grow. Learn to believe in who you are.\

Look at it this way: would you rather go into a job interview telling yourself you’re going to fail, or say to yourself, “I’m scared, I’m going to work hard and give my best. I can do it.” Either way, there is no certainty that you will get the job. But if you don’t believe in your capabilities, who will?

So whatever you are going through right now, whatever change or new challenge awaits you, stop for a minute and look at the bigger picture, talk to a friend about it and, most importantly, know you have the power to do anything – if you believe it.

Okay, so maybe it won’t be “easy” . . . but it’ll be worth it! Let us know in the comments or at a Low Entropy meeting how you build yourself up to take on the big changes in Life.

What’s with the name?

Posted on by dev_team

Entropy simply means “the measurement of disorder,” something that has high entropy is full of disorder, it’s unorganized, chaotic and inefficient. On the other hand, something that has low entropy is very efficient, it’s organized, and harmonious, it works really well. We live in a social system, when our social system is unruly and we experience war, despair, famine and destruction, we are living in a high entropy state. The flip side is a social system that cooperates with acceptance and compassion for each other, a system that works together with encouragement and support. You see, the result of a low entropy system is Love. We chose the name “Low Entropy” as a Universal way of sharing the important message of Love.