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Hey there! Wait a minute! Stop scrolling! Remember me?
My name is Self-Love. You might have heard my name before because I’m actually a very important person in your life. But lately, I’ve noticed a significant shift in the way you treat me. Suddenly, late on a Wednesday night, you allowed these two criminals Anxiety and Depression to take me away into a dark corner.

So here I am, in another attempt to reach you. Risking something unusual in writing you a letter.

You see, I’m responsible for the way you see yourself, the way you talk to yourself, the way you feel and so much more. Without me, Anxiety and Depression take the wheel of life. They are thieves. They kidnapped Fun and Joy last week, and now it’s only a matter of time till they reach the main office and take Happiness as well.

Remember that time when we climbed that summit? Or the time you passed that challenging test and were so proud? Or wait, remember that trip you did all by yourself?
Pretty awesome right? Back in the good old days!
I wish we could start creating more memories together. You and me. Deep down, you know I need to be a solid figure in your life.
I make you feel proud of yourself, I make you happy, I pick you up when someone leaves and keep you standing straight when the world is trying to break you down. I make you feel at ease with yourself because I’m your very best friend. No no, it’s definitely not that dog with the big blue eyes.
I am.

So meanwhile, don’t forget how loved and how special you are. There is only one of you!
I discovered some ways you can help me break the chains and get yourself out of that rocky place you are in.

Plan to do things that you enjoy. It’s okay to put yourself first once in a while.
Dance, whenever you feel like it, wherever you feel like it. At the beach, while in the store, on a mountain top, or simply in your bedroom. Don’t care what everybody else thinks. Put some good music on and don’t hold back. Dancing has an incredible effect on your mood.
Write down what you are grateful for – not only about your surroundings, but also yourself.
Say NO. This is a form of self-love. Many people struggle with setting boundaries. However, it is healthy and necessary.
Go out for a walk or a run. Clears your mind and boosts your confidence by making you feel good about your body.
Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made. You are only human.
Ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone. Everyone struggles and has bad days, doesn’t matter what Instagram or Social Media tells you. Nobody is perfect. Talking to someone about your problems is the purest form of self-love.

I understand that I’m not an easy person. I need attention and care every day and can be very stubborn. However, in the end, I’m always here for you. Be kind, not only to others, but to yourself. For the world, you are just somebody – but for somebody, you are the world.

Your self-love.

For more on self-love from Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Anna Bernsteiner, check out this companion piece on Instagram. Leave your comments on any of our social media platforms, or in person at a Low Entropy gathering, and celebrate the love within all of us.

Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Gurleen Mann, shares the moment she opened up about her mental health struggles, and how she learned to trust those who cared about her.

I’ve had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. As someone who comes from a family and cultural background where mental health is not something you discuss aloud, I always felt alone in my struggle. I always felt the need to mask my issues to avoid being stigmatized. My smile would often be the brightest in the room so that no one would be able to see how lifeless I felt inside. I kept to myself, my head always in a book, never letting anyone get close enough to take a peek inside my mind. This came easy to me because I was high-functioning most of the time, doing well in school and extracurriculars, so no one ever really noticed that I didn’t feel okay. 

Whenever I was debilitated by my anxiety or depression and couldn’t make it to school, work, or a commitment with friends, I would just say “I’m sick,” rather than admitting that my mental health was suffering. I could never ask for a “mental health break”, because just saying the words “mental health” seemed like too much information. For years, I silently suffered while maintaining this facade of happiness. 

It wasn’t until one day, about six years ago, that I finally opened up. I was at a particularly low point and finding it more and more exhausting to hide how I felt. I had just driven myself and one of my best friends to soccer practice. As I was getting out of the car, I dropped my cell phone, and the screen cracked. I don’t know why that moment was the turning point for me, but it was. I picked up my broken phone and, before I knew it, I was crying.

My friend told me not to worry and that I could get the screen replaced. Through tears, I told her I wasn’t crying because my phone was broken, but because I was. I remember finally saying the words “I am not okay.” I told her how sad and hopeless I felt, and how difficult it was to continue to keep things inside me. My friend said the words I’d needed to hear this whole time: “It’s okay if you’re not okay.” She normalized my experience and provided the emotional support I needed. She suggested I go to counselling, which I agreed to try. 

Gradually, I opened up to all my trusted friends and my mental health was no longer a secret – I finally started getting the help I needed. It was a while before I mustered up the courage to sit down with my family and explain what was going on with me, but eventually, I did. They didn’t quite understand at first, but that was okay – I knew it would take time. The important thing was for me to speak up, because the only thing worse than having depression and anxiety was having to hide it.

What I’d like to share with others who are struggling to acknowledge and speak out about their mental health, particularly due to cultural stigma, is that it’s important to not keep it a secret, because problems grow in the dark. When we’re ashamed of our mental health and hide how we’re feeling, we suffer alone and we suffer more than we need to. When we talk about how we’re feeling, even to just one trusted friend, we can find the support and acceptance needed to fight our demons. So please remember: there is nothing to be ashamed of! It’s okay if you’re not okay.

Is there something weighing on your mind or your heart? Low Entropy offers a range of Services to help you explore your thoughts and feelings in a supportive, inclusive environment.

Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Kathy Woudzia shares the positive, lasting impact of exercise on both her physical and mental health.

Please note that this article discusses relationship abuse and substance use.

I have spent the past 50+ years with many ups and downs. With more downs than ups, I’ve found constancy and solace in physical activity and exercise. I grew up in the small farming and summer resort town of Osoyoos, BC. My immigrant parents escaped penniless from Slovenia to Canada to find a better life. Dad was in the business of purchasing land and building homes. Mom was working hard at the fruit packing plant. We were lucky Dad had the foresight to purchase a large piece of land on Osoyoos Lake where he built our first home. In those days, land was cheap, so though we appeared rich owning lake property, we were truly anything but.

As children, we spent our days swimming in the lake, playing in the sand, and riding second-hand bikes that were far too large for our small statures. Although more time went into biking accidents than actual riding, we always climbed back onto the seats triumphantly. When Dad saved enough money, he bought a used ski boat so my brother and I could learn water skiing. The boat was constantly breaking down at the most inopportune moments, including the middle of the lake, so many days we were paddling to shore rather than skiing. When we became proficient at two skis, Dad insisted we try one. While most people learn to slalom ski by dropping a ski once already in the upright riding position, Dad was adamant we learn from the more challenging one ski, deep water, start. After weeks of practicing, my brother and I succeeded on the same day, greatly pleasing Dad. In the winter months, we skated on the frozen lake, where Dad spent his scarce free time clearing snow for hockey games on great spans of ice. He bought us snow skis so we could ski on our local mountain, too. Growing up, I never thought of these activities as fitness; it was just life. In hindsight, they were my first introductions to the amazing psychological benefits of exercise.

Dad was a control freak who dominated every aspect of my life. I was his project. That meant straight As in tough academic courses. I coped, during these rigorous senior high school years,with cannabis use. Growing up, I did not see myself as athletically inclined. I simply wasn’t doing the kinds of things typical athletes did. I was a second-string basketball player and a third-string field hockey player. My brother was a fourth-string hockey player. In order to escape the pressures of academics, I enrolled in what I presumed would be the easiest course: PE 12, or 12th Grade Physical Education. Once I understood that the opportunities my parents gave us as children were, in fact, a form of physical exercise, I came to the realization that physical activity was not only fun, but powerful for coping in life. It was in PE 12 that I learned about the freeing power of distance running as a coping mechanism. Running was the antidote to an overbearing father.

By the age of 19 I met Joe. I escaped the control of my father by marrying this man who was abusive and yes, controlling. Before the age of 26, I gave birth to three children. Due to his struggles with alcoholism, Joe was neglectful in raising our children, while his abusive nature made it more difficult to parent than if he had left us entirely. In order to cope, I went back to what I knew best: running and cycling. In the early hours of the morning, while my children and husband were asleep, I would lace up my running shoes and go for a beautiful 10k run. If just for an hour, I felt a sense of freedom on those daily runs where there were no restraints on me or my life. The high I felt from the running endorphins enabled me to carry on with each day.

After birthing my third child, I developed lymphedema in my left leg: a physically and emotionally debilitating disease. I was being challenged and controlled yet again, as the disease caused extreme swelling in my leg. I wore a support garment, which made me feel self-conscious. Doctors told me that any and all forms of exercise may worsen the lymphedema. Back then, lymphedema studies were the wild west and my physicians hardly knew how to treat me. My entire world was crashing down. The anxiety was relentless. I went through a period of deep depression until I determined that I could not accept this fate. Knowledge is power and I took initiative by educating myself about lymphedema. I searched for a physician who supported fitness as an invaluable coping mechanism. I implored him to write me a letter as proof that I could, in fact, continue to keep physical activity in my life. I resumed my running and cycling. These activities provided me a renewed sense of freedom: freedom to move and move on; to accept my disease. In fact, when you read about lymphedema now, there is great emphasis put on physical activity in treatment of the affected limb, as well as emotional coping.

The ups and downs have continued. I went through divorce, remarriage, the birth of another child, and then a big blow when one of my daughters and her partner became addicted to OxyContin and later, heroin. My granddaughter, their child, was born addicted to opioids. Three years later, my daughter succumbed to her illness and passed away of an accidental overdose. One year afterwards, my brother and only sibling passed away from complications due to alcoholism. Six months later, my second marriage deteriorated, and I now find myself living alone. Throughout these years, there was one thing I could always count on: whatever you call it, physical activity, exercise, or fitness, it always comes to my rescue. I’ve hiked, walked, ran, cycled, lifted weights, and attended spinning, aerobics, and yoga classes. You name the fitness activity, I have done it. Moving my body, whether a few minutes per day or a few times per week, provides a sense of freedom and a break from the overwhelming challenges life offers.

Enter COVID-19: I find myself alone in an apartment with very few connections. My life, once completely enveloped in the raising of children, is that no longer. Three of my children left home, as they are now grown up and leading their own lives, while one is no longer with us. I find myself very lonely. I gave up a career and friends to raise my children. Now I find myself with spans of time and nothing to do. In addition, COVID-19 has turned the lives of many upside down, with social distancing putting many of us in the precarious position of further social isolation. Despite these challenges, I remember that I have complete control over one important aspect of my life; what remains a constant in my life and something that I can always count on is fitness.

According to American psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser, our behaviour and choices are determined by the five following genetically driven needs: survival (food, shelter, security, breathing, personal safety), belonging/love, power (significance, competence, control), fun (learning), and freedom (autonomy). Fitness has the ability to fill those voids. You might ask how fitness can possibly do this: Love/belonging? Join a gym, a live fitness streaming group, or an online meetup group. Power? Fitness can give you a feeling of strength and confidence to overcome difficult situations as they arise. Fun? Fitness can be fun if you choose something you love. If you hate running, don’t run. Find something you love to do and you’ll keep doing it. Freedom? It is freeing to make your own choices, whether big or small, and fitness is that completely personal choice.

There have been many days where, in spite of years of knowing that each time I exercise, I feel better, I could not bring myself to perform an activity. I was worried I would not be able to finish that 10k run, or work hard enough on my bike. But I have also given myself permission to fail. I give myself a choice to attempt the activity for five minutes, and if I am not “feeling it”, I give myself permission to stop. Inevitably, I end up enjoying myself, immersed in sweat and hard work. Between the endorphine release and feelings of accomplishment, I feel ready to continue on with the rest of my day and the challenges life has to offer. Whatever the emptiness in your life, fitness is a way to gain your control back.

What role does fitness play in your life? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section, or join one of Low Entropy’s free personal development meetings to learn from and connect with others who have navigated their own difficult situations.

How do we deal with emotions? There is not an easy answer to that. How can we share our feelings without feeling judged or embarrassed about it? These questions were the central theme in last week’s Conscious Connections meeting.

It was a meaningful meeting that gathered 30 people from different ages, genders, countries, and life experiences. The shared intention throughout the meeting was to leave behind criticism or judgement and come from a place of love. This intention created the space for participants to open up and share their own stories.

At the beginning of the session, all the participants were together in the main zoom room. Each person said their name and one word that described their feelings. Some people said they were anxious, some said they were curious and others were excited. After the introductions, the group went into smaller rooms to create a space where each member had the opportunity to share their own stories and ways of coping with their emotions. An interesting piece is that most of the participants shared experiences where they struggled with emotions.

A clear example was a participant that talked about his journey, reconnecting with his crying. He said he lost the ability to cry through his life, because of the stigma around men and crying. However, this participant said that after years of working on this, he enjoys tears more than ever because tears in life represent emotional maturity. After this powerful statement, other meeting members started to talk about their own experiences with crying; participants shared that things that show beauty or compassion triggered them to shed tears. In the end, crying is just part of being a human.

Additionally, we listened to men talk about how challenging it was for them to show emotions because society labels men as “macho” or the “alpha male.” However, men struggle in the same way with their feelings, but it is hard for them to show.

The group also discussed anger. Coping with anger is hard for some people because this emotion can feel overwhelming and powerful. If it is not confronted, it can manifest into destructive behavior. A helpful way to release this emotion is sharing it with others. In a group like Conscious Connections, you can find a safe place to talk about these types of feelings because people will listen to you in a meaningful way.

Powerful statements were given from different participants throughout the small meetings, and It is incredible to experience how honest, open and empathetic the participants were. One of the participants shared this fabulous sketch below that he made during the session. It is amazing how humans can create beautiful art with a simple ballpoint pen. This participant said that for him sketching was a way to feel relaxed, calm and happy.

Finally, the most meaningful strategy was to embrace emotions. It is easy to say but hard to do, but in the end, we need to remember that we are not alone. Others are going through similar journeys.

Some key strategies that appeared in the different breakout rooms, to manage emotions were:

• Yoga because it helps to focus the mind in the present moment that we live, Allows us to focus our mind in positivity thoughts, and teaches us to connect our breath and body mindfully.
• Reading helps to learn ways to express emotions and to have personal growth.
• Cooking or baking supports creative thinking to do something for you or your loved ones and it can generate positive thought and raise self-esteem.
• Sketching to release negativity and cultivate compassion for others.

At the end of the meeting, the participants came together into the main zoom room and shared their final thoughts. It was energizing to see the positive attitudes and feel gratitude from the group.

This type of session brings people together that have never met before, but the connection, positive energy and the judgement-free space, creates a place of security that allows for individuals to freely express themselves. Finally, The most pleasant surprise was how honest the people were in the meeting. How easy they share their feelings without hesitation or fear.

Conscious Connections holds gatherings several times throughout the week. Each session has a different theme, and everybody is welcome to join the discussion. The only thing that you need to bring is an open mind to listen to others and share your own experiences.

A final question for you, how do you manage your own emotions?

Author: Catherine A Pulgar E.

Twitter: @cathy3120

I had a friend who was a lot of fun to be around; she had a great sense of humor, I loved her spontaneity and her enthusiasm was contagious. We were friends for a few years, we didn’t spend that much time together, but when we did hangout, it was a lot of fun.

Lately we started seeing each other more often than usual and I noticed that she would often talk about other people. I noticed this habit of hers; talking about others, rather than talking to others. I didn’t particularly like this habit, and any time she vented about someone, I suggested she speak directly to the person she had the issue with, to which she would reply “yeah, I know, I know.” And that was that.

Over the past few months I felt some judgement coming from this friend and I had another friend mention a comment this person said about me, but I brushed it off and took responsibility to own my shit. The comment triggered me because there was some truth to it.

As it turns out, this friend has been saying many negative things about me to other people, rather than talking directly to me about her issues. I shouldn’t be surprised, if anything, I should have expected it. If someone is constantly pointing out the faults in others, they will eventually find them in you too.

This brings me to a fork in the road; do I continue this friendship or do I walk away? I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, I like to focus on the best in others and I do my best to see the positive qualities in everyone. I do see this friend as someone who has a lot to offer to the world and I see her as someone who is struggling on her journey, just as many of us are. I enjoy being with her and walking through this journey together and now I realize that our paths are veering off into different directions. I still have love for this person and I will do my best to have encouraging and supportive thoughts for her however I don’t see this person as a friend.

It’s funny because I would always say: “strangers are friends we haven’t met yet” – I saw everyone as a friend but now I’m re-evaluating the way I see friendship. I am learning to see that friendship is built on a solid foundation of trust.

I’m learning to pay attention to how my friends talk about other people, I’m starting to see that you can learn more about a person based on what they say about others rather than what others have to say about them. If someone spends a lot of time bashing others, putting people down, talking about people behind their back, there’s a very good chance they will do the same thing to you.

In general, I don’t mind if people talk about me behind my back, I feel pretty good about myself and I assume most people have positive things to say about me.

However, I don’t agree with people that spend their time finding faults in others and spreading their negativity around to anyone who will listen.

I choose to surround myself with positive, loving people and most importantly; people who own their shit, rather than those who don’t have the courage to look at themselves and instead blame everyone else for how they feel.

I understand that no one can make me feel a certain way, even if a friend talks poorly about me behind my back and is nice to my face. It’s my choice to feel betrayed and see this “friend” as dishonest, OR I can choose to feel compassion and see this person as someone who is doing the best they can from where they are. For a while we may have shared a similar path through life and for a while, we may walk separate paths, perhaps one day our paths will cross again, in the mean time, I respect this person and the journey she’s on.

It seems to me that when we walk on the path together, we are friends, we trust each other and we support each other. When we take separate paths, we become acquaintances, friendly in passing, but not friends.

Friendship is reserved for those who are able to see you through your difficult times and help you rise up when you’re feeling down. Friendship is for those who always see the best in you and only have positive things to say about you, if they are upset with you, they talk to you, not about you.

Friendship is never having to say you’re sorry because a true friend will always understand that you are doing the best you can. See real friends don’t make each other feel bad, instead real friends lift each other up and bring out the best in one another. Real friends are precious gems, rare and unique, if you have a real friend, take good care of them because they can be hard to find.