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Glory Li (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer 

 

A week after Christmas, you remember someone whom you hadn’t even noticed, brought you a sweater. Something that you never wear with a warm thank-you card attached at the hem, a tag you never bothered to cut off. It’s stored in the most inconspicuous corner of your closet, a place you haven’t been motivated to rummage through. Congrats, you received a gift of no emotional significance, from someone with whom you don’t have a memorable relationship or personal attachment whatsoever—a gift of reciprocation. Honestly, the Slytherin-green sweater with red, fur-coated collar can’t be an attempt to correct your fashion, enhance the interpersonal relationship between your cousin’s friend’s mum, or support your family with an unnecessarily green addition to your already-cramped collection of model attire. The gift merely trespassed your threshold in exchange for the unintentional act of you providing an old string of Christmas lights to a distant relative. Nevertheless, from the perspective of an outsider, a flamboyant sweater as a gift may seem pretty thoughtful and presentable, but is it purely for celebratory purposes? No. We have reached a societal peak where gift-giving has become a traditional ritual dictated by the reciprocation rule that the general public must follow. 

 

What is the rule of reciprocation? 

In maths, reciprocals are the “flipped versions” of two fractions wherein their multiplication results in both the numerator and the denominator cancelling out to equal one. Reciprocation, in human interaction, is a “flipped exchange” between two people that nullify the initial favour with a subsequent favour so both sides are equal. The primary driving factor behind the exchange is the feeling of indebtedness and obligation for the receiver is beholden to the giver to display a mandatory sign of repaying the favour. Whether or not the giver makes a future request for repayment, the receiver is burdened with a constant subconscious reminder of their indebtedness and they tend to strive hard for possible repayment which situates them in the most vulnerable time of complying with a larger favour than the one they personally received.[1] Applying this concept to the imaginary scenario of the sweater, although a fancy accessory is probably more expensive than an unused coil of light from your basement (costing nothing), the debt is still cleared through an imbalanced exchange and no one will argue any further regarding the cost. 

 

How does the rule of reciprocation work? 

 

Firstly, you have to acknowledge that it is a universal rule applicable to every individual. It isn’t some sort of hyperactive gratitude arousal in some selected sensitive few. With equal likelihood, an obstinate and inconsiderate person will be subjected to an overpowering compliance when an initial favour is first conducted. There are four primary justifications explaining why an initial favour increases the level of indebtedness and therefore a consequent responsibility to reimburse:

1. Alternated mindset for both parties involved in the exchange. Givers experience an instinctual decrease in the inhibition against initiating the transaction, as people nowadays find it easier to start the first favour because they understand that nothing is being lost since there’s an implied anticipation to receive something back sooner or later in their lives. Vice versa, for receivers, the obligation to repay will be prioritized over all other factors that usually determine the decision to repay or not, which suggests even if you dislike or are complete stranger to the giver, you will likely experience an alleviated impression of that person and offer your hand in assistance in their times of need.[2]
2. Social stigma and emphasis on reciprocation. Societies developed a severe distaste and criticism toward people who only receive without giving back. Not only will those people obtain less help in necessary occurrences, but they are also seen as selfish and arrogant individuals and someone to be publicly avoided. They might suffer from a notorious social reputation as a “freeloader,” “sponger,” or a “barnacle,” thus, many people are willing to go to great lengths to prevent a horrible staple image added on top of their names.[3] This explains why most people are aware of this intangible but explicitly evident rule lurking around the world, forcing people to reluctantly agree to subsequent favours much larger than the ones they received. So the fictional distant relative probably realized that the sweater they gave away was more economically valuable than the lightbulbs they received, but they need to pick something “better” to show sufficient appreciation of what they got in advance and their willingness to give back because of a previous receipt. 
3. The obligation to receive. The form of the initial favour usually won’t matter. It could be freebies, free samples, gifts, or voluntary acts of kindness that you must receive even if it is something you are not interested in or need.[4] Receivers find it difficult to reject offers especially if it is only offered to you for it induces a premonition that potential free offers in the future are staunched by an adamant refusal this time. This obligation is apparent in the negative incident of a sales agent pressuring you into buying their ostentatious products after they provide you with some sort of free service. The favour was no longer effective in reciprocation because people could redefine it as a moral kidnapping trick. You will be liberated from the obligatory feeling to receive knowing it wasn’t a genuine attempt to help in the first place but to over-exploit the nature of the rule. 
4. Customization and personalization. Although the form of favour isn’t a big deal to activate the rule, however, the strongest urge of reciprocation is derived from favours that come specifically at the time that you need it. People remember the favour for longer and will be most cooperative and proactive when they require help in return. An interesting study figured out that customers who give the highest rating to hotel attendants are not the ones with a flawless, fantastic experience during their vacation, instead, often when customers encounter an unexpected setback or accident in the process and the service representative’s sophisticated reaction to solve or fix the problem will cause the customers to be satisfied with the ultimate outcome and repay their customized service (favour) by booking their next holiday trip at the same hotel.[5] 

 

Then, after learning the fundamental factors influencing reciprocation, for an annual critical point like Christmas, does that mean every gift that appears beneath your Christmas tree needs to be offered back with something more valuable? Reciprocation simply doesn’t apply to important, long-term relationships such as the ones between your family members and best friends. There are many other reasons worth contemplating that can explain why your parents or close buddies picked that gift for you aside from the nonexistent obligation in your close social circle; your loved ones won’t even care if the equation is balanced or not when it comes to gift-giving. They could have brought it for you because they understand your hobbies and preferences, or it reminds them of the quality time spent together.[6] Whatever the antecedent, the heart of the holiday season shouldn’t be focusing on price tags and running the toxic cycle of selecting gifts. Gift-giving during the holiday season will be much more enjoyable if the process is issued from the authentic desire to make the recipient happy, rather than being stressed out about purchasing specious and budget-friendly gifts to repay the debt. The purpose of gift-giving transcends reciprocity, the actual magic of mutual interchanges lies in the heartfelt intention to compose joy and etch memories that cannot be erased with time. 

 

References

[1]Ochota, Mary-Ann. “Gifts Are a Traditional Part of Christmas – but Why Do We Give Presents at All?” The Guardian, 14 Feb. 2018, www.theguardian.com/science/2017/dec/22/the-gift-social-world-xmas-marcel-mauss.

[2]Cialdini, Robert B. Chapter 1: Levers of Influence. Page. 45-47. Influence, New and Expanded. HarperCollins, 2021.

[3]Hackett, Andrew. “The Law of Reciprocity — How Giving Without Expectation Makes Sense in Business.” Medium, 10 Dec. 2021, medium.com/swlh/the-law-of-reciprocity-how-giving-without- expectation-makes-sense -in-business-b0a64b1b9e68.

[4]Cialdini, Robert B. Chapter 1: Levers of Influence. Page. 62-63. Influence, New and Expanded. HarperCollins, 2021.

[5]Cialdini, Robert B. Chapter 1: Levers of Influence. Page. 59-61. Influence, New and Expanded. HarperCollins, 2021.

[6]Ciambrelli, Ashley. “Gift Giving and Reciprocating: Do You Have to Give One in Return?” Martlet, 27 Dec. 2022, martlet.ca/gift-giving-reciprocating-do-you-have-to-give-in-return.

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