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Neema Ejercito (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Two of the most memorable, thought-provoking pieces of writing advice I ever got was from one of those old American 50s posters that said if I wanted a career in writing, to not get married and to not have kids. By the time I’d read the advice, I already had a husband and two boys, so I thought, well, there goes that path. I’ve found, though, that maintaining a hobby (and truth be told, I have more than one) is vital to making me a sane wife, mom and human being.

My husband wanted us to have a shared hobby early on in our marriage, and though sweet, I found it a bit unnerving, as we had our two boys, one after the other, within four years of our wedding. I remember taking long out-of-town trips to catch a landscape sunrise or take a workshop on IR photography (I forgot what IR stood for). One weekend we even took a seminar at a famous artist’s home museum to learn outdoor photography.

I found, though, that freelance writing was the best, albeit not profitable, way to keep working on my craft. I could be as busy as I wanted to be and more or less choose projects that would be consistent with my particularly demanding motherhood role at the time. I was even able to teach it to a homeschool institution that included once a week class set-ups so that their homeschoolers would still experience social interactions periodically.

Since we moved to Vancouver, however, I can safely say that I am actively maintaining my writing hobby in a way I never would have thought possible if I were back in the Philippines. And the funny thing is, I thought I would be more successful there since I would have had househelp. But here in BC, I am networking, attending workshops, writing and even reading, and I am even working on my multimedia art!

Maintaining a hobby has been a lifeline to me to help me feel that I am still a person. I remember many times as a young mom I felt like I was simply a wet nurse and a sex toy, to be completely honest. Times when each physical touch from my family meant they needed something from me, to the point where, if I could have reacted instinctively, I would have flicked away any sort of affection like I would have done to a mosquito. Imagine adding that extra stress to a bubbling mass of hormones, ready to explode.

I have long made peace with wifehood and motherhood, not having them be about guilt and resentment. Those two really don’t do anybody any good. I can understand now when I read about wives and mothers who feel them, but I would like to move past them. I would love to accept their realities in my life and continue to learn ways to acknowledge and grow through them. And that is how maintaining my hobby is about self-affirmation and growth. 

Even when I am well-spent at the end of the day, I decompress by reading. Reading poetry in particular comforts me like a lovely cup of hot tea. That first line is as calming as the first inhale I take before taking that first sip. And with that, I leave you with an excerpt from James Horridge’s amazing “Hobbies,” where he compares an addiction to smoking to his hobby:

Like your head pounds

for nicotine

My head screams

to write feelings

While your fingers shake

for what you need

My fingers trace letters

on the back of my knee

—

Ever since watching Better Man with her second son, Neema Ejercito has not stopped listening to Robbie Williams’ Live at Knebworth album on Spotify. She even writes to it (much to the joy of her loving husband, who has told her to stop so that he doesn’t hate him and his music XD). She is a mother to two other humans and a bunch of plants, all of whom she adores and loves watching grow.