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Nei (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

In society’s hierarchy of important and unimportant things, platonic love often takes the short end of the stick in comparison to romantic love. Romantic love is highly sought-after and desired by most, and the absence of it is considered a failure, social suicide to the more melodramatic. People often talk of putting work into a relationship, usually in reference to romantic partnerships. Friendships are supposed to be easy, casual and void of any work. Even moreso, they are often considered as secondary priorities in one’s life after romantic relationships, familial relationships, work relationships, etc . . . As someone who has been blessed with more platonic love than romantic love in my life so far, I am here to make a case for platonic love, and a plea that we add it to the priority list for our life plans.  

Having good and lasting friendships is not something to take for granted. Some people are simply unlucky in friendship, and that experience is real and more common than we think. But friendless folks are not quite as pitied as single folks around Valentine’s Day. I have been privileged enough in my short time on Earth to have experienced the deepest, purest, intimate and fulfilling friendships throughout the various phases of my life. My childhood best friends and I have known each other for over 20 years. My university friends have turned into my much-needed family in Vancouver. Today, my best friend and I often joke that we do everything a husband and wife might, minus the physical intimacy part. It’s a blessing I don’t take lightly. At any moment I have a handful of people I can call on for various life events. I usually have a date for events if needed, a shoulder to cry on and a person to call upon for life’s ups and downs.

The beauty of good friends is mostly in the fact that friendships are not exclusive. The more the merrier. One friend does not need to meet all your needs in the way monogamous partners are often expected to. My friends are all completely different and they all complement and support me in different ways. I have friends with different interests, views, religions, genders, sexual orientations, professions and more. When we are all together, our conversations are always passionate, engaging and meaningful, because we challenge each other, always with love. When we spend time one-on-one, I’m exposed to new ways of thinking and supported in the most dynamic ways. 

Platonic love, to me, is having a deep appreciation for someone whose success and joy you feel as though it is yours. It is not possessive or exclusive, but expansive and timeless. Platonic love is less likely to fade because it is free of expectation, but so strongly rooted in a simple desire to experience life with someone. Life’s best and worst moments are made better with companionship. People often look to romantic love to be the source of companionship that sustains them, but I think that romantic love is just one element of a much-needed diet for happiness. Without friends, we are demanding so much of our partners. Friends are fundamental support systems, sources of joy, and spaces for growth and learning. 

There have been multiple studies done on aging people that have looked at people who live to their late 90s and some over the age of 100 to identify what these people do to live so long. Many have found that, among the top few things that these folks do, friendships and maintaining relationships often comes up in some way. Our sense of belonging is fueled by having access to people who make us feel loved, supported, challenged and valued. 

I’ve shared so many key memories with my friends, so many firsts, and some lasts. I’ve celebrated countless birthdays and been hosted for so many dinners. I’ve met mothers, grandmothers and siblings, and been invited to share moments in which I was honored to have been involved. When I was unwell and in the hospital for a few weeks, I had friends bring me a change of clothes, underwear and a toothbrush, and call me regularly to see how I was doing. 

I might just be one of the extra-lucky ones, but I don’t take it lightly. I value my friends so deeply that I often feel undeserving. But I know that we operate via the same code of conduct and that we are guided by the same values. Our specific views might differ here and there, but at the core of our bond is a deep appreciation for community. My respect for community was built by my solid childhood friends, who have seen me through the transition from childhood into adulthood. It has been strengthened by the people who have joined me in my current phase of life, and I hope to continue adding to the list. Even if I don’t add more friends to the list, I would be more than satisfied to keep the ones I have today. 

I hope that more people divert their attention to finding solid friends if they don’t have them already. And if you do, take a moment to appreciate the beauty of your bonds. 

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Nei is an aspiring writer who finds solace in music, meditation and long walks. With a belief in the power of difficult conversations to challenge the status quo, she’s on a journey to make her mark and hopes to share her insights through the pages of her own books one day. Keep an eye out for her thoughtful musings and storytelling.