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Katelyn Makihara (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer 

With age, many begin to fear self-expression. In primary school, we meet playground bullies who target any eccentricities, teaching us to hide our unique interests. Adolescence brings teetering friendships and classroom politics that can require us to swallow our opinions to secure a place of belonging. Around the world, many large corporations instill autocratic management that rewards 996 corporate slaves without allowing any autonomy. Thus, we learn that conformity ensures security, whereas being “different” risks calamity. 

For the vast majority of my life, I chose to conform. I obsessed over being “normal” and acting like everyone else, believing that such a lifestyle would ensure my happiness. Yet, one day I woke up to overwhelming unhappiness. I looked at myself in the mirror and was met with empty eyes, devoid of any passion. After years of allowing myself to be governed by a fear of rejection and judgment, I had lost my ability to exercise my true will, losing my sense of self in the process. A singular question entered my mind:

“Am I truly enjoying living my life?” 

Even when confronted with my unhappiness, it took a while for me to have the courage to change my lifestyle. For anyone struggling with a similar experience, I will share the five baby steps that I took to break outside my shell and gradually reinvent myself. 

1. Digging up dreams

We all have hopes and dreams that we found in childhood and gave up as we grew. Personally, I always loved books, and always knew that I wanted to be an author when I grew up. Yet, as time passed, I felt my aspirations turn from big dreams to society’s idea of success. I began working with the goal of getting the highest grade, or bettering my chances of getting into university. While working with such extrinsic motivations is not anything to be ashamed of, in my case, and for many others, this can lead to eventual burnout. In the end, we need to have intrinsic motivation to really feel value and fulfillment from what we do. Thus, to begin the journey with reinventing oneself, I believe that rediscovering forgotten dreams and allowing ourselves to live for our passions is a crucial first step. 

2. Reevaluating relationships

I imagine that, like my former self, many have friends they keep solely to avoid being alone. Fearing isolation or sitting alone in class, we continue to fight for relationships that are clearly taxing on our mental well-being. I spent years ignoring cruel comments, accommodating my friends’ every wish, and adjusting my conversations to my friends to an excessive degree. Through spending all my efforts to maintain surface level kinships, I robbed myself of the opportunity to form true connections with people who I could be myself with. This kept me from developing my identity, and led to me losing sight of who I was. To reinvent ourselves, we need to be able to interact with others as our authentic selves. While it may be scary, letting go of fake friendships is necessary in the path to self discovery. 

3. Pursuing passions 

After remembering our dreams and surrounding ourselves with people who support them, there is only one option: to begin actively pursuing our passions. Having hobbies to enjoy not only increases the joy in our lives, but gives us confidence in our uniqueness and gives us an outlet for self-expression. If you want to retry the soccer that you enjoyed as a child, join a community soccer class right away! Maybe you always had a passion for painting that you gave up to pursue a more “stable” and “happy” future. Go to the craft store, pick up a canvas and some supplies, and paint to your heart’s desire! 

4. Saying “hello” to a new home

Sometimes, our current environment can limit our growth. In my case, my former school was keeping me stuck within the confines of my timid self, as I felt terrified to change in front of all my longtime peers. So, I decided to uproot my entire life, and transfer schools at the start of grade 11. Of course, I was anxious that this would lead to social isolation and loneliness. Yet, I hoped that a big change in environment would aid me in creating a place for my authentic self to belong. As expected, being around people with no expectations of who I was was extremely freeing. I was able to express myself without fearing that I was betraying my “image,” allowing me to form meaningful connections without keeping up fronts. I saw myself flourish, as I bloomed into my true self. 

5. Choosing challenges

Reinvention entails not only rediscovery, but also evolving past our former selves. Striving for development and self-actualization are fundamental to being fulfilled in our lives. Growth cannot happen without challenging ourselves past our comfort zones. Staying comfortable and content will eventually lead to stagnation and dissatisfaction. To really reinvent ourselves, we need to adopt a challenge mentality and take risks to put ourselves out there. Try pushing yourself to enter sports competitions or start a social media account to showcase your art. Or maybe, like myself, overcome your fear of judgment and volunteer to write for a blog to share your writing. One little challenge could lead you to unimaginable heights. Fearing failure is natural, but to quote Wayne Gretzky, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Don’t let your worries limit your happiness or potential to invent the best version of yourself.

It is within human nature to seek authenticity in our lifestyle. As inherently unique beings, we thrive when freely expressing our individuality. Thus, we must allow ourselves to explore our identities and recognize our unique worth to truly feel comfortable and happy in our own skin. 

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Katelyn Makihara is a Japanese-Canadian grade 11 student who deeply values creativity, education and equality. She is very passionate about writing and Japanese culture, which have greatly supported her throughout her life. She dreams of becoming an editor in Japan to spread the joy of literature and stories to generations to come.