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Deema Khalil (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Growing up, I believed success was all about reaching those “big” milestones. I daydreamed about acing my high school exams, pursuing my dream major and ultimately graduating from university. Having my dream job and advancing my career were next on the list. It seemed like everyone around me was on the same track, so I naturally tagged along. However, once I started achieving those goals, the happiness I felt in return for my efforts was too short-lived.

Graduation day? Felt great at the moment, especially seeing how proud my family, relatives and friends were of me. But before I knew it, I was back to my daily routine, doing ordinary tasks and working towards something new. That got me thinking about how many of those milestones I set for myself were socially rewarded, but they didn’t say much about my character. In between these celebrated moments, in the quiet passing of days, months and years, was where the real work was happening. That was when I was growing and developing, even if no one else noticed.

I then started wondering about the relationship between social rewards and personal fulfillment. Do they relate at all? Sure, on the surface, they might give you a boost. For example, receiving positive feedback for having a degree or a well-perceived job for example could positively impact your self-esteem and, in turn, add to your overall happiness. But those milestones, in the grand scheme, only tell the world what you’ve done, and not who you are.

So, who are you?

Here’s the way I see it: the majority of our lives are spent walking through our daily routines, checking tasks off of a to-do list, practicing our hobbies, cleaning our homes, etc . . . Those small collections of events ultimately create the foundation of our lives. And they are the reason why we’re able to progress and not stay stagnant. This is where our personalities, habits and attitudes develop. Those moments are where we’re able to create a healthy momentum. And during those moments, we’re left facing our natural-state self, inhabiting our minds and bodies, where the only feedback we’re able to receive is our own. In essence, our daily personal habits and actions comprise who we really are. How wonderful and equally scary is that?

Coming to this realization made me see how true fulfillment can’t be reached by relying on big achievements and the kudos of others, but from an authentic appreciation and recognition that originates from within.

Here are some aspects of my life in which I now see great value and how I reward myself for accomplishing them:

Checking items off a to-do list:

Making a to-do list is important for me. It keeps me on track and helps me to stay organized. But there are often some high-priority tasks that require more effort, and it’s easier to set them aside for later. However, this “later” could turn into weeks and months. I used to struggle with this and get demotivated. I knew that I had to find a way to hold myself accountable while also enjoying the process and not resenting my to-do lists. So I created an action/reward model. Every time I write my to-do list, I highlight my three top-priority tasks. I then add an item I love to my online shopping bag, but only allow myself to checkout once my priority tasks are completed. This motivates me to work through important tasks a lot faster, and I feel more motivated knowing that I’d be rewarded in the end.

Stepping outside of my comfort zone:

It can feel uncomfortable to break old habits, to challenge previous thoughts and to put yourself out there without fearing negative outcomes. But staying in your comfort zone can hinder you from doing a variety of things, such as making new friendships, speaking a new language, accepting a new opportunity, etc . . . I have definitely struggled with this, and it’s an ongoing journey with lots of ups and downs. So recently, I started making sure to acknowledge and reflect on the actions I take to step outside of my comfort zone. Every time I take a risk, no matter how small, I add a star sticker on my monthly journal with a little note next to it, expressing what I did and how proud I am of myself for doing it. Looking back at my journal throughout the months and seeing the stars and notes serves as a reminder of the progress I’m making towards becoming a more confident version of myself.

Completing a self-improvement task:

Self-improvement for me can take on a variety of forms. Some of the things I do to work on improving myself include reading a book, completing a drawing, organizing a set of belongings, learning and applying a new skill, etc . . . However, it’s not always easy to complete a self-improvement task from start to finish. Take reading a book, for example: with the many online distractions readily available for us, it can be difficult to resist them and to reach for that great book you bought. I know I’ve been there. For this category, I chose to reward myself with a treat to a nice meal from a restaurant. I’m someone who feels guilty for eating out and sees it as an unnecessary expense, so I often stick to home-cooked meals. However, it feels both motivating and comforting when I eat out, knowing that it’s something I earned for completing a task that contributes to my growth or furthers my knowledge.

These are some of the methods I use to reward myself. Feel free to use some of my methods if any of them resonate with you. I also encourage you to customize your own rewards, taking into consideration the things you like and enjoy doing. And I highly recommend keeping a personal accomplishments journal to reflect on the work you do in your day-to-day life. Your actions may seem insignificant at the moment, but you are achieving so much more than you may think! Keep going. Keep growing. And don’t forget to reward yourself along the way!

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Deema Katrina is a blogger from Montreal, Canada. She comes from a science background and currently works in the drug development industry, but her interests go beyond that. Some of the topics she passionately explores are self-awareness, personal development and financial literacy. She believes that every person has the capacity to succeed when given the right tools and resources. Her goal is to share the knowledge she learned from delving into these topics and help others become better versions of themselves.