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Olivia Alberton (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

As humans, it is innate to want to know what people think of us. Generally, we want people to like us. Knowing that someone enjoys our company, respects us and seeks us out makes us feel good about ourselves. I believe this feeling starts from a young age. In the playground as a child, you want to be part of the group, to be asked to join the game of tag and to laugh with others, rather than be laughed at. When we feel liked, we feel secure in ourselves and consequently, our sense of self-worth becomes tied to what people think of us. Unfortunately, the idea of wanting to be liked by people generally stays with us as we grow older and go to high school, attend post-secondary institutions and enter the workforce. Conversely, knowing that someone does not like you, whether they have verbalized this to you directly or you have heard it through the rumor mill, is a hard pill to swallow, but is easier to move on because you are not in the dark. 

However, what happens when you do not know what someone thinks of you? This perhaps is a more difficult emotion to navigate. It is the silence surrounding the lack of knowledge of what someone thinks of you that breeds insecurity. Naturally, we become uncomfortable with the silence, because then we start to overanalyze the interactions and conversations we have with the people who are “silent” with us- “Was that smile genuine?” “Was that sarcasm?” “What did they mean by that?” By overanalyzing and agonizing over every small detail, we start to second-guess ourselves and our actions, which consequently makes us feel unsure of ourselves. We are taken back to that child in the playground craving the need to be liked and to fit in. I too have fallen victim to feeling insecure in myself because of the “silence.” However, as I have gotten older, I have tried to not let that silence bother me.  

The key to this is to be comfortable in the uncomfortable, in this case to become comfortable with not knowing what someone thinks of you. I believe that it is when we accept this fact that we achieve a sense of freedom. We do not have to perform and maintain a certain image of ourselves with the belief that this is how we are “supposed” to be liked. Drowning yourself in other people’s opinions of you is both tiring and unfair to yourself. I learned that to be happy and confident in myself, I need to focus on how I view myself — do I like the person I am becoming? That is what the focus should be. I admit, it is easier said than done and it has taken time to be okay with the silence. Once I learned not to let what people think of me get in the way of how I see myself, I felt lighter and more confident. In addition, it is also important to realize that, most of the time, the individuals whose opinion of us we seem to value and seek generally do not deserve such esteem.   

We must accept that, for the most part, we cannot know what most people think of us. Nor should we expect to know, because when we place that expectation on ourselves, we start to live for others and not ourselves. Therefore, let us all let go of that insecurity and be comfortable in the uncomfortable silence.   

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Olivia is a recent McMaster University graduate with a combined honours in English & cultural studies and history. She loves to read, write and, of course, drink coffee.