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Nour Saqqa, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

We all want to own better quality items, eat the highest quality foods and live happier, more meaningful and balanced days. Some of us even want to take a step into the extraordinary — yet, we don’t want to face the experiences we often label as “failures” instead of challenges.

 

These failures remind us of what we believe went wrong in our lives, the emotions we try to avoid and the thoughts we would rather not relive. So, many of us choose to leave the past where we believe it belongs: in the past. What if, instead, we looked at these challenging experiences as dips — masked, invaluable growth opportunities that we can benefit from when we learn to ask the right questions? A lot could happen, including giving ourselves a chance to discover the full potential of our past and invaluable lessons that can help us create a more prosperous present and future.

 

Don’t just learn to face and make peace with your past. Learn to value questioning it — especially those experiences we label as “failures” — before you choose to move on.

 

But how do we ask the right questions? And what can we discover from doing this? 

 

Asking the right questions begins with having the right mindset: the right set of attitudes or beliefs about yourself. When you have a fixed mindset, you believe that your failure is a dead end. You see that you tried. You didn’t get the results you wanted. And you think you only lost time and can’t move forward. Your focus on the outcome clouds your ability to learn from what happened. 

 

That’s one way to look at the world. But, like everything else in life, there is also another way. It’s called viewing the event from a growth mindset. When you have this mindset, you think you’re capable of growth and development. You don’t fear failure, and you’re not hesitant to take risks to advance personally or professionally. Unlike those with a fixed mindset, you see opportunities and challenges instead of obstacles. As a result, you allow yourself to learn from your experiences, especially those that did not yield the results you wanted.

 

Once you believe you can learn a lot from these experiences, you develop the foundation needed to navigate them and uncover valuable lessons that can help you grow and become more knowledgeable and resilient. With a proper foundation, you can now begin the second most crucial part of learning to ask the right questions: reflection with the intent to go beyond the obvious and superficial reasons leading to your undesirable results.

 

Here are three questions to guide you on your journey to becoming more skilled at asking the right questions:

 

1. Did I set myself up for failure or success?
2. Did I understand and firmly believe in my “why”?
3. Did I have a detailed and efficient plan? And did I follow it or change it when necessary?

 

When used well, asking these questions will help you learn more about how you think — and how you can think more deeply. And writing your responses can help you find more clarity, especially since this task is viewed as a thinking tool.

 

No matter how you think more deeply about these experiences, you will also learn more about yourself and who you want to become. And you will also become more aware of the following:

 

• Weaknesses and hidden strengths that you can strengthen
• Unhealthy habits you need to break and healthy habits you need to build
• Distractions taking up your time
• Unhealthy relationships that hold you back
• Healthy relationships that help you thrive

 

The more of the right questions you ask, the more meaningful answers you’ll get. Like reading and writing and team-building, asking the right questions is a skill that requires lots of deliberate practice. Reflecting on your past “failures” can help you develop this skill. 

 

So, instead of moving past your challenges, face them and embrace them for what they offer. Some of them will introduce you to reservoirs of strength, others to courage. Each dip is a bump on the road, not a dead end. If you don’t reexamine your past, you will never know what you missed.

 

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Nour Saqqa is a Toronto-based writer, editor and purpose-driven communications professional. When she is not at work or volunteering, she’s either on LinkedIn Learning or creating new products for DM Tees Designs, her eco-friendly business on Etsy.