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Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

All of us will experience loss in our lives and, unfortunately, more than once. Yet it is something we refuse to discuss in everyday conversations. It’s almost as if we are scared that if we talk about loss, no matter what form it comes in, we are calling the universe’s bluff and, as a result, making our biggest fear occur. However, at the end of the day, we must realize that just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean it will never happen; it is inevitable.

I think that’s why love can hurt so much, because in the back of our minds, we continuously contemplate the possibility of losing who we care about, whether this person is leaving our lives or the very Earth itself. Humans are meant to grieve, since we are life forces that live much longer than most organisms. I suppose it would be nice to be immortal and spend eternity with everyone we have ever known, but if that were the case, we would just take it for granted. I even do this now, knowing full well that I will not live forever. We can’t forget to cherish our existence and the people going along for the ride with us, because we will eventually lose all those things. 

I want to take this moment to get a little bit more specific; I am not going to be morbid and talk about the more finite type of loss, like the death of a loved one. Instead, I want to discuss the loss of a friend, or what the younger generation likes to call friendship breakups. I have been talking to many people lately about friendships and their various fallouts, and one thought has been unanimous among all of them: it’s entirely possible that the loss of friendship can hurt even more than separating from a partner. As someone who has lost many friends, I am inclined to agree, but I have also never had a boyfriend, so I can’t say for certain. I am not only a textbook people-pleaser, but I also have a debilitating fear of being alone, thus making me the perfect person to take advantage of. Because of these two weaknesses, I have kept becoming friends with people who treat me poorly for years, and it has turned me into a person I wouldn’t want to be friends with. I have learned very late in the game that, like life, friendships also run their course, and certain people are only meant to be around you for a season. 

It does not say anything about your character if a hundred friends do not surround you at any given time. It is okay to only have one or two quality people that you text occasionally and see in person a few times a year. It’s rare to always have free time to spend with friends; that’s the kind of thing for TV shows like Friends. As much as I would love to have a core group of six people that I could meet for a coffee and talk about life with every day, that is just not realistic. Once I stop watching TV and snap myself back to the real world, I realize that all I really want is to have friends who let me be by myself; I don’t want to be compelled to like or do everything they enjoy just because I am scared they won’t like me. For instance, clubbing may not be my scene, but I always have a good time with some of my close friends at a bar. Nevertheless, we should make an effort once in a while to do activities with our friends that they enjoy, even if we don’t. The most crucial part is that we listen to and respect each other and not try to change the other person to fit our mold, because friends don’t have to have everything in common to be good to each other and have fun together. 

It’s important for me, as well as others, to remember that some people can become incompatible or just outgrow each other in time, and that’s fine, too. As humans, we are bound to make mistakes and lose someone that way, even if we didn’t mean to hurt them. You could feel so guilty that you can become sick from the anxiety, but all you can really do in those situations is apologize, and if they don’t forgive you, at least you can feel at peace knowing you did what you could to unburden your conscience.

On the other hand, you could have been so betrayed that you are depressed and can’t get out of bed, and if that’s the case, all you can do is come to terms with the fact that they aren’t the kind of person you want to be in your life if they could treat you that way.

In short, losing friends happens, and it is something I am still learning to cope with as I type this sentence. Still, if we were to talk about it more, we would normalize mourning the breakup of friendships the same way we do for romantic ones. We could let go of the past and open ourselves up to meet more amazing people.

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My name is Cristina Crescenzo and I love to write. Low Entropy is a great organization that lets me do that with topics I am interested in while I am still trying to figure things out. Above all, I just hope that my writing connects with someone and that I continue spreading positivity and awareness of mental health and the disabled community.