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Atakan Eligüzel  (he/him/his), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Many of us fear that something out of our control could happen and ruin our day. When we decide to take a walk, we might fear that it might start raining. We might want to avoid working in groups, thinking a team member will ruin our project. The frustration and the feeling of “I knew what was going to happen” can reinforce these thoughts. Here are several points to consider when you have doubts about the future of your plans and life.

Understand the decision-making process

In childhood, parents or caregivers make decisions for us. We generally have little to no impact on when and how much we eat or sleep, other than crying. As we grow up, people usually expect us to take on more responsibilities. On the other hand, they may want to assure our well-being, and involve themselves in our decision-making process. Poor communication might result in conflicts, reinforcing uncollaborative behavior. I remember the first time I became overweight and the resentment I felt toward my grandma, whom I blame for constantly pushing me to eat more.

In our careers, we often have to collaborate with others to complete tasks. We might see others trying to push their responsibilities onto us while they give little to no effort at all. We could learn from this that trusting others can result in sketchy results and frustration. We internalize that factors not in our control can ruin our best efforts.

We make a lot of decisions throughout our lives. Sometimes, we might rely on emotions rather than logic. We might have difficulties understanding how our emotions influence our decisions, which might make it hard to comprehend how we make some of them.

In these situations, take a step back and think about the initial problem. It is usually better to take constructive steps instead of blaming others or yourself. Even if your solution doesn’t work, you will at least know the root cause and be able to take further action if needed.

You are not the best predictor when it comes to the future

We tend to overlook things when we try to predict what is going to happen. If we have recently experienced negative emotions, we tend to be pessimistic about the future. We tend to consider the opinions and experiences of others more than we would like to admit, especially those of close relatives and friends. Just because your uncle could not learn Spanish doesn’t mean you cannot. When evaluating evidence, I suggest you investigate further into specific cases. Did your uncle really pay attention in his Spanish classes? How much time and effort did he actually invest in it, and how much are you willing to? Answering these questions can help you understand the process behind your decision.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst

There is a very good reason why many cultures of the world praise being vigilant while staying hopeful in ambiguous situations. When we are hopeful, our expectations rise higher and higher. If we fail to meet our expectations, we often feel more frustrated and hopeless. Our false hope and expectations amplify our pain, but we still feel like we need to be hopeful. Our motivation comes from the desire to obtain a positive result at the end, which is often not in our control.

When we plan to go out on a date with someone, we often expect to go into a relationship further. But when we realize that the other party is not interested, things might start to crumble around us. We might feel like we are not enough and resentful. But if we acknowledge that a negative outcome is possible, we would find it easier to accept negative results.

Let people show their skills

Collaborating with others can be trickier than many would like to admit. There are specific challenges to teamwork. Firstly, we need to stay coordinated and in contact with other members. We also need to accept that our ideas might not shape the end product, and we need to be open to working in accordance with the ideas of others. This can be hard, as the final work might not look as we’d hoped .

Especially when we doubt our group members’ skills, we might try to control everything they do. I remember when I had to write an article in a group of four people. I felt uncomfortable with my group members’ pieces, so I rewrote a big chunk of their texts and added new parts. After they saw that I had rewritten their pieces, they stopped working on the project, and I ended up doing most of the work.

We need to give space to our team members to let them show their skills. Just because we might have had disappointing experiences working in groups doesn’t mean every group will be the same. Almost all people have something valuable to give to a project, and letting them take the initiative is a perfect way to discover how they can help.

Conclusion

Accepting that we are not in control of everything and that negative results can occur outside our control is key to success. People like to work with those who accept that they cannot control every aspect of their lives and adjust themselves accordingly.

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Atakan Eligüzel is a writer who enjoys sharing his opinions and perspectives on various subjects and issues. He was born and has spent most of his life in Istanbul, and enjoys the privilege of knowing people from different backgrounds, who often have diverse perspectives.