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Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

When I looked up the term “losing control” on the internet, the definition that appeared was this: “To become unable to control one’s emotions or actions; to abandon rationality and reason.” Thus, I realized how often I have felt that I have lost control in my short life, almost as if my brain was on autopilot and I was no longer in charge of things I did and said. I always just put it down as a part of my mental health journey, a road I am still on to this day, but looking back on it, I think it’s fair to say that many people who don’t actively struggle with a mental disorder can still feel at times that they don’t have any control over themselves or their lives. It’s natural as human beings, who don’t have all the answers to where we go from here or why certain things happen in the world, to feel as if we are free-falling out of an airplane, just hoping our parachutes work and we can one day land on solid ground. 

I and many other people try so hard to live with intention and have every choice calculated to the best possible outcome. Still, in my experience, no matter how much I want to plan out everything and always be on my best behavior, constantly getting along with everyone, life has never once allowed me this level of control 100 percent of the time. It can be scary sometimes, especially when you slip out of your character and hurt someone you never intended to, or your behavior and impulses get you into a situation that seems to have no solution. The fact is, many factors can tip the scale and make us have only a slight grasp of our emotions and rationality. But I am not getting into the science or psychology of it all, and I don’t have the answers on how to control yourself at all times, because I think that’s impossible. 

What I can say, at least pulling from my own experiences, is that you can learn from the moments when you don’t feel quite yourself or when you feel the world is ganging up on you, and what you learn will give you the clarity and the bravery to face what’s next. At least, that’s what I like to believe. Surprisingly, the film Frozen 2 offered some excellent advice on what to do when everything seems out of control, you feel hopeless and you don’t know what to do next. It’s pretty simple: “Do the next right thing.” First, take a breath and try your best not to succumb to those dark emotions. Also, try not to think about the future, stay in the moment and take it one step at a time, because all you can do is the next right thing, and you can feel some sense of control, and life won’t seem so overwhelming.

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My name is Cristina Crescenzo and I am an aspiring writer with something to say as I try to figure things out. More than anything, I want to be able to connect with people through my writing, and I want to be a constant advocate of disability and mental health awareness.