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Treasure Oludaisi, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer 

As children we are often taught that words hold power. What we say to someone can impact them deeply, often in ways our adolescent minds could not comprehend. Especially during our formative years when our minds start becoming hyper-critical of everything we do and we start to seek validation from our peers, teachers, family and strangers, such critiques can be offset by words of affirmation. 

Words of affirmation can be described as words that communicate one’s love, affection and respect for another person. This can be as simple as “Thank you” and as complex as “I love you.” Nonetheless, it is human nature to desire receiving such words from people that mean the most to you. In the age of social media, however, people are shifting those desires to those they do not know as well. It is easy to see the number of times people have liked your picture, comment or tweet, and see the positive feedback and take those as sort of an expectation, especially with how frequently it can happen. You can be on every social media site and post multiple things a day and receive positive feedback constantly. Such an environment has caused a great shift in what we as a societal collective perceive as affirmation. For example, in relationships, your partner likes someone else’s social media post and it is received as if the words “I like you” were spoken to the other person. 

This shift toward accessibility has created an overconsumption of words of affirmation, and in many people has caused a dependency on them. Similarly, in an academic and social sense, when you are used to receiving constant positive affirmations, you tend to base your success and importance on them. For example, if your whole life you were constantly told how beautiful or magnificent you are, and you find yourself in spaces where you are not being affirmed in those ways, you will inherently believe you are no longer beautiful and magnificent.

Allowing your self-worth and validation to come from external sources is never a recipe for a good thing. Yet, we find ourselves doing this every day by choice; engaging in social media consistently allows for opportunities to fester and create dependency. Does that mean words of affirmation are bad? Absolutely not, but like everything we do in this life, everything must be done in moderation. Although difficult, it is imperative that this ideology is embedded in children from early on. As someone who heavily relied on words of affirmation as a child, it is incredibly easy for this reliance to follow you through to adulthood and present in unhealthy relationships and attachments. Children and adults alike, need the emotional tools to affirm themselves and take external affirmations and validations like a garnish to a meal; they should only add to what they already know of themselves, and not be detrimental to it. 

Similar to social media, workplace environments facilitate the same type of response. Such environments often feature consistent criticism that is sometimes made out to be constructive, when they can actually be damaging when received on a constant basis. With that, the receipt of affirming words may be limited and therefore have an impact on the employee’s perception of their employer’s evaluation of their work. Such a dynamic is difficult to thrive in, and may lead to similarly unhealthy non-work relationships. 

With co-dependency traps essentially set everywhere in our human lives, it’s difficult to suggest ways in which we can avoid such a fate. The simplest and most clichéd solution is to love yourself truly, wholeheartedly and honestly, without confirmation from anyone other than you that you are everything positive you deem yourself to be. This is a lot easier said than done and requires a lengthy amount of internal and external work, but is that not the goal? To one day be able to say with certainty that you love who you are, who you were and who you are becoming? 

In a world where external validation is easily accessible and often overemphasized, it is essential to find a balance. Words of affirmation are powerful, but they should enhance, not define, our self-worth. By cultivating self-love and teaching the value of internal validation from an early age, we can build healthier relationships and stronger senses of self. Embracing who we are, independent of others’ opinions, is the key to lasting happiness and fulfillment. 

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Treasure Oludaisi is a final-year law student who spends her free time reading, writing and enjoying the simplicities of her day-to-day life.