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Julia Magsombol (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

I was eight when some good old friends of my grandma condemned me. I’m reluctant to share this, but I was snooping around in their home. I touched their different combs and tried them on. I applied their makeup powder on my face shamelessly, and I went dancing by myself in front of their mirrors.

 

They looked at me with a surprise on their faces, and they said, “Dyos ko ano ka ba?” — “My God, what are you?” I heard them murmuring awful words to my grandma. I knew that they somehow questioned how my parents had raised me. 

 

Now, thinking about that incident, I’m humiliated. I know I was a kid then, but I should have behaved properly because that was what my grandma and my parents had always taught me in the first place. But I guess kids often don’t grow up until time and circumstances force them to. 

 

But how much blame can we really put on a parent for the actions of their children? Do we blame the parents for how they raised their kids? Or do we blame the children for how they decided to grow up? 

 

Those questions still wander in my head, because there aren’t any right or wrong answers to them. And perhaps it depends on the situation of each family. It depends on every choice of each parent and each child. 

 

Like many others, I still wonder how much blame we can put on either party. But I was sure of one thing. Parents always affect their children’s lives in many different and complicated ways, for better or worse. 

 

It may be difficult, but I hope that blame will vanish when it comes to judging parents and children, and perhaps the lives we live. To grow, heal, and make peace with oneself is far better than blaming anyone. 

 

Going back to that story, it wasn’t my parents who raised me at that time. Both of my parents were always busy. It was my grandma who raised me. I knew she partly blamed herself because she realized that she alone might not be enough to raise a kid. I’ve learned that it takes a village to raise a kid, and help is always needed. Looking back on that time, I always thank my grandma for raising me alone. I thank her for giving me the love I have always deserved, and I don’t blame her for anything. Thank you, Lola! 

 

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Julia Magsombol is currently a journalism student from Edmonton, Canada, who desires to bring hope to people through her writing. When not writing or reading, you can catch her sewing clothes, painting nature and drinking instant coffee.