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Mahsa Sheikh, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Humans can be, to varying degrees, self-interested and selfish—especially at times when resources are scarce, or when we are simply faced with fewer options than usual. There is no denying that we often can’t easily ignore seeing others advance in their careers or lives and not question where we stand in comparison. 

When I was younger, I often felt left out and couldn’t turn a blind eye to others’ success; I wanted to reap the rewards of my own hard work. I, too, wanted to feel the joy and happiness that came with achieving success. I was not really thinking much about how people whose happiness and success bothered me so much achieved their goals in life. I felt resentful and either tried to avoid them or found ways to vent my anger by talking behind their backs. To the best that I can recall, neither of those coping mechanisms served me right: I do not remember feeling good about myself after backbiting others, nor did I rethink my strategies to better myself.

When I was in college, for quite a long time, I thought I had bad luck with every little thing I tried to achieve, be it in the realm of studies and self-improvement or dating, and a little later, finding employment to realize my dreams.

It all started when I began to pursue my bachelor’s in English. In those days, all I wanted was to become this essayist extraordinaire, with remarkable things to write about. Prior to this, in grade 10, I had gotten into the habit of reading any English book I got my hands on. There was simply something about English prose that stood out to me. I had something to look forward to during the winter and spring breaks, and summer holidays felt more carefree as I curled up with a romance novel in a corner. I wanted to write a prose as memorable as Mark Twain’s and as penetrating as Carson McCullers’. 

I began to have high hopes about debuting a career in writing, and without putting much thought into the ins and outs of becoming an author, I decided to put an end to studying math, which used to be my primary focus, and instead entered college to study English. It was no more than a little past a month that I faced a serious dilemma about my choice. It wasn’t so much about finding the curriculum simplistic and of little substance than feeling that certain instructors favored a handful of students who had a way to their hearts. I despised the unequal treatment, and started to hate the professors deep down in my heart . . . and at times showed my resentment to both the classmates and the professors. Never once did it occur to me to work on my soft skills and try to walk in my fellow students’ footsteps to gain instructors’ favor. 

Looking back, I now realize that I was surrounded by opportunities to grow: the school offered free drop-in counselling sessions, and the library shelves of our faculty were filled with classics to explore. Weekly movie screenings were not only frequent, but dirt cheap! I had opportunities to work on my personal progress and grow my skills in a language I adored. Instead, because I was not receiving the validation I wanted, I filled my heart with jealousy and unchecked anger, and gave up on myself. At one point, I even tried to transfer to a different school to avoid seeing the people whose progress I was so green about! 

I spent years thinking that I deserved better, and time slipped away without apology as I grew impatient about being taken for granted. I started to see things in a different light on a breezy, sunny day in late September a few years ago. I was looking out the window, appreciating the bright green turf of our neighbour living across from the street, when all of a sudden and for the first time in my life I thought to myself, “Life is beautiful!” I felt overjoyed, and a desire to think about ways to keep my thoughts positive resurfaced. I made a big, life-changing decision that day: no matter what, I would choose to stay serene about things I could not control. 

Envying “lucky people” now sounds rather parochial and shortsighted to me. I stopped thinking that luck has much to do with success. I think people who think that way might ignore or devalue the time and effort successful people spend to achieve the results they want in life. Moreso, I find that the more we preoccupy ourselves with other people’s haves, the less we focus on the right path for us. 

Perhaps a well-known Persian proverb on death and closure can shed light on how to perceive bad luck in life. As the proverb goes, “Death is that camel that sits at everyone’s door.” Because there is no escape from death, it is best to accept it while going through life. Like the proverbial camel, misfortune is inseparable from life, and the sooner we accept this, the easier it is to tackle everyday problems. It is hence beneficial to face life’s misfortunes with patience and resilience, and prepare ourselves for any potential opportunity to welcome light and luck into our lives. 

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