Featured
Stories

Grace Song (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

I find the balance between self-care and friendship quite challenging. Being a student in a professional program makes this even more difficult, as I struggle to find time for myself, but also for the friends, about whom I genuinely care. I strive to really get a grasp on maintaining a good balance between self-care and meaningful friendships, as it is crucial for one’s overall well-being. 

Friendships are one of my recurring topics of reflection; I recently reflected on a friendship that I had during the beginning of my professional program. A couple of years back, I became close friends with a girl; she and I had very similar mindsets and interests, which helped us click almost immediately. She was one of my closest and most consistent friends during that time. That is, until she was not . . . she and I had a falling out, because our true friendship goals did not align towards the end. We became less compassionate to each other, and I began to have less time for the self-care that I needed. After falling out with this good friend, I began to reflect on what I could do for myself and ongoing and future friendships so that I could maintain an appropriate balance. 

I realized that one of the most important factors to balance both self-care and friendship is establishing clear boundaries and communicating effectively with friends. It is necessary to openly discuss your needs, limitations and expectations with them—this is one aspect that I still find challenging, as it is difficult for me to open my heart up and let my guard down. This potential discussion would encompass expressing when you need your alone time, setting limits on social events, managing expectations and communicating any concerns/conflicts. Recognize that you cannot always be available or meet every demand placed on you in the friendship dynamic, but remember to communicate this to your friends so that they do not incorrectly assume. Set realistic expectations regarding the frequency of social activities, understanding that everyone has their own priorities and responsibilities. 

You time should be blocked off! Time management is not just a skill that you utilize at work; it is just as crucial in your daily life, as you balance self-care and friendship demands. What I have been doing that is helpful for me is creating a schedule that allocates dedicated time slots for self-care activities, such as dancing, reading, working out, relaxation, etc . . . over the span of a week so that I can work around those times to meet and catch up with friends without sacrificing me time. I believe that we all need to make sure that we prioritize tasks and commitments based on their importance, and allocate time for socializing with friends so that we do not compromise our own well-being. 

Quality over quantity also applies for friendships. Given my shyness and homebody nature, quality friendships trump superficial ones. It is important to focus on nurturing deep connections with a few close friends rather than spreading myself too thin and trying to maintain numerous superficial relationships—most of which will probably tire me out. Quality friendships provide mutual support, understanding and fulfillment. Be there for your friends during challenging times, offer words of empathy and encouragement, and provide a kind, listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Likewise, seek support from your friends when needed. Reciprocity in friendship is built on trust and compassion for one another. 

It is totally okay to say no. Saying no is something that I continue to struggle with, but I do recognize that learning to say no is a crucial skill in any circumstance. It is perfectly acceptable and appropriate to decline social invitations that do not align with your priorities or your well-being. Practice assertiveness by expressing your needs in a respectful manner and standing firm in your decisions, even though FOMO is real and it may well disappoint others at times. 

One of my favourite ways to tackle both self-care and making time for my friends if I cannot say no is doing something we both enjoy at the comfort of our homes (i.e. streaming anime together). Engaging in activities that bring both of us happiness and joy helps strengthen our connections. Using technology to help facilitate these experiences also allow us to stay in touch without forgoing our relaxation time. The best of all worlds! 

The last point is making sure to reflect and adjust accordingly. Just as I continue to reflect consistently, I implore each and every one of you to reflect on your friendship dynamics, self-care practices and overall well-being. Keep what has been working well and think about areas of improvement. Have open conversations with friends and gauge their willingness for change, as adjustments should ideally be made on common ground. 

Maintaining self-care within the demands of friendship is an ongoing journey that requires consistent mindfulness, communication and self-awareness. If we all try to prioritize clear communication, boundary-setting, time management, embracing quality friendships and sometimes declining, this will help us cultivate a balanced life that nurtures our well-being and friendships. Finding the perfect harmony between self-care and friendship is a continuous process of learning, growing, reflecting and adapting, and one that I am still trying to navigate.

—

Leave your thoughts for Grace in the comments below. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!