Cassandra Di Lalla (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer
Do you consider family time or celebrations with family to be social gatherings? If the answer is yes, then I’m a social butterfly. Otherwise, I’m the last person on planet Earth to be social.
I often get asked why I am the way I am, and that bothers me. How can I be introverted and opinionated at the same time?
Honestly, large crowds are a big no-no for me, and social gatherings are out of the question. I feel overwhelmed, fidgety and unable to breathe overall because it just feels claustrophobic for me. On top of that, there are a million and one different personalities, and I simply cannot handle that.
I become increasingly annoyed when people become nosy and ask about my personal life, especially people I don’t know.
I’d rather be at home with a book in hand, along with a cup of tea, or watching a tv show/movie and spending time with my dogs and cat. I’m a homebody and I don’t find joy in socializing with people I’ve never met or people that I have to pretend to like. I’ll remain civil, but you won’t see me with party poppers or making a point of being the life of the party. I’m not there to draw attention to myself. In fact, I wouldn’t be there in the first place—not by choice anyway.
I have a hard time with social interactions, partly due to both my generalized and social anxiety, and the other aspect is that I cannot deal with awkward and/or uncomfortable interactions.
I also know too many people who have absolutely no regard for boundaries, and I’d be lying if I said that I’m okay with that.
If I’m having to be social with people, there are very obvious personal questions that need not be asked. I cannot even count on both hands the number of times I’ve been asked inappropriate questions, and in very inappropriate settings. Here are a few where common sense should kick in and say, “Oh, I might be curious about that but I shouldn’t ask that”:
1. Where do you work now? Is it full-time or part-time? Do you work from home or is it an in-person setting? How much are you getting paid?
2. When are you getting married? Did you have a wedding and not invite us?
3. When are you having kids?
That’s enough to drive anyone nuts. The sheer disrespect. People are outrageously oblivious. Unfortunately, this has been 97% of the social gatherings I’ve been stuck in.
I would love to be able to find joy in social settings, but given the amount I’ve had to put up with, I have a hard time trusting that they will go well. I’m well aware that social settings shouldn’t feel like an interrogation, so this is why it isn’t “fun” for me. Being asked personal questions like that almost feels like a test. I’m being put in the hot seat and I feel like I cannot escape, otherwise I’ll come off as very rude. But to what extent should this be tolerated?!
I don’t find joy in social gatherings because no part of it should feel forced and none of it should feel as though your life is depending on it. What the heck is that even about? A social gathering should feel like just a couple of friends kickin’ back, letting loose and enjoying their time spent around others. No pressure, no stress and no feelings being hurt. You shouldn’t feel out of place, either.
Now, spending time with my family, on the other hand, is joyful and fun. It’s filled with love, laughter and conversations that are meaningful without judgement. My family members are my comfort, and being around them encapsulates feelings of safety, relief and happiness so perfectly.
When my family and I get together, we make a point of doing fun activities—some are almost like team-building activities, while others are just to have fun and enjoy each others’ company. We play board games or video games, watch funny YouTube videos and tell each other stories or even interesting (and hilarious) things that have happened lately that made us chuckle, etc . . . We love to laugh, and it’s even better to laugh with people you love rather than laugh alone.
Does anybody feel that things tend to be 10x funnier when you hear other people laughing or just hearing their laugh in general? It’s absolutely golden when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke or punchline itself. Having fun is healthy. Honest to God, it is, whether you’re playing a game, laughing, engaging in a fun adrenaline-inducing activity or anything else. It’s good for the heart and the mind.
At the end of the day, I’m doing whatever I can to keep myself happy, and so should you. If social gatherings aren’t your thing, then welcome to the club . . . stay a while and have some tea. But I guess if you’re joining my lone wolf club, that means we’re both lone wolves together. So, that’s a social gathering in itself . . . who would’ve seen that coming, eh?
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Cassandra Di Lalla lives life purposefully. She enjoys reading, writing and mental health initiatives. She’s an animal lover for life and an innovative individual always finding new ways to create.