Neema Ejercito (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer
I come from what would be considered a big family. And then I got married to someone also considered to come from a big family. But his family was even bigger because his extended family kept in touch. So much so, that even his parents’ half-siblings were part of the picture.
When we first got married, we did not just juggle each other’s families’ celebrations. Every year, his family would hold a clan family reunion that, at first, filled up my extroverted social battery to the brim. But even just celebrating the birthday celebrations of all of our kids was a party enough each time, with a total of 40 people easily.
I also love to keep in touch with my friends. I think the youngest friend I used to keep in touch with was from the second grade! And when my kids would have their milestone celebrations like first birthdays, baptisms, seventh birthdays and, had we stayed in the Philippines, a party for my daughter’s 18th birthday, I would try to invite as many friends as I was still in touch with to those events. They would also have done the same to me for their kids, whichever of them had them.
So the holidays, at a certain point, became a time of high stress for me. At one point, I got sick and could not attend one reunion, and it was a big deal for my in-laws. I tried to juggle holiday prep as early as June one year, just to manage the exhaustion I felt as soon as December hit, but even that did not work.
Imagine my relief when we moved here. Although I found the holidays a bit boring here at first, I gradually grew to love and appreciate the quietness of celebrating them in Canada. As my family and I slowly set our roots here, however, I do notice our holidays are getting busier, but I doubt they will ever reach the busyness we experienced back home.
I remember different ways I tried to manage the stress. I made Excel sheets of gift lists and made sure I calendared every invitation for each child as they continued to make their own friends and expand their activities, not to mention when I was throwing my own celebration or had relatives over. I recall a particularly busy season when I was at the salon getting my hair done. I had asked the stylist her plans for Christmas, and she said that she doesn’t celebrate it, that it’s just another day off from work for her. She shared that she no longer had any family, but the holiday didn’t make her feel sad. That was just how her life had been.
To be honest, I was floored that someone was spending Christmas alone and happy, and that that was someone’s normal. And though I have had friends who aren’t Christian or who don’t celebrate Christmas, times like the one I spent with the stylist distinctly remind me of other holiday realities. I also remember when I learned that Christmas in Japan was for lovers, and New Year was for families. Perhaps because I had a boyfriend then I adjusted to this difference, but I still cannot imagine spending Christmas alone as normal for myself.
I’m glad that, as I and my family are getting older, we are learning to be a bit more deliberate about who and what to let into our lives, and that is maybe more important when it comes to the holidays. I have also learned to be more accommodating of my introverted half of the family and to understand that they require extra mental preparation, and that it’s not just about physical clean-up or the logistics of food and drink.
As I recall how I spent my holidays throughout all the stages of my life, I think I’ve given up a little on the ideal way I would like my holidays to go. Because lately, I’ve noticed that the more I prepare, the worse I feel when things don’t go my way. But when I do leave room for the things I cannot control, which are actually a lot, I notice that not only do things not go my way; they go far, far better than I could have ever imagined. And maybe it’s about time I did more of that.
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Before returning from her summer vacation in the Philippines with her partner and three offspring this year, Neema Ejercito did not realize she still had so much to write about, such as the boredom she felt raising her eldest at her in-laws’ place when she and her husband hadn’t moved out yet. Or how surreal it was to watch her youngest learn to swim at the country club where she had learned as well. She currently wonders if she will ever write about being a mother to a bunch of plants, all of whom she adores and loves to watch grow as much as her kin.