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Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

I am someone who romanticizes everything in her life, and it’s a habit I have spent years trying to break. I know that there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your life, but I have come to realize there are some things you shouldn’t put expectations on, one of them being people and your relationships with them, whether in a romantic or platonic context. I had thought that I only put that kind of pressure on my love life, but it turns out that when I look back at my life I have done that with every friend I ever had. It’s not an excuse, but I know something that might have fed this need for perfection was the media I was consuming, and still do on occasion. I often forget that books, television and movies are an exaggeration of real life and not everything is so black and white. 

Since the moment I have been able to form meaningful friendships I have looked to the media for role models, as I’m sure many of my generation have done. I wanted so badly to have a friendship that resembled that of Cory and Shawn from Boy Meets World, Chandler and Joey from Friends, Miley and Lilly from Hannah Montana, or in more recent years Jess and Cece from New Girl. I even went so far as to put that kind of pressure on my relationship with my sister just because we were twins. I know now that was wrong, and I want to apologize to every friend I have been lucky to have in my life. I am very sorry. 

I think there is a small part of me that feels that, since I was given a lot of obstacles early on in my life, it seems only fair to assume that the rest of it should go smoothly, and that my relationships with others would be picturesque. When something goes wrong or I feel left out and insecure, it is so easy to put the blame on everyone else but myself. I never once let it cross my mind that maybe the reason I have anxiety when it comes to relationships is because of me. Therefore, instead of describing what a true friend is to me, I want to talk about the kind of friend I hope to be for others from now on. 

I want to start off by saying that no one is perfect and neither am I, so I would like to show empathy for all of my friends, and not just when they are going through a hard time, but the good ones as well. I want to understand them and who they truly are by putting their feelings ahead of my own in the times that they need it. I want to be able to support them in everything they do, but be honest with them when I don’t agree with something. I want to laugh so hard with them my guts hurt and cry with them and not judge them when they are being vulnerable. I won’t ask to be their vault that knows every secret, because I know now there are some things that are just meant for your own heart. I want to communicate openly and in a mature way when we do something to hurt the other and I want to be able to forgive and also take responsibility for my faults. But most of all, I want them to be happy and be one of the reasons why. That’s how I plan to be a true friend and I want to thank the people in my life today who strive to achieve this criteria everyday when it comes to our friendship. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. 

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My name is Cristina Crescenzo and I love to write. Low Entropy is a great organization that lets me do that with topics I am interested in while I am still trying to figure things out. Above all, I just hope that my writing connects with someone and that I continue spreading positivity and awareness of mental health and the disabled community.