Cassandra Di Lalla (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer
I have a very strong, very specific opinion about gender and emotions, because emotions are incredibly important. I’m also aware that women are typically more emotional than men—just from a general consensus—but, heck . . . even I myself as a woman am more emotional than most women out there!
Hormones definitely play a role here, as they affect our mood and our emotions. There are two disorders in particular that are partially responsible and they are premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). PMS is much more common than PMDD, but neither of them are pleasant to deal with. The reason I say partially responsible is because I find it so interesting that our emotions aren’t only due to hormones alone.
If we’re “fuelled by emotion,” it can be either positive or negative. Emotions never discriminate.
Here’s a personal example: I am diagnosed with something called borderline personality disorder, also known as BPD, not to be confused with bipolar disorder, as they’re vastly different. The following definition is for context, and it’s taken directly from the The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) website: “Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious, long-lasting and complex mental health problem. People with BPD have difficulty regulating or handling their emotions or controlling their impulses. They are highly sensitive to what is going on around them and can react with intense emotions to small changes in their environment. People with BPD have been described as living with constant emotional pain, and the symptoms of BPD are a result of their efforts to cope with this pain.”
I sometimes feel lost with and because of my emotions. I often flip-flop with the way I’m feeling throughout the day, some days more than others. In my case, it’s clear that it goes far beyond hormones on their own, and I know that some other women can relate to this as well, at least to some extent.
I’ve noticed throughout the years that the way a woman feels or how she reacts is often based on how she’s treated. I’m not only referring to intimate relationships, whether they be heterosexual or same-sex relationships; I’m also referring to how women are spoken to/about by peers, managers, family, friends, etc . . . regardless of that individual’s sex and/or gender.
Emotions are subjective. As women, we all feel different things and we all cope in our own way. But, what might affect one might not affect another, and vice versa. Hence why emotions are such a personal thing.
I do believe that emotions are very complex and overwhelming. They’re often changing and they’re sometimes hard to manage. There are women who take medication to help them, while others are able to go through life without having to take any. This doesn’t mean they’re greater than or less than, it simply means that there are varying degrees or levels. We can sometimes be unpredictable too, but it’s normal. When our mood is affected (hormones, situations, external sources), it’s like we’re an entirely different person altogether. We don’t pick and choose how and when we want to feel sad, anxious, mad or confused—our emotional processing is just so different from that of a man.
It’s also important for us women to be able to have a safe space to talk about what’s on our minds, without judgement. We should be able to seek help in order to help ourselves: doctors or nurse practitioners, friends, family and psychotherapists, among others.
We’re so much more than tears and fears, anger and fatigue—we’re very emotionally intelligent, and that’s why we know right off the bat when something’s off. We generally know what we need when we’re feeling our lowest. We know what we can do when we’re feeling overruled by our own emotions. Sometimes it’s taking a nap, other times it’s watching a TV show, but the majority of the time we just need a good cry because it’s the easiest way to release whatever’s built up inside us. We feel better almost immediately after . . . not all of us and not all the time, but sometimes.
We just need patience and kindness—our bodies and our minds cause us a lot of distress. We need that extra reassurance or that extra hug when we’re feeling vulnerable. I personally need a calm and comforting presence, tender love and care and to be around animals. Oh, and you guessed it—a good cry! I’m basically set if I have any (but preferably all) of those.
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Cassandra Di Lalla lives life purposefully. She enjoys reading, writing and mental health initiatives. She’s an animal lover for life and an innovative individual always finding new ways to create.