Featured
Stories

Bethany Howell (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Throughout my life, I have only had people who stayed for short periods of time. Excluding family, my longest relationships always lasted under a year. Never by choice, but instead, circumstance. Quarantine and switching between schools easily broke apart any relationships I had. That is, until he came along.

 

He was my first partner and the only person to stay with me through the change, not leave me because of it. We became inseparable and soon, a year had passed of us being together. With the exchanging of anniversary gifts — a beautiful promise ring he spent a good portion of his paycheck on — I realized that this may be the first “forever” in my life. Yes, others have said it, but years of disappointment and broken promises made the word automatically untrue in my mind. The months wore on, as good and as bad as they always are, still filled with pain, but I withstood them better with him by my side. He held me and comforted me and, even when we were hundreds of kilometers apart, somehow managed to be near me in spirit.

 

I have realized now that new beginnings do not necessarily mean new people, and that one can find new things to explore with those they’ve come to know so well. My partner continues to stick with me through moves, stay-at-home orders and the personal drama that seems to follow me throughout my life — something I never expected another person would be able to handle. To have someone hold your hand and not only walk with you, but guide you through problems that arise, is a wondrous thing. 

 

New beginnings with the same person can be difficult, regardless of the excellence of the relationship. Strains are added with distance and time between meetings; we often find ourselves bickering more as a result of this. Though new scenarios may be beneficial — such as myself moving back for another year at university — issues can still arise. With change comes hardships, whether they be simple or more complex. Even through these hardships, through months of being unable to see my partner in person and through the arguments that we stumble into together, we have still stayed strong as one. 

 

To maintain a relationship, stability must be found, even in unstable times. These large periods of change shook me, but my partner was able to help keep me steady. “Throughout everything,” I would say to myself, “At least I know he is here.” There have been many nights spent awake due to stress about the future, asking myself where I will end up living and who will stay with me, but never once have I questioned his place by my side.

 

It must be noted that staying close is not a one-sided action. Along with my partner’s fierce loyalty comes my own, and only together have we been able to make it through each new scenario. I would like to believe that I hold onto him just as tightly as he holds onto me. I also would like to say that I am the same stabilizing force in his life that he is in mine. I know that he would agree with both statements, assuring me that I am, of course, just as — if not more — useful to him as he is to me.

 

The months will continue to wear on, just as they are known to do, and I hope that my partner shall stay near me regardless of what life brings our way. I once told him, after a particularly rough day, that I no longer see the world in terms of “him” and “I,” but “us”; I believe that it is this mindset that will keep us strong. We have loyalty, not only to each other as partners, but to each other as separate parts of ourselves. New beginnings may come along for me and, for once, I feel equipped to truly embrace them. With my partner, I have the stability and comfort I need to not only accept, but adopt change. 

 

Finally, to my partner: Thank you, darling. Thank you for everything you do, especially supporting my writing (and agreeing to me sharing our story). Here’s to many more years of us.

 

—

 

My name is Bethany Howell and I am a third-year university student majoring in psychology and minoring in family and child studies. I have a passion for writing and mental health, and my ultimate goal since age 13 has been to make a difference in the world through helping others, which is how I ended up here at Low Entropy!