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Erica Dionora (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

In an age of increasing social isolation, meaningful friendships are akin to finding gold in sewage. Despite the modern-day motif of a connected society, it isn’t uncommon that so many of us find our friendship circles going adrift or fizzling out altogether.

The fact is, everything is too expensive and everyone is so bogged down juggling their multiple jobs and full-time studies to even socialize. Most people work two jobs to survive or, instead, work in addition to studying full-time. People move cities, states, provinces or countries, and many people live at a distance from their environment’s social hub spots. Yet, the personal relationships that we cultivate are what add colour and bring meaning to our daily toil and labour. 

Friendships are necessary to our well-being. 

Last fall, I went painting with a few friends at a local community centre. While waiting at a bus stop, one friend told me about how she believed that she was a dog in her past life. She said, quite solemnly, that certain scents gave her a rush of memories: joy, sadness, longing. Then, another friend declared that he must have been a rock. We laughed until the sun set; it seemed like the bus waited until we all emptied our bellies of laughter before it finally arrived. 

As with many other things, such long-lasting friendships require deliberate effort. While not all friendships last, there are certainly some friendships that see you into old age (or maybe even into your next life). 

Once, in the summer of 2021, a former childhood friend invited me to have an early dinner with her at a local Japanese fusion restaurant downtown. At the time, I remember feeling simultaneously surprised and excited when I received her invite, because it had been months, if not a full year, since she had last reached out to me. It was only during our dinner that I understood why she had sought my company in the first place—her boyfriend had broken up with her. My friendship was merely an understudy to the role that a romantic partner had played in her life. A week following our dinner, she and her ex got back together, and not long after, our friendship had gone quietly into the night. Although she hasn’t invited me out for lunch or dinner since, the ghost of our friendship is peacefully at rest.

Sometimes people grow apart; a difference in values cannot be helped, nor should it be ignored. Nevertheless, there is no relationship that falls into place without either party meaning to—we must choose the people in our lives, and we must make the decision to actively be a part of our friends’ lives. It may not always be that you and your loved ones agree on every little thing or hang out every single week without fail. However, it takes effort to celebrate the personal milestones together, witness each other’s growth and remain close to heart, no matter where your career, family life or education takes you—this is what it means to grow with someone. 

Winning a game of Skee-Ball at an arcade bar after four tequila shots; having your first sleepover, where you spent the whole night on the phone assuring your mom that everything was going well; sketching together at various cafes downtown; drinking endless soju and eating too much barbecue; having another sleepover because your friends couldn’t take you home after you passed out drunk; getting on late night train rides; playing board game nights under a full moon; emptying your wallet of money from your part-time job at the local YMCA and then filling it with a collection of Polaroid images; losing your voice to karaoke.

I carry a flipbook of moments in my back pocket for long bus rides home, when all the wet, gray roads are congested and unnavigable, and the little hours of sunshine that I get are spent on Slack calls or in meetings with my colleagues. 

However cherished these memories are, not every person that I shared them with has grown to be a part of my present-day life. Still, such friendships have taught me that, if I wish to evolve with the people that I love, it is important that we learn to hold space for each other in our lives to grow. 

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