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Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

On the 29th of June 2020 I made a promise, and it was that I was going to live for my family, if not for myself. It was a conscious decision that I made entirely on my own when I hit rock bottom for the 30th time. I thought that I would use them as a beacon to drive me forward when hope in myself was scarce. I understand that saying my family is a replacement for hope is kind of cheesy, but in my case it is the truth. As such, there are four people in my life who keep me anchored to the ground in times when I want to fly away. 

 

The first is my mom. She is the one who gave me life, after all. She is the reason I understand the concept of unconditional love, because she has watched her own flesh and blood fall into the lowest form of despair countless times and she has stuck by me, even at possible detriment to her own well-being. My mind can’t begin to process what it must be like for a mother to watch the child she brought into this world, through no fault of her own, want to disappear off the face of it just because her little girl doesn’t believe she is worth it. I want to take this moment to thank my mother for her unwavering strength and her support, as I haven’t made it easy for her. I also want to thank her for taking me to countless physiotherapy and counseling appointments and staying by my side during the hospital stays. But most of all, I want to thank you for seeing me and doing everything you can to understand my mental health in the times when your hugs couldn’t comfort me. 

 

The second is my father, who sadly lost his battle to cancer in 2014, and like my mother, was a big believer in staying strong amidst a whole lot of obstacles. There was a saying he used to repeat to me when I would get insecure about my handicap: “Left side, strong side.” This basically meant that I was strong enough to overcome anything life could throw my way. Naturally, I can become upset thinking about the important milestones he missed and will continue to miss, but on the other hand, it is because my father lived his life to the fullest despite being taken from us way before his time that I have to attempt to live for him. I can’t say for sure that I will live as honestly and courageously as he did because I am not my father, however I can honor his memory by being who I am and spending time with the loved ones he left behind.

 

The third is my twin sister, because she is my laughter in the silence. She is always there to cheer me up when I feel low, and I know no matter what happens I can always count on her. She was the one who stopped taking a test and chased after me when I left school crying my eyes out. Even in the times when we are apart, all I have to do is call or text her and she will be there, whether it’s in person or not. We may go through our own challenges in life, but I know she loves me and she knows I love her, because I’m a weirdo and tell her all the time. All I could ever ask of her is to never change, because she is exactly what I need; I couldn’t ask for a better version of me. 

 

The last is my brother, and to me he is the embodiment of the drive you can have when you put your heart into something. The way he strives for goals and results is inspiring! We may not agree on everything, but I know deep down he has my best interests at heart, so thank you for pushing me harder when I push back.

 

To sum it up, I wouldn’t be here without my family, and I don’t know how I could ever begin to repay them, but hopefully this is a start.

 

P.S. To Buddy, my fluffy puppy, I didn’t forget about you. Thank you for never leaving me alone for a second and showering me with love! 

 

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My name is Cristina Crescenzo and I am an English major and aspiring author hoping to bring more positive awareness to disabilities and mental health.