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Daniela Silva, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Since my childhood, Christmas has always been a festive and magical time for my family. Whenever the date approached, my mother would break the piggy bank we had at home and go Christmas shopping.

Everything in our house was decorated with Christmas themes, from the front door with a beautiful garland to the living room, where there was a Christmas tree full of gifts of the most varied sizes, colors and shapes. On the bedroom door were embroidered socks, with requests for gifts inside each one, not to mention the beautiful tablecloth, printed with Christmas colors and accompanied by the most varied fruits, desserts and other typical foods.

Everything seemed beautiful and festive until my mother fell ill with kidney failure. 

Kidney failure, also known as chronic renal failure or chronic kidney disease, is a medical condition in which the kidneys are unable to perform their blood-filtering functions properly over time. The kidneys play a crucial role in the body, helping to remove waste and excess fluids from the blood, control blood pressure, regulate electrolytes, and produce hormones that affect red blood cell production and bone health.

Kidney failure can develop gradually over years, resulting in progressive damage to the kidneys. Symptoms can vary, but generally include fatigue, swelling in the legs and ankles, difficulty sleeping, lack of appetite, nausea, vomiting, itching, high blood pressure, and an increased frequency of urination. The main causes of chronic kidney failure include hypertension, diabetes, autoimmune kidney diseases, urinary tract diseases, chronic infections and other medical conditions. In my mother’s case, the main cause was hypertension.

The diagnosis came in 2005 as a shock to my mother. It was difficult to receive the news from the doctor that her kidneys were no longer working. From then on, a long journey began. First with surgery to place a catheter, followed by the beginning of training for her and the family to learn how to perform home dialysis.

The beginning of treatment was very difficult. My mother was very nauseous and vomited frequently. However, even though she was weak, my mother was very spirited, a woman with unshakable faith. She believed that, even with the disease, she would live for a long time and would celebrate many Christmases with her family.

As time went by, my mother became increasingly weak and, from time to time, needed to be hospitalized due to an opportunistic illness, such as flu or pneumonia. These were very difficult times for someone who had always been at home with her family and who, due to her illness, now had the hospital as her second home.

Because she was a kidney patient, my mother had certain fixed times for dialysis, so getting out of the house to go for a walk was a bit delicate. Even so, whenever she could, she would go out with my sister and me to the mall, to a restaurant or to a birthday party. My mother was very festive and never missed a celebration, especially Christmas. 

And speaking of Christmas, kidney disease brought some restrictions to Christmas dinner. This is because consuming cola drinks, salt, sugar, and fried foods can have harmful consequences and impact dialysis treatment. 

The secret to a healthy Christmas dinner for patients with chronic kidney disease is balance, and the main concerns should be the amount of protein, potassium, phosphorus, sodium and water that should be ingested.

Because of this, my mother invested in new recipes and healthy alternatives in line with her clinical condition. So our Christmas dinner had a table full of vegetables as well as fruit such as apples, peaches, pears, mangoes and watermelon. The turkey was seasoned with spices to avoid salt, and stuffing made from giblets was avoided as they are high in phosphorus. As a side dish, we had rice, which is well-seasoned and low in salt, and can accompany any meal.

For Christmas in 2015, in particular, I bought my mother a beautiful dress. It was a long, blue dress with colorful prints that really matched her vibrant Christmas cheer. However, that Christmas she wasn’t well. She was very tired from preparing Christmas dinner and a little nauseous due to her condition.

She had already vomited a few times and was unable to eat with the family, asking to be removed from the dining room. 

At midnight, she was dialyzing in her room, and the whole family (my sister, me, my husband and my father) brought glasses of water and toasted Christmas Eve together. She hugged everyone, and with tears in her eyes, she said how much she loved each one of us. We didn’t know it, but this was the last Christmas we would all spend together.

That’s why I stopped partying for Christmas. Because my desire to do so disappeared with my mother’s spirit. And without her spirit, the house isn’t decorated, the Christmas tree is non-existent, Santa Claus doesn’t come near the house, and there are no presents, parties, or food. Her spirit took everything in the moment she closed her eyes. And she never woke up again. 

In memory of Marli Silva (1953-2015).

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