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You’ve probably heard of the term, and it definitely sounds bad. But what is toxic masculinity, why should we be concerned about it and how can we address it ? Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Elizabeth Atkinson explains.

Toxic masculinity is when masculine traits are taken to the extreme, where they become harmful for everyone. When discussing toxic masculinity, it is not an attempt to say that everything masculine is inherently toxic. It is instead a warping of seemingly positive traits into dangerous traits and ideologies. It is also important to note that men are frequently encouraged to engage in such toxic behaviour from outside sources such as parents, family, friends and media. A few examples include the phrases “man up,” “be a man” and even starting as young as “boys will be boys.” All of these phrases encourage and idealize a version of masculinity that is being more and more recognized as troublesome. 

Some positive masculine traits include strength, courage and independence. These traits can be taken to the extreme to where they are no longer positive. A few common traits associated with toxic masculinity include lack of emotions, lack of social awareness, aggression, exaggerated competitiveness, domination, violence, isolation and sexism. There is often a disconnect that obscures problematic masculine traits with seemingly positive ones. For example, seeking help for mental or physical health is often viewed as a sign of weakness. Therefore, men who want to show strength and resilience are less likely to get treatment and more likely to suffer emotionally or physically. This is incredibly dangerous not just physically, but emotionally, as men are likely to suffer from body image issues, depression, stress, anxiety, etc., and they are socially pressured to suffer alone. This is one example of how seemingly positive traits can have negative effects. 

Toxic masculinity can affect everyone, not just the individual with toxic traits. Toxic masculinity can also take a toll on both romantic and platonic relationships. For romantic relationships, the role toxic masculinity plays may be subtle. Some toxic traits to look for include one partner making all the decisions, especially financially. Financial independence is important, and that independence can be taken away by a partner who wants to feel in control of the finances as well as other major life decisions. Needing control is one example of toxic masculinity that can negatively impact a relationship. Another example is men who do not share the housework evenly. This example goes back to traditional gender roles, in which cleaning a house would be considered a woman’s duty. By not helping, such men are clearly implying, either verbally or through their actions, that they are somehow above doing “women’s work.” This implies that they believe they are better than women, which is why sexism is so prevalent in toxic masculinity and its effects on others. 

Toxic masculinity holds perceived masculinity on a pedestal by rejecting and dismissing people and things that do not fit into the box that is “masculinity.” I put this in quotation marks, as masculinity is actually a perceived concept that is up to each person to define on their own terms. There is no one person or source who gets to decide what masculinity means or how it should be embodied. This false feeling of masculine superiority often leads to issues for those who don’t exude masculinity in a traditional fashion. This can lead to violence and bullying. A common complaint with toxic masculinity is that it is antifeminine. The perspective of toxic masculinity is that masculinity is better than femininity. Therefore women, and those who prefer to exude more feminine qualities, are othered and treated as less than equal. Some examples of this that may be enacted consciously or subconsciously include broad issues such as sexism, to specific issues, such as passing over women for job promotion opportunities for leadership positions, based on the idea that men make better leaders. 

In order to combat toxic masculinity, one does not have to denounce all things traditionally masculine. As previously stated, masculinity can be defined by every person on their own terms. Simply talking more about toxic masculinity is a way of subverting it, as it goes against the idea that reaching out for help is shameful or bad. Another way to fight toxic masculinity is to reflect and think critically about our daily actions. Focus on why we do the things we do, as this is a way to check your own privilege. By checking your privilege, you are able to adjust your actions moving forward if you find that you are in the wrong. This self-reflection is key for everyone to help put an end to toxic masculinity.

One way to avoid isolation and get in touch with your emotions is to hop into a Conscious Connections session, with its diverse and supportive participants. Or if you’re not ready for that just yet, you can reach out to our community on one of our many social media platforms – we can’t wait to hear from you!