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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Alexandra Dadivas emerged from the depths of negative self-talk and peer pressure with the support of a very special person. Now committed to bringing others up with her, Alexandra speaks to the importance of creating a chain reaction of love and positivity.

For the past couple of years, my biggest personal project has been myself. Being a high school student, I am constantly immersed in an environment that points out which parts of you are acceptable for society and which parts are not. I know that, for me personally, the majority of my insecurities were not insecurities before society told me they were. Like so many others, I fell down a deep hole, into a relentless mindset that if others didn’t like me, I wasn’t allowed to love myself. Me? Looking like this? I didn’t believe I deserved it. Mirrors taunted me. Pictures and videos triggered voices in my head screaming at me that I was a complete waste of space and that it was hopeless for me to ever be considered pretty. It wasn’t fair. Everyone else was so beautiful and easy to love, so what was wrong with me?

I then came across a treasure – I met one of my dearest friends, Pat. She took on a sister-like role almost immediately after we clicked, and I still can’t believe I got lucky enough for her to enter my life. We quickly became comfortable with opening up to one another, free from the fear of judgement. When she told me she was just as insecure about herself as I was, it was as if my brain couldn’t comprehend such an idea. She was perfect to me, beautiful on the inside and out, and it confused me how she didn’t see that. Instead of showering me with the seemingly typical compliments of pity, she made a suggestion that ended up changing the way I lead my life: “Why don’t we climb this mountain together?”

Together. For the longest time, it felt like it was just me in this infinite well, with no hope of being free. Yet here comes along this light that manages to seep through the cracks, allowing me to finally breathe. She said we were going to tackle this one baby step at a time, and that we were going to catch one another if we fell. We recognized that we were not going to carry the other person to the top so much as guide them, for everyone has their own unique mountain to climb. And so that’s what we did. For two years, we both stumbled and we both almost gave up numerous times, but we had each other’s back. I can now proudly say that, though I am not at the summit just yet, I am so much farther than when I first started my journey – my journey to love every single aspect of me, whether it is deemed acceptable to society or not.

My 2020 New Year’s resolution was to feel comfortable in my own skin. With Pat by my side, I have achieved so many small personal goals, but I have also helped achieve some of hers along the way. It’s an incredible feeling, to see someone grow right before your very eyes. I found myself craving that feeling, and so I made it my 2021 resolution to try to extend the sensation of being confident enough in yourself that you live your life with no fear anymore. I am no longer afraid to wear the clothes I want to wear, to act the way I want to act, and to do the things that I am passionate about. If I have the power and opportunity to extend such an experience to other teenagers like me, I want to take it.

Empowering others is like a garden of flowers. All it takes is one strong flower to bloom and shed its seeds, and from there it is an endless domino effect. That is the beautiful thing about helping others with confidence – once someone gains confidence in themselves, they gain confidence in others as well. They begin to believe in people and feel the need to spread self-love to as many individuals as possible. This then leads to creating an incredible community of people who all started in different places and all have their own stories, but ultimately have the same goal. This community acts as an enormous wall of support for humans who are trying to get to where they want to be, and just need a little push. 

If you are not where you want to be on this mountain yet, join hands with another. You may not realize it, but everyone has had the same cruel thoughts running through their heads as you have. Likewise, everyone has their time to bloom, including you! This body of people is constantly expanding, so no matter where you are or where you go, know that you always have a place to turn to, and I am proudly a part of that place.

If you’re looking for a supportive, encouraging group of people, Low Entropy might be the place for you! Check out our online community or drop by a Conscious Connections meet-up to keep that domino effect going!