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Ugochi Guchy Kalu (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

I never had any speech problems. In fact, I was a loud baby with a big personality. My parents often marveled at how early and how confidently I could express myself. However, as I grew older, the world around me began to cast shadows on my natural exuberance. People started sharing concerns, emphasizing societal views about etiquette and how a girl should behave. I was told to be more ladylike, to tone down my loudness and to be more reserved. These repeated messages made me self-conscious, and gradually, I began to withdraw. I started thinking that my quietness would be more acceptable and that it would bring me the approval I sought.

As time went on, I became adept at holding back. I avoided confrontation and shied away from expressing my true feelings. Whenever there was an argument, I would rather tear up than voice my thoughts. I didn’t want to be seen as aggressive or loud, so I suppressed my natural inclination to speak out. Instead, I turned to keeping journals. I wrote down my thoughts, my frustrations and the scores of wrongs done to me. This habit became both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it nurtured a passion for writing within me. On the other hand, it made me bitter and vindictive, as I harbored unspoken grievances and unresolved anger.

During my high school days, I would often forfeit my rights to express my opinion. I would rather turn to tears than share my side of the story. These constant tears began to make me into a villain, as people often argued that the guilty ones are the first to cry. My tears were interpreted as admittance. This not only frustrated me but made me powerless in the face of bullying and taunts.  On one such day, I was severely punished for something I had no idea about. All it took was a classmate to point their finger at me, and since I would rather cry than talk, I was made the scapegoat. This incident was very significant and one that began my journey to reclaim my voice. 

I decided to take back my power. I grew tired of being defined by societal rules and expectations. I refused to be silenced any longer. I owned who I was and embraced my eloquence as a unique blessing. I embarked on a journey to reclaim my verbal expression. I put away my journals and secret diaries. No more plotting and silently stewing over injustices. I committed to having direct conversations, no matter how difficult the topic was.

This newfound approach transformed me. I became fearless with my words. I began to speak my mind openly and assertively. My ability to communicate improved significantly, and I found myself becoming a public speaker and a great conversationalist. I felt freer and more emboldened, and most importantly, I felt authentic. This journey of verbal expression not only empowered me, but also enhanced my writing. I began to express in written form just as passionately and clearly as I did in speech.

Embracing my true self and defying societal expectations has been the most liberating experience of my life. I have learned that my voice is powerful and that using it authentically is a gift. This journey has taught me to balance my writing and speaking, enriching both forms of expression. Today, I stand proud of my loud, expressive self. I am grateful for the challenges that pushed me to discover the strength of my voice, both spoken and written.

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My name is Ugochi Guchy Kalu. I went from a loud, expressive child silenced by societal norms to the person who reclaimed her voice and transformed into a fearless public speaker and writer. Embracing my authenticity, I now champion direct conversation and powerful self-expression.