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Raghavi (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Everyone likes being recognized and appreciated. Why is this so important for us? Is it because we are social creatures who constantly want to fit in? Is it a throwback to our prehistoric genes, when our very survival depended on how highly we were thought of by the people around us? Our lives may not depend on it so much anymore but it definitely is tied to a sense of belonging and our mental health. We all want to be liked. To be recognized and appreciated for our actions tells us we’re doing things right, that we fit in and that our community likes us. It’s an external validation of our feelings, it tells us if we’re doing the right thing, a yardstick of sorts, to measure ourselves with. 

It starts at birth, when we are completely dependent on our parents for support and security. Our life depends on them until we can fend for ourselves. It is important for them to like us. We are conditioned to want their approval to ensure that they continue to look after us. Most of us, as we grow and even after we’re adults, continue to look for this –  from teachers, friends, colleagues, partners and everyone else in our lives. Striking a balance with this need is important and something that may take a whole lifetime to learn. When we seek it too much, our happiness depends too much on what other people think of us and we become people pleasers. Too little and we may be verging on sociopathic tendencies. Where we fall on this spectrum depends on the personality we are born with and it is further shaped by our life experiences. Dysfunctional families and trauma can affect our thought processes surrounding this and tip us over into people pleaser or attention seeker territory or make us go in the opposite direction, rebelling against conforming to societal standards.

We are also biologically programmed to want this. When we are recognized and appreciated it triggers the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine in our brains. This in turn triggers happy feelings. Dopamine is also known as the pleasure hormone and is also triggered by things like nicotine and video games and plays a big role in addiction. This is why it is not easy to change how much we care about other people’s opinions of us. It’s hard to let go of that rush of happiness when someone appreciates us. It is also why complements can be more effective than complaints when you want to influence another person’s behaviour. I know I definitely do a better job at work when I am recognized and appreciated. Studies have shown that recognition at the workplace can boost employee performance and reduce turnover rates. Many businesses now invest in learning about and implementing ways in which to recognize and appreciate their employees. Happier employees means better work which ultimately means more profit for the business. Interestingly studies have also shown that recognition tied to financial incentives doesn’t have the same effect. 

Recognition is also linked to power. People are recognized for their power and status. Wealth is an example of something that contributes to power. People like to ally themselves with powerful people. This is probably another throwback to prehistoric times when hierarchy and strategic allegiances could mean the difference between life and death. While not so critical in today’s world, it is still important. It can make for an easier life, open more doors etc. People like being powerful as it  gives them control over others and also control over their own lives. 

While the words recognition and appreciation are used interchangeably there is a difference. Recognition is when you acknowledge someone’s performance, a more formal process than appreciation, which is when you admire their inherent value as a person. Appreciation is not about a person’s accomplishments, it is about who they are. There may not always be the time, resources or opportunity  to recognize everyone around us but we can certainly appreciate them. A few words are enough to convey your appreciation; you can tell them what you like or admire about them. You can also show appreciation through your actions: listening, giving your undivided attention, asking how someone is doing and being available are some examples. When someone appreciates us we feel seen and heard, our existence is acknowledged. When someone recognizes us we feel that our efforts are noticed. Take the time to recognize and appreciate those around you and don’t forget to do the same for yourself. You deserve to be recognized and appreciated too and taking the time to do it for yourself can be highly rewarding.  

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