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Erica Prosser (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

I spend more time than I would like to admit contemplating the contradictory nightmare that is often the human experience. You should prioritize exercise, but not like that. You need to get eight hours of sleep, but only 5 a.m. clubbers are truly productive! You should watch what you eat but only intuitively! Diets are bad (okay, this one has some merit, but if you’re anything like me, you intuitively want to eat a bowl of ice cream every night)! You should be a “gentle parent” but don’t hold your baby too much or they’ll get spoiled. 

The constant myriad of conflicting information can be absolutely mind-boggling. So many of us want to feel unique, and yet we’re so quick to feel defensive and want to convince others that our way is the “right” way when they have a different favourite band, pizza place or tattoo style. We crave individuality, but bristle at the slightest hint of disagreement. What is it in our human brains that makes our thinking so damn paradoxical?

I used to be the ultimate persuader, constantly armed with arguments and refusing to back down, ready to conquer any opposition if I felt my opinion was the right one. I get how easy it can be to fall into that pit of defensiveness—frankly, sometimes I still find myself swimming around down there (you will never convince me there’s a better movie franchise to watch over Christmas holidays than Lethal Weapon). And maybe some of it simply comes with getting older, entering motherhood and quite frankly just no longer having the energy to care if everyone agrees with me, but I’m also a strong believer in personal growth. Now, we all know “growth” has become something of a buzzword in recent years, but I still think it’s a vital part of showing up in our society with kindness and empathy, and to me the key to personal growth is being open to other perspectives. During a recent conversation with my brilliant sister, she shared a striking realization: “I’ve come to realize I really don’t think there is a reality; there is only perception.” 

Of course, there are many exceptions to this statement. Basic human rights like dignity, freedom from prejudice, and bodily autonomy, as well as established scientific facts, aren’t up for debate as a matter of opinion. But in most other aspects in life, being open to other perspectives can not only help you grow, but open your world to all the beautiful possibilities and connectedness that true empathy brings to your relationships. There’s something so profoundly comforting that blooms inside you when you feel truly heard and understood. 

I was chatting with my cousin the other day, someone I always love to bounce ideas off of since, as a woman of colour, she has a deep well of experience and perspective that I could never gain from my everyday life. I often turn to her for advice and resources on talking to my children about topics like racism and cultural appropriation. On this particular occasion however, we were chatting about high school jobs, and she argued that teenagers shouldn’t have to work because she feels it takes away from how they experience their childhood. Coming from a vastly different socioeconomic background than her, I could offer the perspective rooted in the reality that I grew up with. Some households either rely on that extra income, or simply don’t have the disposable income to pay for their teens to have the latest clothes or go out with their friends. I felt myself getting flustered as I explained my view since, for most of my life, any opposing viewpoint was seen as hostility and I was worried about how I might come off. But you know what? She surprised me. She thanked me for sharing my opinion and opening her eyes to a different perspective that she hadn’t considered before.

How much time and energy do you spend feeling as though you’re screaming into the void, trying to get someone to see things your way? The fact of the matter is that most people are so consumed by their own experiences and emotions that it’s almost impossible for them to see things your way. I think the best we can do is share our perspective, share those pieces of ourselves that make us who we are and trust that the people around us will surprise us when it matters most. Genuine understanding begins with a willingness to listen to and learn from each other. I think you’ll find when you embrace true empathy in your relationships, whether with your partner, friends or family, those little differences in opinion transform from points of contention to the beginning of deep conversations that can change how you look at the world.

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