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Cassandra Di Lalla (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

My mom is the definition of perfect in my eyes. She’s done everything right in terms of being my mother. She’s always given me unconditional love, care and support, despite me being a lot to handle sometimes. 

I already tell my mom how much I love her and how much I care about her. I also tell her how important she is to me and how I couldn’t imagine life without her. I fear for that day to come, when my mother is no longer walking the earth. What will I do without my mom? How will I manage without her? 

I don’t know what it is, but my mother’s love and the comfort she brings me are always things I’ll hold on to. I don’t think age has anything to do with it, because I will always need my mom. When I’m not feeling well—whether it’s my mind, body or soul—who do you think I go to? My mom. She seems to know what to do or what to say 99% of the time. I may not agree with all of it, but it doesn’t even matter, because she knows best. I truly believe that. 

I view my mom as a healer, and I wish I’d tell her that more often. Motherly instinct? I don’t know, because I don’t think I’d ever have those kinds of superpowers. And yes, I call them superpowers, because in what world would I ever be able to amount to her capabilities? She’s very strong-willed. There have been many occasions where her healing has been miraculous. I’ve struggled in more ways than one and believe me, my mom was my guiding light. How did she do it? No idea, but I’m grateful. 

I wish I’d tell her more often how proud I am of her. I’m proud of her dedication and drive that allowed her to achieve many great things in life. I’m proud to call her my mom, and I’d choose her as my mom in every single lifetime. I’m so happy that she finally retired and is giving herself the time to do the things that she loves. It’s well deserved.

I wish I’d tell her more often that her gut instinct is accurate 99% of the time, and I wish I’d stop myself from being so stubborn sometimes. I would say “thank you” more often, because I’m more thankful than I ever really express. I don’t think my mom will ever truly know or understand the positive impact she has had on my life so far. She’s managed to pull me out of some really dark places, and she’s managed to do it with grace. She’s able to redirect my energy and shift my focus when she knows I’m unable to do so myself.

I wish I’d tell her more often that the things I’m suffering through do not equate to her being a bad mom. My traumas have zero reflection on her as a mother. She’s not responsible for my pain. I wish she knew that she’s one of the very few people I’m comfortably vulnerable with, and that she’s my angel on Earth.

I wish I’d tell her more often that the petty arguments we have will mean nothing the next day, because my love for her is stronger than the anger or sadness I feel in those moments. 

I wish I’d tell her more often how appreciative I am of the lessons she’s taught me and all the creative freedom she’s given me from day one. She’s always been supportive of my creative endeavours, and not once did she ever say no when I wanted to partake in a million and one different activities or programs. And still to this day, she encourages me to do the things I love most, putting top priority on making sure they bring me peace or put my mind at ease.

I wish I’d tell her more often to not take things so seriously. Life is too short not to laugh, smile or be silly. My mom worries a lot, and she doesn’t let the little kid in her come out too often. I wish I’d encourage that more, because having fun is one of life’s many pleasures. She needs to know that her age shouldn’t define how often she can laugh or goof around. Her chronological age shouldn’t be the reason why she cannot enjoy funny videos or laugh at clothes not fitting right. Laughing costs nothing. 

I wish, I wish, I wish . . . a million times over . . . that she would know how irreplaceable she is and how much I value her.

She’s not only my mom, she’s my best friend.

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Cassandra Di Lalla lives life purposefully. She enjoys reading, writing and mental health initiatives. She’s an animal lover for life and an innovative individual always finding new ways to create.