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Nathan Yan (he/him/his), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

“You’re kind of bad.” That was harsh, I know. In my defence, it was a close badminton game and I was tired.

I’m sure plenty of us have been there before. Maybe it’s breaking bad news, having an argument, saying something while mentally preoccupied, or just having to say something hard, but everyone says the wrong things sometimes. 

I cannot stress how important it is to find the right words to express something. It’s personally helped me with teaching, relationships, managing conflicts and plenty more. Conversely, not finding the right words can cause misunderstandings and miscommunications, and it can hurt a lot of people. But it’s not unavoidable. Finding the right words is a difficult task, and there have even been books written on the subject, but something one can try to do is to consider the circumstances and try to maintain understandable clarity.

I’ve found that context and reading the room is one part of this process. It’s important to consider the person, the topic and the message, because all of these have an impact on communication. For example, if I’m reconciling with someone who blames me for a past event, I would have to keep in mind their beliefs about my actions. If they firmly believe I’ve wronged them, then I can’t just assume they’ll change their opinion immediately. I need to gradually guide the conversation in a way that tries to change their mind, and a part of this is using words that take responsibility. Not “It wasn’t my fault,” but “I should have tried to help.” Alternatively, if I’m trying to calm someone down during an argument, I could be responsible then as well to give a sense of cooperation. I wouldn’t say, “You’re being really aggressive, you need to calm down,” instead I would say something like, “I’m sorry, can we please talk about this.” 

There are plenty of other situations where finding the right words requires knowledge of the tone, desired sentiment and situation. If I’m trying to take command during a crisis, I would need to change my tone to be more resolute and confident so people feel more calm. During a serious discussion, I wouldn’t want to use a joking or informal tone, and I shouldn’t use disparaging words when I’m helping someone. When finding the right words, it’s important to just take that step back and keep in mind the goal and tone.

Another thing I’ve found important to consider is the simplicity of my words. Primarily while teaching, it’s important to consider the audience for what I’m going to say. For example, people who are new to a subject would be more comfortable with simpler language. Outside of teaching, using big words in arguments can end up with others being flustered, and using complex language during speeches can lose an audience. I think when it comes to simplicity, however, it isn’t all that clear cut, and I need to manage simplicity to an appropriate level. An example of this I’ve heard about is talking to someone about a serious issue they have, where you don’t just want to bluntly state the issue, because others could feel attacked. Going more in depth can help them realise their issues and reduce the animosity they might feel. However, going too far in depth would make me sound like I am just launching a barrage of complaints. Similarly, in my experience, using a drawn out speech with complex language just leads to more frustration.

Many other elements of context also have an impact on choosing the right words, but the overarching trend is that context needs to be considered. However, there are general things that many people can do to make their words seem or become right, with analogies and clarity being two of these things.

Whether it be during conflict management, teaching or leadership roles, analogies create human connections that can help you find the right words. Having those simplistic stories that are easy to understand builds the rest of the words you will need to say. They often contain the primary idea, and then from there it’s simple to find more examples of reasoning behind it. 

For example, if an analogy is used to equate not giving up on a growing tree, it is simple to reason through how the tree grows through rain and thunder, or equate it to how people have to have firm roots to be able to grow in adversity. Furthermore, the tree acts as a symbol that then makes the ideas presented around it more recognizable and simple, since they’ve been presented as similar to a commonplace object. Thus, the speech itself seems more correct and influential. 

Outside of analogies, focusing on clarity also helps with understanding. Making sure one’s line of logic and feelings are absolutely clear can make your words seem right and genuine. This helps with your message, whether you are trying to be persuasive, trying to calm people down or even teaching, as it makes understanding easier for students.

Communicating effectively is a challenge, and finding the right words to say is a big part of it. One misstep could make someone say something they’ll regret. But the good news is that through the forethought of considering context, analogies and clarity, finding the right words becomes a lot easier.

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Hi my name is Nathan Yan, I am a student at David Thompson Secondary School. I enjoy activities like debate, computer science and chess, and my favourite subject is math.