Lauren Long (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer
Sometimes, leaving someone behind so you can grow is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I experienced this with someone I chose to sever ties with after high school because I knew our friendship wasn’t a healthy one, nor was it one of equals. I had known this person since my elementary school years, and her personality was always that of someone who had to have things her way all the time. She was one of those people who wasn’t open to compromise or finding an alternative that was comfortable for everyone.
For most of my childhood, my whole adolescence and even my early adulthood, I was a people pleaser. I would bend over backwards to please others and agree to what they wanted, even if it wasn’t something that I wanted to do, just to keep the peace. This person was one of the many people that I did this with, and I would be so frustrated with myself afterwards. According to my mom, I had been assertive earlier in my childhood, but I don’t know where that assertiveness went when I needed it the most. I remember this one time where this person and the other people who called themselves my friends pressured me into doing something I didn’t want to do, which was one thing when it was just us, but when they did it in front of the entire class and the teacher joined in? In that moment, I wanted to be anywhere but in that classroom. When I tried to stand up for myself and told one of my friends to not pressure me, everyone laughed at me.
Reliving this experience through writing it is painful, but also really healing. I hope that this article will resonate with the people who read it, and remind them that they are not alone.
I had on-and-off contact with this person throughout high school, and it wasn’t until our grad year when I was hanging out with her and the others that made up our friend group that I started to notice things I hadn’t before. The need to have everything her way had expanded into something nastier and more manipulative, as she showed when she expressed happiness that a mutual acquaintance’s romantic relationship had ended and he was miserable. That really bothered me, because I think that even if you don’t like someone’s significant other, you should be able to put your personal feelings aside and offer them sympathy, empathy and compassion. In addition to that, you should check your ego and realize that while this relationship didn’t mean anything to you, it meant a lot to the former couple.
That was the moment I started to, subconsciously, distance myself from her. Similar occurrences throughout the year led me to realize that I couldn’t be friends with someone who took pleasure in other people’s pain.
Once we graduated, I severed ties. And I wasn’t sad about it. Very few friendships survive past high school, and I can honestly say that, all these years later, I know I made the right choice.
Leaving not only her, but most people I went to school with, behind so I could grow was the one of the best things I ever did for myself. When I transferred from the community college in my hometown to the UNBC campus in Prince George, I had the chance to discover so much about myself. I had independence but was close enough to home that I could come home should an emergency arise, and I didn’t have anyone dictating who I could and couldn’t be friends with.
My elementary and high school years were a 13-year prison sentence. When I got to university, I was, for the first time in my life, free. Free to make my own choices about who I did and didn’t want to be friends with. Free to explore and grow my identity without any external factors, free to reclaim my assertiveness and relearn how to advocate for myself. Free from the people who took pleasure in making my life hell so that they could feel better about themselves.
No longer was I caged by the expectations and opinions of others, or pressured into doing things I had no interest in doing. I was free.
Leaving people behind can seem scary, but that’s only because it’s out of our comfort zone. There are some people who are meant to walk our life paths with us the whole way, and others who are not. Those people are supporting or minor characters in our story, they’re not meant to stay until the end. They’re meant to stay in our past, and we’re meant to leave them behind so we can grow.
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Born and raised in Quesnel, BC, Lauren Long is a strong advocate for mental health and well-being, a voice for the pole community, a major Swiftie and a role model for positive body image. She believes in encouraging everyone to find their self-worth, no matter what age. When she’s not writing, you can find her on the pole, on the training mats, or curled up with a good book or fanfiction.