Lauren Long (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer
Sexism is something that I wasn’t really aware of in my younger years, but when I worked as a server pre-pandemic, I got a crash course in awareness of what it was.
What is sexism? Here are some definitions of sexism, male chauvinism and misogyny, and the difference between the three.
Sexism: gender-based bigotry (typically directed at women)
Male chauvinism: the idea that women are lesser to men and is one and the same with sexism.
Misogyny, while corresponding with sexism, is different from it. It is symbolized by hate and abhorrence toward women.
Looking back on it now, I wonder how many times I had sexism directed at me in high school, but didn’t understand the word and its meaning, and as a result, didn’t realize that I was the recipient of sexism.
One instance in particular stands out to me. I don’t remember how old I was, but I was walking down the hallway when a male employee asked me if I was on my way to meet my boyfriend. When I replied no, that I didn’t have one, he said, “Oh that can’t be true, I’m sure you must have at least five.”
I hadn’t thought about this for years until I started thinking about this article, and upon further reflection, I realized that this adult man, someone I was supposed to be able to trust, had displayed sexism and subtly slut-shamed me, a teenage girl of 14-15.
This kind of comment is a form of slut-shaming as well as, at the very least, disrespect stemming from destructive chauvinist stereotypes.
Why is this statement deemed as problematic? Here are three points explaining why, as well as some context for clarity:
- It Associates Beauty with Promiscuity: The aforementioned comment suggests that a woman’s physical attractiveness is a direct connection to her having more than one sexual or romantic partner, thus reducing her worth as a person to an alleged, frequently inflated, sexual habit.
- The Use of Stereotypes as a Shaming Device: Slut-shaming consists of defaming people for disregarding conventional societal standards about how women are supposed to behave sexually. By inferring that a woman is “too sexual” or uninhibited because of her looks, the speaker employs an insincere compliment to belittle and degrade.
- An “Understated” Form of Shaming: Slut-shaming is not always an outright insult, it is habitually subtle, taking shape in the form of jokes, rumors or making guesses about a woman’s personal life.
This comment is an ill-advised effort to “give accolades” to a woman for being beautiful. In the end, however, it is dependent on the belief that being good-looking means that a woman is, or should be, sexually active with multiple partners. To summarize, it is a microaggression supporting the perception that women possessing beauty and high self-esteem are fundamentally promiscuous.
When I found myself the recipient of sexism once again years later as a server, I experienced it on a whole new level, both from patrons and from male coworkers. I left one serving job because when I complained about certain male customers harassing me, I wasn’t taken seriously and felt unheard.
The second serving job that I did was better for a little while, but it didn’t last long. I was on the receiving end of sexist remarks from both patrons and male coworkers, and witnessed my coworkers receive the same treatment.
The final straw came when one of the male cooks approached me after my shift and left a note beside my elbow. He referred to himself as a “sex god” and asked if I wanted to have sex with him that night, with checkboxes besides the words “yes” and “no.” I’d already had a bad night, and this wasn’t the first time he’d sexually harassed me at work, but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I checked the “no” box and left it. In hindsight, I should have kept it and taken it to the police as evidence, but I didn’t because I never even thought about it, I just wanted to go home and forget my crappy night.
I remember venting to some of my coworkers about it, and the next time I had a shift, my manager called me into his office to ask me what happened. He said that he’d spoken to the cook who left that note beside me, and he asked me to tell him or the assistant manager if anything of the sort ever happened again. I said I would, and I also said that if there was a reoccurrence, I wouldn’t hesitate to file a claim for sexual harassment in the workplace. It never came to that because the cook got fired or quit, but if it had, I would have followed through.
Sexism is never funny, no matter where it is. At home, school, work, it doesn’t matter. If you witness sexism or if it’s happening to you, speak up. Don’t stay silent, because your silence will not protect you. Advocating for yourself and your autonomy starts with you.
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Born and raised in Quesnel, BC, Lauren Long is a strong advocate for mental health and well-being. She believes in the value of truth and the importance of advocating for yourself.