Our First and Lasting Memories

April 13, 2023

Via Genzon (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

“What was your first memory?”

That was the question my professor asked us on the first day of our English class. It’s been four years since, but that question hasn’t left my mind. She said it’s a question most of us never really think about. She was right. I told a different answer to the class that day, but as I contemplated it more, I remembered something else. I remembered singing to my grandpa as we sat on a hammock under the trees, a few years before he passed. That was the earliest memory I could remember. I never really thought much about my birth. Instead, I thought more about the inevitability of death, especially as I got older and had to deal with loss.

Birth can mean many things — mothers bringing new life into this world, seeds sprouting into a plant or even the beginning of an era. However, its literal and figurative meanings are always connected to the inevitability of death. Humans and animals die. Without a proper environment, plants die even sooner. Eras end. Yet, many of us still choose to give life new meaning through birth.

If we only focus on the impending doom of inevitable death, then life seems bleak. What is the point if everything ultimately comes to an end? At some point in our lives, there was a time when we first learned the truth about death being inevitable, maybe as kids when a pet died or a relative passed away. Eventually, we become adults and the contemplations on birth and the consequent inevitability of death raise questions about our existence. Through my reflections, I learned how to appreciate “birth” despite the inevitability of death.

I came across a line that stuck with me from the HBO television show Westworld. “You only live as long as the last person who remembers you.” At birth, we instantly make connections with our parents, guardians or family members, and later we make our own — with friends and communities. I realized that how we want to be remembered is the answer to the fears and anxiety brought by the inevitability of death. I want to be remembered as someone my loved ones could always rely on, so I try my best to be present in their lives to support them. On a bigger scale, I also want to be remembered as someone who made a difference in this world, or at least in my community. I think it’s human to fear death, but now I’m learning to remind myself that, when my time comes, I will live on through the memories of the connections I made, and my legacy — whatever that may be. Because birth and death are connected, I know that even when I am no longer here, the birth of a new life and new beginnings happen every second.

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