The Heart Wants

February 2, 2024

Cassandra Di Lalla (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Is there discrimination in who you find attractive? That’s a question that many people have either asked themselves or other people. Why? Because people often wonder if it’s wrong to choose a partner based on their ethnicity, culture, beliefs, age, or even looks and personality. 

Personally, I don’t view this as discrimination at all, because I myself have already accepted the fact that not everyone will be attracted to me, nor will I be attracted to everyone else and I don’t think people should feel like they’re at fault for knowing what their wants and needs are or what their likes and dislikes are. Naturally, you will be drawn to some and not as much to others. This is normal and this is life. We’re all unique, we’re all different, but we’re all children of the earth.

I was born in Canada but I am of Italian descent. My partner was born in the Philippines, he is of Filipino descent, and he came to Canada at a very young age. I am sharing this with you because this is a great example of boundless love and care. My partner has a different skin tone than me, he was born in a different country than me, we had different upbringings, we are six years apart (him being older, and me being younger), etc . . . yet the stars aligned just fine for us.

I have always been a firm believer in loving with every part of you. If your heart and your mind aren’t on the same page, then that might be a problem. If you’re not attracted to your partner in all ways, that usually makes the relationship crumble. You could love your partner but not be in love with them, and oftentimes, that doesn’t last. Or, you could want the relationship to work because you care, but if you’re not physically attracted to them or your values don’t line up, then perhaps that’s more of a friendship than anything else.

It’s honestly just as simple as agreeing or disagreeing with others on who they find attractive or feel most connected to. Some people might feel objectified when you’re commenting on their looks, while other people accept the fact that they were not made for everyone. People like what they like and who they like, but I don’t see or feel that there’s anything wrong about that. It is of no fault to want someone who falls either in the same or a different “human category” as us. I say human category because everything related to us and our beating heart falls under the same umbrella, whether it is a different skin colour, weight, social or financial status, set of interests, etc . . . It’s absolutely flawed that our world has become so sinful and hateful, so combative and greedy, but that’s learned behaviour. Do you know what else is learned behaviour? Patience, compassion, love, kindness, care, selflessness, etc . . .

We are all cut from the same cloth at the end of the day—we all just have a unique design, print or pattern. Our bodies are one big canvas where some areas have more or less shading or fading, and maybe more or fewer combinations of other features. Naturally, we all go through changes in life—with our bodies, with our minds and with our hearts. Those changes can have both positive and negative effects on us and may impact us in more ways than one, but, if you have your person by your side guiding you along the way, then those changes will seem more like experiences than anything else. 

The colour of your skin does not define who you are as a person, the number on the scale does not determine your worth, your gender does not make you stronger or weaker, your voice doesn’t make you any more or any less qualified for a corporate career, and your preference for a partner certainly doesn’t make you any worse or any better of an individual—but your view of others with any negative connotation and your judgement speaks louder than the volume of decibels in a firetruck’s siren . . . and that’s disturbingly loud. 

You are free to love whoever you please, but be respectful of people, their decisions, their preferences, and the earth you’re currently walking on and that you’ll eventually leave behind. Someone is bound to walk in your footsteps, so be sure to leave the sweetest steps in the soil and plant generosity in your garden so even the animals can feed off of your kindness.

Cassandra Di Lalla lives life purposefully. She enjoys reading, writing and mental health initiatives. She’s an animal lover for life and an innovative individual always finding new ways to create.

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