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Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

I recently went on a date with someone I met on an app, and by no means was it the worst date in history, but we didn’t end up clicking, and I probably won’t see him again. For most, that would be the end of the story, and they would pick themselves up and move on with their lives. Except for me, that was not the case: I was plagued with the thought that I was not good enough for anyone and, therefore, I was undeserving of love, at least in the romantic sense. I know that in my rational brain, these are feelings many people experience when entering the dating scene because it is very intimidating. However, the romantic inside me was jilted by her own expectations. So I came crashing down to Earth, feeling genuinely disappointed in myself for not being someone anyone could connect with. Hence, I reached out to a friend to snap me out of my self-pity, asking how I should battle these doubts and no longer look at the world as if I were in my own romantic comedy. 

This was my friend’s answer: recognizing your self-worth is a gradual process, involving self-reflection and self-compassion. You have to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would give someone else going through a tough time. When negative thoughts appear, you have to question their validity. We must ask ourselves if they are based on assumptions or actual facts. You should focus on the positives, not just about yourself, but also the experience itself, such as having the courage to go on a date with a stranger in the first place, and how you were friendly and open the entire time and tried your best to make the other person comfortable. Also, consider this moment a learning experience so you don’t dwell on the sad aspects of this encounter. That way, in the future, you can set realistic expectations for relationships and understand the fact that nobody is perfect, we all have our own flaws and not everyone clicks; it takes work on both sides, and if they don’t want to do their part, it’s not your fault and it doesn’t mean you’re not lovable. 

While I may not accept this advice right away, it is crucial to put my energy into things that I love and make me feel good about myself to decompress and build my confidence. Regarding removing the lavender haze around my idea of love, my friend suggests embracing the imperfections and quirks that make me and real life interesting and unique, and remembering that connections are based on authenticity. Next, you should take time to connect to reality: you must engage in activities that ground you in the present, because the world is much more complex and nuanced than in the movies, and relationships don’t unfold in predictable and cinematic ways. I have to make an effort to see situations from different perspectives, and thus consider the practical aspects and potential issues, rather than only focusing on my idealized version of the scenario. Lastly, I should diversify the books I read, the movies I watch and the music I listen to. I need to partake in various media reflecting different and realistic human connections. That way, I can broaden my perspective and reduce the influence of romantic comedies.

All in all, this is very sound advice. I want to put this into practice in the future so I don’t have to feel this way anymore, because my heart, with each of its little beats, tells me I deserve all the love this world can offer. I have to start to listen, because although those romantic books, movies and songs are beautiful, they are not mine, but my feelings that come with my heart and soul are, and I have to trust that my very humanity will never steer me wrong. 

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My name is Cristina Crescenzo, and I am an aspiring writer with something to say as I try to figure things out. More than anything, I want to be able to connect with people through my writing and I want to be a constant advocate of disability and mental health awareness.