Tag: Acceptance

Sooth the Smarting Wound

Posted on by andrew

Eri Ikezawa (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Peering over the edge of a 40-foot cliff. Sitting in a crowded plane, rocking from side to side, trying to stomach the nausea from turbulence. Feeling faint as I watch blood pouring copiously from an open wound. These are all legitimate fears, personal ones that I have, ranked highly on my list of things that frighten me. But above those has always been my great and appreciable fear of failure. 

 

Since having been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, my reaction to the unknown has started making more sense to me — that crippling, debilitating sensation of terror, causing me to freeze on the spot, like dipping my toes into an icy pond with regrettable haste. 

 

Although it might be a stretch to say that I regret certain events in my life — living by the philosophy that anything that happens is a lesson to be learned — I must confess I do occasionally feel a twinge of wistfulness for the opportunities I have missed in my life due to my anxiety. 

 

Before, the notion of failure itself was enough to completely paralyze me into inaction — worse yet, I couldn’t find the words to articulate the barrier between myself and any goal I wanted for myself. All I knew was that I felt like a microscopic entity, craning my neck backwards until it felt unhinged, feeling doomed by the towering partition between me and my aspirations. And this applied to so many areas of my life — grades I wanted in school, friends I wanted to make, hobbies I wanted to invest more time into. 

 

Back then, I didn’t realize that the root of that cacophonous buzzing — the angry voices in my head susurrating, “You’ll probably fail anyway, what’s the point in trying?” — was my anxiety.  To me, that feeling I experienced preluding the ultimate outcome, whether it was failure or success, was so unbearable that I would talk myself out of even taking a stab at whatever I wanted.  

 

Unsurprisingly this led me to playing it safe, like walking a tightline — only it was 10 centimeters off the ground. If I believed that whatever I wanted to attain was more or less guaranteed, then I would give it a go. I felt as though anything I achieved was to be expected, while everything else was unfeasible, and thus not worth trying at. 

 

Obviously, this led to minimal personal growth. I was sitting in a cozy refuge, barricaded from discomfiting experiences, idle in my comfort zone.  

 

Once I was formally diagnosed with anxiety, every jumbled puzzle piece in my discombobulated brain began to gradually fall into place. I could finally make sense of my mental hieroglyphics — what once seemed like illegible scrawl was decipherable language, and the storm thundering in my chest came to a manageable simmer. 

 

It wasn’t so much that it solved all my problems, but rather I felt as though I finally had a starting point to work from. Through cognitive behavioral therapy, I could better discern moments where I felt as though I might succumb to my anxious thoughts. Then, instead of allowing myself to be plowed over by the drum of the road roller and compressed by the weight of my inferiority, I would try to ground myself again. 

 

I remind myself that failure is a natural staple of life, that all successful people have taken shots and missed, the arrow throttling through the air at the wrong angle, missing the target at the last second. I coax myself off the ledge of self-pity, uplifting myself with the knowledge that whatever happens, I need to keep laboring through the dirt until I find myself at the other side. After all, rejection is not a reflection of my self-worth. 

 

I have also learned that if I maintain and nourish the internal image that I hold of myself, I am able to stand firm in the face of slights and rejections. Now, I ask myself, “Is it worth tarnishing my own self-value because of someone else’s impression of me?” Just because I am not what someone is looking for doesn’t mean that I am worthless. It does not mean that I am a failure in my pursuit for self-actualization and success. 

 

I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t still sting when I apply for a job and don’t get selected. Nor is it satisfying when someone doesn’t like me — it still hurts when people hold negative views about me. I still struggle with the desire to people-please over prioritizing my own needs as a person, but at the end of the day, we must make small sacrifices in the process of self-development. In striving to better myself, it is inevitable that I will “fail” to meet someone’s expectations of me — especially when it doesn’t benefit them. 

 

These days, for me, it’s all about recalibration. I allow myself to fully acknowledge the pricking sensation of failure and rejection; I don’t delay the healing process by trying to euphemize or sugarcoat how I really feel. If that means sulking for a few days, that’s just my process — as long as I know I am fully committed to picking myself back up, rebounding from lying face-flat on the ground to hiking back towards the peak, it’s okay. A few days to reset is okay. 

 

Once I feel as though I’ve recovered enough, having soothed the smarting wound until it’s a faint throb, I just pick up right where I left off, recognizing that one small defeat in the grand scheme of things is nothing but a lesson. I realize now that tenacity and determination to triumph are the true hallmarks of successful people. And even if I am not quite at the destination I wish to arrive at, I am always immensely grateful to have transitioned from my former attitude and fear towards failure to my composed acceptance of it now. 

 

These reactions, pragmatic and tranquil, help me from permanently floundering after any blunder — they are what keep me moving forward.  

 

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My name is Eri Ikezawa and I have an extended minor in psychology and a major in linguistics. I’m still on the path to quelling questions about myself and the direction I want to head in, but in the meantime, I have always wanted to find a way to help others and contribute to a community dedicated to personal development and self-love.

Toward Kindness

Posted on by andrew

Christina Liao (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Kindness is such a fickle thing – it’s hard to come by, but it’s easy to give. It’s important to be kind to others, especially during a global pandemic. A simple act of kindness can brighten someone’s day, maybe even week. Giving somebody a compliment or telling them how good their outfit looks can change their day from bad to good. When someone is experiencing tough times, being understanding about their situation can help them through their difficulties. It’s important to be kind to everybody and, as Harry Styles would say, treat people with kindness. 

 

One way to increase the amount of kindness that we experience in our society is by eliminating discrimination. Being cruel to someone purely because of their race or sexuality is easier than being accepting of them, but we need to be accepting in order for our society to progress. We need to be aware of people in minority groups and not be discriminatory to them. We need to treat all people of colour and members of the LGBTQIA+ society with the same amount of respect that we would any other person. People aren’t born homophobic and racist, it’s taught. And just as easy as it is taught, it can also be unlearned if people are willing to take the necessary steps. 

 

Self-respect and self-love can also lead to more kindness. You need to love yourself for who you are before you start loving others. Accepting yourself for who you are – your faults, strengths and everything in between – is the first step to loving yourself. From there, you can learn to accept others for who they are as well. What’s most important is that you need to be confident in your own body. In order to do that, you need to stop worrying about what other people think of you. Just focus on what you think of yourself. Learn to see through the faults and reach the good parts. Everyone is unique; everyone has their own parts that shine and problems that they need to focus on. Loving every part of yourself is the first step to loving and being kind to everyone else. People are mean because they project their insecurities onto others, so start loving yourself. It’s not hard if you really want to change the way you treat others.

 

Once you love yourself and know how to treat yourself, you need to know how to treat others with equal respect. To do that, you should treat the people around you how you want to be treated. Be empathetic towards the situations of other people. Be respectful to people who are experiencing tough times and please, don’t discriminate. Tell someone that their shoes look nice, or tell them that they’re doing a good job at something they’re working on. Engage with them like how you would want to be engaged. Overall, just spread more positivity than negativity. If you don’t have anything kind to say, don’t say it. 

 

Being kind shouldn’t be a chore, nor should it be something that you don’t do already. Most people just need to understand how their actions can harm others. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect, everyone should be treated equally. Treating others equally starts with treating yourself fairly. Just remember to be kind to others, especially in tough times like now. Never forget to be kind and understanding toward other people. We shouldn’t need a daily reminder to treat people with kindness, but here’s one for you today. 

 

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My name is Christina and I am currently a student at Simon Fraser University in the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences. I love listening to music, reading, writing and, honestly, anything Marvel. In short, I’m a total nerd. I volunteer as a blog writer here at Low Entropy.