Month: December 2021

A Letter to Myself

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Bethany Howell (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

It’s been quite the year, hasn’t it?

 

You laughed until your ribs hurt and cried through so many cold nights.

You survived even on the days where you broke and you grew from that fight.

 

That thing you’ve been waiting for happened and that great fear came true.

That event didn’t matter as much as you thought and now you are able to see things that do.

 

You lost so much and yet were always able to keep your grasp.

You were better than you expected to be and, yes, those punches hit harder than they should have.

 

You rediscovered yourself and relearned things you thought you knew.

All this to say, my dear, you did well and I am so proud of you.

 

—

 

My name is Bethany Howell and I am a third-year university student majoring in psychology and minoring in family and child studies. I have a passion for writing and mental health, and my ultimate goal since age 13 has been to make a difference in the world through helping others, which is how I ended up here at Low Entropy!

Long to Stay

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Max Rodriguez (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

This has been the trickiest, most weird year I have ever had. So many things I used to believe in for my whole life were suddenly not what I expected. I could honestly write a thousand blogs about everything I had to go through when I moved to Canada, but today I just want to share my perspective about my experience growing older, becoming an adult, and experiencing the world as it is for the first time.

 

Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted to become an astronaut? Maybe you wanted to be a veterinarian because you loved puppies, or maybe you played soccer with your friends every day to be just like your favorite player. Then you probably learned about computers and all you wanted to do was to be a singer, or an actor/actress, or I don’t know, change the world?

 

My career assessment stopped at this point, I suppose. My whole world was drawing and taking pictures, so that had to be my career, right? An artist. Well it is my career, it’s all I know how to do and the only thing that makes sense at this point in my life, but I had my doubts.

 

I grew up in the beautiful city of Bogotá, Colombia, but it is not common for people to think that it is a good place to live in. Not many people love or respect my hometown, and for a long time neither did I. My dream was to become a filmmaker in this perfect city called Vancouver. In my last year of high school, I found out I was very good at math and that I loved science. My heart started to long to stay in my small and simple life, and I guess that if school had finished a week after, I wouldn’t be writing this. But my 17-year-old self was drunk with power. She wanted to leave and be surrounded by this big industry’s air, she wanted everyone to know her name, she wanted to be busy and prove a lot of things to a lot of people.

 

Two years later, after taking my leap of faith, I learned the meaning of the word “burnout.” I was extremely lost, tired and lonely, and I didn’t know who I was anymore. All I could think about was going home, hugingging my mom, doing stupid things with my friends and never hearing the word “Vancouver” ever again. I was so scared, all I knew was that I wanted to get into college, but I didn’t know what to do after it. Wait, are you telling me that my grades are worth nothing? That graduating with honors doesn’t open doors? That all the people who I helped in college are just going to move on without me? Are you telling me that people are not going to give me the jobs I’m applying to? That student loans must be paid?! That I must get groceries every time I run out of food?!?

 

I couldn’t handle it. I went straight back home, leaving everything behind.

 

But then I was home . . . and two years had passed without me. My room wasn’t my room anymore, that delicious ice cream I used to eat all the time tasted like butter, my allergies came back and the medications I used to take for them made me sleepy again. Mom was busy with my sister, my friends were hanging out with their new friends, passing cars didn’t stop when I was crossing the street and . . . I realized I wasn’t part of their lives anymore. This wasn’t 2019, it was 2021. I was not the person who left two years ago. My place was in that city I hated because of all the pressure I put myself under . . . all my hard work and burnout would be worthless if I didn’t go back. 

 

Then I started watching a series on Netflix called Maid and I realized that this is what life is about, breaking and building ourselves over and over, until we know how to handle it. Until we learn how to cook our lunch, until we know how to handle rejection, until we figure out how to accept ourselves and our lives. It’s not supposed to be easy . . . it’s supposed to be what it is meant to be. We’re supposed to fall until we learn how to fly, and I guess it’s about living as many experiences as possible so we can share them with people and maybe encourage them to keep going, cause maybe, just maybe . . .

 

What we need isn’t what we want, and you just must find out by walking a few uncomfortable steps further.

 

—

 

Max Rodriguez is a Colombian and Canadian who is an unstoppable artist with a strong passion for filmmaking.

The Power of . . . Self-Care

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Lori Stevenson (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

A number of years ago a colleague uttered words that have forever stuck with me and changed my life: “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” These words are so simple and so true. In today’s society, the demands on us are almost never-ending: no matter which way we turn, something or someone is demanding our time, attention, assistance, love, cooking skills, chauffeur services – you name it. And that is under the best circumstances! Throw in a global pandemic that, for many, involved working from home while trying to either dodge or educate children, and well, it’s no wonder that Statistics Canada reported in 2021 that 46% of Canadians are experiencing stress levels that are higher than they were pre-COVID. 

 

In a society that views busyness and a never-ending schedule of commitments almost like a badge of honor, many of us – despite the abundance of knowledge and research out there that extols its virtues – still view self-care as an indulgence: something that happens once in a while, or on a special occasion, or as a reward for attaining that sought-after promotion or reaching a goal. For some, it may be in the back of our minds, something we know we should do, if only there were a few more hours in the day. A recent study by Birchbox and Kelton Global found that only 39% of men and 32% of women regularly make time for self-care. If you are doing nothing to care for yourself and fill your own cup, how can you give the best of yourself to others? It is time to make self-care a regular part of your routine. 

 

We all know the obvious tenets of self-care – a healthy diet, enough sleep, regular exercise – and if you are not already on top of these, this is an easy place to start. The benefits will speak for themselves in no time at all. Let’s consider these the foundation, the “must haves.” They keep your body going, give you life force – but do they bring you joy? Will they fill your cup? (Okay, for some out there, yes – a sweaty session at the gym brings you joy, but many of us just grin and bear it!) 

 

Once you have the basics down, it’s time to find things that you can do for yourself that will bring you enjoyment, happiness, fulfillment, peace, or just a few minutes of quiet time. Take a few minutes to reflect on what these things might be – what did you enjoy doing to unwind before you had all of the responsibilities and demands on your time that you do now? What have you been really wanting to spend time on? What do you want to learn to do? Jot them down. There aren’t enough hours in the day, we’ve established that already – so how on earth are you going to find time to fit in even one of these activities? I have some tips and suggestions that may help. 

 

  1. Schedule it. This is important! YOU are important! Treat yourself at least as well as you do your work colleagues, and schedule time for yourself. Be creative and flexible – for example, I have activities that I schedule in daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly. Stick to this time; hold it sacred.

 

  1. Set boundaries. If you’ve decided that you love to read and want to do this for 30 minutes every day, talk to your family. Let your children, spouse and others know that this half-hour a day is really important to you, it makes you happy and is something that you need to do. Ask them to respect this 30 minutes and not disturb you, or turn it into a family affair where everyone spends some quality time with a book. 

 

  1. Layer activities. Look for opportunities to multi-task. Listen to a personal or professional development podcast while you walk the dog or go for your morning run. Learn a new language over your morning coffee or on your commute. Listen to an audio book or catch up on your favorite reality TV show while cooking dinner. 

 

  1. Unplug. Track your screen time for a couple of days. If you are surprised by how much time you spend surfing or scrolling through social media, commit to cutting back. Even snatches of a few minutes gained here and there by putting down your device can turn into an act of self-care. Head out of the office for a quick walk. Do a quick body scan meditation – you can do this in your office, at the coffee shop, on the bus or train – no one will even know! Stretch. Call a friend for a quick hello. 

 

Not only do all of these actions release our brain’s feel-good chemicals – increasing our general happiness and sense of well-being – but doing something only for you, something that makes YOU feel good, can bring you energy, comfort and satisfaction, which is regenerative and restorative. What will you do to fill your cup?

 

—

 

My name is Lori Stevenson and I am a management professional living in the beautiful Okanagan. In my spare time I enjoy reading, writing, yoga, teaching myself Spanish and walking my dogs. I am pleased to share my ideas, thoughts and knowledge here with the Low Entropy community!

There for You

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Tristan Goteng (he/him/his), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

The hit Fast & Furious saga is filled with thrills, adventure and action. It clearly gives the message that perhaps dealing with evil mafias, driving supercars over 100-meter-tall cliffs and being a priority on the FBI wanted list may not be the greatest idea. However, a deeper, truer message is impactfully showcased throughout all the movies, and that is the importance of family. 

 

What is a family? It is a simple term, but what actually counts as one’s family? Well, a family is composed of people whom you can trust. They are there for you when you need them the most. They care for you and support you in anything you do. But most importantly, they love you. It is so important to have these people by your side as you travel the journey of life to overcome the obstacles that stand in your way. A family doesn’t have to be just relatives, it can be really close friends, teachers, co-workers or, really, anybody who you believe will be there for you. 

 

Trust me, I know that, at times, it may feel like there is no one looking out for you. That you are lonely and don’t have family who are there for you. But, just as the golden rule states, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Meet people, talk to them, care for them, and I assure you that a good, loving family will be there for you, whether you need them or not. A family goes two ways. When you encounter obstacles, they will guide you and watch your back for you. However, when your family has run into trouble, help them out as well. It creates a stronger bond, and a larger, wholer sense of joy and trust between yourself and your family. 

 

My family consists of my parents, close relatives and friends, both inside and outside of my school community. As a grade 11 student, I face numerous challenges and stressful situations. These include university applications, schoolwork, after-school activities and many other responsibilities. I am positive that I am not the only one who has these problems too. Maybe not exactly the same, but nevertheless issues that, frankly, stop us from enjoying life. However, my family has proved time and time again that they are there to help me overcome these setbacks. Their constant support, enthusiasm and advice has motivated me to keep moving forward so their sacrifices for me will be worth it. That brings me to the next point.

 

Cherish your family. It may not be visible on the outside, but your family might be sacrificing a lot for your success. At bare minimum, they spend their time and effort on your cause. At most, it could be large sums of financial resources, pride or valuable possessions. Make sure you give back to them, and be grateful for what they have done. Always, and I cannot stress this enough, remember your roots, where you come from and who was originally there. Because this is where you started, and without a start, you can never finish and achieve your goals. 

 

—

 

My name is Tristan Goteng, and I am currently a high school student studying at St.George’s Senior School. I love writing and helping others overcome common obstacles that block us from growing!

Taking Care

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Emily Iorio (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

When I think back to my earliest memories, I often wonder if I’ve dreamt them into existence. Memories so lapsed that they appear to me as blurred colours, as scents or feelings. I remember spending afternoons hanging off my mother’s legs as she spoke to the neighbour, Debbie. I can recall the vibrant colours of her skirt and the smell of the hot driveway asphalt as I ran circles around her feet, peeking through her legs at Debbie’s perfectly manicured lawn. I remember racing across the hall to my parents’ bedroom after waking from a bad dream, the feeling of refuge under their heavy beige duvet (because even the most relentless of monsters couldn’t get me under there). No matter how foggy the memories, I never forget the feeling of safety in the presence of loved ones. From my earliest memories, I was cared for – deeply. 

 

Let me begin by acknowledging how fortunate I was for the childhood I reminisce about. I grew up in a home with a wonderful family who loved me tremendously, and for that I am grateful. But as many of us do, I took for granted that feeling of security, of knowing that someone would always be there to make calm of my chaos. Even as I matured into adulthood, I looked to my parents for advice – after all, who really knows anything about winter tires or taxes? No matter how sticky a situation I found myself in, my parents had a way of reassuring me that all would be okay. That speeding ticket or ex-boyfriend wouldn’t be the be-all and end-all of my existence.

 

I suppose I was naïve in my belief that I had decades of trial-and-error left ahead of me, with my parents there to pick up the pieces. My mid-twenties panned out quite differently than I had hoped. One by one, my older brother, mother and step-father were diagnosed with terminal illnesses, each of them requiring a significant amount of care.

 

This threw my world into chaos, into entropy, if you will. The hierarchy I trusted no longer existed, and I felt I had no one to confide in to ensure I stayed afloat. With so much on everyone’s plate, there was no room to entertain my mundane tribulations. I stayed afloat nonetheless because my options were to sink or swim. What mattered was looking after my family, a brand-new, full-time commitment that prompted me to quit my job in order to be a present caretaker and to spend more cherished moments with the ones I loved before they were gone.

 

Perhaps you can relate. And if you can, I am incredibly sorry. The pain and trepidation of caring for an ill parent is unexplainable. All of a sudden, the unwavering individuals who held your hand through summertime scraped knees, academic failures and gut-wrenching heartbreak, are helpless – unable to act as the safety you’ve always relied on.  

 

There is something incredibly unsettling and downright scary about physically caring for a parent. Especially as a young caretaker. Accidently hurting my parents or being unable to understand their needs were very real fears of mine. Seeing the fear that my parents expressed caused me to spiral at times. I figured that if they were fearful, I certainly should be as well. Putting on a brave face was no easy feat. There were arguments, frustrations and miscommunications almost constantly. We memorized hospital hallways, morning and bedtime bathroom routines, and the monotonous alarms that signified an empty IV bag. There was lost sleep, emergencies and countless mistakes. 

 

But above all else, there was a mutual, deep appreciation. 

 

Amid the fear and unknown, I felt especially grateful for the opportunity to show my family the love and security that they have always shown me. When it came to gratitude, we left nothing unsaid – although there were days where gratitude manifested in defeated glances, tears and half-smiles.

 

It is curious to me why I was destined to be a caretaker. What I do know is that my capacity for empathy and compassion has become my most honourable trait. The wisdom of my mother’s last months, the courage of my brother’s final moments and the way my step-father approached his situation with his strong will and humour will sit with me for the rest of my life. The memories of these days will grow foggy, and to be quite honest, I hope they do. But unwavering in recollection will always be the gratitude I feel for what I was able to provide my mother, step-father and brother – the comfort of that heavy beige duvet during what felt like a nightmare we’d never wake from. A place where even the most relentless of monsters couldn’t get them. Safe in my presence, and cared for – deeply. 

 

—

Leave your thoughts for Emily in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Duties of the Eldest Sibling

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Florence Ng (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

As the eldest daughter in an Asian immigrant family, a lot of my personal journey has been trying to discover and rediscover who I am as an individual. Specifically, defining myself outside of my relationships. I find that one of the most difficult things the world asks of me is to be the protagonist in my own story.

 

Over the years, I’ve met many people like me: classic people-pleasers, perfectionists and people who don’t know how to service themselves in the same way they service others. Of the many people I’ve met, and among my closest friends, I find it interesting, yet not altogether surprising, that many of these take on elder sibling or even parental roles in their family systems. There seems to be a similarity in the way our anxieties manifest and in the way we wrestle with what we owe others and what we owe ourselves. We are content to play supporting roles and uplift others while putting ourselves aside over and over.

 

Those like me have spent lifetimes learning how to draw boundaries while trying to hold onto our self-worth. It isn’t easy, as I’ve come to find, when you grow up learning that love is conditional and must be earned. Boundaries seem impossible to navigate, because failing to stretch ourselves over the canyon for others to safely walk over us feels selfish. We learn that we must be self-sacrificing in our roles, putting the family system first before ourselves, and we learn that the act of saying no is rebellion, and rebellion creates tension. The lasting effects of all this can be traumatic. 

 

I confess that there are times I’m afraid to trust, to simply accept any love that comes my way at no cost. In those times, I remind myself that the world is not always as we perceive it to be. I am worthy of the care that I give to others, and I deserve the same kindness that I think everyone else deserves. 

 

If you find yourself in a similar camp, you are not alone. Even if you do not have a parental role in your family but feel the weight of such responsibilities on your shoulder, I am certain there is an army of us behind you.

 

I have to tell you this: we are among the most resilient in the world. We’ve spent our lives adapting, expanding and contracting, moving like liquid through every trial. To quote Brené Brown in Braving the Wilderness:

 

The mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It’s the ability to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid—all in the same moment. A wild heart can also straddle the tension of staying awake to the struggle of the world, while also cultivating its own moments of joy.

 

Learning to straddle this tension hasn’t been easy. The struggle to achieve the highest good for others and for ourselves might feel impossible and never-ending. 

 

Even so, we’re trying.

 

For that, I’m proud of us!

 

—

 

Hello! My name is Florence, and I’m an educator, storyteller, traveller, avid board game collector and curious, lifelong learner, among many other things. I’m passionate about human connection and mental well-being, and I love meeting new people! 

Leave your thoughts for Florence in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Staying Centered in a Time of Family

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Pavleen Badhesa (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

The holiday season is approaching and there is excitement in the air, as many prepare for family functions, community events and winter activities. Amidst all the excitement, the season can be overwhelming for many, including myself. Family obligations can be major contributors to this feeling of being overwhelmed. This magical season allows many of us to spend more time with family. However, this time can also bring pressure, as we try to allocate time for family duties. To best support yourself, implement the five guiding principles below: 

  • Ensure your happiness.

 

In any family event or activity, make sure you are going in with a healthy mindset. With all the pressures and obligations ingrained in us to serve others, we tend to forget to check in with ourselves and our own happiness levels. Give yourself a quick break and ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Whether that be something in your relationship with a family member or a five-minute personal breather, take the time to check in and ensure your happiness is being fulfilled. 

  • Participate in what you want.

 

In many family relationships, you may feel you have a duty to participate in activities and/or conversations that you do not particularly enjoy. These unpleasant situations are not necessarily a family obligation. Instead, try to have open discussions about starting traditions that suit you. There are many family activities that are traditional, and some traditions should be kept alive, but also allow yourself to experiment with new ones that you might enjoy more. 

  • Allow yourself to rest.

 

Ensure you are taking the time to recharge and rest, as family obligations and events may be draining. I know for myself this is necessary, as I am introverted and need time to charge my social battery. We all love our friends and family, but it is okay to need time away to rest up and bring our best selves back. 

  • Try to learn something new. 

 

Use the time with family as an opportunity to learn something new from a loved one! Growing up with our families, we may forget that those in our lives have a plethora of skills and experiences they can share with us, whether it is a recipe you have always enjoyed from family dinner or a card trick your grandpa used to perform for you. Anything small or big has the power to foster connection and allow you to enjoy time with your loved ones. 

  • Be present. 

 

Sometimes, when we are running around and trying to get everything done for everyone, we are not actually helping anyone. The core value underlying all family events and get-togethers is being present with each other and connecting. Focus on trying to clear the stresses and worries out of your mind, even if only for five minutes. The clarity will allow you to be present and feel the energy around you, and maybe even see your loved ones in a new way. 

 

Family obligations and duties vary in expectations and delivery for each family. The time spent with your family should spark joy, connection and relaxation. Implementing the five tips above will encourage these results, while allowing you the time to take care of yourself. I hope everyone has an amazing winter season filled with love, connection and hot chocolate!

 

—

 

Leave your thoughts for Pavleen in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

With All Due Respect

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Julia Magsombol (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

“Youth are supposed to be society’s tomorrow, but that’s all gone now. Youth are horrible and disrespectful. You can never expect anything from them.” 

 

A shocking line, isn’t it? It’s a line that I hear from different elders at every family gathering. Many young people may have heard it as well. And let’s all admit it: it’s tiring. 

 

I grew up in a very conservative family. My family and relatives are all strong believers in our culture, and they strongly maintain traditions. Trust me, I have seen enough of our elders trying to judge and provoke younger people. It’s wonderful to listen to elders and to let them guide us, but their lectures can sometimes be difficult to handle. 

 

Depression? It’s because you don’t have religion.

 

Last two years ago, I suffered from severe depression and anxiety because of school and personal problems at home. My face completely changed from before, when I was mentally stable. In the middle of winter, I was with my mom and we both went to a small grocery store. I didn’t look good. I was wearing an old hoodie and jogging pants. My mom knew all the people there who loved to gossip. The moment I entered the store, I could feel all the elderly women staring at me and talking amongst themselves. They said one thing to me: “You’re probably not okay because you have no God to believe in.”

 

The moment when those women said that to me, I was confused. I was a very religious person then. How could they criticize my belief and religion, just because I didn’t look good during that time?

 

When things sometimes don’t work in our lives, we can’t expect our religion to remove all our problems. It works for some people, but not for everyone. That’s one of the things that some elders should understand.

 

Sometimes, weight matters all the time.

 

As an Asian woman, our weight matters all the time. We should never gain weight and become fat. We are told that being fat is ugly and that no man could ever like us. My grandma used to tell my cousin to never get fat because it’s wrong and ugly. I clearly remember how my cousin became very conscious of her weight then and started eating less. She was only nine then. Sometimes weight does indeed matter. But remember, while weight may matter to some, it doesn’t have to matter to us too. We should never judge someone by their weight. We can eat what we want. We can be healthy. We can be ourselves. We don’t need to be skinny or have a specific weight for people to like us. We can appreciate ourselves for whoever we are. 

 

Your dreams do not matter. Mine do. 

 

We often hear from elders or parents that art or degrees that do not involve a doctorate or engineering are worthless. I dropped my dreams once. I hope others won’t do that just because their elders said so. It may sound a cliché, but we only live once. Life is too short to live for somebody else. It may be hard to achieve our dreams, but we should never surrender them because of others. We should still pursue them.

 

Stop discriminating against women. 

 

“Women are a disgrace.” 

Growing up as a woman in Canada made me realize how we are oppressed because of our gender and sexuality, and opened my eyes to the toxicity of our culture and family hierarchies. 

 

When I was growing up, I noticed how my uncles used to brag about how their sons were doing things that involved their sexuality. My relatives took these comments as jokes, but there was no such open conversation for women. 

 

I realized that there’s this belief from elders that women should not lose their virginity, but men should lose it right away. Women are constantly shamed for having sex, but men are always rewarded. Do those things matter? The concept of virginity should be gone, both for men and women. We should never be treated as lesser or greater because of our gender or sexuality.

 

You can never answer back. 

 

Lastly, younger people can’t respond to elders. It’s considered rude to talk back to elders, because they know better. Elders assume that when younger people answer back, it is a sign of disrespect. It isn’t. We are only expressing our opinions. 

 

Final thoughts: what should we do? 

 

Those are some of the brutal experiences I have experienced with elders, and there are more. How do we handle this kind of dysfunction? The answer is left for us to decide, but we should remember that mutual respect must come first.

 

—

 

Julia Magsombol is currently a journalism student from Edmonton, Canada, who desires to bring hope to people through her writing. When not writing or reading, you can catch her sewing clothes, painting nature and drinking instant coffee.

Festival Days

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Prateek Sur (he/him/his), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

In a fast-paced and growing Indian society, we are becoming more and more westernised. I am not saying that it’s a bad thing, but the influence has creeped in so much that there are certain things which we now prefer to do like the westerners do, and the generations to follow would never know that that particular thing was never a part of Indian culture and traditions. Amidst all the changes to our lives that we make in our quest to become more “modern,” there is one thing that we Indians have consistently cherished with all our heart: our festivals!

 

I remember vividly that, during my childhood in the small town of Jamshedpur, India, every festival used to be celebrated with full fervour. Whether it was Republic Day, Holi, Eid, Independence Day, Ganesh Puja, Paryushan, Durga Puja, Dussehra, Kali Puja, Diwali, Christmas or New Year’s Day, we used to celebrate it with a lot of zest and fun. But as you grow older, you start getting bowed down with the burdens of responsibilities and soon that youthful energy of childhood celebrations fades out.

 

But these last two years, with the pandemic setting in and people not being able to venture outdoors that much, families have been forced to spend these festivals together. This has sort of brought back the days gone past. An era, which had hardly been stepped on since the past decade and a half, has suddenly been lit up once again.

 

I have personally not been able to spend that much time with my family during the festivals, because being a writer and a journalist, you’re usually working on those festival days. However, the last year and a half of the pandemic has prompted people like me to work from home, and thereby be at least present for the festivals with family. Even though I did work this time as well, I was at least in front of my family, and that itself is enough for an Indian family. We cling to the slightest glimmer of hope of being able to spend some family time together.

 

Also, the festivals help people like me, who were born and brought up in smaller towns and are now living in the metro cities, to get back to their roots. Even though we are not always able to go back to our hometowns, we are at least able to celebrate the festivities in the same way that we used to in our small towns, and therefore get a taste of nostalgia for those few days. For example, being a Bengali who is mostly vegetarian, I love to crave and binge on non-vegetarian food during the 10-day festivities of the Durga Puja. Also, I try to get the delicacies from authentic restaurants that prepare Bengali cuisine. It helps me get in touch with my childhood days of being in Jamshedpur.

 

Another major aspect of the festivals is the traditional attire. I love to sport traditional outfits on festival days. It not only helps me rekindle the festival spirit, but also helps me tell friends in Mumbai about different stories associated with wearing traditional outfits during my childhood days in Jamshedpur. The memories get relieved every year while talking to friends, neighbours and others.

 

What I absolutely love about the city of Mumbai is that its cosmopolitan crowd enjoys and celebrates every festival. Whether you’re a Punjabi or you’re a Bengali or you’re a Tamilian or you’re Odia or you’re Kashmiri or you’re Keralite or you’re Assamese, you will end up seeing a bunch of people ready to celebrate the same festival that you wish to. And the spirit of Mumbai is such that people who don’t even know about a certain regional festival come together and try to join in the celebration with their friends and neighbours. It’s a joyous coming together of different cultures. A mix of the good things of each regional festival leaves a mark of its own, and people end up remembering the occasion for life.

 

Another great aspect of the Indian festivals is that they help you connect with your far-off relatives. As a custom every year, on the day of Dussehra or Vijay Dashami, which is the last day of Durga Puja, I call up all my relatives and wish them a happy year ahead. I don’t need to do it, but I have seen my parents do it every year during my childhood, and it’s a custom that I have also followed. I know I should call up my relatives more often, but in the rat race of Mumbai’s city life, you’re bound to not get enough time for keeping up relationships. But on this day of Vijay Dashami, every year, I call up all my relatives. It’s like spending an entire evening with them all and reliving past memories. It helps me get to know where they are in their respective lives, how they’re doing, and if everyone is doing well health-wise. It makes me relive the childhood moments that I may have spent with each one of them, and it gives me a chance to just peek into the past for an evening and before returning to the reality of the busy city life.

 

I know we can’t run the wheel of time backwards and get back the good old childhood days, but whenever I do need to lay a limpid glance on my growing up years, these festivals definitely help me take the necessary peek. It’s as if the festivals are the time machine, and I just need to hop on it to get back to the times when adulthood had not yet creeped in and you’re still surrounded by the joys and pleasures of being a kid without any of the worldly worries of life.

 

—

 

My name is Prateek Sur and I am a daydreamer by birth, a mechanical engineer by chance, and an idiot by choice. A hardcore movie buff, working as a film critic and enjoying life as a Bollywood reporter. Helping people get through career troubles and giving advice from personal experiences. A voracious reader, and a passionate singer at heart. An extrovert at heart, and an introvert in the mind. Well, that chaos is pretty much me!

10 Rules to Survive Your European Family Christmas Party

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Anna Bernsteiner (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

If you haven’t noticed, Christmas is around the corner. The smell of freshly baked cookies in the air, Christmas movies on TV and merry music coming from the radio. Ho ho ho, it’s gonna happen. Have you gotten all the presents yet?

Now, it doesn’t matter if you are a Christmas person or not, you won’t get around this one essential event.

Major. Super important.

It’s Christmas family dinner.

Oh yes, I remind you that it is socially EXPECTED that you attend, at least where I come from. Let me tell you how to survive a European family party – and I should know, I have survived many.

Being a guest invited to a Christmas party is very very rare, so feel extra special to get a look behind the curtains of this European family spectacle.

 

First and foremost, imagine it like this: it’s all nicely decorated, with a freshly cut Christmas tree with chocolate umbrellas, swiss chocolate balls, lights and ornaments that all match together. Eighteen individually wrapped presents sit under the tree, including grandma’s knitted socks, homemade brioche braids as big as your arm that taste like heaven and traditional fruit bread that only tastes good with apricot jam, if you ask me. Placed around the tree are two big, long dining tables, too many chairs to count — someone unpacked the patio furniture to get additional seating arrangements. The mountain range outside is not snowy because of climate change but greyish, and if you squint your eyes enough it looks like snow! Oh, it’s Christmas time. 

 

But food is the priority. If you ask anyone at the table why they are here, they will jokingly answer with, “Well, just for the food,” then laugh as if they’ve just made a really funny joke before conceding, “No, no, it’s so good to see you all.” 

Of course, this is all spoken in a language that even Google Translate doesn’t understand, so the FBI can’t listen in either. 

As I said, food is the absolute center of every European family. Why? Europeans love their food. They actually invented quite a lot of it, if you think about it. The Italians invented pasta, the Germans their sausages, the French their baguettes, the English well, baked beans for breakfast I guess, the Austrians the croissant . . . yes you read that right, Google it please, it’s true. Just a fact to throw in during your family dinner for distraction in case you need it 🙂 You are welcome. 

 

But let me just quickly give you an idea of why food is such an important part. First of all, we are talking about . . . Delicious. Homemade. European. Food . . . that a little kind grey-haired grandma just made by herself all morning long. With herbs that she froze from her own garden and eggs from the neighbor’s chickens, milk from the cows next door . . . you get the picture. You won’t ever taste anything like it. 

And that’s why everyone keeps showing up. But not just for the main dish. The desserts even get a separate little table.

Five — and I swear I am not exaggerating— ginormous cakes, each prettier than the last, are presented there in silent competition. Traditional chocolate cake, of course, next to something with lots of heavy cream, sugar, ladyfingers and rum. I won’t even bother describing it cause I could never do it justice. 

It’s always cake at this family party. After all, we love our pastries. 

 

And, as we are on the topic, I do believe every family has some basic types of characters attending their parties. The one uncle who always starts with politics and gets everyone into a heated discussion. The aunt that keeps pouring wine into everyone’s glasses without asking. A bunch of people sitting at the side not participating, the drunk cousin, and someone who just sits and observes all evening. And this observer is me. I know exactly how to survive that 6+ hour party. Trust me, you are in good hands. 

 

Rule Number 1: Start with staying in the background when entering the room, so you don’t have to shake 30 hands while making small talk about the weather and how much weight aunt Lilly lost. No, stay back, say hello to the people you sit with, and move on to Rule Number 2: Look for someone with good stories to get some laughs in. But remember Rule Number 3: Never make yourself the center of attention at this family party. 

 

Rule Number 4: The best tactic is to try and be first in line when it’s time to eat. Talk to grandma and casually wait until she announces that food is ready. There are 30 starving people behind you waiting, so you better put all you can on that plate and eat it. If you don’t eat it, somebody else will. 

 

Rule Number 5: Next, only one of the five cakes can be the most delicious. Figure out which one it is. Hire a cousin to help you taste test. Then cut a slice or two. Enjoy. 

 

Rule Number 6. The noise, you have to understand, will be astronomical. Prepare to be deaf for an hour after. The uncle discussing politics will start eventually, and you’d better be prepared for some real hardcore rock concert noise. These people have very loud voices to start with so imagine having to hit the table with your fist in order to get anyone’s attention. 

 

Rule Number 7: That takes me to my next point — sit somewhere where you can easily escape. Not right in the middle, next to relatives who can talk louder than a fire alarm. As I said, you don’t want to be the center of attention at any family party, and especially not with 29 relatives surrounding you. And the reason for that is simple: they know things about you that even you don’t know. 

 

Rule Number 8: In case you want to leave, don’t announce it or you won’t leave at all. Trust me, there will suddenly be so much to discuss about your life, childhood experiences and embarrassing moments. Which brings us to Rule Number 9: This is the reason why no one ever brings guests. 

 

There is an unspoken rule: Never bring a new boyfriend or girlfriend to family dinner unless the person can handle pressure, loud noises, screaming and answering questions to the satisfaction of a bunch of Europeans who all don’t agree with each other on anything but food. If you are vegetarian don’t come at all, or keep it a secret. Just don’t reveal too much while they pick you apart. 

 

And Rule Number 10: Come prepared! Have a drink or two beforehand, plan an excuse to leave and someone to pick you up, and grab as many chocolate umbrellas and swiss chocolate balls as you can before departing. 

 

And that’s it! Follow these rules and you are going to be alright and will easily survive any family party, unless . . .

Unless you are THE black sheep in the family. 

Then I just have one thing to say to you . . . Run. 

 

But this is all of course just a story, not at all based on actual people . . . well . . . who am I kidding, they can’t read this anyway. 

 

I hope your family party will be just as entertaining, with great food and great company — hopefully a little quieter, but just as jolly!

 

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Hi, I’m Anna, I’m a student and I write blogs for Low Entropy. In my free time I like to explore new countries and cultures, try new foods, languages and meet new people, and I try to write interesting articles 🙂

Sibling Dynamics

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MacKenzie Chalmers (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

The traditional idea of family has changed through our transforming society. Blended families are now common, creating various kinds of siblings: 

 

Full Siblings: Siblings who share the same biological parents. 

 

Half-Siblings: Siblings who only share one biological parent between them. 

 

Step-Siblings: Siblings who are children of different parents who have married. These siblings are not biologically related.

 

Adopted Siblings: Individuals who are the biological children of someone else, but have been legally adopted into a family with other children. They are not biologically related to the children in the adopting family.

 

Foster Siblings: Individuals who are raised by someone who is not their parent, alongside that parent’s children. 

 

Regardless of the type of sibling you have, similar sibling dynamics can be experienced. You could be the sibling that feels forgotten or invisible. You could be the sibling that feels a duty to protect the younger one. You could be the sibling that demands attention, or wants the attention to disappear. A sibling can be your best friend in life or your worst enemy. You may love spending time with them, or fight against them for everything. 

 

The evolution of siblings’ relationships over time can be represented in four general ways: 

 

  1. You are close when you are older, and distant when you are younger.
  2. You are close when you are younger, and distant when you are older.
  3. You have always been close growing up and as adults.
  4. You have never been close growing up and as adults.

 

In earlier years, the difference in age between siblings can significantly affect sibling relationships. A larger age gap can create distance between siblings, as you may lack shared experiences in the present.

 

Siblings who are very close in age, on the other hand, may struggle due to experiencing the same milestones at the same time. You may fight constantly, as both of you are living under the same roof or even share a room with one another, creating a lack of privacy and space. Tension might build, and all you might want is to be away from one another.

 

When siblings transition into adulthood, the dynamic can change. Both of you have left the family home and are in the process of forming new lives for yourselves. If you were close when you were younger, the process of post-secondary school, working new jobs, meeting new people and forming a new family can create a distance between siblings as communication decreases. In other cases, siblings can grow closer with age. You are not living together, and are able to enjoy each other’s company when you both desire. You can experience life on your own and get a new perspective on the other sibling when you do not have to see them every day. You can miss them now. Growing up, you may feel boxed in with your sibling, but now you might want to hear about their lives and ask them for their opinion and advice about situations you are both experiencing.

 

Age differences seem to be less noticeable as adults, and you can more easily bond over common interests and common experiences. Friendships can be formed despite age gaps.

 

The dynamic between siblings can be progressions of friendship, fighting, love and attention-seeking. They can be ever-changing relationships that should not be feared. If you are worried about the state of your relationship with your sibling – especially as adults – communication is key. There are many ways to communicate digitally if face-to-face is not possible. Video chatting and instant messaging are great tools. Pick up the phone and call them. You can be traditional and send them a hand-written letter. Let them know you are thinking of them.

 

Regardless of the state of your relationship with your sibling, they likely most understand your life, as they grew up with similar family dynamics. If it is possible to maintain a positive dynamic with your sibling, you’ll have a life-long friend with an irreplaceable familial bond. 

 

—

 

MacKenzie is a digital media enthusiast with interests in various aspects of media. She takes part in novel hunting, photo and video creating and creative writing.

Unloading Emotional Baggage: Family Friction

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Sejin Ahn (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

What comes to your mind first when thinking about the word “family”?

 

Is it a shelter for you where you can rest and gain fresh energy? Or is it a place you want to escape from? Family seems to have a simple, single definition at first glance. But in reality, it has various connotations that are often very opposite from each other, and its complexity can give individuals heavy emotional baggage.

 

Emotional baggage from family can become a tangled thread you cannot untangle, turning into an unwelcome, lifelong friend. It can impact your journey through life, taking the lead and determining which direction you go, as well as the decisions you make.

 

Even though carrying emotional baggage can be impactful, most people do not even recognize its presence, especially when they are young. Failure to lighten emotional baggage can trap people in a loop of anger, helplessness and regret.

 

One of the very common forms of emotional baggage from family is feeling guilty and full of regret. As this phenomenon becomes more pervasive within our society, having the emotional baggage naturally starts to be treated as normal that is acceptable.

 

Parents design their children’s future, taking care of tons of things from the tiny little parts of life to the biggest ones. People who decide not to take the road their parents carved can feel like betrayers who have abandoned their family, even though they are not.

 

Here are some tips to let go of emotional baggage from family:

 

  1. Ask yourself who you are

To be aware of the emotional issues you face, you should know who you are and where you stand. Be curious about yourself, because the best way to prepare a solution to a problem is knowing the part you play in the process.

 

  1. Learn how to release your negative emotions

Emotional baggage involves various negative feelings – stress, anger, anxiety, sadness, regret and guilt. There are many ways to release your negative feelings. Researching healthy ones that work for you will allow you to not only to gain new, positive energy, but also give you time to refresh your mind and relax.

 

  1. Have conversations with your family

It is important to face problems with family. In modern society, lack of conversation between family members is a serious issue. Without communicating, people don’t know what others think and cannot develop a solution that works for everyone.

 

  1. Do what you want and what makes you happy

The most important part of letting go of the emotional baggage from family is to be yourself. The top priority in your life needs to be yourself. If you find something that makes you happier than ever, go for it and do your best to achieve your dream. Do not let others take control of your life.

 

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My name is Sejin Ahn and I was born in South Korea, where I was raised for 20 years. I am a communication major at Simon Fraser University. I love looking at the world from various perspectives!

Only You

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Bethany Howell (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

I was asked a lot throughout my childhood what it was like to have no siblings. An answer couldn’t easily be formed. “Well,” I would say, “How am I supposed to know?” How could I? I had never known anything else. I found the question silly, like asking a fish what it’s like to swim. When truly trying to answer this question, however, I would say I enjoyed being an only child. Overall, I was quite happy growing up, getting all of the gifts and being showered with affection at my request. Most of the time, I loved being the center of attention and I loved all that was given to me from family. I loved the relatives that adored me – their first grandchild. More children came along, of course, from uncles and aunts, and I was no longer the only one, but I would always be the first in my grandparents’ eyes. 

 

However, there were times when I wished I had a sibling. I was given all the blame, all the brunt of my family’s burdens in my youth; this was the main reason I envied my peers, as they had siblings to push into the spotlight. I remember sitting alone while my parents were out, wishing I had  a sibling simply with whom to play board games and talk about crushes. I guessed that a close friend would do, but I was lacking that as well.

 

I was asked once or twice about why I am an only child and whether my parents had tried (and failed) to have more children. What a personal question that was, looking back, if not for me, for my mother. What if it were a medical condition? What if she only had me through extreme pain and suffering? Up until recently, I had believed my mom to have struggled with fertility in my youth, simply because of the number of times I had been told that that was probably the reason I was alone. Along with this, my father had told me it took years to have me – a lie to make me feel unworthy. He would hold above my head the pain my mother went through during labour, during childbirth, and dealing with an infant. I only realize as an adult that this too was manipulation and that he had never offered to help her. My father never truly raised me; my mother had raised me for the both of them, and that is something for which I look up to her.

 

For a long time, I did not plan on having children; I didn’t want to bring children into a bad world, and I realize now that is what my mother tried to avoid as well. But I also know that not having me would have been a waste of her love. Her role as a mother is one she took on with pride and with skill. Each day I think about all I am grateful for, and she is always at the top of my list. I see now that I too want to be like her. 

 

As I consider having children of my own, I ask myself the same question my mother was faced with – how many children should I have? My mother chose to not have another after me to save them from the pain that she found my father pushed onto me. I have no doubt in my mind that what she did was right. She did not want to bring someone into the world to feel pain. She, however, failed to account for another aspect of my early life – her influence. Her love for me was insurmountable and unimaginably vast. She saved me from so much, if not my father and my environment, then myself, and I love her more than I can express. I want to raise a child (or children), yes, in a world filled with inequality and pain, but in a bubble of my warmth and care. I want to adore my child(ren) the way I was adored. Though my younger self would disagree, life is worth the bad simply to experience the good and I would like to share that.

 

—

 

My name is Bethany Howell and I am a third-year university student majoring in psychology and minoring in family and child studies. I have a passion for writing and mental health and my ultimate goal since age 13 has been to make a difference in the world through helping others, which is how I ended up here at Low Entropy!

Twin B

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Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

“What is it like being a twin?” is the question I get asked second-most often, after “What is it like being disabled while your sister is able-bodied?” Those questions are pretty loaded, so I just try to give the simplest answer I can: it’s not easy. From the moment you and your twin are brought into this world, you are labeled with the letters A and B, depending on which one of you made it out first. To most people, I am sure a simple hospital protocol like this wouldn’t seem like a big deal, but I took this label to heart and wore it on my sleeve, telling myself it was my fate to be second best. Looking back on my 21 years, I see it had nothing to do with my sister and more to do with my own insecurities that couldn’t help but be fostered as I struggled with daily life as a girl with cerebral palsy.

 

Being a twin felt like being in a constant competition, but it was one where I was only playing against myself. I also want to make it clear that my sister is the most important thing in my life, and I can say that because she doesn’t hold my resentments against me. She knows that my life has extra challenges that I didn’t ask for, so instead of fighting against me in this pointless race, she takes care of me and makes me want to become the best version of myself. However, I would be lying if I said that traces of jealousy don’t still linger. How could they not? My sister said to me once, “Having a twin is like having another you roam the earth, and it’s almost like you are witnessing an alternate version of your life.”

 

We may have the same face, but that doesn’t mean everything is bound to match. It is because of our different circumstances that we were given our own personalities and interests. Thus, the things we got to experience in life were not even close to being a mirror image. For instance, when my sister got to ride her bike, I was doing my weekly physiotherapy, and in high school while she was eating lunch with her friends, I was leaving school to go to counseling for my depression and anxiety. All in all there were some really good moments and some that were really bad. I was so happy growing up with a built-in best friend to hang out with and then,when we got older, I was really sad when I could no longer tag along with her. She had made her own friends. I couldn’t just steal them away and she was doing activities that my social anxiety found challenging. 

 

In conclusion, I am still struggling with the same problems, like believing that she is better than me or that there are moments in life she will have that I feel can’t ever have, such as getting a boyfriend or driving a car. The important part is that I have learned to slowly quiet these thoughts of inadequacy, but it’s still a work in progress. I couldn’t say being a twin is hard for everyone, but I would hope that every twin learns to cherish the unbreakable bond they were blessed with, and just forget about the alphabet.

 

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My name is Cristina Crescenzo and I am a 21 year old English major at Capilano University with hopes of eventually writing YA novels and spreading disability and mental health awareness.