Sejin Ahn (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer
When I was young, there was a lot of conflict between myself and my older sister. Despite a six-year age gap between us, we were constantly against each other because it seemed like we were on two different planets. Of course, that does not mean we have never gotten along well. When our family gathers, my parents often talk about how happy they were hearing myself and my sister giggling from the bedroom. But, as we grew up, we ended up fighting very often.
One of the most common factors that put us on a battleground was injustice. My sister is allergic to various types of foods. So when our family ate out, my sister was the one who had the power to decide what to eat. Although my favourite food was seafood, I was always forced to go to a restaurant that did not have seafood options, just in case my sister had an allergic reaction that might turn into a severe problem.
In Korea, older children are often pressured to concede a point to younger ones in an argument. My sister said she sometimes felt pressured to give up on an argument she had with me because our parents asked her to do so. One of the typical examples of this was when we would go to the hospital to have regular examinations. Both of us were scared of going to the doctor, just like other children who think of a hospital as one of the scariest places on Earth. Neither of us wanted to have the examination, so my sister and I always argued over who had to go first. These arguments mostly ended with my sister seeing a doctor first, because our parents asked her to do it. In such a situation, my sister felt like our parents cared more about me than my sister. Even though they asked her for understanding on that point, she thought it was unfair.
Many people think a conflict or rivalry between siblings will naturally disappear as they get older. It might be true for some people, but it never worked for my sister and me. It was a fact of life to us. Even worse, our conflicts became more complicated, involving psychological factors.
As we got older, we were exposed to tons of different situations that the other sibling never experienced, which developed our own personalities quite differently. One day, all our family members gathered around a table in the living room to have a conversation. At that moment, a documentary about children spending a lot of time on digital devices was being played on television. Right after the narrator pointed out how bad it was for their health, my sister suddenly brought up how I was addicted to watching television when I was young, and how it negatively affected my eyesight. Since my parents were very sensitive to our health, I felt like she pushed my buttons by bringing up an unnecessary topic at a table. However, it turned out that she never meant to pick a fight.
Recollecting my childhood with my sister, I realize that our rivalry played a developmental role. It helped us figure out each of our unique characteristics and explore what was special about us. In other words, it taught us how to live with each other in harmony, no matter how different we were.
I admit that I was a child who always wanted to be the most special one to my parents and be treated preferentially. However, our parents love both myself and my sister the same. There were only a few unique factors and situations that made them treat us differently, and that helped us understand how to accept others.
It is true that, as a human being, it seems to be impossible to avoid comparison. Sibling conflict and rivalry provide us with an opportunity to think about how comparisons affect us. This is because we grow up together, and we usually spend a good deal of our time together. In this sense, I think it is very important to turn sibling rivalry into a chance to learn how to resolve conflict. This way, you will be better able to coexist with others.
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My name is Sejin Ahn, and I’m from South Korea. I am currently studying communications and publishing at Simon Fraser University. I love looking at the world from diverse perspectives!
