Tag: SiblingConflict

Dealing with Family Conflicts

Posted on by andrew

Grace Cheng (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Everyone experiences conflict with their families from time to time. It is an inevitable part of coexisting within a family unit with varying ages, views, and perspectives on life. However, it is important to not dismiss conflict at all costs. It is impossible to completely avoid all conflict. Therefore, it is important to learn how one can avoid escalation of aggression and how to deal with it with intelligence and assertiveness.

 

Conflicts are a natural and common part of family life. There are times however, when serious instances can occur and pose some difficulties for all members. You are likely to struggle with the effects of these disputes and find it difficult to live a fulfilled and happy life. In this article, we will discuss the different types of family conflicts and the most effective methods for managing them to ensure a happy life within one’s home.

 

Types of Family Conflicts:

  1. Spousal Conflicts

Amongst partners, disagreements and crises are unavoidable; however, if the couple can manage them effectively, these conflicts can serve to strengthen their bond. Among the most common causes of daily conflicts between married couples are:

  • Communication difficulties such as incorrect language, reproaches, emotional language and insults.
  • Loss of autonomy and freedom on the part of one of the members of the couple.
  • Attempts to change the other person’s attitudes and behaviors.
  • Poor problem-solving skills.

 

  1. Parents and Children Conflicts

These types of conflicts can be divided into three categories based on the development stage of each party involved:

  • In the earlier stages of life, conflicts often arise due to the development of the child’s autonomy. These situations can occur when either a parent does not understand how to grant autonomy, or they do not believe that the child is following the direction they believe is most appropriate.
  • During the teenage years, many conflicts can occur. These symptoms typically appear in adolescents between the ages of 12 and 18 years, and they are usually caused by emotional fluctuations that are common in their age group.
  • Conflicts with young adult children: When children reach adulthood their differing perspectives and understandings of how to live and organize their lives will create some friction between a parent and child.
  1. Sibling Conflicts

Conflicts of this type are among the most frequent and are also among the most persistent, regardless of the stage in life in which they occur. Arguments are usually brief and parents are not necessarily required to intervene.

  1. The Elderly Conflicts

As an adult grows older, he or she experiences several changes. There are both biological aspects, such as seeing one’s physical deterioration, as well as social aspects, such as the loss of friends or loved ones.  The elderly can experience these changes in a potentially dramatic manner which causes conflict with their family members.

 

Methods in Handling Family Conflicts:

  1. Understand the Cause of the Problem

To resolve a difficult family conflict, you need to identify the cause of the problem. The tension decreases when more effort is spent on eliminating the conflicts and more effort is put into preserving the family relationship.

 

  1. Focus on what is Important

It is impossible to win a battle with a hurricane, so it is crucial to protect what is important. If conflicts are frequent and intense, you should stop fighting the storm and focus on protecting what matters most to you and your family.  Regardless of the importance of setting and enforcing rules, you should protect the relationship you have even during difficult times.

  1. Do not Focus on the Negative

While a conflict is ongoing, you should focus more on what is good in the family than on what is wrong. It may be as simple as making a list of the positive aspects of your life to help you stay focused on your long-term objectives.

  1. Try to Find a Common Ground

An ongoing conflict can also be resolved on both sides by declaring a truce. This is the time you each agree to put aside your disagreements and engage in an enjoyable activity together that will rejuvenate your family. 

  1. Taking a Pause

Consider taking a break if you find that you’re overwhelmed by your emotions and unable to think rationally. Not all conflicts require immediate resolution. Consequently, the best course of action, in this case, would be to pause. Take some time to cool off and consider how to improve your relationship and resolve the issue. Eventually, you will be able to return to the problem and come to an understanding with your family member while being objective and open to criticism.

  1. Accepting the Family Member as a Difficult Person

This is a highly effective strategy. Accepting a difficult family member as they are can allow us to let go of the tension and stress caused by resistance.

  1. Learning how to Forgive and Forget

Sometimes, the best approach is to simply let everything go. You hold too much inside and it is time to release everything that clogs your mind and soul. Having the ability to forgive people and to forget their mistakes and wrongdoings is one of the most difficult and pleasant experiences in life. Allow yourself to let go of negative emotions to create space for more positive feelings. Create a fresh state and move forward with your life. 

 

Now that you have learned how to manage family conflicts, are you ready to take the first step to resolve them in your life?

 

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Grace has an accounting and finance background. She enjoys reading, writing, listening to music, watching movies and playing sports.

The Most Special Ones

Posted on by andrew

Sejin Ahn (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

When I was young, there was a lot of conflict between myself and my older sister. Despite a six-year age gap between us, we were constantly against each other because it seemed like we were on two different planets. Of course, that does not mean we have never gotten along well. When our family gathers, my parents often talk about how happy they were hearing myself and my sister giggling from the bedroom. But, as we grew up, we ended up fighting very often.

 

One of the most common factors that put us on a battleground was injustice. My sister is allergic to various types of foods. So when our family ate out, my sister was the one who had the power to decide what to eat. Although my favourite food was seafood, I was always forced to go to a restaurant that did not have seafood options, just in case my sister had an allergic reaction that might turn into a severe problem.

 

In Korea, older children are often pressured to concede a point to younger ones in an argument. My sister said she sometimes felt pressured to give up on an argument she had with me because our parents asked her to do so. One of the typical examples of this was when we would go to the hospital to have regular examinations. Both of us were scared of going to the doctor, just like other children who think of a hospital as one of the scariest places on Earth. Neither of us wanted to have the examination, so my sister and I always argued over who had to go first. These arguments mostly ended with my sister seeing a doctor first, because our parents asked her to do it. In such a situation, my sister felt like our parents cared more about me than my sister. Even though they asked her for understanding on that point, she thought it was unfair. 

 

Many people think a conflict or rivalry between siblings will naturally disappear as they get older. It might be true for some people, but it never worked for my sister and me. It was a fact of life to us. Even worse, our conflicts became more complicated, involving psychological factors.

 

As we got older, we were exposed to tons of different situations that the other sibling never experienced, which developed our own personalities quite differently. One day, all our family members gathered around a table in the living room to have a conversation. At that moment, a documentary about children spending a lot of time on digital devices was being played on television. Right after the narrator pointed out how bad it was for their health, my sister suddenly brought up how I was addicted to watching television when I was young, and how it negatively affected my eyesight. Since my parents were very sensitive to our health, I felt like she pushed my buttons by bringing up an unnecessary topic at a table. However, it turned out that she never meant to pick a fight. 

 

Recollecting my childhood with my sister, I realize that our rivalry played a developmental role. It helped us figure out each of our unique characteristics and explore what was special about us. In other words, it taught us how to live with each other in harmony, no matter how different we were.

 

I admit that I was a child who always wanted to be the most special one to my parents and be treated preferentially. However, our parents love both myself and my sister the same. There were only a few unique factors and situations that made them treat us differently, and that helped us understand how to accept others.

 

It is true that, as a human being, it seems to be impossible to avoid comparison. Sibling conflict and rivalry provide us with an opportunity to think about how comparisons affect us. This is because we grow up together, and we usually spend a good deal of our time together. In this sense, I think it is very important to turn sibling rivalry into a chance to learn how to resolve conflict. This way, you will be better able to coexist with others.

 

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My name is Sejin Ahn, and I’m from South Korea. I am currently studying communications and publishing at Simon Fraser University. I love looking at the world from diverse perspectives!