ConflictResolution – Low Entropy

Grace Cheng (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Everyone experiences conflict with their families from time to time. It is an inevitable part of coexisting within a family unit with varying ages, views, and perspectives on life. However, it is important to not dismiss conflict at all costs. It is impossible to completely avoid all conflict. Therefore, it is important to learn how one can avoid escalation of aggression and how to deal with it with intelligence and assertiveness.

Conflicts are a natural and common part of family life. There are times however, when serious instances can occur and pose some difficulties for all members. You are likely to struggle with the effects of these disputes and find it difficult to live a fulfilled and happy life. In this article, we will discuss the different types of family conflicts and the most effective methods for managing them to ensure a happy life within one’s home.

Types of Family Conflicts:

Spousal Conflicts

Amongst partners, disagreements and crises are unavoidable; however, if the couple can manage them effectively, these conflicts can serve to strengthen their bond. Among the most common causes of daily conflicts between married couples are:

Communication difficulties such as incorrect language, reproaches, emotional language and insults.
Loss of autonomy and freedom on the part of one of the members of the couple.
Attempts to change the other person’s attitudes and behaviors.
Poor problem-solving skills.

Parents and Children Conflicts

These types of conflicts can be divided into three categories based on the development stage of each party involved:

In the earlier stages of life, conflicts often arise due to the development of the child’s autonomy. These situations can occur when either a parent does not understand how to grant autonomy, or they do not believe that the child is following the direction they believe is most appropriate.
During the teenage years, many conflicts can occur. These symptoms typically appear in adolescents between the ages of 12 and 18 years, and they are usually caused by emotional fluctuations that are common in their age group.
Conflicts with young adult children: When children reach adulthood their differing perspectives and understandings of how to live and organize their lives will create some friction between a parent and child.

Sibling Conflicts

Conflicts of this type are among the most frequent and are also among the most persistent, regardless of the stage in life in which they occur. Arguments are usually brief and parents are not necessarily required to intervene.

The Elderly Conflicts

As an adult grows older, he or she experiences several changes. There are both biological aspects, such as seeing one’s physical deterioration, as well as social aspects, such as the loss of friends or loved ones. The elderly can experience these changes in a potentially dramatic manner which causes conflict with their family members.

Methods in Handling Family Conflicts:

Understand the Cause of the Problem

To resolve a difficult family conflict, you need to identify the cause of the problem. The tension decreases when more effort is spent on eliminating the conflicts and more effort is put into preserving the family relationship.

Focus on what is Important

It is impossible to win a battle with a hurricane, so it is crucial to protect what is important. If conflicts are frequent and intense, you should stop fighting the storm and focus on protecting what matters most to you and your family. Regardless of the importance of setting and enforcing rules, you should protect the relationship you have even during difficult times.

Do not Focus on the Negative

While a conflict is ongoing, you should focus more on what is good in the family than on what is wrong. It may be as simple as making a list of the positive aspects of your life to help you stay focused on your long-term objectives.

Try to Find a Common Ground

An ongoing conflict can also be resolved on both sides by declaring a truce. This is the time you each agree to put aside your disagreements and engage in an enjoyable activity together that will rejuvenate your family.

Taking a Pause

Consider taking a break if you find that you’re overwhelmed by your emotions and unable to think rationally. Not all conflicts require immediate resolution. Consequently, the best course of action, in this case, would be to pause. Take some time to cool off and consider how to improve your relationship and resolve the issue. Eventually, you will be able to return to the problem and come to an understanding with your family member while being objective and open to criticism.

Accepting the Family Member as a Difficult Person

This is a highly effective strategy. Accepting a difficult family member as they are can allow us to let go of the tension and stress caused by resistance.

Learning how to Forgive and Forget

Sometimes, the best approach is to simply let everything go. You hold too much inside and it is time to release everything that clogs your mind and soul. Having the ability to forgive people and to forget their mistakes and wrongdoings is one of the most difficult and pleasant experiences in life. Allow yourself to let go of negative emotions to create space for more positive feelings. Create a fresh state and move forward with your life.

Now that you have learned how to manage family conflicts, are you ready to take the first step to resolve them in your life?

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Grace has an accounting and finance background. She enjoys reading, writing, listening to music, watching movies and playing sports.

MacKenzie Chalmers (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

Everyone deals with conflict at some point in their life. Conflict with friends, family, co-workers, or classmates — it can occur in any situation and with any individual. We have disagreements or arguments with others and have to figure out how to solve them. I have been in several situations of conflict, but often found a way to resolve it. However, there was a case where I found myself in a situation where I got even with the other person — it was not planned, but the opportunity presented itself and I took it.

It was my first year of college. Group assignments had not been too common within the first year, but unfortunately I was not able to escape them entirely. We were placed within a group that was pre-chosen by the professor — another unfortunate factor of group assignments, as we are not familiar with the work habits of people we do not know. Each group was given another program in the school, and we had to advertise that program. We were required to communicate with the head professor for each program and organize a time to conduct a meeting with them, and to come to different classes to get the photos to go onto the advertising poster. Once that was done, we were required to do a presentation to the class.

The ideal group dynamic should have been a group chat with all of us in it, so that we could engage with one another. We should have decided as a group the type of photos we wanted to include in the assignment and split up the images so that we did not take similar photos. We should have decided together how our presentation slide show would go and the pieces of information each group member would provide to the class.

In my situation, that did not happen. I took on the role of leader in the group. I was the one to maintain contact with the assigned professor, as well as the professors for the classes we needed to take photos in. I had to contact each group member individually and relay information to each of them, as they did not want to meet up or have a group chat. I had members cancel on me when scheduled to take photos for the assignment, leaving me to go alone to the classes. I had a group member take photos that were not completely related to the assigned program. Another member stopped responding to messages, and it took myself and a friend of his who was in another group to get him to send me his photos. The third group member prioritized gaming rather than taking a few minutes to send me his photos, despite the fact it was the night before the presentation.

The morning of the presentation, I got the work from my last group member and discovered that the other two were not showing up to the presentation. I went into the presentation frustrated. I am the type to have my work done days before and not minutes before. Looking at the slideshow, I discovered the group member’s photos that I received that morning looked similar in content to mine, and decided to make him go first. Logically, it made sense for him to speak first, since I knew more of the material and was covering my part and the two parts of my group members. It made sense, but I also had a feeling of satisfaction knowing that the other student was not as informed of the details of the assigned program as I was — which was not my fault, as he had a responsibility to make an effort in the group assignment. He did not know the basic details of the program, despite the fact he had come with me to the first meeting with the professor and I sent a detailed email to everyone about that meeting. He provided little detail and quickly finished so I could start speaking.

It felt satisfying because the entire class and our professor witnessed the lack of information he knew. It became evident when I began speaking that everyone could hear the confidence in my voice as I relayed the information to the class without hesitation. During question time, the class directly asked me the questions about the program and barely looked at him. I felt like I got even because he was required to speak and proved that he did not do much work, sort of embarrassing himself — at least, I would have been embarrassed if I did not know the information and it was clear to everyone else.

Overall, I got even with one of my group members. Did it make me feel better? Did it solve the conflict? Yes and no.

My decision to make him speak first, knowing he did not know as much information as me, made it known to the class that I did more work than he did and put more effort into the assignment. However, it did not solve the conflict or make me feel better afterwards. I felt the brief satisfaction of having everyone know I did the work and he did not, but it was out of my nature to act in that manner. I am the person to help someone out when they are struggling, but I did not jump to help him when he was clearly not aware of the information. I think my frustration at each member took over, being the main organizer and not receiving help with a component as simple as putting a slideshow together. Additionally, it did not solve the conflict. We were receiving individual marks for the assignment. Regardless of the struggles, each member did take their own photos, allowing them to earn a mark for that, and only losing some for not showing up to the presentation.

I got even, but the conflict was not solved. The professor was not aware of the conflict occurring, due to the lack of participation from the rest of my group members. He was not aware that I did all of the planning and preparation myself, nor of the effort I put into the assignment. If I had communicated the conflict with him, then I could have resolved the conflict or at least improved the situation. It can feel nice to get even when in a conflict with another person. But focusing on getting revenge on the other person does not solve the problem, it just buries it.

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MacKenzie is a digital media enthusiast with interests in various aspects of media. She takes part in novel hunting, photo and video creating, and creative writing.

Tag: ConflictResolution

Dealing with Family Conflicts

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