Month: April 2021

Mind Control

Posted on by vwideski

Emotions are so often associated with a lack of control, so often conceived as internal phenomena that grip and compel people with their power. But Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Mona Budhrani explains why you might want to control your feelings, and how you can go about doing it.

 

Feelings are strong forces, and we have the power to choose how we feel.

 

It’s important to be aware of our emotions and not suppress them, as they represent our true selves. But our emotions and energy can land us in conflict or set us on a destructive path if we do not channel them. The ability to choose how we feel is emotional discipline, which – like any other habit – is difficult to cultivate.

 

With different life experiences, we all differ in the array of things that trigger our emotions. For some, a threat or a war is especially upsetting, for others, the loss of a job. Many of us are set off by interpersonal conflict, with a colleague or spouse, for instance.

 

Emotional discipline is not a one-size-fits-all process. Rather, we can develop and customize it to our own needs. It builds our capacity to deal with current and future challenges.

 

It teaches us to not do what we might impulsively want to do or say what we impulsively want to say. It teaches us to not react in anger, even when we might have justification to do so. With emotional discipline, you don’t do things only when you feel like it – rather, you schedule tasks so they’re completed at the right time.

 

Together with emotional intelligence, emotional discipline is also about understanding our own emotions and strategizing according to that awareness. These inward dimensions of EQ, self-awareness and emotional discipline can seed personal and professional success.

 

It’s understandable to feel stressed, mad, frustrated, disappointed or worried. But rather than indulging these raw emotions, it’s a sounder strategy to work through these feelings and reframe them in a way that furthers our resolutions.

 

To be emotionally disciplined means recognizing how to handle different emotions at certain times. For instance, receiving critical feedback may be upsetting, but it is important to know that it may not serve you well to respond in an angry manner (e.g. become defensive, storm off or cry). Emotional discipline allows us to respond appropriately to each setting and audience, and to make the impression we wish to make.

 

The question we might ask is, is this really healthy?

 

Exercising emotional discipline may seem like it involves a lot of emotional processing. Can it really be healthy to reframe our feelings so that they have a more strategic outward face? Having access to your emotions allows you to engage with them in a healthy way. If we deny them, they may eventually bubble to the surface in an unhelpful way (e.g. angry outbursts). However, it is vital that we know when, and with whom, to share them.

 

For instance, regular conversations about personal life and workplace challenges with trusted members of your inner circle, including mentors and friends, can help defuse tension, so the stress doesn’t mount. The key here is to explore and understand our feelings, and to do this work at times that suit us. Having an emotional outburst doesn’t make anyone seem sincere or well-grounded.

 

Sometimes individuals say that they don’t want to be “fake,” and therefore must wear their emotions on their sleeves. But let’s recognize the possible consequences of this authenticity and how they may affect our lives, be it in our personal relationships or at work.

 

How do we become more emotionally disciplined? Step one is to work toward a deeper understanding of yourself. How do we feel – are we happy? Are we fulfilled? 

 

Using techniques such as meditation, mindfulness and controlled breathing can help manage difficult emotions when we are in situations that can trigger them.

 

Also, being able to anticipate these emotions is a useful way to prepare for your response to them. Emotionally disciplined people look for solutions, rather than dwelling on their circumstances. Focus on the positive, and you will win the game!

 

Tell us about a time when emotional discipline paid off for you – share your story in the comments below, at a Conscious Connections meeting, or on our Low Entropy Community social network!

The Importance of Trying, in Trying Times

Posted on by andrew

We could resign ourselves to the dreadfulness of the pandemic, and allow ourselves to deteriorate along with the general state of the world. Indeed, many of us have. Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Joana Baker, however, is having none of that: with five simple steps and a ton of compassion, Joana gives us an injection of optimism to channel into our self-care practices, for everybody’s benefit.

 

A report on mental health data from the COVID-19 pandemic showed a worrying trend. COVID-19’s adverse effects have led to the deterioration of mental health among a large segment of the population. Findings from the US Census Bureau show that more than 42% of Americans reported symptoms of anxiety or depression in December of last year. That’s a huge increase compared to the 11% who reported the same symptoms in the year prior.

 

Amid so many tragedies, it can be difficult to tend to your well-being. But that is precisely why you should do so in the first place. You owe it to yourself to care for yourself. Here are five simple ways you can do just that:

 

Eat Right and Get Enough Hours of Sleep

 

Health is a crucial part of your well-being, so don’t neglect it. Get enough hours of good-quality sleep to help you recharge and face each day. Also, make sure to eat enough nutritious food, even if you don’t feel like it. Nourishing your body is the first step to taking better care of yourself, so make it a habit! Try meal planning if you’re having trouble with sticking to a healthy diet, or if you’re pressed for time during the week. Because when your body is healthy, it’s easier for you to go about your day.

 

Keep an Eye on Your Posture

 

Posture is another thing that can greatly affect your overall health. Proper posture improves spine health, supports your muscles and keeps your blood vessels healthy. Plus, correct posture makes you less likely to suffer from back or neck pain. Fortunately for you, there are plenty of things you can do to improve your posture.

 

One option is to purchase a standing desk. This article on standing desks shares how it can lessen the user’s back pain. Sitting for too long can hurt your back and your posture, so having the option to stand up while doing work is sure to help. You can also get lumbar supports. This review of the best lumbar supports states that the use of these tools can improve your circulation and seated posture. Lumbar supports redistribute pressure and encourage you to sit properly. And once you’ve made that a habit, you’re more likely to carry yourself with a natural, healthy posture. Goodbye, back pain!

 

Get Invested in a Hobby

 

Let’s talk about leisure activities. Now that you have a little more time on your hands, it’s a great opportunity to get into a hobby. This can be anything that you enjoy — gaming, painting or writing, among plenty of other choices. Just be sure to pick an activity that you have fun doing. This feature on making time for hobbies highlights the importance of scheduling it into your day, even if it’s only for a few hours a week. It’s a powerful way to recharge and make time for yourself. Setting a goal for that hobby helps too. For instance, if you’re getting back into reading, try to read a certain number of books per month. This will motivate you to read more!

 

Stay in Touch with Loved Ones

 

Social connection can do wonders when you’re cooped up in your home for so long. Positive social interactions can greatly improve one’s mental and physical well-being, so it’s worth scheduling some video calls with friends and family. Ask them how they are and if they’ve been keeping safe. They’re sure to appreciate the gesture! To make sessions more interesting, you can even host a game night or a movie marathon with your loved ones.

 

Love Yourself

 

Finally, you need to remember to love yourself. Yes, the world is in a really scary state, but that isn’t an excuse to let yourself go. In another one of our blog posts, we talk about the importance of loving oneself despite the challenges that come with it. We could all benefit from allowing ourselves to love ourselves. It ensures that we care for our bodies the right way and gives us a more optimistic outlook on ourselves. So, loving yourself is essential, especially in such difficult times.

 

How are you taking care of yourself during these challenging times? Give us some tips in the comments below, or share them with supportive peers at a Conscious Connections meeting!

Healing Scars

Posted on by andrew

Reflecting on the past shed light on Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Niklas Chiang’s persistent fear of failure. With this insight, Niklas was able to start mending wounds, both old and new.

 

I recently started a new job, amid the COVID-19 pandemic. I was scrolling through a job posting website when I came across a posting where the company was looking to expand and hire more behavioural interventionists (BI). A BI works under an applied behavioural analysis (ABA) therapist to implement programs to help children with autism develop social, cognitive, and fine and gross motor skills. I had just graduated from university and was looking to gain experience in both physical and occupational therapy. This job seemed perfect to gain experience in developing and implementing programs that I might one day use if I were to become an occupational therapist. I applied, got an interview, then received the BI position.

 

Since I did not have a background in psychology, I knew I would have to work a little harder to understand what the ABA therapist was saying and demonstrating. The sessions were not always easy to follow because there was so much to observe, and so little time to process everything. I decided to take notes instead, and reflect on the sessions when I got home. This continued for about a month before the therapist decided I was ready to handle my first 1:1 session with the child. When that day came, I woke up nervous but optimistic, excited and terrified. When it was time to start my session, I tried to apply all the techniques the ABA therapist taught me. In the end, the session did not follow the plan I had in mind, but the child made some improvements, so I was content. I talked about the experience the following day to my supervisor. She was thrilled to hear about the session and decided I was ready to learn more.

 

For the next few weeks, we worked together again, and just like before, we worked on many different areas. I took notes, went home to reflect on them, then tried to implement my learnings in the following session. Just like before, she believed in me after a few sessions of working together, so she scheduled another 1:1 session for me. This time, nothing felt right. The session was difficult because every attempt I made to teach the child was met with resistance. By the end of the session, I felt like a complete failure. I didn’t teach the skills I wanted to, and believed the next session would go even worse. This failure stuck with me in my head. My internal voice started ringing in my brain. It told me how much of a failure and a useless BI I was, and that the therapist would reprimand me for the poor session I had. I quickly became emotionally distraught and defeated. I wanted to go home and think about how I had failed to do my job correctly. I didn’t want to do anything else except remind myself of my mistakes.

 

As I was walking back to my car, I asked myself why I had such an intense reaction. My reactions were not new to me. I had always reacted to failure poorly, but never understood why. Only one memory stood out to me. I was in grade four and had my very first provincial exam. There were two sections: reading and comprehension, and math. Both sections were difficult, but reading and comprehension was much harder. When I got back my results, I saw that I had failed the comprehension portion of the exam. I told my parents that night, and was reprimanded for my poor performance. My parents could not believe the score I got, and as punishment, I had to rewrite my essay from the exam. I rewrote it a first time, showed my parents, got reprimanded, and was told to write it again. I rewrote it a second time, showed my parents, got reprimanded, and was told to write it again. It wasn’t until after the fourth or fifth try that they deemed the quality acceptable enough for me to stop. After each of my failures, not only was I scolded by my parents, I felt humiliated and left with more tears running down my eyes.

 

Although this happened many years ago, I still felt that humiliation when I thought about it. It was not until I took a moment to reflect that I started to see why my response to failure was exaggerated and detrimental. Every time I brought a new essay to my parents, I was met with criticism, which lowered my self-esteem and confidence. In psychology, this is termed “positive punishment” (McLeod, 2018). B.F. Skinner, the founder of operant conditioning, believed that behaviours can be modified based on whether they are met with reward or punishment

(McLeod, 2018). Pleasant rewards will reinforce behaviour, while unpleasant stimulus will

reduce behaviour (McLeod, 2018). There are four categories: positive and negative

reinforcement, and positive and negative punishment (Ackerman, 2020). It is important to highlight that punishment does not mean physical punishment, but anything that is unpleasant. In my situation, my parents unknowingly engaged in positive punishment. They introduced an unpleasant punishment (reprimanding me), which functioned to decrease my willingness to participate in a second attempt. The result? Failure-avoidant behaviour to prevent the humiliating experience from happening again.

 

So how did I overcome my failed session? I took a moment to reflect on it. Instead of letting the failures control and humiliate me, I decided to take control instead. I thought back to my mistakes and identified how I could improve for the next session. That shifted my perspective from seeing my session as a failure, to a session with many opportunities. I am not defined by my first attempt, nor necessarily my second attempt. I am defined by my ability to keep moving forward and improving in spite of my failures. I am trying to redefine my situation so I don’t have to live with this fear anymore. While my experience may not be unique or profound, it did help me understand a critical period of my life where failure left a scar I never let heal. I have a long journey ahead of me to overcome my fear of failure, but each step I take is a step in the right direction.

 

References

 

Mcleod, S. (2018, January 21). What is operant conditioning and how does it work? Retrieved

March 29, 2021, from https://www.simplypsychology.org/operant-conditioning.html

 

Ackerman, C. (2020, October 17). 12 Examples of Positive Punishment & Negative Reinforcement Retrieved March 29, 2021, from https://positivepsychology.com/positive-punishment/

How have you been shaped by your past? Share your stories with Low Entropy by joining one of our Conscious Connections meetings or creating an account with our Low Entropy Community social network!

Working Outside the Box

Posted on by andrew

Your career is a significant part of your life – for many, it sets the tone and rhythm of their day-to-day, while laying a foundation for the future. While many take the safer route, there are others who prefer to take the road less travelled. Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Prateek Sur explains how he was able to carve a path between money and passion.

 

Have you ever had a conflict in your life when you were thinking about whether to work for money and a settled life, or work for your passion? I can guarantee that it’s something that people from all over the world have thought of at least once in their lives. Is it okay to think outside the box while answering this dilemma? Well, let me give you an example from my life.

 

With Indian parents, there is this huge urge to make their kids work hard and make them either engineers or doctors. This isn’t just in India, as Indians who settle abroad also follow the same pattern. This may be why you often see Indian kids topping the ranks in most of the classes in primary or high school. In a country of almost 1.5 billion people, can you imagine the amount of scarcity for skilled labour for other jobs when everyone wants their kids to be engineers or doctors?

 

In my primary and high school, I was a bright student and used to be one of the rank holders in pretty much every school year. However, unlike my peers, I never had any specific work ambition. After my 12th exam, I decided to get myself enrolled in an engineering college as per the wishes of my parents. I got into one of the premier universities in the country, and everyone was super happy. However, this was the first time that I was to leave home and stay in a city almost 1700 kilometres away from my hometown.

 

To tell you the truth, I was not that great at engineering, but I was somehow managing to pass the semesters with a decent score. Even though I wasn’t good at the subjects, I was definitely great at the extra-curricular activities. Be it writing for the college newspapers or singing and dancing at the college festivals or disc-jockeying for the college radio or making short films, I was everywhere. 

 

Today, almost 10 years after graduating from college, when I look back, I feel that those four years at my engineering college helped me shape my career as a content writer and an entertainment journalist. You may be asking, what is an engineer doing in the field of journalism and writing? Well, the passion began during college, where I realised that this was indeed my calling, and not engineering.

 

I know many of you can relate to the feeling of not having followed your passion and having settled for something that’s more secure in terms of money. While some may be afraid of the consequences of following a monetarily unsure career, there would be many others who wouldn’t have done it because of what their parents would think of them, or what the society, in general, would think of them.

 

Here’s my advice: take the risk. Take a leap of faith, but for a limited time. Prove to your parents that yes, the field of your passion not only gives you mental peace and job satisfaction, but also pays you decently enough to have a livelihood. Yes, you might not be earning a seven-figure salary every month, but you would be doing what you love from your heart, and not sitting in a boring office, punching in and out every day, just waiting for the month to end to get your paycheck. 

 

As far as your parents go, they may be pissed at you at the start, but when you show them actual growth and career stability, they may come around and see your vision. They will eventually understand – they’re your parents after all, they wouldn’t be happy seeing their own child unhappy in a boring job.

 

You may have to give time, not only to your passion, but also to your parents to come around. Careers based on passion may not be the most lucrative, so don’t spend sleepless nights when you see your college roommate get a Porsche or your childhood neighbourhood buddy get a job paying a 10-figure salary. Be patient, and more importantly, be content with what you have. You may have less, but you don’t know the mental tension and stress these buddies of yours are going through in order to get these materialistic things. There will be a point in your life when they will envy you for having the best mental health and peaceful life.

 

Be sure of your passion, follow it diligently and give it your absolute best. As I mentioned at the start, who would do the other jobs if every kid grew up to be an engineer or a doctor! 

 

Choosing a career isn’t a cakewalk, but yes, when you do choose, choose wisely what you want from your life. Your career is a part of your life, not the heart of your life.

 

What lies at the heart of your life? Drop by a Low Entropy meet-up to tell us how you’re steering your career, or simply pop down to the comments section and leave us a note!

 

Over It

Posted on by andrew

They say that breaking up is hard to do. Ava Ingram knows that it’s true. Ava got through it though, and the Low Entropy volunteer writer shares her best practices on sorting out the aftermath.

 

You’ve done your best, and given your all. You’ve had enough of the emotional roller coaster ride and gaslighting your partner was putting you through. You need to find a way out . . . then they decide to turn around and break up with you first. What’s next?

 

Give them a second chance to prove themselves, one last time . . . but when they screwed that up again . . .

 

A sense of relief.

 

They said they’d always be there for you, but in the end, you were just left trying to take care of yourself. And everything you said to your partner, they just turned around and fired back at you.

 

What’s helpful in these times when you feel like you want to punch someone, like all hope is lost?

 

Taking an “easy way out” with drinking or using drugs wasn’t for me. I chose the harder route, but I knew that I’d have to deal with it myself because, until I had somewhat processed it, I would never be able to move forward and love myself, or anyone else, again.

 

When you’re sitting in your bed all alone in the dark, thinking, “Everything’s useless,” “I can’t do anything,” and “I’m no good,” it’s a start to think, “At least I’m trying to get better.” It’s very hard to try and trick/reroute your brain when you’re in a dark place and don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everyone says, “It’ll get better,” but you don’t really trust that it will. Why do things seem so easy for others in your time of struggle? How do they seem to get by with nothing crappy happening to them?

 

The hardest part for me was dealing with empathy. I’m a very empathetic person, but it can come back and bite me in the butt. I felt very bad for my boyfriend after we broke up the first time. He was dealt a bad hand, as he’d had a rough childhood. I felt bad for him, his family and his pets, as they were stuck in that “welfare mentality” and didn’t want to get better. He’d once told me he wanted to get fit. And my mom explained to me that, in the same way mentally, I couldn’t “work out” his brain for him. He’d have to change for himself, and if he never did, that wasn’t on me. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it was true.

 

Medication is an aid, but there are some issues that medication can’t magically fix if you don’t confront them head-on.

 

Surrounding yourself with a good support group is always good. You might not always like your family members, but in my experience, mine have always been there for me in my time of need.  Therapy is helpful. Helping you be aware that you want to get better is the first step, but you  have to want and be able to put in the effort, even when the going gets tough. I’ve been told it’s good to “feel things through,” but at the same time, it shouldn’t give you permission to sit around and feel crappy all day, soaking in those feelings. At some point, you’re going to have to confront your fears of returning to work, and resume life as “normal.”

 

I showed up to work a few days after the breakup. It was hard keeping it together, and then I just sort of lost it all at once. That was embarrassing, and at the same time, I was like, “How am I gonna keep it together for the remainder of my shift?” Somehow, I just did. Don’t get me wrong, it was extremely hard, and I lost it again after work. But somehow, with practice, it gets a little easier. I’ve heard a good way to calm anxiety is to say, “I’m ok,” but in that moment, you don’t really feel ok, so it’s really tough.

 

Watching a movie as a distraction was always helpful. But that was just it, it was only a distraction, and wasn’t dealing with the actual issue at hand. The one thing I learned was the PERMA-V model. The “P” stands for positive emotions. So this would be the time to watch something that makes you smile, or that is funny. The “A” stands for achievement. If writing/being creative is one of your gifts, find something to do that involves that. This is a good distraction.

 

Golden nuggets are another very useful thing I’ve learned. Counting your blessings/things that make you happy is a good way of focussing your brain on the good instead of the bad.

 

After you’ve cooled down a bit and had time to process the situation, putting yourself out there to potentially get judged and ruined again is very hard to do. But in the end, if you don’t try, you’ll never know what you could be missing, which is a very hard pill to swallow. And if I didn’t do that, I wouldn’t be in the good place I’m in now.

 

Same dating site as my ex. Kept looking. Losing hope.

 

Then some guy messages me, asking who my favourite Avenger was. It was everything that wasn’t in my last relationship, but everything I wanted. Everything seems good, and right, and not like you have to explain why you’re doing everything. You don’t feel on edge/living in survival mode at all. Good communication that goes both ways, and just enjoying each other’s company.

 

It’s hard to work on yourself in order to find this kind of happy, but in the end, it’s well worth it.

 

Who’s your favourite Avenger? Tell us all about your kind of happy in the comments below, or on one of our other social media channels!

Me and TikTok

Posted on by andrew

For Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Tim Ling, TikTok is not just the hottest app on his smartphone. No, it’s far more than that: TikTok is a global phenomenon that galvanizes Tim’s faith in humanity.

 

What is emotional intelligence? I’ve asked myself this question ever since I got the topic from Low Entropy. This phrase had only ever come to me before as a blurry image. I feel like it is a collection of all sorts of ideas, without any singular meaning. I even looked up the word in different languages, trying to find myself some kind of clue. Feeling dejected, I opened an app on my phone: TikTok.

 

People of different genders, different races, different age groups . . . each video was telling a unique story, whether it was emotional, encouraging, exciting, meaningful or profitable. This was how I “socialized” with the world by just staying at home. Watching those videos really helped me get back on my feet. It was a moment of relaxation.

 

Then it came to me. That’s it! TikTok was my savior! It was TikTok that told me what the rest of the world was doing, what every single person like me was experiencing. It was TikTok that made me feel connected, that comforted me when I was down. TikTok was my emotional intelligence. 

 

This reminds me of my first experience with TikTok. I was very young, a total noob to social media. It was an interesting adventure for me to explore myself through social media. 

 

Where I was born in China, my home country, we didn’t have much social media technology. China was, and still is, a developing country. The social media infrastructure of the country was incomplete during that time. WeChat didn’t become a widespread platform until 2014. Everything was brand new, like a newborn baby growing into a young man, just like me.

 

TikTok is pretty viral now, but it was just a newborn, like many others, in 2016. When I first tried TikTok, most of the videos were about spectacle. Publishers tried to attract users with attention-grabbing videos. This was TikTok as a small child, using a very simple technique, knowing the basic idea that nice views make people feel happy. Then, in 2017, interest turned to funny videos that would make people laugh. TikTok was now like a kid growing smarter, understanding that audiences wanted entertainment. 2018 was the best year that I remember. It was about emotions: videos of inspiring or comforting people, speaking, teaching us life lessons. TikTok, the teenager, had met some difficulties in life and was seeking comfort, and here it was. One year later TikTok grew into a mature young man. People starting doing business and selling products on TikTok: movie makers, artists, musicians, teachers, e-commerce marketers, etc . . . However, these stories still retained the emotional content of previous years. Before trying to make a profit, people were telling stories of themselves, making connections and comforting lonely souls. 

 

You may have suspected that, as TikTok matured, I was also going through this progression. Yes, I was that growing kid as well: we are a generation growing alongside social media. I’m lucky enough to have TikTok as my childhood partner. In the three years I grew with TikTok, I progressed from being a kid looking for entertainment, to a listener. I was less likely to lose my temper, knowing that there were so many nice people around me.

 

TikTok reflects every person around me. Videos, music and stories are mostly collected from people and places I often visit – TikTok’s AI automatically does that. This is also the reason why I have such a deep connection with it. 

 

In other words, TikTok is a medium that showed me a world – the world outside my little house that I had never seen before, the thing that enriched my childhood.

 

However, not every video on TikTok is about comfort and joy. Although we would very much love to, we don’t actually live in a fairy tale world. Tragedies happen around us all the time. TikTok brought me that point of view as well.

 

People would make videos about their companies going bankrupt, or their friends having just been in a car accident, or being diagnosed with an illness . . . they conveyed emotions I had never experienced before. It was shocking for me to see how some people would have extreme reactions to emotional situations, only for me to realize that I didn’t really have the right to criticize. This led me to deeper consideration how I might respond to the same situations, and what actually caused those problems. Nobody was there to tell me that this was an answerless question. After hundreds and hundreds of videos, I finally realized that it was unpredictable. You could never really know what the person in each video was experiencing. 

 

However, people also seemed to recover from these episodes. The same person publishing a sad video could also publish a joyous one at the same time. Some people seemed to hide their negative emotions to show the public a positive image, an encouraging image, a grateful image, even though those people might also be experiencing something depressing in their lives at the same time. They had learned to manage their emotions. 

 

As I later learned, that is what the world is like around us. People learn to hide what hurts them inside their hearts and show the best for the world. You would never know that a teacher, smiling in front of a classroom of students, may have just heard that their loved one had just passed away. Or a doctor, whose family member was just injured in a traffic accident, might still push through, staying at their post, saving more lives.  

 

This was when I realized that there’s more warmth in the world than I thought. 

 

With this sense of warmth flowing through my heart, I opened TikTok once again, sliding down one video after another, seeking my own cure for the day, wiping away the unhappiness. The world is an honourable place.

 

What reminds you of the warmth in this world? Let us know in the comments below or at a Conscious Connections meeting. Hm . . . what am I forgetting . . . oh, right! You can also check us out on TikTok!

 

Feeling It Out

Posted on by andrew

How do we communicate what we are feeling? Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Nima Niknam offers insight into navigating the complexity of difficult emotions that are difficult to describe.

 

Have you ever sat on your couch or your bed feeling down and wondering why you’re feeling that way? Do you try to analyze how you’re feeling and then realize that you don’t know what’s bothering you? Do you find that in these moments you have trouble pinpointing what emotions you’re feeling? Your roommate might tell you that you don’t look yourself and might ask you what’s wrong. When you go to respond, you have no idea how to answer because you don’t know what’s bothering you.

 

If you’re like me, then you’ve experienced this before. It’s a strange experience, one that leaves you feeling not quite yourself. You have no idea what it is you feel, or how to describe how you’re feeling. You just feel off. 

 

Sometimes, I’ll find myself sitting in a chair, not doing anything, feeling like I don’t want to do anything. I know something is bothering me, but I’m not sure what it is. I don’t know if what I’m feeling is due to something I experienced that day, or if it’s something that happened days or weeks ago. I’ll find myself at a loss of words. 

 

So, what does this mean? Is there an answer to this? An easy explanation for what you’re feeling? The quick answer to this is no. Everyone is different, and what we may be feeling will not be the same as what someone else is feeling. 

 

But how do we determine what it is we’re feeling? In my experience, the reason we have trouble describing how we’re feeling when we’re feeling this way is often because we are experiencing a range of emotions that make it hard to decipher which emotion is specifically bothering us. If you’re feeling sad, you may also be feeling anger, regret, guilt, frustration, disappointment, etc. So when we have trouble describing to our roommate how we’re feeling, it could be that it’s because we have seven different emotions and/or feelings that are working in tandem. Feeling a combination of emotions can make it quite difficult to pinpoint specifically which emotion is the main culprit and why that emotion is the one that’s impacting you the most.

 

For example, think of a scenario in which your friend says something bad about you behind your back. You find out from a third party what she said and instantly you start to feel upset. But not only do you feel upset, you also feel angry, disappointed, devastated or afraid that you may have lost a friend, etc. Later, when you sit on the couch feeling confused and conflicted and are having trouble discovering what it is that’s bothering you about your friend, it’s likely that you have a combination of emotions or feelings that are working with each other. And because of that, you don’t know which emotion is the one that is bothering you the most.

 

We, as humans, experience emotions all the time. It is in our nature to feel. What I’ve learned from these experiences is to not get frustrated by not having all the answers. We won’t always be able to explain exactly how we’re feeling, and “I don’t know” is a sufficient temporary answer when someone asks. It may not feel that way because someone may give you a look after you give them that response, or you may feel like you didn’t give them a proper answer. But if we don’t know what we’re feeling ourselves, then we can’t tell someone else how we’re feeling.

 

So how do we get down to what emotion we’re feeling the most? Honestly, my tip is to get down to what caused us to feel this way. Was there a specific incident or moment that occurred that left us in this position? After discovering the incident, we can look at our feelings like a checklist. Do we feel angry? No, it’s not anger. Do we feel sad? A little bit, but it’s not quite sadness we’re feeling. Do we feel guilty? We pause. Yes, guilt sounds correct. By going through the checklist strategy, we can start to unravel the main feeling or emotion that was the one that was impacting us the most. 

 

Often, it is natural for us to experience several emotions at once, especially if they are similar. But in my experience, when we have trouble explaining or understanding how we’re feeling, it’s likely because we are experiencing multiple emotions at once. By going through the checklist, we can get to the heart of how we’re feeling. 

 

If you’re looking for a place where you can figure out your emotions, Low Entropy offers gatherings where active listening is the order of the day. With a diverse community of compassionate individuals, we might be able to help you sort out that pile of feelings, if only just a little bit.

Jump

Posted on by andrew

Plunging through the troposphere, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Nicole Riglietti found a perfect metaphor for the eye-opening act of turning your dreams into action.

 

I keep putting immense pressure on myself. Pressure to grow up. To make realistic choices in life. To have one foot in a life full of security and the other foot pursuing my passions. To walk the safe road in life or walk the one less travelled, carving out my own path, with hard-work, grit and honesty. Is there a balance? Someone once told me not to take life too seriously. How can I not, when the choices we make in life lead us to either greatness or emptiness?

 

I constantly keep taking jobs that lead me further away from the yearning desires within me. Jobs where I fearfully sell my soul for a paycheck instead of feed my soul with pure joy, honouring myself. I say, screw the fear. I’m tired of giving in to the fear of established, long-lasting security. To be honest, I don’t even think that really exists. Fear does. Fear is an innate human instinct, it’s part of the human experience. It can protect us. It hinders us. Fear allows the roaring courage within us to rise and face that which we cannot see. 

 

I went skydiving. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, to experience in my life. I craved the thrilling adventure that would ignite the adrenaline of life itself, sending shock waves through my very existence. Of course, I was nervous and terrified as each moment inched closer and closer to the drop. I was a crockpot of emotions, my heart pounding outside of myself, and I’m proud to say the excitement of it all won the battle over the fear. It was time to get on the plane and I’m thinking to myself, Okay . . . Okay, this is happening. I can do this. Take off. I’m safe on the plane, with all my gear on, and the door slides open, and people begin to jump out, except from my point of view it didn’t look like jumping, it looked like people were being sucked out of the plane. In a blink of an eye, one by one they were gone, leaving clear blue skies in my eyeline, with a loud whistling sound of air pressure rushing into the cabin and dulling my senses. My turn. I scooted my butt to the edge of the plane’s open door, my legs and feet dangling off the side into nothingness. I stretched my arms to either side, gripping the frame of the plane, holding on for dear life with my shaky, sweaty palms. There’s no sense in this. Why would anyone do this?! Those panicked thoughts raced through my mind with great speed, like Usain Bolt running the 100 metres in the Olympics. My tandem skydiver literally peeled my hands from the frame and crossed my arms over my chest, and we were off, plunging, free falling into the sky, sinking fast as gravity yanked me down with its strong hold, slicing me through the clouds. Those 20-30 seconds of free-falling were the most terrifying thrill, I didn’t even know what was happening. Once the parachute went up, jolting us to a soar, I was able to breathe and appreciate the beauty of creation below and all around me. The mountains to my side, the glistening Pacific ahead of me outlining the surrounding land below, the city stretched out as if it were all Lego formed together by a child’s imagination. I was floating among the clouds, beaming, soaring, smiling, flying with the birds. I was breathing, living, excited to be alive and just taking everything in. 

 

I guess what I’m beginning to realize is, in life the active choice to follow your dreams and pursue your passions is like jumping out of an airplane. It’s utterly terrifying. It’s illuminating excitement. It’s sheer panic and trembling fear. It’s free-falling and liberating. 

 

I could find a secure career, a good-paying, stable job because it’s time to grow up and be an actual adult, only to find that I hate it and myself, becoming miserable at best with the nine-to-five routine, as my soul is craving something else, whispering to me, hoping one day I’ll actually listen. I’d rather have the courage to actively pursue my dreams, follow my heart and turn those dreams into a reality. The dreaming all day, every day at an unfulfilling job makes me unhappy, to say the least. Taking the initial steps fills my insides with fear and crippling anxiety, and then I slowly fall into it and find my way. At the end of the day, at the end of my life, I want to look back and see how I had the courage to try – that I had the courage to be who I am, and most importantly, the courage to be true to who I am. 

 

Head on over to a Low Entropy meeting, or mosey on over to the comments section or any of our social media accounts to let us know about a time you pushed through your fears to witness the beauty on the other side.

Empowerment: From the Path of Least Resistance to the Path of Most Resilience.

Posted on by andrew

Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Ellie Gibbard walks us through her thoughts on empowerment and resilience, stopping by concepts of self-love, growth and confidence along the way.

 

  • What is empowerment?

 

Feeling empowered comes from finding the ability to be the best and healthiest version of ourselves. It comes from knowledge, confidence and resilience. To clarify what I mean by the “best” version of ourselves, best does not have to mean perfect. Perfection is an unrealistic ideal and I think striving for perfection is an exhausting and dooming practice that is too present in today’s culture. Who is to say what is perfect and what is not? To feel that we are the best version of ourselves and to feel confident in who we are – this is to feel empowered. Similarly, being the “healthiest” version of ourselves doesn’t mean to say we have to drink celery juice and work out every day. I mean healthy in the sense that we have the willingness to take care of ourselves. 

 

  • What is resilience?

 

Being resilient is having the capacity to work through adversity and often grow from it. Resilience is how we respond to difficulty and is a way for us to find strength in ourselves. It sounds nice, but being resilient is not easy and is not something that naturally occurs; we don’t just go through difficulties and automatically become resilient.

 

  • How can we become resilient?

 

I think that resilience is often associated with toughness and thought of as being able to put our feelings aside, our heads down, and just push through hard times. I would argue that being resilient is a result of self-love and having empathy for ourselves. Although it is something we can reach as individuals, resilience isn’t necessarily something we can find by reaching inside of ourselves alone. Instead, it is about being able to care about ourselves enough to seek out and navigate supportive resources. This is where self-love comes in. 

 

  • How can self-love lead to resilience?

 

Self-love and having the willingness to care for ourselves is the key to resilience. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we feel deserving of love and how can we seek out love and support? I think that there is often a stigma around self-love and what it is. People hear “self” and think “narcissism.” Just because you have love for yourself does not mean you think you are perfect in any way. Self-love comes from not resisting who you are and knowing that you are not perfect, embracing your imperfection, and accepting it as part of what makes you, you. This is the key to self-love. We have to be able to love ourselves because the way we love ourselves is the example to the world of how to love us. If we can’t treat ourselves with love, how can others? Being able to love and empathize with ourselves allows us to believe that we deserve love and empathy from others and guides us towards supportive people and environments that will foster resilience within us. 

 

  • From resilience to empowerment.

 

Finally, how can being resilient lead us to feeling empowered? Resilience empowers us because it gives us confidence in our abilities to work through and rise above adversity. Again, our abilities don’t necessarily need to mean solving things on our own; there is strength in numbers and being able to reach out for support and say “I need help” shows great strength. Having the capacity to work through and grow from challenges is resilience, and gaining confidence from the growth is empowerment. 

 

Tell us about a time when you had to be resilient – drop a comment below or inspire us at a Low Entropy meet-up!

I Can.

Posted on by andrew

Isolated from her family and mired in feelings of inadequacy, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Meghna Thakur hit a low point before gradually emerging from it. Reflecting on that time, Meghna is now putting pieces together to create essential personal supports.

 

It always starts with the same thought, “I don’t think I can,” in one form or another . . . a small, niggling feeling. Sometimes it’s easy to ignore, but other times it takes root and won’t let go. Then that thought becomes a faint whisper and, if not curbed, gains strength until it’s a loud inner monologue that is difficult to silence.

 

Self-doubt has been a constant companion in my life from a very early age. Though the term has a negative connotation at face value, I have had both positive and negative experiences dealing with it.

 

I grew up in a family of highly talented artists and well-educated professionals in the science, technology and medical fields. It was quite a legacy to live up to. Most of my young life was spent trying to excel in my studies or extracurricular activities because, whether I was aware of it or not, there was always a need to measure up, to prove myself. Growing up, I channelled those feelings into determination, which pushed me to constantly improve and learn. I discovered my love of reading all kinds of literature, my fascination with science, a passion for sports and a knack for analytical and logical thinking. On a personal level, it drove me to explore a plethora of hobbies before focusing on what interested and inspired me. 

 

However, the motivation borne from these feelings of inadequacy was a double-edged sword. I left my home country to pursue a master’s degree abroad and naively believed that any challenges I faced could easily be tackled if I was simply determined enough. But being alone and away from everything that is familiar to you, that little whisper of uncertainty (that can usually be easily drowned out when you feel secure in your environment) can rapidly transform into something far more insidious. Within a month, I started fearing that I did not have what it takes to get through the rigours of this new, unfamiliar international education system. Coupling that with the fact that my family had just spent a significant chunk of their hard-earned savings to give me this opportunity led to me suffering several panic attacks. At my lowest point, I hadn’t slept for almost four days straight and had barely eaten a meal that didn’t come straight out of a ready-to-eat packet. I would stay up all night crying with my family, wishing they could be with me, but at the same time knowing that wasn’t a viable option. They even tried to persuade me to give it all up and just come home, and we’d figure out the next step together. 

 

Looking back, what truly helped me get through that dark period were the friends I made at university. We were all in the same boat together, and knowing that they shared the same uncertainty and fears was a huge comfort. They lent an ear free from judgment or reproach, and I had never been more grateful. I realized that, though my family and friends back home would always have my back, it was important to build a local support system to feel a sense of community. The people you surround yourself with matter. Personal connection matters. 

 

This lesson has never been more relevant than now. This pandemic has brought to light many things that I have always questioned but chose to ignore, because there was always something I could use to distract myself: travel, weddings, entertainment . . . But in the past year, with all those diversions gone, I have struggled with significant aspects of my life, like my choice of career, the place I live and what matters most to me. 

 

I have found that a combination of the approaches that worked for me thus far has helped a great deal. I have forced myself to come to terms with things that no longer serve or satisfy me. This has re-ignited my drive to wholeheartedly pursue endeavours that bring me joy, and I have faith that success will follow. The very nature of the current situation prevents us from seeking out personal physical connection with those we love, and it has been difficult having to rely on solely virtual means. Nevertheless, I try to focus on keeping connected with my social circle (near and far) and checking in with them, and remind myself that I still have a great support system. 

 

However, what became painfully clear was the severe lack of friendships I had formed in the two years that I have called Vancouver my home. To try and get out there and make friends, I took advantage of the partial lifting of restrictions last summer to join hiking and outdoor adventure groups. This led me to meeting some wonderful people from various backgrounds that I probably would never have met. Most recently, I have started volunteering at local non-profits, which is what led me to Low Entropy. The feeling of acceptance and positive reinforcement that I have felt from my peers here has helped me feel a renewed sense of belonging and has helped calm that nagging voice that probably won’t ever truly go away, but can be relegated to the sidelines where it belongs. 

 

Meghna definitely belongs here, and you do too! Join our loving and empathetic community by participating in a Conscious Connections group chat, or simply drop us a comment here or on one of our other social media channels – we’re super acceptance-y!

 

Pretty Young

Posted on by andrew

Please note that this article examines suicide and suicidal ideation.

 

“That’s high,” I think, staring down onto the slowly moving waves. Hands clenched around the orange-red railing. 

What color even is this bridge? Orange or red? I don’t know. I don’t need to know now. Complete stillness. It seems like time stopped entirely, or at least it has for me. 

Water. 

Cold. 

Death. 

Do I actually want to?

No other way-

“HEY.”

Like a bullet piercing through glass, his voice stops my rushing thoughts. “Hey, what are you doing?”

He is surprisingly calm. It makes me feel calm. Or does it? I don’t respond. 

“What’s your name?”

It’s like my body wants to save me and before I can stop I hear words pouring out of my mouth.

“Okay.” He pauses. “You know how cold that water is, right?” 

“No.” I’m not sure he even heard me. 

“Probably 50, 53 degrees.” Like I can actually feel it, goosebumps start covering my body. Leave. 

Not your life. 

Mine. 

No other way. 

Do it.

No don’t.

Stop.

There is no chance to finish a single thought, constantly interrupted by his voice behind me. So close. It’s not the right timing. There is no other way.

“I don’t know you but you seem pretty young to give up on life now.”

You don’t know, I want to say but am interrupted by a sudden familiar sound. I hear my mother’s voice as if she was standing right next to me. I turn my head.

“If you give me your hand I can help you get back up. It’s not too late. There is always hope. There is always a way.”

I can’t move.

I can’t talk.

My thoughts are screaming.

A way. He says there is a way. 

There is just one thing. I’m standing on the edge. On the edge of this bridge which isn’t even golden. Just a rusty dull orange. 

And I’m seconds away from living or dying. 

 

The Golden Gate Bridge is the most popular suicide site in the United States, which has one of the highest suicide rates among wealthy countries. Having spent a lot of time in San Francisco, I used to cross the Bridge regularly, wondering about people who see no other way in life than suicide. How can you help if you don’t know what is going on in someone else’s mind?

 

I came across the story of a young man trying to take his life at the Golden Gate Bridge. An officer rescued him by convincing him to climb back up. The reason the young man decided to live is because the officer actually listened to him. 

 

I have heard stories about people dying by suicide who didn’t seem depressed or unhappy. No one really knows what’s going on inside someone else. Mental health issues like depression and anxiety are an ever-growing problem in our society and can affect anyone.

 

Especially in this isolating time, check-in with your loved ones and make sure they are okay.

 

Mental health issues don’t make you weak or a bad person.

Ask for help. 

You are not alone. 

 

Canada:

 

Canada Suicide Prevention Service: 1-833-456-4566

 

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health: 1-800-463-2338

 

Crisis Services Canada: 1-833-456-4566 or text 45645

 

Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868

 

If you need immediate assistance, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital.

 

United States: 

 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

 

Disaster Distress Hotline: 1-800-985-5990

 

If you need immediate assistance, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital.

Like Onions and the Moon

Posted on by andrew

Armed with an arsenal of metaphors, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Nicole Riglietti waxes poetic on the nature of change and how essential it is to the human experience.

 

Change is a constant in our lives. As the moon moves through its monthly phases, so do humans; it’s inevitable. We struggle, we strive, we fail and we survive. We rely on change to help us grow, move forward and evolve. 

 

Sometimes it hits us like a fastball, curved in the wind and aimed right at our face, in a game we didn’t even know we were playing. At times we call on change to help us catapult our lives into a new direction, onto the next adventure that we spent countless hours preparing for with steadfast focus and determination. Then there are times when we long for change. For something. Anything, to fill the gruelling void of our existence. We resist change and we fight it, we even welcome it, celebrating its arrival like an old friend we haven’t seen in years. Change can be a quick fleeting moment, a flash of insight that ignites the spark within, making it impossible to look back. It comes in many waves and forms. 

 

As humans we are all onions, made up of layers through experience, boundaries and moral codes. And as change moves through us, it adds new layers. Its lifeforce lives within each choice we make, no matter how large and grandiose or how trivial and small. Change is a power that’s neither good nor bad, right nor wrong; it just is. And it waits for no one. Change can keep us grounded and humble, or it can shake us to our core, flipping our world upside down, leaving us floating amidst the carnage of a shipwreck, helpless, dazed and mostly confused. Then there’s change, laughing at us, leaving us breathless, gasping for air, paralyzed from the waist down, unable to move, let alone take a step forward. And, yet, we do. Because we are resilient people who rise up and carry on, finding our new paths, discovering our new sense of normalcy. And we adapt, as best as we can. It’s our reactions to events and circumstances that allow us to either keep moving on or pause, take a step back and re-evaluate. 

 

When we surrender to change, giving up control and truly allowing life to unfold, it can lead us to a whirlwind of beauty, of endless opportunities, of new friendships that could last a lifetime. We become elated with a euphoric sense of pride, vigour and astonishment, dancing with the stars, shining our brightest and realizing that, this whole time, we were epic, fearless warriors, defeating all obstacles and defying all odds, standing tall as a tree with its roots entangled in the ground from the murky marsh it was born in. When change occurs, we must embrace our grievances, honour our wins and accept what we cannot understand. 

 

As we adapt and evolve with time, we add another layer to the onion, with a fresh new subtle outlook on life. Until the next time, we smile and welcome change back around.

 

We can all agree that humans, like ogres, have layers. How has change added layers to your life? Let us know in the comments below, or share your experiences with our community in a Low Entropy group session.