Tag: empowerment

Reconstruction

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Janki Patel always put herself last, until she couldn’t hold herself together any more. Guided by a set of simple principles, Janki shares how she was able to build herself back up. 

 

Have you ever given great advice to others but never followed your own? That is the story of my life when it comes to self-empowerment.

 

It stemmed from my people-pleasing behavior. I was the kid who constantly needed approval for everything. Then, I became the teenager who wanted to put everyone first before herself. Eventually, it became about living through and for others.

 

People-pleasing sounds great but it’s far from it. You come off as this noble knight, but there is just darkness beyond the armor. It’s a way to run away from problems, emotions and sometimes your own life.

 

It took a lot of time and some rough experiences to realize that it’s crucial to be confident in myself, my choices and my abilities. I always feared I would come off as self-centered if I spoke up for myself too loudly or made decisions without consulting anybody. I was also scared to hurt those around me. It was difficult for me to give myself importance . . . it almost felt wrong.

 

I think the scariest part was concealing it all so well that no one had the slightest clue. Eventually, I hit a breaking point. I made impulsive decisions, I nearly dropped out of school and every part of me felt empty. I am a firm believer that sometimes we need to hit our lowest point to wake up. And I hit mine. Hard. 

 

This was where self-empowerment came into play. This was when I realized that I have full control over everything I choose. It was when I wanted to spill my feelings and cry my heart out.

 

My breaking point was when I heard my niece’s first cry. I was right outside the hospital room and my knees buckled. I sobbed helplessly, overwhelmed. It seems strange, but that was it. That was my moment. I felt like I had a chance.

 

I took it upon myself to figure how I could begin a process of empowerment. Here are some ideas that helped me:

  • Forgive. It sounds simple, but it was one of the most difficult things to do. It’s easier to feed yourself with negativity than to own up to mistakes and believe you will do better. However, forgiving yourself is very necessary because it is one of the ways you can allow yourself to move on. Does this mean all my actions were justified? No. But it did mean that I could learn from them and make better choices thereafter.


  • Talk. Sometimes I think there are several reasons why people choose to internalize over speaking to someone about their feelings. One of them might be that we never learned how to. So, one day, I just did it. I spoke to my family about everything I’d been feeling in the past few years. I remember feeling so nauseous moments before, but once we had a discussion, I felt liberated.


  • Do. If overthinking were an Olympic sport, I’d always win gold. It is one of the biggest reasons I never took positive risks and left my path empty. I still experience it, but I don’t give it full control. Now, I focus on doing things. I tell myself to take one chance, to try something just once, and go from there – bite-sized goals if you will.


  • Become friends with yourself. Will I ever be able to fully accept and be confident in myself 24/7? Not a chance. It is practically laughable. Sometimes I will be as stale as bread. But my point is, treat yourself with kindness, respect and care as much as you can. Think of how great of a friend you are to someone, and now imagine giving yourself the same treatment. It will go a long way. 

 

Self-empowerment is broad, personal and sometimes even scary. It does not happen overnight, but a gradual process is possible. I will continue to struggle with it every day, but that breaking point opened a world filled with little bursts of happiness for me. Living my life through and for others no longer makes sense to me.

 

It is still about gaining approval . . . but from a friend I’d been neglecting for too long. Me. 

How would you describe yourself, as your own friend? We’re just asking because we think you’re awesome and we hope you do, too! Meet up with us on our community platform, or in person at a Conscious Connections group!

Empowering Language to Cultivate Gratitude & Abundance

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Aldona Maria shares simple techniques to empower ourselves through language by cultivating gratitude and abundance in our expressions.


The language we use says a lot about how we perceive the world. In this blog post, I will be sharing with you a simple technique to empower yourself through language by cultivating gratitude and abundance in your expression. 

 

Even though it has become an old adage that communication is only 7% verbal, the relatively small proportion it takes up does have an impact. The words we use hold power. The parallel between “spell” and “spelling” is no coincidence!

 

So, how can you use language to empower yourself?

 

The underlying victimhood that often corresponds with a mentality of scarcity is often a conditioning deeply rooted within the psyche. It is often our beliefs that we are victims and undeserving that create situations that seem to validate those very same beliefs. This is all governed by the universal Law of Resonance, which states that your vibration will align with vibrations of the same frequency and cast them back to you.

 

When you cultivate gratitude and abundance within the language you use, you are shifting your focus away from lack and scarcity by reframing your perspective and allowing your positive expressions to manifest. This, in turn, creates positive resonance.

 

When you notice your perspective is focused on what is lacking in any given situation then, shift gears and see what there is to be grateful for, no matter how small. Acknowledge what is there. Only after you have done that, add how you will create that which you would like to have or see happen: the needed improvements.

 

For example, let’s say that you would like to have a better bike. Instead of complaining about how rusty, old, or noisy your bike is, you instead express gratitude for having a functioning mode of transportation, and that you would like to show your appreciation for it by painting it, oiling the chains and decorating it. Or, perhaps, honour the service that your rusty old bike has given you, and prepare to give it the rest it has earned by saving for a new one. 

 

Another way to create gratitude and abundance in language is, when safe and appropriate, to replace every “no” with a “yes” instead. For example, instead of saying no to a job offer because the salary offered doesn’t meet your needs, you tell the employer that you would like a higher salary. Often this is something that can be negotiated, and you might get your way! Otherwise, if the employer declines, you thank them and tell them you are going to continue your search, but that you would love it if they kept your application and thought of you, should a higher budget be allocated to the salary offer. This is a way to value yourself and keep channels open, rather than burning bridges.

 

An important note here is that when it comes to protecting your boundaries, it is absolutely ok and sometimes necessary to state a clear NO!

 

Apart from those important scenarios, you might be surprised how many negative statements can be re-framed into more positive ones. Let’s say you have given an intern a task, for instance, and you feel disappointed about how it was done. Now instead of saying, “No, this is wrong,” you could opt to say instead, “Your presence and efforts here are very appreciated, now it would be ideal if you could do this task like this.”

 

In essence, when you replace lack with gratitude, it creates abundance.

 

When you empower yourself and lead by example, you give others permission to do the same. True empowerment does not come at the cost of others; on the contrary, it creates win-win situations for everyone. This is because when you are empowered, you feel whole and there is no need to behave in ways that disadvantage others. 

 

You also need to know that the power of your intention is strong. If you merely begin by making an intention that you will use language that cultivates gratitude and abundance, you will already have come a long way. And if you, on top of that, add the belief that the way you are using language really does empower you, the effects will be stronger.

 

I hope that these basic techniques will serve to empower anyone who is open to re-visiting the use of language with the intention to transform it into a more empowering tool of communication and overall being! 

 

Thanks for reading! 


With Gratitude,

Aldona

We would love to hear about your explorations of using empowering language – if you haven’t already, try it out and then check back in to let us know in the comments or at our community site!

Her Performance

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We all look different, so why should beauty standards encourage us to be the same? Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Prateek Sur has a story that will hopefully encourage us to shed fat-shaming thoughts and become more body-positive.

 

Actresses in the film and television industry are supposed to maintain a certain kind of image. Not only are they required to always look good, but they’re also asked to maintain a specific body type. In most cases, this body type is skinny, but with big breasts. But there are short people and there are tall people, there are rich people and there and poor people, there are good people and there are bad people – so, why are women, in general, required in society to always be good-looking, skinny, fair and curvy? It’s not right!

 

Let me share with you a story of a friend of mine, who had just landed in Mumbai – the heart of Bollywood – from a small town to become an actress back in 2013. She was overweight for Bollywood standards, and she had no qualms about it. She joined our theatre group and that’s how we became friends. Everyone in the theatre group used to tell her in hushed tones to try and lose some weight, as that would help her bag better roles. She wasn’t that bothered as she was quite a happy-go-lucky girl, and quite outspoken too about her not being a slimmer body type. She had no shame in accepting herself as who she was, and I especially liked her because of this.

 

Soon enough, the devil caught up with her.

 

The girl, who was always bubbly and charming, suddenly started being low on energy and confidence. Never before did she falter in her lines for a play, but suddenly she started forgetting her lines and, at times, gave double-takes. It was affecting the rest of our performances. We didn’t know what the issue was and she didn’t tell us when we used to hang out.

 

One day, she came in late for practice and informed us all that she left the gym late. When she had first arrived in town, she was totally against going to the gym and believed that her talent and her learnings at the film school would help her build a career in films and television. Now, seeing her hitting the gym, we all started questioning her as to what had happened. After a little bit of prodding, she finally broke down in front of us.

 

She opened up, saying that she had been going to almost 80-100 auditions a week and he had been rejected from all of them as she was not skinny enough. Other, skinnier girls, and sometimes even the casting directors’ assistants, made fun of her body at the auditions. In one of the auditions, she advanced to the second round and then, on camera, was laughed at by everyone present in the room. She felt humiliated, as if she had committed some crime by being born with her body. That’s when she decided to hit the gym and shed some weight.

 

We all noticed what she wasn’t noticing. She was trying to lose weight, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but she was also slowly slipping into depression. We could see the change in her attitude in the weeks to come. She stopped hanging out with us after practice, and whenever she did, she didn’t indulge in any food. That was impacting her mind and her inner peace.

 

We all used to try and motivate her and tell her to stay cheerful and tell her not to take casting directors’ words and decisions to heart. We all used to try and pump up her confidence, but she had gone down to a state where she had lost all hope of ever making it in the film and television industry. The fact that she wasn’t losing much weight despite a strict diet and sincere gymming was also adding to her woes.

 

One day she informed our theatre group teacher and leader that she was packing up her life in Mumbai and going back to her hometown. Our upcoming show would probably be her last show. Our teacher, along with the rest of us, tried to inspire her to not lose hope and stick on, but she had already made up her mind to return home.

 

She left after a few days.

 

I happened to get a call a few days after she had arrived back in her hometown, from her father. I am not sure how he got my number, but he called me out of utter concern for his daughter. He asked me what had happened to his daughter, as she had sent a girl who was full of life to Mumbai, but the one who had returned was someone totally different. She  hardly talked to them, never went out to meet her friends and would barely use her phone or laptop. She kept herself locked in her room most of the time. I told him what happened in Mumbai, as much as I knew. Her father felt sorry for the entire scenario and said that he would keep in touch with me if there was any other need.

 

After that, all of us from the theatre group barely got any responses from her to our messages. She never picked up our calls, and hardly ever joined our video chats. A few months later, she even left the WhatsApp groups of the theatre troupe. Slowly, we all disconnected from her.

 

Almost a year later, I got a call from a friend of mine who was casting for a TV show. As he had seen our play and had seen the girl perform on stage, he asked me for her contact. I told him that she might not pick up his calls as she was no longer in Mumbai and barely responded to any of ours. My friend asked me if there was a video recording of our play which had her performance in it. I had that recording on my laptop and sent it over to my friend.

 

A few days after that, my friend called me again and he sounded happy. He told me that he had shown the video of the play to the director and producers of the show, and they loved the girl’s performance. He asked me to get in touch with her somehow and ask her to come back to Mumbai for a face-to-face audition, as she was almost guaranteed to be cast for the show.

 

After getting all the details about the show from my friend, I remembered that I had the girl’s dad’s contact number. I called him, and sure enough, he recognised me. After the usual pleasantries, he informed me that his daughter had been seeing a therapist for almost a year for depression. I asked her father if he could give the phone to his daughter, as she wasn’t picking up any of our calls. Unable to convince his daughter to speak on the phone, he decided to just put the phone on speaker while holding it in front of her.

 

I told her that she had been almost finalised for a show on StarPlus TV’s upcoming new show as the lead actress. She started talking now, and I could hear that gleam of joy returning to her voice. She was inquisitive about the show. I told her all the details, about how it was one of India’s biggest television channels and the show was being made by one of the biggest TV czarinas in the Indian film and television industry. I told the girl about how I had sent the video of our play to my casting director friend and how things got into motion. The girl wanted to know the character that she was to play, and I told her that it was the lead. She couldn’t believe me, as she knew her looks and body type didn’t match that of any other lead actress, and she was thinking that she would be playing some small part. I had to assure her that she would indeed be the lead. She fit the bill perfectly.

 

As it happened, they were looking for an actress who was heavier than the Bollywood standard, and thus could bring freshness to the show.

 

Soon afterward, she was back in Mumbai. She did the final look tests and got selected for the show. Within minutes of her being selected, I could see that she had gone back to being that old happy-go-lucky girl whom I had come to know for some time.

 

The makers of the show didn’t ask her to lose any weight, as the show demanded someone who could steal the audience’s hearts with her performance, and not by their physical appearance.

 

And that’s exactly what happened. The show went on to become one of the most popular shows of the year. The girl went on to win a couple of awards at popular award shows for her performance as well. She is back to being her real self now, and there is no depression anymore in her personal life. On the contrary, she has started using her Instagram page to share body positivity stories and give a piece of her mind to people who think that actresses must only be of a specific body type.

 

Isn’t that women’s empowerment at its best? She is sharing from her own experiences to empower others.

 

She is now one of the leading actresses in her genre and has millions of fans. Despite becoming so famous, she hasn’t forgotten us from the theatre troupe. She always meets us and chats with us whenever she’s free. At the same time, she uses her popularity to make young girls entering the film industry aware of the perils she faced at the start, how she overcame her depression and how everyone should have good friends around who can help them lift their spirits.

 

Now, looking at her story, it is up to us to ensure that weight is no longer a bane, but a boon for actresses everywhere.

 

Indeed, let’s all work on eliminating shame from the social discourse about peoples’ bodies. If you have a tale of body positivity, please share it with us in the comments below, or on any of our social media platforms – help inspire us all to love each other unconditionally!

Empowerment: From the Path of Least Resistance to the Path of Most Resilience.

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Ellie Gibbard walks us through her thoughts on empowerment and resilience, stopping by concepts of self-love, growth and confidence along the way.

 

  • What is empowerment?

 

Feeling empowered comes from finding the ability to be the best and healthiest version of ourselves. It comes from knowledge, confidence and resilience. To clarify what I mean by the “best” version of ourselves, best does not have to mean perfect. Perfection is an unrealistic ideal and I think striving for perfection is an exhausting and dooming practice that is too present in today’s culture. Who is to say what is perfect and what is not? To feel that we are the best version of ourselves and to feel confident in who we are – this is to feel empowered. Similarly, being the “healthiest” version of ourselves doesn’t mean to say we have to drink celery juice and work out every day. I mean healthy in the sense that we have the willingness to take care of ourselves. 

 

  • What is resilience?

 

Being resilient is having the capacity to work through adversity and often grow from it. Resilience is how we respond to difficulty and is a way for us to find strength in ourselves. It sounds nice, but being resilient is not easy and is not something that naturally occurs; we don’t just go through difficulties and automatically become resilient.

 

  • How can we become resilient?

 

I think that resilience is often associated with toughness and thought of as being able to put our feelings aside, our heads down, and just push through hard times. I would argue that being resilient is a result of self-love and having empathy for ourselves. Although it is something we can reach as individuals, resilience isn’t necessarily something we can find by reaching inside of ourselves alone. Instead, it is about being able to care about ourselves enough to seek out and navigate supportive resources. This is where self-love comes in. 

 

  • How can self-love lead to resilience?

 

Self-love and having the willingness to care for ourselves is the key to resilience. If we don’t love ourselves, how can we feel deserving of love and how can we seek out love and support? I think that there is often a stigma around self-love and what it is. People hear “self” and think “narcissism.” Just because you have love for yourself does not mean you think you are perfect in any way. Self-love comes from not resisting who you are and knowing that you are not perfect, embracing your imperfection, and accepting it as part of what makes you, you. This is the key to self-love. We have to be able to love ourselves because the way we love ourselves is the example to the world of how to love us. If we can’t treat ourselves with love, how can others? Being able to love and empathize with ourselves allows us to believe that we deserve love and empathy from others and guides us towards supportive people and environments that will foster resilience within us. 

 

  • From resilience to empowerment.

 

Finally, how can being resilient lead us to feeling empowered? Resilience empowers us because it gives us confidence in our abilities to work through and rise above adversity. Again, our abilities don’t necessarily need to mean solving things on our own; there is strength in numbers and being able to reach out for support and say “I need help” shows great strength. Having the capacity to work through and grow from challenges is resilience, and gaining confidence from the growth is empowerment. 

 

Tell us about a time when you had to be resilient – drop a comment below or inspire us at a Low Entropy meet-up!