Tag: courage

Toxic Relationships: Finding the Courage to Leave

Posted on by Ness Gale

Faizah Latif (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Romantic relationships for some are a blessing, and for others they present a challenge. Valentine’s Day looks different for each individual, as does the journey of love. When an individual makes the brave step towards leaving a relationship that does not serve them well, it is not an easy decision to come to terms with. Surviving through the toxic relationship, they may not even fully realize that they are in an abusive relationship. It may take friends and family to initially bring up the topic, while the victim of abuse will likely deny it and make excuses for the toxic behaviour. However, one can deeply reflect and identify the symptoms of abuse, and then make the decision of whether or not they want to continue enduring pain in the relationship they are in. Friends and family play a vital role in this process because they will be able to identify how the individual has changed throughout the relationship, likely damaging signs that have impacted their self esteem greatly. Individuals may also realize through therapy sessions, or come to terms themselves, that they are in the middle of what feels like an impossible situation. 

Fortunately, there is hope and a way out, even though it may not feel like it in the moment. It takes a courageous leap of faith. Things will be scary and unclear at first, however it is for the better and greater things are coming. When someone is abused in any way whether emotionally, physically, financially, or spiritually, the individual experiencing the abuse becomes immune to it. When it turns into a daily routine, they start to think it is normal. It takes a great deal of self-reflection to check in and honestly evaluate where we are. Is this person making me become my worst version of myself? Do I have the capacity to grow with this person? Do they make me happy and feel safe? In being truly honest with answering these questions, it will be clear whether or not the relationship in front of us is healthy or not. 

It can be daunting to imagine what life will be like without this person, and it can also feel very lonely. This is where the right support system helps incredibly. Attending a support group to speak to like-minded individuals will help in developing friendships and allow you to know that every other individual in the room went through a similar experience to you. As this is a huge step in changing one’s way of living, it is important to embody self-compassion and to remember that your journey will look different to everyone else’s. As well, there is no linear path to healing and there will be ups and downs to face. Moments of uncertainty and feelings of self-blame will present themselves. This is not the case, and it is important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be abused.

This new journey ahead feels overwhelming, and it is as if a new life begins. However, this does not necessarily have to be a bad thing. In fact, a new beginning signifies growth, resilience, and a way to carve your own path. Leaving a toxic relationship allows you to develop self-awareness and an ability to truly understand the traits that are healthy vs. toxic in a relationship. This can relate to any relationship in our lives, not necessarily a romantic one. Through leaving something toxic, we can better assess our personal boundaries and how we will not let someone mistreat us again. 

Speaking from my personal experience, a few years ago I left a toxic relationship that did not serve me well. It was very difficult in the moment; however, I am now in a much better place. I was able to learn from this experience. After I left the toxic relationship, I went back to school and started working on myself. I developed new hobbies and truly discovered who Faizah is. I have now almost completed my master’s degree in social work, and I hope to use it to advocate for other women in a similar position that I found myself in. I also run a weekly support group for women to discuss Narcissistic Relationships and how we can empower ourselves to set boundaries and live our true purpose. 

Valentine’s Day and love does not always have to be about a romantic relationship, rather we can focus on self-love and determining our self-worth, instead of chasing it in someone else. We need to focus on being kind to ourselves and to remember that we are exactly where we are meant to be. If you have left a toxic relationship, I want you to take a moment to acknowledge how much strength you have.  May you be a guiding light for others and continue to carve your way towards success.

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Faizah is an aspiring social worker, currently in the process of completing her Master in Social Work (MSW) degree. She enjoys self development and advocating for important causes in the community. Writing is one of Faizah’s passions, and she is honoured to share her writing on the Low Entropy platform in the hopes of providing inspiration.

The Weight of Expectations

Posted on by andrew

Julia Magsombol (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

As I’m writing this right now, I tend to wonder if this piece will be good enough for the reader’s expectations. 

 

It’s been a few days since I’ve had free time. I’ve been swamped with all my university projects and other work. I barely have time to talk to people and mingle with my family at home. I mostly lose track of time, as I have a lot of things to do. I have a lot of things to write. 

 

And with all these responsibilities, I tend to ask myself, “What do you want to achieve, Julia? What are your expectations?”

 

My expectations change every year. I tend to be confused about the things I really want.

 

I knew I wanted to be in the fashion industry when I was still in high school. I expected to take fashion courses when I reached university. I expected my work to be on runways when I got older. But those expectations are all gone, as my family does not want me to pursue those dreams. They expect me to take different courses, such as nursing, dentistry, or anything else that’s not associated with art. Sadly, I dropped my dream and never pushed the expectations that I longed for.

 

As I reached the end of high school, I wanted to be a writer. I was still unsure then, but that was my main goal. I decided to take journalism in university. After all, journalism is a degree and my family pretty much accepted it. 

 

During my first year, I thought that all my challenges were done. I expected that, once I finally got into university, I was going to be okay. I expected to just get my degree and prove something to my family. I could move on to the next phase of my life afterward. But it didn’t work like that. I faced failures and self–doubt. Now, in my third year of university, I’ve had to throw away those expectations again, as this phase of my life didn’t work as I expected. 

 

I told myself during those times that I would be working as a journalist by the time I reached my senior year of university. I expected to be a successful writer. I expected to be very different from other writers out there. Employers would get back to me after interviews and turn me down for jobs for two reasons: they said I wasn’t qualified, and that I’m not a good writer. Several of my editors, professors and colleagues were not pleased with all the pieces I wrote. I would rewrite and rewrite, over and over again. There are a lot of better writers out there who I couldn’t compare to. I threw out my expectations again, like a useless scratch paper into the trash can. 

 

I realized that I’ve been throwing out a lot of expectations. And it all feels like a scam. Every day you set expectations for yourself. You have motivations and plans. It feels good, and it’s comforting. But if none of your expectations work, you might doubt yourself. You might criticize yourself for all the expectations you made, when you expect something but never get it. I guess that’s life and it isn’t always fair for many of us. 

 

So now I ask myself, “What do you want to achieve, Julia? What are your expectations now? Should you still expect anything? What expectations do I still have?”

 

In the end, I realized that we all have different expectations in life. The expectations I have might conflict with other people’s expectations. The expectations I set for myself changed because of the expectations of other people. I set my expectations according to others’ expectations. So what’s good about expectations? 

 

It’s hard to grasp all these ideas, but I had this vision:

 

Maybe I should dream instead. Dream without expectations. Just dream. Don’t think about people’s expectations. Just mind your own business: make your dreams into reality. 

 

I realized that I can never meet anyone’s expectations because I am me. And that’s enough, as long as I’m doing my best and I have a reason to do things. It’s all enough. 

 

I hope I and others can live with this vision soon, without regrets. 

 

—

 

Julia Magsombol is currently a journalism student from Edmonton, Canada, who desires to bring hope to people through her writing. When not writing or reading, you can catch her sewing clothes, painting nature and drinking instant coffee.

There for a Reason

Posted on by andrew

Elizabeth Atkinson, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

There is so much pressure to succeed and make use of every hour of the day – but at what cost? 

 

Living as a young disabled person, knowing my limits has become a survival technique. With fibromyalgia, overexertion can cause flare-ups that can be detrimental and throw a wrench into future plans. It is not always easy to stay true to your limits. There can be a lot of pressure to physically keep up with your able-bodied friends and family. This can be something as simple as walking at a pace you are not comfortable with, just to keep up with your friends who don’t need to worry about conserving their energy on a short walk. Feeling safe emotionally by being able to voice these limits is key. The people around you will understand, and hopefully accommodate the limits you have set for yourself. 

 

However, it is not just disabled people who need to know their limits. It seems more and more these days people are being praised for “the grind” and while I am a fan of hard work and a strong work ethic, working to the point of exhaustion is just not healthy. People seem to be running on empty, as if their check engine light is on but they aren’t taking the time to look under the hood and find the root of the problem.

 

Limits aren’t just physical. Limits are there for a reason, whether they are physical or emotional. Knowing your emotional limits is key for setting boundaries. Personally, I have had to set limits with my family about them talking to me about my weight. I have had to set that boundary with them as it was causing my mental health to deteriorate and causing a strain on an otherwise absolutely beautiful relationship. By setting this boundary, and knowing my limits with my family, I was able to preserve something amazing. 

 

As previously mentioned, there can be a lot of pressure to forgo your limits in order to make life easier for the people around you. This, however, will not serve you in the long run as you become run-down. Emotionally setting limits and sticking to them is potentially even harder than setting and maintaining physical limits. 

 

In my opinion, pushing your limits is always overrated because limits are there for a reason, and that reason is to protect you. Staying true to your limits is a good way to ensure a happier, less stressful and more energized future for yourself.

 

—

 

Leave your thoughts for Elizabeth in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person, at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Managing Fear

Posted on by andrew

MacKenzie Chalmers (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

As individuals, the experience of fear may determine our next steps in our journeys. We fear objects, people, experiences or change. We fear the unknown. Fear draws on our emotions, often creating feelings of panic to rise within our bodies. It can result in avoidance of the reason for the fear. 

 

As children, we may have feared the dark, the monsters in our closets or underneath our beds, or the basement.  

 

We fear change. Change in our home, lives, school or daily activities. 

 

We fear failure. Receiving bad grades, losing a competition or game, or losing out on an opportunity can result in feeling like you have failed. 

 

We fear the unknown. The potential to lose someone close to us, whether they are a family member, friend or family pet, is a factor that can create anxiety from the unknown. 

 

These are all ways that fear becomes present within us, growing until it begins to affect our daily lives. Sometimes we can grow out of a fear, and sometimes we cannot. 

 

Some steps to overcome fear: 

 

Think about the fear. 

 

Take a moment and think about the fear that you are experiencing. Are you about to do something that could cause an injury if done wrong? Perhaps you are about to learn how to ride a bike or skate for the first time, or are learning how to drive a car. You may be scared of getting hurt or hurting someone else, causing you to fear that activity. Think about the fear and make an attempt to understand the fear. 

 

If possible, educate yourself about the fear. 

 

You may be taking part in an activity such as skydiving, bungee jumping or ziplining, or riding a new rollercoaster at an amusement park. The activity itself can appear scary due to the height or another risk factor. However, complete as much research as possible. Research the safety measures of each activity. Research written material, watch videos from others sharing their own experiences, ask people that you may know about their own experience with those activities. Research the fear in any form that is available and you can create comfort within yourself, eliminating the fear.  

 

Prepare and practice. 

 

If it is possible, practice before taking part in the activity that is creating the fear. For example, you may fear public speaking. Read aloud to yourself, practicing your speech, and then slowly ask people to listen to you speak, increasing the amount of people in order to gain comfort in others watching and listening to you. 

 

Choose the right crowd. 

 

People can motivate you. Surround yourself with people who will push you to complete the activity that is making you fearful. Choose people who will support you and try to comfort and reassure you. 

 

Visualize. 

 

Remain positive. Visualize the outcome and the happiness you will experience when completing the activity that is making you fearful. Remember the reason you wanted to do the activity in the first place. 

 

Talk to someone about the fear. 

 

Talk to someone about your fear. You may think that keeping your fear to yourself will help. Talking to someone may allow for a weight to be lifted off of your shoulders. That person could understand your fear and relate to it, and may be able to offer advice. 

 

Breathe. 

 

Keep breathing. If you get yourself into a panic, remembering to breathe could help you relax. 

 

Fear lives within ourselves. It becomes present in many ways that are different for everybody. If we do not try to overcome fear, it can take over our lives, causing us to miss out on valuable and rewarding experiences. 

 

Fear will never go away, but we can try to overcome it each time. 

 

—

 

MacKenzie is a digital media enthusiast with interests in various aspects of media. She takes part in novel hunting, photo and video creating and creative writing.

Jump

Posted on by andrew

Plunging through the troposphere, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Nicole Riglietti found a perfect metaphor for the eye-opening act of turning your dreams into action.

 

I keep putting immense pressure on myself. Pressure to grow up. To make realistic choices in life. To have one foot in a life full of security and the other foot pursuing my passions. To walk the safe road in life or walk the one less travelled, carving out my own path, with hard-work, grit and honesty. Is there a balance? Someone once told me not to take life too seriously. How can I not, when the choices we make in life lead us to either greatness or emptiness?

 

I constantly keep taking jobs that lead me further away from the yearning desires within me. Jobs where I fearfully sell my soul for a paycheck instead of feed my soul with pure joy, honouring myself. I say, screw the fear. I’m tired of giving in to the fear of established, long-lasting security. To be honest, I don’t even think that really exists. Fear does. Fear is an innate human instinct, it’s part of the human experience. It can protect us. It hinders us. Fear allows the roaring courage within us to rise and face that which we cannot see. 

 

I went skydiving. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, to experience in my life. I craved the thrilling adventure that would ignite the adrenaline of life itself, sending shock waves through my very existence. Of course, I was nervous and terrified as each moment inched closer and closer to the drop. I was a crockpot of emotions, my heart pounding outside of myself, and I’m proud to say the excitement of it all won the battle over the fear. It was time to get on the plane and I’m thinking to myself, Okay . . . Okay, this is happening. I can do this. Take off. I’m safe on the plane, with all my gear on, and the door slides open, and people begin to jump out, except from my point of view it didn’t look like jumping, it looked like people were being sucked out of the plane. In a blink of an eye, one by one they were gone, leaving clear blue skies in my eyeline, with a loud whistling sound of air pressure rushing into the cabin and dulling my senses. My turn. I scooted my butt to the edge of the plane’s open door, my legs and feet dangling off the side into nothingness. I stretched my arms to either side, gripping the frame of the plane, holding on for dear life with my shaky, sweaty palms. There’s no sense in this. Why would anyone do this?! Those panicked thoughts raced through my mind with great speed, like Usain Bolt running the 100 metres in the Olympics. My tandem skydiver literally peeled my hands from the frame and crossed my arms over my chest, and we were off, plunging, free falling into the sky, sinking fast as gravity yanked me down with its strong hold, slicing me through the clouds. Those 20-30 seconds of free-falling were the most terrifying thrill, I didn’t even know what was happening. Once the parachute went up, jolting us to a soar, I was able to breathe and appreciate the beauty of creation below and all around me. The mountains to my side, the glistening Pacific ahead of me outlining the surrounding land below, the city stretched out as if it were all Lego formed together by a child’s imagination. I was floating among the clouds, beaming, soaring, smiling, flying with the birds. I was breathing, living, excited to be alive and just taking everything in. 

 

I guess what I’m beginning to realize is, in life the active choice to follow your dreams and pursue your passions is like jumping out of an airplane. It’s utterly terrifying. It’s illuminating excitement. It’s sheer panic and trembling fear. It’s free-falling and liberating. 

 

I could find a secure career, a good-paying, stable job because it’s time to grow up and be an actual adult, only to find that I hate it and myself, becoming miserable at best with the nine-to-five routine, as my soul is craving something else, whispering to me, hoping one day I’ll actually listen. I’d rather have the courage to actively pursue my dreams, follow my heart and turn those dreams into a reality. The dreaming all day, every day at an unfulfilling job makes me unhappy, to say the least. Taking the initial steps fills my insides with fear and crippling anxiety, and then I slowly fall into it and find my way. At the end of the day, at the end of my life, I want to look back and see how I had the courage to try – that I had the courage to be who I am, and most importantly, the courage to be true to who I am. 

 

Head on over to a Low Entropy meeting, or mosey on over to the comments section or any of our social media accounts to let us know about a time you pushed through your fears to witness the beauty on the other side.