Tag: life

Letter from My 80-Year-Old Self

Posted on by andrew

Neema Ejercito (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

My dearest Neema,

 

So here we are at the age where we wanted to be when we were in our 30s. I remember us telling Mommy whenever we encountered challenges how much we wanted to skip over all of that and just be me now — wise, calm and transcendental, ha! I definitely give less f’s now, but I don’t know if I’d call myself all of those adjectives. I definitely feel a lot achier and slower. I remember when we saw our 80-plus-year-olds then, Tito George and Tita Lory, when we were in our late 40s, after having moved to Vancouver. We were observing them because we wanted to understand our parents more, and we also wanted to see what we would look forward to in our senior years.

 

How we struggled to make sense of our move to Vancouver then. I remember the frustration we felt at things not moving according to our own pace, and the uncertainty of our permanent resident approval and later, our citizenship. I think I’m supposed to give you advice on how we made it this far, but honestly, we’ve always known that there aren’t really any formulas or templates to these things. And like what we’ve discovered when someone needs us, it truly is the time we spend with them that matters the most. Money helps, and talks – I still recall us realizing the double-edged truth to the latter.

 

Let’s see, maybe I can tell you how you and Ron are doing. Before that, let me tell you how you are doing. We are still writing, and I love that that’s exactly what we wanted to be doing in our senior years. Even then, we didn’t believe in retirement. We are writing, getting published and making appearances, but more importantly, we are still teaching. We’ve always liked the flexible schedule, especially now that we can spend time with our grandchildren. So because, I guess, of the success of our writing projects, we are at a place where we can actually dictate when to work and what projects to take — yey! I know we’ve always wondered if we were ever going to get to that point, even being content daydreaming about it because it always seemed out of reach, or more for other people, but never for us. Only “nice to have,” so to speak. 

 

Before getting into the grandkids, we do have a couple of feature films (one animated and one live-action) produced, a couple of chapbooks under our belt and a book series. Prior to Julia Cameron’s passing, she actually coordinated with us so that we could come up with our own version of The Artist’s Way. With her blessing, ours is called The Artist in Me. 

 

So how are you and Ron? He actually passed on at 70, the year he wished to die. I am constantly thankful that he didn’t have to experience that feeling of being a burden that he so detested. We talk to him every day, rubbing the small jar locket of his ashes on our neck as we do so.

 

We take turns living with the kids these days, so our year is divided into 3 locations. When we are with Joaquin, we help take care of our 3 grandkids: Pharrell, Ember and Dandy, a boy and 2 girls. Yes, he and Kat ended up together, though it wasn’t easy what they went through, but you already knew that. The heartbreak was something we quietly shared with Joaquin, but Ron made it a bit easier by dating you a lot, as we know he loves to do, and without being too obvious, spoiling Joaquin with musical performances together (yes, Joaquin’s violin and Ron’s sax lessons pay off emotionally, mentally and spiritually).

 

Lara has one boy, and because you haven’t met her partner, I won’t spoil it =D (Yes, at our age, we still write personal messages with emojis). She is a mycologist and actually met Paul Stamets before he passed. She actually knows his son (hint, hint).

 

As for Ramon, his babies are his capybaras and his adopted elephant seal at the Vancouver Aquarium. He’s busy in the IT industry helping out start-ups, and is the richest among the 3 kids. And yes, you help him take care of Capy and Bara when you’re at his place.

 

If I may just leave you with a poem we wrote as my last bit of “advice”:

 

May We Always

 

May we always have just enough

Just enough food to savour each bite

Just enough water to find it sweet

Just enough to wear to enjoy the weather

Just enough house to take care of it all

Just enough work to know rest

Just enough rest to be productive

Just enough company to enjoy each moment

Just enough silence to listen

 

To the universe, to ourselves, to each other

 

Just enough noise to enjoy

Just enough peace to act

Just enough to do to remember why

 

Just enough sadness to move past it

Enough anger for injustice to do the right thing

Enough happiness to share it

Enough fear to rise above it

Enough doubt to trust it

 

May we always be enough

Be enough to know our worth

Be enough to go where we’re needed

Be enough not to compare

Be enough to remember we matter, we count, we dare

 

May we make enough count.

 

Be.

 

Enough. 

 

I love you, sweetie.

 

You

 

Note: I have written letters to myself since I came across this task in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way over 20 years ago. I have since made possibly three-to-four versions of the letter, and even did one where my current self wrote to my eight-year-old self. I find that updating the letter every so often really helps me put in perspective where I currently am and where I am headed.

 

—

 

Neema Ejercito is a professional writer, director and creative writing mentor. Her 3D edutainment series for beginning readers, AlphaBesties, is showing in YouTube Japan and Prairie Kids. When she’s not writing or mentoring, she manages her household with her very supportive husband and three children.

 

Words

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Anna Bernsteiner (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

I have been writing my whole life. When I was seven I wrote a story about five cat superheroes who saved the world. It never got to be the bestseller I wanted it to be, but it makes me laugh out loud when I look at it now. 

 

I always just wanted to get all the words out of my head. You see, I, like so many others in this social media society, think way too much. If you could hear what’s going on in there you would understand. So since I can write, I write. I don’t really think I’m particularly good at it, but it makes me calm and feel like anything is possible. Because paper is patient. And I don’t need to filter what I write, I can just go for it. Everything that comes out lands on that white piece of paper. It’s patient and not very judgmental.

 

I have written stories with 200 pages and sometimes poems that have just one line. I have tried writing about events that are true and about things that aren’t. I moved the lines, created, destroyed, switched languages. You name it, I have tried it. 

 

So I’m just following the words that my head arranges and bringing them to paper. One word at a time. You don’t need to be particularly good at something to do it. If it makes you happy, go for it. 

 

And every time I start, I feel a little bit better afterward. The plan was to create a range of words that people would enjoy. I used to want to write a bestseller, and now I’m just excited if one person is touched by what I write. And that person, most of the time, is my mum and sometimes my dad, and that makes my day.

 

Recently the world went upside down and a range of events in my life left me wordless. Something that I have never experienced before. The words used to flow out like water in a stream but there was nothing. Just like people were leaving, the words did too. And I didn’t write for months. They took my words away.  

 

Of course, I could have sat down and started writing random words but I had no story, nothing to say, no excitement like I used to. And it took a long time to finally get back to where I left off. 

 

So why am I writing this now? For no reason at all but for you to see that words are powerful. Out in the world, in a group, on paper or spoken from one person to another. What you say or write will be repeated inside some minds multiple times. Words can destroy or rebuild. 

 

Words can make a big difference. They do for me.

 

—

 

Hi, I’m Anna, I’m a student and I write blogs for Low Entropy. In my free time I like to explore new countries and cultures, try new foods, languages and meet new people, and I try to write interesting articles 🙂

Working Outside the Box

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Your career is a significant part of your life – for many, it sets the tone and rhythm of their day-to-day, while laying a foundation for the future. While many take the safer route, there are others who prefer to take the road less travelled. Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Prateek Sur explains how he was able to carve a path between money and passion.

 

Have you ever had a conflict in your life when you were thinking about whether to work for money and a settled life, or work for your passion? I can guarantee that it’s something that people from all over the world have thought of at least once in their lives. Is it okay to think outside the box while answering this dilemma? Well, let me give you an example from my life.

 

With Indian parents, there is this huge urge to make their kids work hard and make them either engineers or doctors. This isn’t just in India, as Indians who settle abroad also follow the same pattern. This may be why you often see Indian kids topping the ranks in most of the classes in primary or high school. In a country of almost 1.5 billion people, can you imagine the amount of scarcity for skilled labour for other jobs when everyone wants their kids to be engineers or doctors?

 

In my primary and high school, I was a bright student and used to be one of the rank holders in pretty much every school year. However, unlike my peers, I never had any specific work ambition. After my 12th exam, I decided to get myself enrolled in an engineering college as per the wishes of my parents. I got into one of the premier universities in the country, and everyone was super happy. However, this was the first time that I was to leave home and stay in a city almost 1700 kilometres away from my hometown.

 

To tell you the truth, I was not that great at engineering, but I was somehow managing to pass the semesters with a decent score. Even though I wasn’t good at the subjects, I was definitely great at the extra-curricular activities. Be it writing for the college newspapers or singing and dancing at the college festivals or disc-jockeying for the college radio or making short films, I was everywhere. 

 

Today, almost 10 years after graduating from college, when I look back, I feel that those four years at my engineering college helped me shape my career as a content writer and an entertainment journalist. You may be asking, what is an engineer doing in the field of journalism and writing? Well, the passion began during college, where I realised that this was indeed my calling, and not engineering.

 

I know many of you can relate to the feeling of not having followed your passion and having settled for something that’s more secure in terms of money. While some may be afraid of the consequences of following a monetarily unsure career, there would be many others who wouldn’t have done it because of what their parents would think of them, or what the society, in general, would think of them.

 

Here’s my advice: take the risk. Take a leap of faith, but for a limited time. Prove to your parents that yes, the field of your passion not only gives you mental peace and job satisfaction, but also pays you decently enough to have a livelihood. Yes, you might not be earning a seven-figure salary every month, but you would be doing what you love from your heart, and not sitting in a boring office, punching in and out every day, just waiting for the month to end to get your paycheck. 

 

As far as your parents go, they may be pissed at you at the start, but when you show them actual growth and career stability, they may come around and see your vision. They will eventually understand – they’re your parents after all, they wouldn’t be happy seeing their own child unhappy in a boring job.

 

You may have to give time, not only to your passion, but also to your parents to come around. Careers based on passion may not be the most lucrative, so don’t spend sleepless nights when you see your college roommate get a Porsche or your childhood neighbourhood buddy get a job paying a 10-figure salary. Be patient, and more importantly, be content with what you have. You may have less, but you don’t know the mental tension and stress these buddies of yours are going through in order to get these materialistic things. There will be a point in your life when they will envy you for having the best mental health and peaceful life.

 

Be sure of your passion, follow it diligently and give it your absolute best. As I mentioned at the start, who would do the other jobs if every kid grew up to be an engineer or a doctor! 

 

Choosing a career isn’t a cakewalk, but yes, when you do choose, choose wisely what you want from your life. Your career is a part of your life, not the heart of your life.

 

What lies at the heart of your life? Drop by a Low Entropy meet-up to tell us how you’re steering your career, or simply pop down to the comments section and leave us a note!

 

Five Things You Wish Adults Had Told You Before You Became One

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Sujana Jeganthas drops some knowledge on how to adult, and it has nothing to do with pensions or utilities bills.

 

Whether you are already well into your adulthood or just beginning it, one thing we all have in common is not knowing what being an adult actually means. As teenagers, most of us are told what adults are supposed to be, whether it means having a family by a certain age or having a high-paying job. The one thing adults never tell you is that not everything you know about being an adult is necessarily true. 

 

Looking back at my teenage years, there are things I wish I’d known before adulthood. So, for the teenagers thinking, “I can’t wait to grow up and have a big house,” here are five things I wish I knew when I was your age:

 

  1. Money is not everything

 

For a long time, I was always told that having a job at the age of 16 is important, to save for a car and pay off future school debts. This can feel overwhelming, especially since you are still being told when you can and can’t use the bathroom. After being in-between jobs for so long and finally finding one later on, I realized that money should not be my top priority. Discovering hobbies, making social connections and focusing on your well-being, as well as school, should always come before money. After all, even if money pays your bills and lets you buy things, it isn’t going to satisfy the desire to maintain a healthy mind, body and soul.

 

  1. You don’t need to have children to feel fulfilled in life

 

This was a hard one for me to swallow, especially since I was always taught that having a family is a blessing and an end-goal. Even now, when I tell people I don’t want children, I’m always told that “I will eventually change my mind.” Truthfully, I don’t know if I will change my mind, but what I do know is that, regardless of my decision, it’s a choice that I can only make.

 

If you feel pressured into having children but aren’t sure if you want any, this is a sign telling you it’s okay to not know. There’s more to life than just having a family.

 

  1. Life is not a race, nor a competition.

 

I feel like a lot of people tend to compare their lives to those around them, whether it is on social media or even just wondering if they are working at a slow pace and need to speed up. What most people don’t know is that there are probably lots of people out there who have been married for 15 years but got divorced and others who had a one-night stand and are still together after 30 years of marriage.

 

The point is that life is not about doing specific things by a certain age. It’s about enjoying what life has to offer and allowing good things to come your way, not trying to force it.

 

  1. Life does not end when you become an adult

 

A lot of people hit a certain age where they no longer feel like celebrating their birthday because they are getting “old.” The saying “age is just a number” is especially true when you feel like you’re not young enough to do certain things anymore. In reality, you still have a lot of things to experience before that back pain worsens.

 

  1. It’s okay if you have no idea what you want to do

 

In all honesty, a lot of adults, even those who have been adults for a long time, still have absolutely no clue what they want to do. Indecision is a common affliction when it comes to decisions in adulthood, and a lot of us still feel overwhelmed at the fact that we are just thrown into life and told to figure out how to pay for taxes and debts. 

 

Even if you have no idea what you want to do, pursuing new opportunities and things that interest you will always be the right step forward in figuring that out. Don’t worry about having to find your ideal career within a month of graduating school. Not everything will come as easily as you think. After all, failing to succeed in any pursuit doesn’t mean you’re not good at it – it might simply be a stepping stone that will lead you to your milestone!

 

Do you not have any idea what you want to do? How little of an idea do you have? Take a shot at describing this in the comments section, or try to explain it in front of people (supportive people!) at a Low Entropy meet-up.

The Career Box

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Sometimes convincing yourself to stop holding you back can be more difficult than overcoming external obstacles. After making a big career commitment at a young age, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Janki Patel was able to look back and realize that it’s okay to make decisions that are right for you now, regardless of what you thought in the past.

 

I was 17 when I made the decision to pursue a career in childcare. At the time, I thought it was the perfect choice for a person like me – a person whose top qualities involve being empathetic, patient, and caring. I was sure of my decision, but people around me expected better. It wasn’t perceived as a ‘notable’ profession, and I was referred to as a babysitter or nanny. I was constantly told that the career pays very little, is highly stressful, and not suitable as a long-term option. Despite the negativity tossed towards me, I started my three-year certification program with a positive attitude. 

 

Throughout those three years, as many students do, I experienced several breakdowns. One of them involved nearly dropping out of college because I doubted myself. I doubted my ability to be a successful educator. I dreaded most of my internships, and toward the end of the program, I felt like I had put myself in a box: a box where each side was sealed tightly, and as much as I wanted to get out, I couldn’t bring myself to. This was a choice I made, so I felt too guilty to complain. 

 

Nevertheless, I completed the program and spent several years working at a preschool. I surprisingly fell in love with the job, but I didn’t know how I would feel about it on a long-term basis. I enjoyed planning and implementing activities for my group, consoling a child whose crayon broke, or gathering the group for story time. I don’t think there is anything more rewarding than being able to view the world from a child’s perspective. I don’t think I was a terrible educator. I doubted myself as a student in training, but I was confident once I gained work experience. Even then, as each year passed, I became more restless and that empty feeling inside of me revisited. 

 

Fast forward to last year, when the unwelcome pandemic hit and boy, did it hit hard. It was mid-July when I got the call to start transitioning back to work. I immediately felt anxious, and I knew exactly why. No, it was not because of the virus. It was because I wanted to finally let go. I wanted to rip that box open and give myself another chance. I wanted to tell my 17-year-old self that she would not be a failure if she didn’t know what she wanted to do, that being lost is a part of the process and that, since she robbed herself of it before, she’ll deal with it now. 

 

Eventually, I left my childcare job. I still love working with children and could even see myself going back to it later in life, but for now, I want to explore. I was abnormally exhausted at the end of my workday and, at rare times, I didn’t look forward to the next. It takes a lot of energy to work with a group of young children, and I lacked some of it as time passed. I constantly pondered other possible jobs I could try that would, most importantly, allow me to pursue my love for writing. 

 

In December 2020, I graduated with another degree in education. As I reflect back on my professional career, I don’t regret any of it at all. I will always take it as a learning curve and be grateful that I had the opportunity to grow mentally, emotionally and physically. While some teenagers are encouraged to take their time, explore their options and then work toward a career goal, I simply thought I didn’t have that option. The truth was, I didn’t need somebody to tell me, I just needed to accept that fact myself. 

 

I think, as individuals, we get sucked into this whirlpool of academic and professional chaos – the type of chaos that begins the moment a child goes through their first day of school. From there, say goodbye to your personal growth and identity. It’s all about what you can and cannot do, alongside constant improvement. Don’t get me wrong, these things are great, and usually necessary to thrive in a fast-paced society . . . but at what cost?

 

I decided to break free from this whirlpool. At first, I felt ashamed to start exploring new career options and start afresh, mostly because I’d thought I had everything figured out and there I was, at 23 years old, breaking away from six years of education and work. I’m in a much better place now, mentally, emotionally and physically. I feel like I have room to breathe after years of believing I only had one option: to stay contained in the box I created for myself. I accepted that it is okay to start over and pick a pace that matches my needs. There is no race I need to win, and there is no finish line in this career journey.

 

Choosing a career is not a joke and should not be taken lightly, but it’s also important to understand that life goes beyond a position and paycheck. It took me some time to accept this fact, but the moment I did, I felt a sense of relief – a feeling I had not experienced since I was 17. And this time, I plan to keep it alive. 

 

Have you ever decided to steer your life in a whole new direction? Would you like to? Tell us about it in a Low Entropy meet-up, or simply pop down to the comments section and leave us a note!

A Quiet Fix: Holistic Healing through Yin Yoga

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What started as a quest for increased flexibility led Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Kathy Woudzia to emotional sanctuary via breath and meditation. 

As a person living alone, I have had a difficult time coping with the social isolation associated with COVID. Before January 2020, I spent my time raising a family and all duties that entailed. For 18 years I was a stay-at-home mom, spending my days looking after the household. I worked out, shopped, cleaned and prepared dinners, finding little time for building friendships.

In January 2020, it all fell apart. I found myself newly single, and with all of my children having flown the nest, COVID was the icing on the proverbial cake.

In order to cope, I would do an intense workout everyday. Fitness was not only a great way to keep fit, but more importantly, helped me keep my sanity. There is a feeling of euphoria after each and every workout. It’s not just the endorphins that course through your body after an intense fitness session, but also the general sense of accomplishment that would carry me through the day.

Unfortunately, I overworked my body to save my mind, and my body rebelled. The frequent workouts were taking a toll. I got to the point where I could barely walk without pain.  

Even worse than the physical pain was the emotional despondency of not being able to work out anymore. The fact is that I don’t feel good about myself when I don’t perform a fitness activity daily.  In too much pain to do another workout, I resorted to something I never thought I would ever do, much less enjoy: Yin Yoga.

Yin is a type of yoga where you hold poses for a minimum of three to five minutes each. I was reluctant to try this because I knew it was going to incite a different kind of physical pain from my current injury.   I’d neglected stretching for a good portion of my life, which is exactly why I was now having problems with my IT band. With a background in kinesiology, I knew about the three components to physical fitness: cardio, strength, and flexibility. I possessed the first two but I was sorely missing the third. If I wanted to repair my injury and work out again, I would need to improve my flexibility. 

I looked up Yin Yoga online. I found it to be equal parts science and spirit. Combining the practices of Yin Yoga and mindfulness meditation creates powerful possibilities for transformation and holistic healing in all layers of our being: body, mind and heart. I knew there were obvious benefits to Yin Yoga for the physical body, but it would be a very welcome surprise if it were to have a positive effect on my mind as well.

I began with some deep breathing and found that this immediately relaxed me. Next were some poses, which could be potentially painful, but the instructor said something important: only go into the pose deep enough so that you are feeling a five out of 10 in the stretch and, above all, stay present.

This made a world of difference to me. While in each three-minute pose, I focused on my breath and on being in the moment. I do not usually take the time to meditate, but I found that for three minutes at a time I could be in a complete meditative state. The video was 45 minutes long, which provided me with almost a full hour of meditation. By the end of the Yin Yoga session, not only did my body feel better, but I felt a sense of calm that regular exercise didn’t provide for me. I am now going to stick with Yin Yoga even when my body no longer needs it for repair. For me, Yin Yoga and meditation is a repair of the mind.

Where do you find your inner peace? Let us know in the comments section, or attend one of Low Entropy’s supportive meetings to exchange ideas and experiences. 

Always a Mountain to Climb

Posted on by vwideski

From the symbolism of mountain goats to democratizing spirituality, Low Entropy Leah Costello speaks on the importance of accepting – and even embracing – the persistence of adversity in life, and how it can enrich every journey.

My grandmother Joan’s life advice: “There’s always a mountain to climb.” As a Capricorn, the sign of the sea goat, I appreciate the imagery of a goat persevering up the summit.

I passed on Joan’s advice to my friend Jesse and he said, “God, that’s depressing! She’s a really happy woman, isn’t she?”

I explained that she is a happy woman and I agreed with her – there’s never a time when everything will be perfect. Jesse holds onto hope that there will be. And so did I, for many years. I kept thinking, after this everything will finally come together. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get to the top of that mountain. I should have it all figured out by now! Some people have perfect lives, right?

I didn’t get it for a long time. I got part of the way there when I started reading Pema Chödrön, the acclaimed Shambhala Buddhist monk who lives in my homeland of Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. She says that there will never be a time when everything comes together, that we have to accept where we are in every given moment without judgment. If I’m being honest with myself, it took some very deep wounds and family tragedies to gain a deep understanding of this concept. Eventually, I realized that this is what my grandmother was getting at in her mountain-climbing analogy.

So what does this mean in practice? Well, I’m still not 100 percent sure. I’m figuring it out. I’m far from a monk living in the isolated highlands of Cape Breton. I do yoga videos at home like everyone else. But no matter what you are doing, you can always make room for yourself. I struggle during corpse pose to keep myself from making an inventory of all the things I have to do that day. It’s hard not to silently criticize myself and others, and even harder to confront the people I love.

My current philosophy is a simple, albeit cliché one: life is a journey and not a destination. That’s what Pema and Nanny Joan are getting at. Bring yourself back to yourself: back from the downward spiral of to-do lists, back from the chain reaction of thoughts that lead nowhere and back from the dramatic arguments playing out in your head.

People call this mindfulness, but you can call it whatever you like – whatever gets you there. My Nanny didn’t study as a monk, but she gets it. A lot of people get it. They clear their heads, get some air, gain perspective, check in, pray, give offerings, do therapy and get a little help from their friends.

People get caught up in fancy spiritual terms and forget that they were coined in a very different time from our own. The same idioms and imagery may not work for us. Spiritual practices, such as mindfulness and prayer, capture a universal part of the human experience. Human experiences don’t “belong” to any particular culture or group. You can bring yourself back to yourself in many ways, whether through established spiritual traditions or more eclectic approaches.

For my grandmother, it’s mountains and goats. The goat climbs up the mountain in his endless pursuit of the summit. But when he gets to the top, he sees the whole mountain range. It’s endless and stretches out to the horizon. He might get discouraged, but during that peaceful time on the summit, he can see the whole picture, the totality of challenges that we all experience. It allows him to practice acceptance of the perpetual climb. And that acceptance gives him the strength to move forward.

How do you handle recurring challenges? And are goats the most inspiring animal? If not, then which one? Start the debate in the comments or at a Low Entropy meeting, and convince everyone with your air-tight argument.

. . . and also it’s flamingos. It’s obviously flamingos.