Tag: challenges

A Journey to Recovery

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Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

When you search up how to define recovery, the first thing to pop up is the following definition: it is “a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength.” At first glance, this seems like a perfectly acceptable definition but if you sit and think about it, it offers up a vague answer to something that is actually quite complicated. In my opinion, recovery can mean a lot of different things to many different people and situations. I think it is unfair to put the word “normal” within the definition because firstly, I don’t believe there is such a thing as normal in this world and secondly, I think it puts high expectations on something that is very difficult and that pressure can cause harm. 

 

I can’t speak for others because everyone has their own way of working on and defining their recovery but in my case, if I were to say what my recovery looks like for me, I would describe it as a nonlinear journey. To me, there is no straightforward path to the top of the mountain, it’s jagged and bumpy with many routes. I also think that it’s the most realistic way of looking at life. I have learned overtime that we all want some clear idea of where we are headed: there is security and comfort in that and I have felt that urge to have all the answers many times. However, there is also something comforting in giving up control and letting the wind direct you where it wants. 

 

I am not saying that this method is meant for everyone. Some people strive in structured environments and they feel anxious without it but personally, I think you should always explore different alternatives and find the one that works best for you. I may not have had to recover from alcohol or drug abuse, but I have been in a fight within my own mind for years trying to reclaim control while also searching for happiness and meaning in my life. I have noticed that I can fixate so hard on one little slip up that it can completely erase all the progress I made the previous day. I have to allow myself room for errors so when I do fall, I am more prepared the next time so it doesn’t feel like the world crashed alongside me. I also think it would be beneficial if individuals who aren’t struggling or recovering from something took a minute and accepted the fact that even if it is hard to watch your loved one recover, they aren’t going to be fine overnight. Recovery takes time and a lot of wounded souls can feel like Humpty Dumpty who falls off the wall just waiting for someone to put them back together and I think even though that support is helpful and may seem easier. I think we need to remember that we are able to help ourselves, even if we just don’t believe it yet. 

 

In conclusion, just remember to be patient with yourself and the things life puts in your path and even though it sucks sometimes, it does make you a stronger and better person. I truly believe that. However, if my words lack gravity with the masses, take a moment to listen to “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus and keep these lyrics in your heart as a sort of mantra: 

“[t]here’s always going to be another mountain, I’m always going to want to make it move, always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m going to have to lose, it isn’t about how fast I get there, it isn’t about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the climb.” 

 

At the end of the day, when you do finally feel like you have reached a place of healing and can live a good life you will be able to look back at the person you once were and appreciate the journey. 

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My name is Cristina Crescenzo and I am a university student who has a passion for writing. I hope that through my blog posts people can connect with me and learn something. I also want to bring constant awareness to mental health and the disabled community and I believe I can do that best at Low Entropy.

Narrative and Nemeses in Everyday Life

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Josh Keefer (he/him/his), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

We spend our lives surrounded by stories, and whether it is nature or habit, story is foundational to the way we think. Not only is story present in movie theatres (and just about every other screen we spend time with), it also frames the way we share with our friends and family, and shared stories are what help knit our communities together. There is a particular element of story, however, that is rife in our more fantastical narratives but less present—or less obvious—in everyday life: the nemesis. The barrier between the narratives we build and the reality we inhabit can be a permissive one; when a nemesis crosses over into our lives, its presence can be powerful, motivating—but never nonfictional.

Nemeses, or antagonists, serve as the fulcrum around which many stories turn. In a classic person vs. person story, the protagonist represents a set of principles that will be tested through a struggle with the antagonist, who epitomises the opposite of our protagonist’s virtues. A conflict ensues, principles are tested, and the protagonist is victorious—if not literally, then metaphorically, via swaying their nemesis to their own principles, or some greater poetic justice finally finding purchase. We arrive at a conclusion which, in the laboratory conditions of a fictional story, are clear and striking: one set of principles is confirmed superior by their victory. No alternative conclusion is allowed, or perhaps even wanted. Stories give us something that I think we all look for in real life: an assertive answer that closes a question, leaving no room for doubts or contradictions.

The stories present in our lives are also immensely powerful. They are unmatched in their role as fonts of motivation, and a motivated person is capable of far more than a disinterested one. The proper motivation drives us to push ourselves beyond our circumstance. I have an anecdote that, though personal, is not uncommon: a high school classmate of mine had a teacher tell him that he wasn’t intelligent enough to take advanced placement classes. Said classmate is now a doctor, and while he was taxing his memory during his laborious journey to his MD, he never forgot that teacher’s sentence. If I were to ask him, he would say that teacher was his nemesis, but if I were to ask the teacher, he would probably not remember that student. Or, for a more public example, take one retired Michael Jordan, who admitted that even while he was reigning champion and widely regarded as the best basketball player ever born, he would invent stories to keep driving his performance upward. A victorious Jordan would arrive at the post-game press conference and announce that his game was fuelled by the trash talk of one of his opponents. The reporters would race over for a comment from said opponent, only to find him bewildered, stating he never said a word—after all, who would?

Nemeses are most powerful, not for themselves, but for the power they give the protagonists. What enables us to use nemeses to our advantage is a trait we all have in common with Michael Jordan: we see ourselves as the protagonist, and are driven to bring the story to its triumphant conclusion. The assumption that we are always the protagonist, however, is a dangerous one. When a fictional story is designed, the principles come first, then the protagonist is created around them, but in our stories, the protagonist is already present, making the principles come second. Are our principles virtuous by virtue of themselves, or do we think them virtuous just because we have them?

Nemeses can be a powerful lever in our lives, but it is dangerous to hold them too tightly when a simple shift in perspective can dismantle the stories around which we’ve built our lives. Our protagonism can pull us too far from the objective reality that there are too many people on a global, national, or even community scale for everybody to be comfortably sorted into protagonists and antagonists. All I can say for certain is that we are people making very messy stories through our relationships with one another. Constructing nemeses can fuel us to great achievements, but trusting our constructs too much can pull us from our real relationships and into our own fiction.

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Josh Keefer (he/him/his) is an aspiring writer from North Vancouver, writing primarily fiction and posts like these.

Have you ever felt like Alice in Wonderland?

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Kanak Khatri, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

After almost 20 hours of flight, I felt like Alice who landed in a wonderland pondering how my jet lag would go away and how I would figure my life out in a new country. Jet lag and losing track of time (because the sun sets late in Canada) were just the first little things that I faced as an immigrant. However, I personally, emotionally and spiritually have changed so much that the initial glitches in retrospect feel like the tip of the iceberg that was going to change me for good.

Initially, I had to talk to a lot of strangers trying to figure out accommodation and become friends with people who were in the same situation as I was. It changed me from a girl who was always introverted and not very confident to one who is more outgoing. Another challenge I faced was trying to keep myself fed which also gave me a greater appreciation for my mother as a homemaker. Before I forced myself to discover culinary art, I survived mostly on bread. Next stop, figuring out transit. Once I was able to figure out the buses, I was surprised to learn how easy it is to get somewhere. I also thrifted things because I couldn’t afford new items at the time. The initial struggle made me outgoing, and a hustler and most importantly made me learn essential life skills.

Another adjustment was transitioning from one education system to another. I am a nerd and I loved going to college and writing assignments, so it wasn’t a problem. However, the whole two years of school made me realize my passion for writing, and here I am today.

The next challenge was getting a job, figuring that out was difficult and significant at the same time. I had moved to countries looking for opportunities that weren’t prevalent in my own. Disappointed so many times, I built my way through being a part-time restaurant crew member, and supervisor and then finally landing a corporate job made me realize and see my end goal will manifest in the future. In the end, 250 versions of my resume, people and recruiters ghosting me, well-built stories, and tweaking my skills here and there was all worth it. As much as I hated my initial restaurant jobs, I appreciate that I got to experience them because I owe my confidence, understanding of teamwork, mentorship, and friendships to those jobs. 

Through all of the stages, I kept meeting people, making friends and learning about their stories. Coming from a different culture, made me more accepting, and open-minded and enhanced my ability to put myself in people’s shoes. All the freedom and opportunities that I received from my migration to a new country have turned me into a person that I never imagined I could be.

I mean I did have all positive expectations of things happening to me when I moved, and things did take a different turn. All my struggles have matured me, and I know dealing with change is difficult. I do cherish all the experiences and embrace all the growth that it has brought me, and I hope to continue to do that.

 

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Leave your thoughts for Kanak in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Staying Calm during Challenging Times

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Grace Cheng (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

We live in a world full of challenges, but what happens when one encounters a situation in which there is no way out? As humans, we are often faced with difficult events in life, and it is crucial to know how to handle them. In such circumstances, it is extremely important to remain calm and hopeful. While stress is a normal part of modern life, if you frequently find yourself in situations that are stressful and feel panicked or overwhelmed, you may benefit from learning some coping strategies.  

 

There is no need to avoid all forms of stress when cultivating calm. When we take time to breathe, connect and care, we may find that some of the negative feelings we have been running from will become apparent. The key is to practice self-compassion at that time; feeling bad is okay. Having resilience does not mean that we will always be happy, but that we will have the energy, the attitude, and the support to help us cope with a life’s challenges.

 

The following ten tips will help you stay calm during life’s most challenging moments.

 

  1. Mediation

 

It has been proven that meditation reduces stress. It also changes the brain over time, allowing you to control your emotions more effectively and stay calm when you need it most. Meditation regularly can thus assist you in better handling stressful moments in the long run. 

 

  1. Taking a Deep Breath

 

Deep breathing is an effective method of calming yourself down. Whenever you feel that your brain has reached a deadlock state, you should breathe properly and make sure your body is getting adequate oxygen. Close your eyes and take some time to relax. By doing so, you will be able to deal with the situation more effectively.

 

  1. Positive Thinking

 

Believe it or not, if you are filled with negative thoughts, you will be unable to deal with any situation. Negative thoughts and unnecessary fears may cause you to feel extremely restless and exhausted. To overcome difficult times, you must maintain a positive attitude. By telling yourself that you are capable of doing a particular task, rather than thinking that you will not be able to accomplish it, you will be more likely to succeed. By remaining positive, your brain can avoid stress and remain calm.

 

  1. Slowing Down

 

In bad situations, try not to react immediately if at all possible. Allow yourself some time to gather and analyze as much information as possible regarding the situation at hand. To avoid confusion, it is important to provide accurate data. A clear vision can only be achieved with the right information.

 

  1. Receiving Help from Others

 

There is nothing wrong with seeking assistance from others. The best thing that you can do if you are deeply stuck in a problem is to ask people for help. If you are unable to resolve a problem calmly, your loved ones will ensure that you will not face the problem for a long time. During rough times, you can always rely on your friends and family for support.

 

  1. Exercise

 

When it comes to managing stress and dealing with external pressure, exercise is just as important as sleep. Exercise causes your body to release feel-good hormones and helps you to clear your mind.  

 

  1. Sleep

 

When you have not had a good night’s sleep, everything seems to be worse. You can often end up in a vicious cycle due to stress and anxiety from not being able to sleep and then feeling worse. Prioritize your sleep, especially if you are under a lot of pressure.

 

  1. Being Grateful

 

You can maintain a positive attitude by remaining grateful for everything you have in your life, no matter how small. It has been shown that people who keep a gratitude journal daily have lower levels of cortisol which is the hormone responsible for stress. You may find it helpful to take a few moments at the end of each day to write down a few things you are grateful for and see how much better you feel as a result.

 

  1. Finding Solutions

 

To solve complicated situations, it is also helpful to get to the root of the problem and solve it first. After finding the root cause, you will have a much better understanding of the steps taken to reach that point.  

 

  1. Writing Emotion Journals

 

During tough moments, releasing emotions can help you remain calm. Oftentimes, when life throws you an overwhelming challenge, you may feel angry, helpless, afraid, sad, or ashamed. The storage of emotions leads to feelings of panic and a feeling of being out of control when they are bottled up. Understanding how to honor your emotions will also assist you in understanding more effective coping methods.

 

You can take control of your destiny today by being calm and developing inner peace.

 

–

 

Grace has an accounting and finance background. She enjoys reading, writing, listening to music, watching movies and playing sports.

I found home in a foreign land

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Kanak Khatri, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

At that moment I felt like I had everything I ever wanted. It was my 26th birthday, my friend and I were sitting, sipping coffee and just chatting away. It does not sound like much, but for someone who had no job, no money and literally nobody, I had a friend and that was the best birthday ever. I had everything that I could ever ask for.

Three years and many more to go, now she is my family in a new country where, in the beginning, all I had was uncertainty. I really enjoy how we cook for each other, overfeed each other, complain that we did that and then proceed to barely walk after gobbling up all the food. I love how we can listen to each other for hours with no track of time, give each other genuine advice and want the best for one another.

I also know that I may never have the opportunity to express how lucky I feel to have her, so I am grabbing this one too. I admire her spirit that empowers her to help anyone and everyone. Persevere through the toughest time and come out as the winner. Be so independent that she is all equipped to live by herself yet allow people into her life.

Three years in a foreign country, I only have one friend that I can count on. Well, I would still call myself the winner. From my experience in life of people coming and leaving, claiming themselves to be my friend there were none that I could trust genuinely so one is a pretty good number. And I think everyone should ask themselves that question. Out of all the people you call a friend, how many will be there for you when things get difficult? Because people in your life really affect your mental health, my friend inspired me to write a blog about her, however there were also times I lost my faith in people.

When friends become family, that is just the universe proving that it has your back. Cherish and embrace those people forever.

 

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Leave your thoughts for Kanak in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Reacting to Failure

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Alexandra Dadivas (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Perfectionism is the belief that it is possible to achieve perfection and the need to be perfect at all times. Academic validation often goes hand in hand with perfection, leading to a very toxic mindset that many students fall into. As one of these students, I can tell you that it is almost impossible to dig yourself out of it. However, I can also tell you my story and how my thinking has changed over time when failure does inevitably occur.

Failure is a part of life. Everyone, including perfectionists, know this, even if it is at the very back of our minds. But people sometimes have very different definitions of failure. Some people think of it as scoring below fifty percent. Others believe that it is not trying at all. For many perfectionists, to fail is to not achieve your goal or meet your standard. The issue is that our standards can be ridiculously high. For me, my goal for myself every single time I had a test at school was to get 95 or higher. When I did reach this goal, I rarely jumped in excitement but was simply satisfied that it reached my expectation. In the times that I did not get my desired mark, it ate away at my person. You could have done better. It isn’t good enough. You aren’t good enough. This was my problem, as it is for many. I allowed my academics to determine my self-worth. My thinking was, “If I’m not a winner, doesn’t that mean that I am a loser?” More often than not, I found myself catastrophizing these “failures” of mine. I began overthinking to the point where I actually convinced myself that this one test mark would cause the rest of my life to go downhill. Sounds ridiculous and overdramatic, right? Well, you’re correct, but in the moment, it always threw me into a state of absolute panic, and the fear in my chest would not go away for days at a time. 

I am terrified to fail – I have been for most of my life. For a while, I thought that this was normal, but as I grew older and encountered more people, I discovered that there are so many different ways that humans respond to defeat. For example, I have met a handful of people who think little to nothing of failure at all. If they do not reach their goal, or if they score below 50% on a test, they simply brush it off and say they will try harder next time or that it just wasn’t meant to be. At first, this confused me. How could they be so carefree and yet so sure of themselves at the same time? After mulling it over for a while (specifically years), it’s led me to conclude that perhaps failure is only as tragic as one believes it to be. Depending on your mindset, failure could be devastating and calamitous, or it could be a small obstacle that requires no second thought. 

Now, I am not saying that by randomly deciding to be an extreme optimist, all your life problems will magically disappear. That would only happen in a perfect world. In an imperfect world like this one, a change like this comes with mandatory time, effort, and determination. I have been working on myself and my reaction to failure for over a year now, and there are still times when I feel I have gotten nowhere with my progress. Where I have high standards and freak out when those standards are not met. However, there are also times when I encounter failure and I’m… okay with it. I’ve learned to pick out my mistakes and use them to get better, instead of allowing them to degrade me. 

One’s failures do not equate to one’s worth as a person. It took me a second to realize that, but once I did, I was able to healthily start my progress to having a proactive mindset. I now am more open to trying new things without the fear of being disappointed in myself, and am on the road to accepting failure just as easily as I would success.

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Hi! My name is Alexandra Dadivas and I’m going into Grade 11 with the goal of being in healthcare sciences. Avid reader of young adult fiction!

Mourning; Is There An Easy Way?

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Ugochi Guchy Kalu (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

“I am really sorry for your loss”, “Take heart”, “Feel better”, “God knows best”, “Rise and shine”, “Wipe your tears”, “Don’t give up”, “Have some faith”, “Don’t mourn like a hopeless person”, “There is hope”, “Look on the bright side”. These are words of comfort I learned growing up which I began using each time I had to visit anyone struck by tragedy in their own life. These words became so profound and repetitive that they might have lost their true meaning when I wasn’t looking. Each of these phrases fit perfectly into any situation be it in the event of death, loss of job, ill health, broken relationship, disappointment, depression, and just about anything painful. Really? Are there verbal rules to comfort people who are mourning? 

 

After a while,  I learned about the five stages of grief through reading and research. I was engrossed with it all. It absolutely makes sense that people go through these stages in their exact order, starting from denial and leading to anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I understood this and became better at comforting people by observing their reactions each time I visited. You could hear me say “Don’t worry, I understand you are angry, it’s just a phase, you will reach the acceptance stage very soon” Applying the technicality of my new learning turned me into a pro-comforter and also helped me get away from sad gatherings faster. All I had to do was rehearse them in my head, form a speech, land freely and go about my business. One time, someone recommended that I comfort people for a living because of how smooth my speech was. I imagined mourning was that simple. I never understood beyond the crying point and immense sadness. Emptiness and burnout were never part of my considerations because, for all you know, once the tears stopped flowing, life gets good again and we all move on as if nothing happened. I must have really been delusional.

 

In November 2007, I came face to face with grief accompanied by her dearest friend; emptiness. I surpassed the five stages of grief and nothing changed. I had just lost my father and no technicality in the world could explain and relieve my pain. Friends and family came to me with the usual comforting phrases, “Don’t give up, take heart, wipe your tears, it will be okay”. One of my uncles encouraged me to look on the bright side; where is the bright side? What is bright about my loss? I went numb and every other explanation he gave to support his line of argument fell on deaf ears because I stopped listening the moment he said the word bright. More than my grief, I felt inappropriate and saw my shortcomings in a new light. I realized I had attempted to quantify pain, and minimize its reach and depth by telling people who mourned to take heart and look on the bright side. What a disservice I had provided to humanity for the longest time. 

 

Looking back on the few years after my father passed, I discovered that pain and darkness do not really mix well. How else can I explain feeling better during the day while the pain boomerangs in the night with greater velocity? The knot in my chest and stomach tightens, and the sharp pain as though an arrow was driven across my chest was the hardest part, I was knocked down and crushed by my own grief that I completely lost sight of everyone else. The despair, confusion, lack of purpose and willingness to do anything, chronic sadness and constantly feeling disconnected from the world were some of the popular symptoms that graced my grieving. In reality, there is no cure for sadness, no timeline for healing emotional pain and certainly no measure for recovery.

 

Days turned into weeks, months flew by, a few years later, my father was still dead and I hadn’t reached the acceptance stage. The emptiness was my relentless companion, the void so deep that nothing could fill it up, the slow burn of emptiness began to set in, mental exhaustion, and my constant cynicism. Fifteen years later and the pain is still there, the void unfilled. But I have lived through it by building resilience. Not by accepting, not by replacement, not by looking at anything bright, just resilience for pain, agony, affliction, torment, exertion and strain because I now know that many situations are irreversible and eternal that no words of comfort are sufficient.

 

While bargaining with my pain and emptiness, I did a few things that helped me cope. I took up new hobbies, I started painting, hiking, journaling and gardening. I made certain to avoid pain-triggering situations such as watching really sad movies, I became vocal about my pain, talked to my family and friends, volunteered at the Asthma foundation as that was the primary disease that took my father from me and helping people with the same disease made me feel like I might be saving someone else’s loved one. It was therapeutic at best.  Most importantly I re-evaluated and learnt how to support people mourning better. Instead of my usual comforting phrases, I became a good listener, refrained from trying to explain their loss, respected their ways of grieving, stayed connected and available, avoided giving any advice, and helped with physical tasks such as cooking, cleaning and running errands. 

 

Truthfully, there is no easy way to mourn, no rule book, no words, no change ever makes it better. When you lose someone that holds so much space in your life, you can never be sure if what you miss is who they were or who you wanted them to be. Your memories are forever changed by the inevitability of death. It is important to acknowledge that for every nation, every tribe, and every religion world over, death and loss mean different things. We all mourn and heal differently. As someone who has experienced pain and mourned the loss of a loved one, I say the best way to mourn is however the hell you choose to.

 

My name is Ugochi Guchy Kalu. My father has been dead for 15 years, I’m not sad – I take that back, I’m furious that he had to die, I miss him all the time, but I’m better, I celebrate his anniversaries remembering only the good times.  In honour of my father, I write, hoping this piece moves my pain farther away. In honour of all those who recently lost a loved one, I may not understand the level of your pain and how sad you are, but I am certain that you are doing the best you can, keep going at your own pace, just like me, you will build your own resilience. To Late Chief Egbuta Fancy Kalu, You are forever in my heart!

 

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My name is Ugochi Guchy Kalu, I have lived in a bubble and also experienced real life hurt. I pulled through the toughest times through acceptance and a positive outlook. Stay positive, pals!

What Are You So Afraid Of?

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Emily Iorio (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

For as long as I can remember, I have been a worrier. My brittle fingernails always picked down to the length of throbbing pain and the brittle ends of my hair indicative of my nervous tics. Not always concerned with the most rational fears, I worried more about the possibility of obscure situations that could manifest into catastrophic, life-altering circumstances. My worst nightmare as a child was one of my brother, Michael, dying. This dream occurred only once, and though decades have passed since that night, I can still remember the nightmare in striking detail. The basement of our three-bedroom bungalow was flooded with towering flames, inching closer and closer to the door that led upstairs to safety. Trapped in the blaze of that unfinished vault, Michael pounded on the door, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pry it open. These were my childhood fears: losing a sibling, a parent or even my own life to some terrifying catastrophe — always wishing I could have done something more to save myself or someone else. 

 

Flash forward to the winter of 2019 when we lost Michael after a short battle with a relentless bout of cancer — my mom, recently diagnosed with ALS and my stepfather, unknowingly harbouring the early stages of cancer himself. I found myself in the exact situation I’ve always dreaded: losing my family while being forced to bear witness, useless in salvaging anything. When your greatest fears come to devastating fruition, what are you to make of life in general? If the worst-case scenario has always been the most common outcome, how can you expect anything different? Just as dark clouds seem to foreshadow incessant Vancouver rain, illness in my life began to foreshadow death, and the challenges I faced as a young adult encouraged me to anticipate failure. To put it simply, optimism has been difficult to come by in the years following the loss of my family (despite how well I forge my bubbly demeanour) and trauma has thrown a real wrench in my decision-making process. 

 

Speaking from my own personal experience, my trauma has encouraged two opposing schools of thought at the crossroads of lofty decisions. On one end of the spectrum, my trauma forces me to meticulously approach situations with caution, but perhaps too much caution (anxiety, if you will). Now that all these years of caretaking have passed, how will I ensure that I make enough money to catch up to my peers? Perhaps I should move back to Ontario to spend more time with my family and friends before they all inevitably die too? I wrestle with these thoughts, these anxieties, almost constantly. They are the fear response to unknown situations — situations that could very well end up beautiful and gratifying if I were to give them a chance.

 

On the other end of the spectrum, I’m met with a familiar “Life is too short” philosophy: life is too short to deny myself of everything I have ever wanted. This is the inspiration response that allows me to daydream about an endearing future. It is what motivated me to leave a secure job that I wasn’t truly passionate about so that I could pursue further education. It is what fuels my love for travel and my desire to visit home so often, to be with the people I love. 

 

Strangely enough, these two opposing rhetorics can sometimes motivate the same outcomes. Even if this is the case, it is a matter of choosing to listen to the inspiration response over the fear — a selective hearing for the optimistic perspective. It is finding the strength within yourself to trust in the universe, or perhaps to trust in other people, that you won’t always end up getting hurt, despite what has happened in your past. It’s choosing to visit home, not because you’re afraid that your friends and family will die or forget you, but because their presence in your life makes everything more colourful. It’s choosing the career you are passionate about, despite the learning curve ahead, because you know how wonderfully you’ll flourish if you are satisfied with your work. 

 

When I think about what I want out of life, I think about honouring my future self — the ardent and aspirational woman who will inevitably die, just like her family did, but who chose to honour her fascinations rather than her fears. Sure, ominous clouds foreshadow rain, but they can also foreshadow the growth and prosperity of a crop, the flourishing rivers that end a devastating drought. And that optimism, that feeling of being inspired by the beauty of what life could be, is what I continue to try to appreciate. When I’m ready for it, when you’re ready for it, inspiration will be waiting.

 

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Leave your thoughts for Emily in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Race to the Bottom

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Rushmila Rahman, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer 

 

Over the last two years, I noticed my voice slowly starting to fade. 

 

At first I blamed it on the pandemic – like most things – but that didn’t seem to deter the casual and undeniable shedding of the confident chord that held my sentences together. In a panic, I started focusing my energy on making my voice louder, my thoughts clearer and my words more polished. Yet I felt less heard than ever, and the more I looked in the mirror, the more I started to imagine pixie dust in place of words coming out of my mouth. 

 

I couldn’t help but wonder: was it really just the pandemic? 

 

The last two years have also seen me transition from one stage of life to another: I graduated and traded my “student” status for an “unemployed” one. With so many recent reports of employees resigning, combined with LinkedIn declarations that the future lies in hybrid work options, you’d think that it would be easy to find a job in my field. 

 

Not exactly. 

 

Job postings nowadays have a few common keywords that stood out to me: dynamic. Diverse. Detail-oriented. Expert demonstrable knowledge. Digital expert. Marketing expert. Regardless of the company’s use of such nouns and adjectives to describe their perfect candidate, they all seemingly wanted the same thing: expertise. 

 

If you search for “entry-level jobs requiring experience,” you’ll read that applicants like myself are supposed to ignore the minimum two-to-four year requirement and “just apply anyway.” Yet, before submitting the application, a little pop-up box asks me to put down (in numerical figures only) my years of experience doing X, Y and Z. 

 

Most organizations claim to be diverse in their hiring practices but their cultures are still quite static and old-fashioned. As more complex, dynamic job-seekers flood the market, companies increasingly seem to respond by shrinking their office spaces and boarding up their windows. It’s like something out of Shakespeare: “No, Time, thou shalt not boast that I do change.” 

 

My academic and professional background may not be a long scroll, but it does showcase my skills in this field. Despite my work experience and a highly specific degree, I’m weeded out as an under-qualified candidate because of the ancient and quite paradoxical practice of judging someone’s qualification for an entry-level job based on their years of experience. This tells me that all this community really cares about is that numerical value that tells them how long I’ve been doing what I’m applying to do. As if qualified people cannot be dynamic, non-linear individuals who have the tenacity to explore various interests and still climb up.

 

In his book Think for Yourself, Vikram Mansharamani writes that our love affair with specialization has surpassed all limits and imposed mental conditions (or walls) that box us in. According to his research, “experts are less accurate predictors than non-experts in their areas of expertise” because it’s difficult for them to “successfully navigate the vague situations that are more prevalent today than ever before.” As Mansharamani puts it, “breadth of perspective trumps depth of expertise in uncertain domains.” And since organizations nowadays want people to unlearn and relearn continuously, generalists are better suited to navigate the ever-changing future of any company. 

 

Yes, experts are valuable; and no, it’s not a fair world, but are companies really being “dynamic” and “diverse” by asking for years of experience for entry-level positions? Or are they just carrying out the age-old tradition of using their hiring practices to exploit periodic surges in the number of those unemployed in the market? 

 

Anyone can learn the skills that a given job requires. That’s why there is orientation, a probationary period and a hierarchy of positions in a company – these act as safeguards for the production line and the company’s coffers. And yet they want us to believe that hiring experts at entry-level wages is the most sustainable way to move forward? Unfortunately, even in 2022, the term “diversity” only runs skin-deep, and individuals with non-linear backgrounds are destined to fall through the cracks, leaving a trail of pixie dust in their wake. 

 

I believe Tinker Bell is a great analogy in this situation. As a job-seeker, I feel my voice getting increasingly silenced and my personhood gradually erased the more jobs I apply to. When I apply for positions that line up with my skills and interests, the same ones with long-drawn posts and application methods, with pages of questions on top of a resume and cover letter requirement, only to be weeded out by a little pop-up box, I might as well sprout a pair of wings and fly away to Neverland, because all those words mean nothing next to that numerical figure used to determine my qualification. 

 

The sheer lack of trust on the part of companies when screening potential employees places applicants in a position of absolute submission (mostly through arcane application processes) and otherization. Just like how Tinker Bell’s existence relied on the collective faith of those around her, the growth of the hiring company relies on having faith in those who want to work for it. 

 

As a community, enough emphasis needs to be placed on diversity and non-linear backgrounds, in the truest sense of these terms. Only when we are able to foster an environment that celebrates risk-takers and dreamers will we keep the Tinker Bells of this world from vanishing into thin air.

 

—

 

Rushmila Rahman is a writer, editor and communications professional based in Vancouver, BC.

Twin B

Posted on by andrew

Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

“What is it like being a twin?” is the question I get asked second-most often, after “What is it like being disabled while your sister is able-bodied?” Those questions are pretty loaded, so I just try to give the simplest answer I can: it’s not easy. From the moment you and your twin are brought into this world, you are labeled with the letters A and B, depending on which one of you made it out first. To most people, I am sure a simple hospital protocol like this wouldn’t seem like a big deal, but I took this label to heart and wore it on my sleeve, telling myself it was my fate to be second best. Looking back on my 21 years, I see it had nothing to do with my sister and more to do with my own insecurities that couldn’t help but be fostered as I struggled with daily life as a girl with cerebral palsy.

 

Being a twin felt like being in a constant competition, but it was one where I was only playing against myself. I also want to make it clear that my sister is the most important thing in my life, and I can say that because she doesn’t hold my resentments against me. She knows that my life has extra challenges that I didn’t ask for, so instead of fighting against me in this pointless race, she takes care of me and makes me want to become the best version of myself. However, I would be lying if I said that traces of jealousy don’t still linger. How could they not? My sister said to me once, “Having a twin is like having another you roam the earth, and it’s almost like you are witnessing an alternate version of your life.”

 

We may have the same face, but that doesn’t mean everything is bound to match. It is because of our different circumstances that we were given our own personalities and interests. Thus, the things we got to experience in life were not even close to being a mirror image. For instance, when my sister got to ride her bike, I was doing my weekly physiotherapy, and in high school while she was eating lunch with her friends, I was leaving school to go to counseling for my depression and anxiety. All in all there were some really good moments and some that were really bad. I was so happy growing up with a built-in best friend to hang out with and then,when we got older, I was really sad when I could no longer tag along with her. She had made her own friends. I couldn’t just steal them away and she was doing activities that my social anxiety found challenging. 

 

In conclusion, I am still struggling with the same problems, like believing that she is better than me or that there are moments in life she will have that I feel can’t ever have, such as getting a boyfriend or driving a car. The important part is that I have learned to slowly quiet these thoughts of inadequacy, but it’s still a work in progress. I couldn’t say being a twin is hard for everyone, but I would hope that every twin learns to cherish the unbreakable bond they were blessed with, and just forget about the alphabet.

 

—

 

My name is Cristina Crescenzo and I am a 21 year old English major at Capilano University with hopes of eventually writing YA novels and spreading disability and mental health awareness.

Use Discomfort

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Amy Mueller, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

I wish I could say discomfort was a foreign feeling. I wish I could say I haven’t sat on my couch, coffee in hand, rain bouncing off the concrete outside, with a deep gnawing ache in what feels like my soul. As I sit, a million thoughts racing through my head. How did I get here? What’s next? How will I get there? When do I start? How do I start? I am no expert, but like you, I am human. Perhaps you too have felt this feeling and had these thoughts. If so, I hope you are on the other side now. And if you are not, I have some comforting news. You are not alone and good things will come of this.

 

There are a plethora of situations that may lead us here. Perhaps you have recently lost your job, a loved one or a relationship. Or maybe you are wondering if you are happy where you are and are trying to figure out what comes next for you. Or your discomfort may be unrelated to any of these things. Maybe it is the pandemic and what feels like the polarization of the world. Maybe it is related to everyday circumstances. Maybe you are going through a particularly challenging time for none of these reasons. Wherever you are at, your reasons for feeling this way are valid. And if you find yourself relating to any of these feelings, I hope these next words are the most comforting ones you read today: You will not always feel this way. These days are temporary. They won’t last forever. This too shall pass. And somewhere deep down, while cliché, we know these words are true. They offer comfort and remind us of our strength. And sometimes that is exactly what we need.

 

I cannot promise working through your discomfort will be easy. I cannot promise it will be simple, linear or straightforward. It will be uncomfortable. But it is temporary. What I can promise you are two things: 1. You have experienced great challenges in your life outside of this. And just as you have before, you will overcome this too. You already possess the strength and tools you need to navigate this. 2. If you are being challenged, you are learning, and growth is taking place.

 

The difficult part of realizing the value in our discomfort is that we must move through it in order to get past it. I know that is not the news you wanted. In order to work through our hurt, pain, challenges, grief and every other difficult feeling/emotion, we must decide that the benefit of working through the tough stuff is greater than the comfort of remaining as we are. I can assure you, your future self will thank you for putting the work in. The path to get past discomfort, hurt and pain is through it. It’s tough, it sucks, it hurts and it is painful. You need to let yourself feel all of these things. Cry it out. Journal about it. Take deep breaths. Meditate. Talk to someone you trust. Ask for help. Make a commitment to yourself that you will do what it takes to move past where you are right now. Go slow. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to be here and be okay with it. Accept that this is a journey and it takes time. Breathe. Take things one day at a time. Take things one moment at a time if that is all you can manage right now. You will have good days. You will have hard days. You will make progress and you will take steps back. This is all part of healing and overcoming. You don’t know it yet, but this is where your strength comes from.

 

There is no time limit and there is no prescribed amount of time it will take to work through this uncomfortable place. Remember, you have the strength to navigate this situation. You possess the courage and tools you need to get to the other side. While being here, I hope every now and then you pause and reflect. Take a moment to look back at how far you have come. You will see that, as time goes on, you gain perspective. You will see things more clearly and realize things about your situation and yourself that you couldn’t see before. You will soon see things in a new light. These things are important and I hope you recognize that these are your moments of growth. In your discomfort, you will gain strength and you will gain resilience.

 

My hope is that through this process you realize, while difficult to navigate at times, discomfort is necessary to reach our true potential. It serves to show us who we really are and what we really want out of this life, and it helps put our priorities into perspective. As we continue this life journey and inevitably encounter discomfort along the way, I hope instead of resisting, you embrace it, as you recognize this feeling as growth taking place. I wish you peace, grace, compassion and strength as you navigate your journey. While it may feel as if you are on this journey alone, remind yourself: we are all navigating our own journeys, together.

 

—

 

Leave your thoughts for Amy in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Coping with High School

Posted on by andrew

Alexandra Dadivas (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Adults often say that your years in high school are going to be the best years of your life. While in the end that might be true, it doesn’t mean that your whole time there will be full of sunshine and rainbows. Let’s be real – high school is hard. The constant juggling between maintaining your grades, keeping up with your social life and taking care of your mental health is bound to be straining for anyone experiencing it. As a person who is going through secondary school myself, I also had to learn the hard way of accepting the adventure and the struggles that come with it.

 

Growing up, we are always told of the importance of education. How it will take us far in life, should we succeed. But succeeding in high school is much easier said than done. Unlike elementary, secondary school is a place where you have to take care of yourself. Your teachers are not going to constantly check on you to see if you’re following along, there will be no designated studying times and you cannot simply disregard a class, for there will be consequences both then and in the long run. If, or rather, when, you find yourself in a subject where you are struggling to keep up with the relentless pace, it is your job to consult your teacher about it. If you have a big test coming up, it’s up to you to take the initiative and to make time to study for it efficiently. You must train yourself to focus in every single class, despite how uninteresting they may be. If you want to maintain your grades, you are the one who has to take the necessary actions to do that, because no one else will do it for you. The process of it may seem cruel and draining at first, but your accomplishments later on are going to feel so much sweeter, knowing that you achieved them all by yourself.

 

High school is where you will live out most of your teenage years. Me being a teenager, I can easily say that having a social life is one of the top priorities on a teen’s mind. We want to have fun, to make friends and explore the world with them. With its demanding schedule, school can definitely get in the way of that. Spending eight hours a day inside a cramped building and then spending the rest of your time vigorously studying leaves little wiggle room for you to do the things you want to do – the things you saw teenagers doing in movies. You may not be able to go to the beach or go shopping or go for midnight drives with your friends as much as you’d like, but it is not impossible to make lifelong friendships in just the simple setting of a classroom. While bonding over the difficulties of trigonometry may not seem ideal, it is those random surprise connections that make each class worthwhile.

 

High school is known for its mental strain. Every year, we are pushed to a breaking point. Grades drop, relationships are broken and we lose pieces of ourselves. Life comes at us wave after wave and we try so hard to stay afloat, but we just cannot seem to take a breath. It is terrifying. Unfortunately, this is an issue where even I could use some guidance, so I will only speak from experience and of what has helped me in the past. My advice is to find a tether. Find something that you can always rely on to bring you back. Find something that will keep you grounded, even when it feels like you have lost your footing. For me, my tether was reading. When reality became too much for me, I would escape into the worlds given to me through literature, and it would clear my head. Your tether does not have to be limited to a hobby like mine, though. It can be a person. These days, mental health is something that is much more openly discussed. Talk to someone. Someone you fully trust, because in all this mess of variables, you deserve a person who presents themselves as a constant. Be it a best friend or a parent, pick someone who will give you the warmth of their hugs and both of their shoulders to cry on. Your mind has been through many things, and you owe it to yourself to take care of it.

 

High school is a scary place. It is a maze that twists and turns and pulls the ground out from under you at any given time. It changes you, but you need to know that that is okay. You are supposed to change. You are supposed to make mistakes. You are supposed to shed your skin and grow into the person that you have been working so hard to become. You may not have taken the paths that you thought you were going to take, but you are still on a path. Granted, it is a wild one, but I have learned to embrace every second of it, and I hope you do too.

 

—

 

Hi! My name is Alexandra Dadivas and I’m going into Grade 11 with the goal of being in healthcare sciences. Avid reader of young adult fiction!

Take Action

Posted on by andrew

Are you miserable? You should change that. How about today? Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Grace Cheng shows you how.

 

Do you sometimes feel trapped in life and feel everyone is moving ahead except for you?

 

A lot of us feel unhappy or frustrated and think we have no control over our lives. But we do have the power to change our lives by simply putting our thoughts into action. 

 

The hardest part of converting our thoughts into action is taking the first step. Sometimes we do not want to take the first step because we fear failing. We need to be more bold and courageous to step out of our comfort zone and see changes happen in our lives. If we do not take action, nothing will change. We will wonder why we are still facing the same situation 10 or 20 years from now and feel even more miserable. We are responsible for our lives, and no one can walk our lives for us. We are the only ones who can change things for ourselves, so take action today.

 

I have discovered eight ways to turn thoughts into action and transform lives to find fulfillment and happiness.

 

  1. Don’t overthink with negativity

 

I think we have all been there, stuck in a situation, going in circles, paralyzed with fear and frustrations. It is very unproductive and toxic to constantly overthink. We can replace our negative thoughts with positive thoughts that will bring more joy, peace and self-love in our lives. Dream about all of the wonderful things that can happen in your life and keep those thoughts. We can create freedom for ourselves when we are in a happier state of life.

 

  1. Don’t allow past failures to hold you back

 

Just because you might have failed in the past does not mean that you will fail again and things will not work out next time. Don’t let your fear or past failure put you off of doing something that you want to do. Fear can victimize us and stop us from seeking true happiness, keeping us feeling trapped. It is important to remember that there is always an opportunity for a new beginning. Every opportunity can be a wonderful and unique experience, and is only available to you, not somebody else.

 

  1. Don’t wait for a perfect time to do things

 

If we wait for a perfect time to do things and want everything to turn out perfectly, we only create unnecessary stress for ourselves. We end up paralyzing ourselves, holding ourselves back from reaching our goals and dreams. Aiming for perfection is simply not realistic and not practical. It is not a smart move and only hinders us from moving ahead.

 

  1. Your life view can become self-fulfilling prophecy

 

There is a saying that our outlook will determine the way we live, so make sure you have a positive view of life. Your mind is a powerful tool, and shapes whether you see life negatively or positively. Positive self-talk can empower us to achieve our dream lives. This self-talk can also help us to remain calm and positive, which will make our life journey easier to walk.

 

  1. Set realistic life goals and dreams

 

It is important that we don’t make unrealistic life goals and set the bar too high for ourselves. Setting standards too high can lead to a stressful life, with constant disappointments and frustrations. When you want to set achievable, realistic goals, you can simply start with an honest examination of your life work from there toward the directions that you want to take. If it is too difficult to reach a few goals, then start with just one goal at a time so that you can have control and not get discouraged.

 

  1. Don’t be enslaved to social standards

 

Many of us live our lives following societal standards, or expectations from our family and friends. We are suffering inside because we feel trapped living up to their expectations. But you have a choice to stand up for yourself and take full control over your life by doing things that make you happy, rather than blindly following the social norms. There is a chance that you will find friends and family who don’t accept or understand the direction or path of your life, but that is ok. You will eventually find other people who will understand you and form some meaningful friendships and connections. More importantly, you will blaze a happier and more fulfilling life.

 

  1. Learn how to say no to people

 

Sometimes it is hard to say no to others, especially to those who are close to us, like our family members, because we feel obligated to help them. If we say yes to people all the time, we will stress ourselves out and eventually feel burned out. It can be dangerous if we are constantly filling our lives doing work for others and neglecting self-care. The next time someone asks you to do something, pause for a moment before saying yes and analyze whether it is meeting your life’s purpose.

 

  1. Follow your passion and pursue a fulfilling life

 

There is no other person who knows you better than yourself, so it is up to you to make decisions and choices for the direction of your life. Following your passions will give you a great sense of purpose, and your dreams and goals can become a reality.

 

If you are not taking any action to make changes today, chances are you will remain facing the same situation and feeling trapped. You do have the power to take control over your life, by taking actionable steps to regain control and create freedom for your life, and improve your physical, emotional and mental well-being. You can identify which area of your life is holding you back and use the above-recommended advice to overcome your challenges and turn your life around.

What new and exciting directions do you want to take with your life? Let us know in the comments below, or join our community and see what everybody else at Low Entropy is up to as well!

The Importance of Trying, in Trying Times

Posted on by andrew

We could resign ourselves to the dreadfulness of the pandemic, and allow ourselves to deteriorate along with the general state of the world. Indeed, many of us have. Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Joana Baker, however, is having none of that: with five simple steps and a ton of compassion, Joana gives us an injection of optimism to channel into our self-care practices, for everybody’s benefit.

 

A report on mental health data from the COVID-19 pandemic showed a worrying trend. COVID-19’s adverse effects have led to the deterioration of mental health among a large segment of the population. Findings from the US Census Bureau show that more than 42% of Americans reported symptoms of anxiety or depression in December of last year. That’s a huge increase compared to the 11% who reported the same symptoms in the year prior.

 

Amid so many tragedies, it can be difficult to tend to your well-being. But that is precisely why you should do so in the first place. You owe it to yourself to care for yourself. Here are five simple ways you can do just that:

 

Eat Right and Get Enough Hours of Sleep

 

Health is a crucial part of your well-being, so don’t neglect it. Get enough hours of good-quality sleep to help you recharge and face each day. Also, make sure to eat enough nutritious food, even if you don’t feel like it. Nourishing your body is the first step to taking better care of yourself, so make it a habit! Try meal planning if you’re having trouble with sticking to a healthy diet, or if you’re pressed for time during the week. Because when your body is healthy, it’s easier for you to go about your day.

 

Keep an Eye on Your Posture

 

Posture is another thing that can greatly affect your overall health. Proper posture improves spine health, supports your muscles and keeps your blood vessels healthy. Plus, correct posture makes you less likely to suffer from back or neck pain. Fortunately for you, there are plenty of things you can do to improve your posture.

 

One option is to purchase a standing desk. This article on standing desks shares how it can lessen the user’s back pain. Sitting for too long can hurt your back and your posture, so having the option to stand up while doing work is sure to help. You can also get lumbar supports. This review of the best lumbar supports states that the use of these tools can improve your circulation and seated posture. Lumbar supports redistribute pressure and encourage you to sit properly. And once you’ve made that a habit, you’re more likely to carry yourself with a natural, healthy posture. Goodbye, back pain!

 

Get Invested in a Hobby

 

Let’s talk about leisure activities. Now that you have a little more time on your hands, it’s a great opportunity to get into a hobby. This can be anything that you enjoy — gaming, painting or writing, among plenty of other choices. Just be sure to pick an activity that you have fun doing. This feature on making time for hobbies highlights the importance of scheduling it into your day, even if it’s only for a few hours a week. It’s a powerful way to recharge and make time for yourself. Setting a goal for that hobby helps too. For instance, if you’re getting back into reading, try to read a certain number of books per month. This will motivate you to read more!

 

Stay in Touch with Loved Ones

 

Social connection can do wonders when you’re cooped up in your home for so long. Positive social interactions can greatly improve one’s mental and physical well-being, so it’s worth scheduling some video calls with friends and family. Ask them how they are and if they’ve been keeping safe. They’re sure to appreciate the gesture! To make sessions more interesting, you can even host a game night or a movie marathon with your loved ones.

 

Love Yourself

 

Finally, you need to remember to love yourself. Yes, the world is in a really scary state, but that isn’t an excuse to let yourself go. In another one of our blog posts, we talk about the importance of loving oneself despite the challenges that come with it. We could all benefit from allowing ourselves to love ourselves. It ensures that we care for our bodies the right way and gives us a more optimistic outlook on ourselves. So, loving yourself is essential, especially in such difficult times.

 

How are you taking care of yourself during these challenging times? Give us some tips in the comments below, or share them with supportive peers at a Conscious Connections meeting!

There and Back Again: On the Road to Change

Posted on by andrew

Andrew Woods, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Please note that this article contains brief references to substance use.

 

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”
― Terry Pratchett

 

From the day-in, day-out perspective, it’s difficult to discern where and when change occurs. Can there possibly be such a thing as change, as we maneuver through the minutiae of our daily lives?

 

Between grocery shopping, our studies, our household chores, our jobs, our family duties … between paying bills and scrolling through politically motivated Facebook memes … where does “change” fit in?

 

And yet, I look back 10 years (or more) and it becomes overwhelmingly obvious that so much has changed. It becomes almost alarming to observe the changes that I’ve undergone. 

 

I was what the nurses called “a frequent flyer.” I wasn’t the only one who had earned that honour, though. Many of “us” had become accustomed to cycling in and out of those hospital wards. I spent Christmases and birthdays there, walking aimlessly up and down the halls, staring blankly out the locked windows overlooking the grounds, chain smoking cigarettes out front with the other patients.

 

After every hospital discharge, I’d keep to the straight and narrow for a couple months, but I’d always find myself back where I started – flushing my prescribed meds and looking to score my drugs of choice.

 

And then I’d end up right back on the ward. 

 

That was my life, in a nutshell, for a good 10 years or so. And oddly enough, I was comfortable with it. After all, I had discovered an identity in that lifestyle. I had taken on various labels: bipolar, mentally ill, obsessive-compulsive, drug seeker, troubled youth … and I began to wear those labels with a sense of misaligned pride. I was caught in a landslide, grasping for anything that would yield some stability. And as a young adult, having a sense of identity offered a bit of steadiness, even when everything else was precariously unbalanced. Predictably, the more I attached to that sense of self, however distorted it was, the more complete I felt. 

 

I was told, early on in my recovery, that change is the only constant in life. Everything else is impermanent and variable … our jobs, our homes, our friends, our family … it’s all either coming or going. But what can absolutely be guaranteed is our own personal evolution. 

The unfortunate reality is, change is difficult. And often we put up a lot of resistance to it. 

Some of us, like myself, have had to hit rock bottom before deciding to embrace change.

 

I had to do something … different.

 

I didn’t really see any other alternative … I didn’t want to risk uncovering what was beneath rock bottom.

 

I went all in. Change or no change.

 

Exercise.

Diet.

Meditation.

Breathwork.

Social supports.

Therapy.

 

Taking on the challenge of modifying my every conditioned thought and behaviour was no easy task. In fact, it was an impossible task. I didn’t realize that true change would need to come from within, that it was a slow, painful process, and that I was in it for the long haul. Maybe that’s why change is so very difficult for us – because the journey to lasting change follows a steep and rocky road, and everyone falls down along the way. 

 

I certainly admit to falling down along this journey. Not just once … but many times I’ve fallen.  And perhaps in falling down I learned life’s most valuable lesson – always get back up.

 

Nowadays, my sense of identity has expanded beyond what I could’ve previously imagined. Not in an egoic, full-of-myself kind of way. But in a way that is conducive to healing, and living a better, more fulfilling life. There have been many lessons learned over the past several years, and admittedly … I learned some of those the hard way.

 

I emphasize, however, that embracing self-growth, and the journey along our own self-evolution … it isn’t some kind of chore like doing the dishes or folding laundry.

 

No, witnessing the myriad of ways in which we, as individuals, flourish through all of life’s challenges is by far the most rewarding experience available to us.

 

In fact, that is why we’re here.

 

That’s it.

 

To evolve, to grow, to nurture and thrive.

 

And it isn’t about moving from point A to point B, as if life is a roadmap with a destination marked in red ink.

 

Instead, I think our journeys through life often lead us right back to where we started, to a world that is strangely familiar, and relatively unchanged.

 

And we realize that it was never about changing the world.

 

It was about changing ourselves.

 

Always a Mountain to Climb

Posted on by vwideski

From the symbolism of mountain goats to democratizing spirituality, Low Entropy Leah Costello speaks on the importance of accepting – and even embracing – the persistence of adversity in life, and how it can enrich every journey.

My grandmother Joan’s life advice: “There’s always a mountain to climb.” As a Capricorn, the sign of the sea goat, I appreciate the imagery of a goat persevering up the summit.

I passed on Joan’s advice to my friend Jesse and he said, “God, that’s depressing! She’s a really happy woman, isn’t she?”

I explained that she is a happy woman and I agreed with her – there’s never a time when everything will be perfect. Jesse holds onto hope that there will be. And so did I, for many years. I kept thinking, after this everything will finally come together. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get to the top of that mountain. I should have it all figured out by now! Some people have perfect lives, right?

I didn’t get it for a long time. I got part of the way there when I started reading Pema Chödrön, the acclaimed Shambhala Buddhist monk who lives in my homeland of Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. She says that there will never be a time when everything comes together, that we have to accept where we are in every given moment without judgment. If I’m being honest with myself, it took some very deep wounds and family tragedies to gain a deep understanding of this concept. Eventually, I realized that this is what my grandmother was getting at in her mountain-climbing analogy.

So what does this mean in practice? Well, I’m still not 100 percent sure. I’m figuring it out. I’m far from a monk living in the isolated highlands of Cape Breton. I do yoga videos at home like everyone else. But no matter what you are doing, you can always make room for yourself. I struggle during corpse pose to keep myself from making an inventory of all the things I have to do that day. It’s hard not to silently criticize myself and others, and even harder to confront the people I love.

My current philosophy is a simple, albeit cliché one: life is a journey and not a destination. That’s what Pema and Nanny Joan are getting at. Bring yourself back to yourself: back from the downward spiral of to-do lists, back from the chain reaction of thoughts that lead nowhere and back from the dramatic arguments playing out in your head.

People call this mindfulness, but you can call it whatever you like – whatever gets you there. My Nanny didn’t study as a monk, but she gets it. A lot of people get it. They clear their heads, get some air, gain perspective, check in, pray, give offerings, do therapy and get a little help from their friends.

People get caught up in fancy spiritual terms and forget that they were coined in a very different time from our own. The same idioms and imagery may not work for us. Spiritual practices, such as mindfulness and prayer, capture a universal part of the human experience. Human experiences don’t “belong” to any particular culture or group. You can bring yourself back to yourself in many ways, whether through established spiritual traditions or more eclectic approaches.

For my grandmother, it’s mountains and goats. The goat climbs up the mountain in his endless pursuit of the summit. But when he gets to the top, he sees the whole mountain range. It’s endless and stretches out to the horizon. He might get discouraged, but during that peaceful time on the summit, he can see the whole picture, the totality of challenges that we all experience. It allows him to practice acceptance of the perpetual climb. And that acceptance gives him the strength to move forward.

How do you handle recurring challenges? And are goats the most inspiring animal? If not, then which one? Start the debate in the comments or at a Low Entropy meeting, and convince everyone with your air-tight argument.

. . . and also it’s flamingos. It’s obviously flamingos.