Tag: Perfectionism

Reacting to Failure

Posted on by andrew

Alexandra Dadivas (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Perfectionism is the belief that it is possible to achieve perfection and the need to be perfect at all times. Academic validation often goes hand in hand with perfection, leading to a very toxic mindset that many students fall into. As one of these students, I can tell you that it is almost impossible to dig yourself out of it. However, I can also tell you my story and how my thinking has changed over time when failure does inevitably occur.

Failure is a part of life. Everyone, including perfectionists, know this, even if it is at the very back of our minds. But people sometimes have very different definitions of failure. Some people think of it as scoring below fifty percent. Others believe that it is not trying at all. For many perfectionists, to fail is to not achieve your goal or meet your standard. The issue is that our standards can be ridiculously high. For me, my goal for myself every single time I had a test at school was to get 95 or higher. When I did reach this goal, I rarely jumped in excitement but was simply satisfied that it reached my expectation. In the times that I did not get my desired mark, it ate away at my person. You could have done better. It isn’t good enough. You aren’t good enough. This was my problem, as it is for many. I allowed my academics to determine my self-worth. My thinking was, “If I’m not a winner, doesn’t that mean that I am a loser?” More often than not, I found myself catastrophizing these “failures” of mine. I began overthinking to the point where I actually convinced myself that this one test mark would cause the rest of my life to go downhill. Sounds ridiculous and overdramatic, right? Well, you’re correct, but in the moment, it always threw me into a state of absolute panic, and the fear in my chest would not go away for days at a time. 

I am terrified to fail – I have been for most of my life. For a while, I thought that this was normal, but as I grew older and encountered more people, I discovered that there are so many different ways that humans respond to defeat. For example, I have met a handful of people who think little to nothing of failure at all. If they do not reach their goal, or if they score below 50% on a test, they simply brush it off and say they will try harder next time or that it just wasn’t meant to be. At first, this confused me. How could they be so carefree and yet so sure of themselves at the same time? After mulling it over for a while (specifically years), it’s led me to conclude that perhaps failure is only as tragic as one believes it to be. Depending on your mindset, failure could be devastating and calamitous, or it could be a small obstacle that requires no second thought. 

Now, I am not saying that by randomly deciding to be an extreme optimist, all your life problems will magically disappear. That would only happen in a perfect world. In an imperfect world like this one, a change like this comes with mandatory time, effort, and determination. I have been working on myself and my reaction to failure for over a year now, and there are still times when I feel I have gotten nowhere with my progress. Where I have high standards and freak out when those standards are not met. However, there are also times when I encounter failure and I’m… okay with it. I’ve learned to pick out my mistakes and use them to get better, instead of allowing them to degrade me. 

One’s failures do not equate to one’s worth as a person. It took me a second to realize that, but once I did, I was able to healthily start my progress to having a proactive mindset. I now am more open to trying new things without the fear of being disappointed in myself, and am on the road to accepting failure just as easily as I would success.

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Hi! My name is Alexandra Dadivas and I’m going into Grade 11 with the goal of being in healthcare sciences. Avid reader of young adult fiction!

My Relationship with Revision

Posted on by andrew

Neema Ejercito (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

From as far back as I can remember, I have always loved revising. From the nit-picking of dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s to deleting entire paragraphs and rewriting sections of a paper, I have always loved to revise. So much so that my dream job used to be editor-in-chief. Of what medium? It didn’t matter, as long as that was my title. But then I talked to a writer friend who is the opinion editor of a Philippine periodical and heard her complain about what a drag it was to be an editor to these senior males who thought she was far too much of a nube to correct their spelling, much less their clarity in expression. She complained about the desk job and wished she were “out there” writing again, covering stories. That’s when I really wondered if that was the kind of dream job for me.

 

I realized that it was not. I wanted to keep writing and revising until the day I died. No retirement for me. Retirement is such an ‘80s concept to me anyway. I read an article on Flipboard that talked about how retirement has become somewhat dated and how the trend is now to work till you drop. I didn’t even need to know it was a trend to realize that I was going to die writing. I was even thinking the other day how I could make a sci-fi story of a future where senior writers simply had to speak to a device that typed for them what they were saying, instead of struggling to get their thoughts down on paper or on the screen with their arthritic hands.

 

So my relationship with revision has always been positive. And yes, for me it’s normal to berate myself a bit when I realize I’ve made a typo. But for some reason, I am easier on myself when the revision requires a more or less complete overhaul of what I’ve written. I think that’s because I’ve discovered a way to somehow feel like I keep all that I write. Per piece, I have a Notes entry on what I delete. That way, should I ever need that brilliantly-composed-but-must-delete section, I have quick access. Have I ever used them? Once, at most. But it makes me feel more comfortable letting go of what I wrote, since I know where to find it. I got the concept from parenting advice columns that would talk about having playdates at the house. Ask your child what toys they would absolutely not want to share and put those away. That way, you reduce the stress on yourself and everyone for having your child unprepared to have their favourites played with by someone else.

 

That being said, a weakness in my love for revision is when I get caught up in perfection. I focus more on the correct placement of a comma and the proper use of a period sometimes than on the content. I eat my own words of allowing myself to write freely when I keep correcting what I write, valuing correctness over communication. It’s even affected how I read other people’s work sometimes.

 

I’m glad I’m a bit looser about that weakness now, but it’s still something I continually work on: not letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. I don’t ever want to be turned off from writing because of the “wrong crowd,” but there was a time when I really questioned all the years of writing and maturing I’d done in my craft because I believed certain, truly uninfluential-in-my-craft people. True enough, I found my way back when I focused on improving on my craft instead of listening to them. So glad to be back.

 

I know I will still veer off the path from time to time, but I’m glad to say my relationship with revision continues to grow. I feel that revising is always a step in the right direction. I don’t have to rush it; I just have to take the first step. Always. 

 

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Neema Ejercito is a professional writer, director and creative writing mentor. Her 3D edutainment series for beginning readers, AlphaBesties, is showing in YouTube Japan and Prairie Kids. When she’s not writing or mentoring, she manages her household with her very supportive husband and three children.