Tag: Practices

Salvaging a Nervous Wreck

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Kanak Khatri, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

I remember having wrecked nerves, sweats and a feeling almost equivalent to a heart attack, all because there was a class presentation and I had to speak in front of the class. In addition, at the time of this incident I was 25, not a teenager, and not in my awkward years. A fully grown adult who still had stage fright. Can anybody relate? Well, I did for almost 26 years of my life. I over-thought things so much that I focused more on what could go wrong than what the actual task was. However, I have overcome that when I never thought I could. I am sure everyone can.

 

It is natural to have performance anxiety and nervousness before an exam or a presentation. That’s what helps us put in more effort and get better results. However, if this anxiety is not within the limits of what is normal and it affects our performance, that is something we need to work on. And when I realised this was a problem for me and I needed to make changes, that’s when things started changing for me. Three things that helped me overcome my stage fright were exposure, being prepared and not shying away from uncomfortable encounters. Now, let me share how I overcame my stage fright.

 

Exposure: The initial step is to expose yourself to what gives you stage fright. For me, it was a fear of speaking in front of a crowd. I started by practicing in front of a friend who I was comfortable with initially, and then I started speaking in group discussions. I then moved to group presentations, and from there, individual presentations. One significant thing to remember is we can not overcome our fears if we keep shying away from them. The only way forward is to face what makes us uncomfortable.

 

Being Prepared: Preparing well for an exam or a song or a presentation is very much required. This will give you a sense of confidence. We also need to prepare ourselves to calm ourselves. Practicing meditation can help calm our nerves. Breathing exercises before a performance can also help loosen up nervous energy. If laughing relaxes you, do that. Make a whole routine of what works for you.

 

Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone: There has been more than one thing in my life that has given me performance anxiety. First it was public speaking, and now it is being interviewed. And that one thing is going to keep changing, depending on what stage of life I am in. However, knowing that I have overcome and learned to manage my anxieties in the past gives me confidence that I can take on the next challenge as well. Otherwise, imagine living a stagnant life where everything scares you and you can’t move on to the next phase of life. It’s part of our life lesson and journey to overcome and embrace changes. 

 

One more thing that gave me a perspective on overcoming my stage fright was realizing how other people around me felt in the same situations as me. They were equally, if not more anxious than I was, and it made me feel that I was not abnormal and not alone. The only difference I was fine feeling anxious and gave my hundred percent, and your confidence too just lies that differnce away.

 

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Leave your thoughts for Kanak in the comments below — better yet, start up a dialogue with the Low Entropy community in person at a Conscious Connections meeting or online at our community site. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and YouTube to stay up-to-date with Low Entropy news!

Miniscule in the Moment

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Eri Ikezawa (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

As they so eloquently tell us, “Life isn’t fair.”

 

Although this is a cynical take, there’s no denying that life brings its fair share of sorrows, tragedies, upset and challenges — no matter what walk of life we come from. The issues may vary from something as trivial as losing your favourite hoodie to something as heartbreaking as losing your beloved pet. Sometimes, you can’t even precisely discern what’s dragging you down. Nevertheless, whatever strife you may face, everyone is partial to their own methods of rediscovering internal equilibrium.

 

Personally, I rely on a tried-and-true system that helps me persevere through any obstacles I encounter — regardless of the severity of the matter.

 

First, it begins with noticing what I perceive as unfavourable feelings — anger, annoyance, frustration, dismay, anguish (this is not to say that these are “bad” feelings that one must eradicate, but they could lead to unfortunate consequences if they aren’t handled with adequate care and attention).

 

I’m always tempted to ignore or bottle up those emotions and delay acknowledging them for another day, allowing them to simmer dangerously close to boiling point — initially, it seems like the easiest, safest solution. But while it is not always the most pleasant experience singling out these feelings (seeing as how they can cause us to acknowledge negative sentiments directed towards someone whom we love or force us to face our own failures and mistakes), it is undoubtedly necessary.

 

And so, I’ve realized that labelling the emotions which catalyze me to feel out of sorts is the best way to begin searching for a productive solution.

 

Second, once I’ve comfortably ascertained what is causing me turmoil and why, I usually enter a period of time where I need to process the situation and the feelings it incites.

 

This stage is usually what takes me the longest. Formerly, it would cause me great distress, with me berating myself for not “getting over it” right away. Now I’ve come to the realization that, as long as I don’t stagnate in a period of wallowing, it is okay to take as much time as the situation warrants (and as much time as I need).

 

Converging with the aforementioned point, I also find it vital to remind myself that I mustn’t do myself the disservice of acting as though I’m fine when I’m not, and that I shouldn’t feel guilty for not always advancing at the same speed as someone else — that is to say, we don’t all emote or process the same way as those around us.

 

Once I have taken my time to process everything, I eventually come to a place where I am prepared to take concrete steps towards resolution.

 

Obviously, activities to alleviate stress and other emotional turmoil differ from individual to individual, but generally speaking, I find what brings me solace are often applicable across the board, to some degree. I find meditation, journaling, spending time outside and listening to music helps me relax and ease tension, but it is therapy and talking to my treasured confidantes that really pave the path for future resolution. Accumulating a wealth of well-intentioned advice from people who truly love me, combined with the professional advice of a therapist, provides me with a stable platform for me to step onto — and from there, I follow my own instincts to concoct a solution for whatever matter is at hand.

 

I do recognize that everyone’s life circumstances vary — sometimes, people aren’t surrounded by uplifting individuals, or don’t have access to pricy resources. In those cases, people could observe the immediate stimuli causing them detriment — whether it be toxic friends, relationships, workplaces or family — and take steps to put distance between themselves and the situation or remove themselves from it.

 

But everything is easier said than done. It takes great personal strength and commitment, while trudging through the molasses of long, tedious days when you feel bogged down, to see the light.  So, what I do is figuratively spotlight and celebrate every minor personal accomplishment during the harrowing dark of trying times.

 

I congratulate myself for knowing when it is time to relax instead of grinding so hard that I forget to eat or sleep well. I pat myself on the back for taking the long route home when walking my dog to spend a couple extra minutes in the outdoors. I acknowledge that five minutes of successful meditation is better than nothing.

 

It may seem miniscule in the moment, but sometimes, a small reminder that not everything we do is a hopeless shot in the dark is enough to get us to the end of the tunnel.

 

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My name is Eri Ikezawa and I have an extended minor in psychology and a major in linguistics. I’m still on the path to quelling questions about myself and the direction I want to head in, but in the meantime, I have always wanted to find a way to help others and contribute to a community dedicated to personal development and self-love.

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

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Linda Ng, Low Entropy Volunteer Writer 

 

As a young adult growing up in a confusing world, I believe I’ve finally mastered the art of living. I am no expert. But my journey to self-improvement in the past few years has taught me more than I’ve ever learned during my school years.

 

I’m here to share them with you today. Your age should not impact your plan of action. It’s never too late to keep improving yourself and moving forward.

 

See the World

I typically travel about two-to-three times per year, usually one long trip accompanied by a few shorter ones. I understand that travelling isn’t for everyone, especially at this point in time. But I believe there are valuable benefits you can reap from seeing the world, beyond lamenting about lost luggage or delayed flights. Seeing how other people live, encountering different cultures and meeting new people are priceless experiences that will support your transition to adulthood and allow you to grow. Check out the beautiful glaciers in Iceland, run through beautiful tea fields in Japan or visit a famous museum in Europe. Through travelling, I’ve learned to be humble and appreciate what I have. The knowledge and memories stay with you for life.

 

Live Alone

When I was in university, I lived at home. I did not learn to be independent until I got married. Living at home was perfect. There were no meals to cook or kitchens to clean. I just studied. In doing so, I gave up the experience of learning to be independent. It’s a crucial skill that I neglected to learn until much later in life. Living on campus at a university is a golden opportunity for you to train and prepare yourself. Because there is no one to rely on, you’ll find that you’ll learn new skills much more quickly. Sure, it’s tough to fix a broken kitchen appliance or figure out how to pay your expenses. But when you look back, you will be glad you trained yourself. 

 

Equip Yourself

Young adult years are often the best time to equip yourself with the ammunition you need to get through this often cruel world. You have all the time in the world to prepare yourself and learn to handle what life throws at you. No one teaches you about mortgages or how to haggle over a new car lease in school. You won’t learn about household repairs or budgeting. These are real-world skills that you need during adult life. You have the time and energy to acquire these skills when you are young.

 

Take Time Off

I’ve always regretted not taking time off between graduating and getting a full-time job. The expectation for me was to land a job after graduating from university. As I look back at my life, there is no doubt that I made a mistake. Except for paid vacation days, you don’t get time off work. Where is the time to travel or to do other things? Once you secure that permanent full-time job, you might see yourself working until you retire. We spend our most productive years earning money. When we retire and try to address our passions, we often run out of time and energy faster than we can replenish them. Whether it’s to travel or to learn more about yourself, taking a year or two off after graduating is a great way to figure out the plan for the rest of your life. I wish I did that.

 

Investing and Saving

I’ve only begun dabbling in investments in the past few years. I’ve always shied away from it, confused about the jargon and complicated charts and numbers. What did EPS and P/E ratio mean? I had no idea and wasn’t motivated to find out at all. As life went on, I came to a point where I started to think about retirement. I certainly did not want to be penniless during my retirement years. I began researching information about RRSPs, TFSAs and the stock market. The more I learned, the more ignorant I felt. Investing can generate an additional passive income that grows while I’m sleeping. I realized that I should have been investing years ago. 

 

Work During School

I came out of university debt-free, which is somewhat of a miracle. How did I do it? I paid for all my textbooks and tuition because I held down a part-time job during school. When I wasn’t studying, I was working. Hearing about students who are thousands of dollars in debt after graduating sounds like a nightmare. I avoided that nightmare by making sure I paid my way through school. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever done.

 

Venturing into the adult world is something you’ll experience much faster than you think. I’m hoping some of these tips will facilitate a smoother transition. Is there anything you’d like to add to the list? Leave a comment below to share your thoughts!

 

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My name is Linda and I’m from Canada! When I’m not writing, I enjoy travelling, playing badminton and spending time with my pets. I have a strong passion for self-improvement and mental health topics. I’m hoping to share that with you here at Low Entropy!

The Power of . . . Self-Care

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Lori Stevenson (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

A number of years ago a colleague uttered words that have forever stuck with me and changed my life: “You cannot pour from an empty cup.” These words are so simple and so true. In today’s society, the demands on us are almost never-ending: no matter which way we turn, something or someone is demanding our time, attention, assistance, love, cooking skills, chauffeur services – you name it. And that is under the best circumstances! Throw in a global pandemic that, for many, involved working from home while trying to either dodge or educate children, and well, it’s no wonder that Statistics Canada reported in 2021 that 46% of Canadians are experiencing stress levels that are higher than they were pre-COVID. 

 

In a society that views busyness and a never-ending schedule of commitments almost like a badge of honor, many of us – despite the abundance of knowledge and research out there that extols its virtues – still view self-care as an indulgence: something that happens once in a while, or on a special occasion, or as a reward for attaining that sought-after promotion or reaching a goal. For some, it may be in the back of our minds, something we know we should do, if only there were a few more hours in the day. A recent study by Birchbox and Kelton Global found that only 39% of men and 32% of women regularly make time for self-care. If you are doing nothing to care for yourself and fill your own cup, how can you give the best of yourself to others? It is time to make self-care a regular part of your routine. 

 

We all know the obvious tenets of self-care – a healthy diet, enough sleep, regular exercise – and if you are not already on top of these, this is an easy place to start. The benefits will speak for themselves in no time at all. Let’s consider these the foundation, the “must haves.” They keep your body going, give you life force – but do they bring you joy? Will they fill your cup? (Okay, for some out there, yes – a sweaty session at the gym brings you joy, but many of us just grin and bear it!) 

 

Once you have the basics down, it’s time to find things that you can do for yourself that will bring you enjoyment, happiness, fulfillment, peace, or just a few minutes of quiet time. Take a few minutes to reflect on what these things might be – what did you enjoy doing to unwind before you had all of the responsibilities and demands on your time that you do now? What have you been really wanting to spend time on? What do you want to learn to do? Jot them down. There aren’t enough hours in the day, we’ve established that already – so how on earth are you going to find time to fit in even one of these activities? I have some tips and suggestions that may help. 

 

  1. Schedule it. This is important! YOU are important! Treat yourself at least as well as you do your work colleagues, and schedule time for yourself. Be creative and flexible – for example, I have activities that I schedule in daily, weekly, monthly and quarterly. Stick to this time; hold it sacred.

 

  1. Set boundaries. If you’ve decided that you love to read and want to do this for 30 minutes every day, talk to your family. Let your children, spouse and others know that this half-hour a day is really important to you, it makes you happy and is something that you need to do. Ask them to respect this 30 minutes and not disturb you, or turn it into a family affair where everyone spends some quality time with a book. 

 

  1. Layer activities. Look for opportunities to multi-task. Listen to a personal or professional development podcast while you walk the dog or go for your morning run. Learn a new language over your morning coffee or on your commute. Listen to an audio book or catch up on your favorite reality TV show while cooking dinner. 

 

  1. Unplug. Track your screen time for a couple of days. If you are surprised by how much time you spend surfing or scrolling through social media, commit to cutting back. Even snatches of a few minutes gained here and there by putting down your device can turn into an act of self-care. Head out of the office for a quick walk. Do a quick body scan meditation – you can do this in your office, at the coffee shop, on the bus or train – no one will even know! Stretch. Call a friend for a quick hello. 

 

Not only do all of these actions release our brain’s feel-good chemicals – increasing our general happiness and sense of well-being – but doing something only for you, something that makes YOU feel good, can bring you energy, comfort and satisfaction, which is regenerative and restorative. What will you do to fill your cup?

 

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My name is Lori Stevenson and I am a management professional living in the beautiful Okanagan. In my spare time I enjoy reading, writing, yoga, teaching myself Spanish and walking my dogs. I am pleased to share my ideas, thoughts and knowledge here with the Low Entropy community!

Unloading Emotional Baggage: Family Friction

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Sejin Ahn (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

What comes to your mind first when thinking about the word “family”?

 

Is it a shelter for you where you can rest and gain fresh energy? Or is it a place you want to escape from? Family seems to have a simple, single definition at first glance. But in reality, it has various connotations that are often very opposite from each other, and its complexity can give individuals heavy emotional baggage.

 

Emotional baggage from family can become a tangled thread you cannot untangle, turning into an unwelcome, lifelong friend. It can impact your journey through life, taking the lead and determining which direction you go, as well as the decisions you make.

 

Even though carrying emotional baggage can be impactful, most people do not even recognize its presence, especially when they are young. Failure to lighten emotional baggage can trap people in a loop of anger, helplessness and regret.

 

One of the very common forms of emotional baggage from family is feeling guilty and full of regret. As this phenomenon becomes more pervasive within our society, having the emotional baggage naturally starts to be treated as normal that is acceptable.

 

Parents design their children’s future, taking care of tons of things from the tiny little parts of life to the biggest ones. People who decide not to take the road their parents carved can feel like betrayers who have abandoned their family, even though they are not.

 

Here are some tips to let go of emotional baggage from family:

 

  1. Ask yourself who you are

To be aware of the emotional issues you face, you should know who you are and where you stand. Be curious about yourself, because the best way to prepare a solution to a problem is knowing the part you play in the process.

 

  1. Learn how to release your negative emotions

Emotional baggage involves various negative feelings – stress, anger, anxiety, sadness, regret and guilt. There are many ways to release your negative feelings. Researching healthy ones that work for you will allow you to not only to gain new, positive energy, but also give you time to refresh your mind and relax.

 

  1. Have conversations with your family

It is important to face problems with family. In modern society, lack of conversation between family members is a serious issue. Without communicating, people don’t know what others think and cannot develop a solution that works for everyone.

 

  1. Do what you want and what makes you happy

The most important part of letting go of the emotional baggage from family is to be yourself. The top priority in your life needs to be yourself. If you find something that makes you happier than ever, go for it and do your best to achieve your dream. Do not let others take control of your life.

 

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My name is Sejin Ahn and I was born in South Korea, where I was raised for 20 years. I am a communication major at Simon Fraser University. I love looking at the world from various perspectives!