Tag: relationship

Despite Change

Posted on by andrew

Bethany Howell (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Throughout my life, I have only had people who stayed for short periods of time. Excluding family, my longest relationships always lasted under a year. Never by choice, but instead, circumstance. Quarantine and switching between schools easily broke apart any relationships I had. That is, until he came along.

 

He was my first partner and the only person to stay with me through the change, not leave me because of it. We became inseparable and soon, a year had passed of us being together. With the exchanging of anniversary gifts — a beautiful promise ring he spent a good portion of his paycheck on — I realized that this may be the first “forever” in my life. Yes, others have said it, but years of disappointment and broken promises made the word automatically untrue in my mind. The months wore on, as good and as bad as they always are, still filled with pain, but I withstood them better with him by my side. He held me and comforted me and, even when we were hundreds of kilometers apart, somehow managed to be near me in spirit.

 

I have realized now that new beginnings do not necessarily mean new people, and that one can find new things to explore with those they’ve come to know so well. My partner continues to stick with me through moves, stay-at-home orders and the personal drama that seems to follow me throughout my life — something I never expected another person would be able to handle. To have someone hold your hand and not only walk with you, but guide you through problems that arise, is a wondrous thing. 

 

New beginnings with the same person can be difficult, regardless of the excellence of the relationship. Strains are added with distance and time between meetings; we often find ourselves bickering more as a result of this. Though new scenarios may be beneficial — such as myself moving back for another year at university — issues can still arise. With change comes hardships, whether they be simple or more complex. Even through these hardships, through months of being unable to see my partner in person and through the arguments that we stumble into together, we have still stayed strong as one. 

 

To maintain a relationship, stability must be found, even in unstable times. These large periods of change shook me, but my partner was able to help keep me steady. “Throughout everything,” I would say to myself, “At least I know he is here.” There have been many nights spent awake due to stress about the future, asking myself where I will end up living and who will stay with me, but never once have I questioned his place by my side.

 

It must be noted that staying close is not a one-sided action. Along with my partner’s fierce loyalty comes my own, and only together have we been able to make it through each new scenario. I would like to believe that I hold onto him just as tightly as he holds onto me. I also would like to say that I am the same stabilizing force in his life that he is in mine. I know that he would agree with both statements, assuring me that I am, of course, just as — if not more — useful to him as he is to me.

 

The months will continue to wear on, just as they are known to do, and I hope that my partner shall stay near me regardless of what life brings our way. I once told him, after a particularly rough day, that I no longer see the world in terms of “him” and “I,” but “us”; I believe that it is this mindset that will keep us strong. We have loyalty, not only to each other as partners, but to each other as separate parts of ourselves. New beginnings may come along for me and, for once, I feel equipped to truly embrace them. With my partner, I have the stability and comfort I need to not only accept, but adopt change. 

 

Finally, to my partner: Thank you, darling. Thank you for everything you do, especially supporting my writing (and agreeing to me sharing our story). Here’s to many more years of us.

 

—

 

My name is Bethany Howell and I am a third-year university student majoring in psychology and minoring in family and child studies. I have a passion for writing and mental health, and my ultimate goal since age 13 has been to make a difference in the world through helping others, which is how I ended up here at Low Entropy!

Dating in the 21st Century

Posted on by andrew

Terence MacLaine (he/him/his), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer

 

Back in the day, we didn’t have apps like Tinder, Bumble, etc . . .

 

If you wanted to meet someone, you had to make the effort of actually going outside & socializing with others where/when you would learn the art of human interaction & social cues like manners, body language, courtesy, etc . . .

 

But to form relationships, you had to go out to social gatherings like clubs, bars & parties.

 

Today, we see and treat each other as little more than items. And not as in: “You two are an item.” I mean literally as items that we select off a shelf from a grocery store with no more consideration than the price. 

 

This is the average date today: Swipe till you like. You both match. Text to meet. Meet at their place. Ghost. Next, please . . .

 

It’s that simple. And that tragic. 

 

This ghosting thing, that’s the real watermark of today. Part of the cost of a relationship, or just hookup, used to be the breakup scene. You (some at least) had to consider the feelings of the other person if/when you didn’t want to see the other person anymore. You had to call them, or at least leave them a note the next morning, but there was some personal accountability at least.

 

Now, you simply ghost with no consideration of the other person’s feelings, simply because it’s easier. No thought of what or how the other person may feel. They have no way of knowing what they did wrong. Or if you’re even alive. You could have been in an accident, or run over – who knows? But rather than considering the feelings of the other person, we just instantly cut the line, sometimes causing YEARS of emotional scarring. All because you couldn’t be bothered.

 

No wonder the world is such a mess today. How can we be happy when we treat each other like that? When our socializing & interacting with each other is reduced to words on a phone, how could it possibly get worse? We’ve taken the human out of humanity & replaced it with algorithms. We ARE the machine.

 

I leave you then with one last scenario, witnessed by yours truly a few years ago. A local coffee shop was hosting a singles day, which on the surface seemed like a great idea. I happened to walk by & saw the shop was pretty much full with every seat taken. Obviously, the idea was a success. 

 

I looked in & what I saw was people sitting across from each other, each and every one of them texting with someone instead of interacting with the person sitting across from them.

 

At no time have we ever been more connected.

 

And yet, at no time have we ever been so alone.

 

—

Terence MacLaine is a writer and blogger from Vancouver, BC. He has a lifetime of experiences set against the backdrop of beautiful British Columbia, and brings his stories to the world in his blog, The Adventures of Yesteryear (theadventureofmemories.wordpress.com).

Alone with Everybody

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Connie Wong describes how solitude can be just as valuable as friendship.

 

I have enjoyed hanging out with my friends since elementary school. With friends, you are less worried about walking alone awkwardly and they can be there when you feel bored and need company. By middle school, we had around ten people who always gathered together to share our thoughts and feelings within our group.

 

There is endless fun within a group, but they can also create problems simultaneously: you could easily feel left out if you’re the shy kid in the group. As well, sometimes you want to fit in, but it can be time-consuming to participate. Being involved in group activities can take up my study time, or just the moments that I wish to spend alone quietly. 

 

Later, as I graduated from middle school, I went to a new high school where the students had already known each other for two years before I transferred. It wasn’t challenging for me to find a friend there, but I was hoping to find a friend group like I previously had. I started to glance at each corner of the school and see where I could fit in.

 

Eventually, after a long observation, I decided to give up because, in my opinion, none of the groups I saw felt welcoming. The in-group bias made their friendships stronger and more connected inside, and it was clear what they might look for in new members. I understood because that’s what I would have thought back in middle school.

 

I decided to stay at school as little as I could to avoid being an outlier who did not belong to any of the friend groups. One day I needed to ask questions before an important exam. As soon as I was done with the question I went to the library, where everyone was told to sit alone for social distancing. This place was absolutely a shelter for me to conceal my awkwardness.

 

I took out my supplies and turned to look out the library windows: many students were sitting outside by themselves. Some were reading books, some were enjoying their lunch, and some were just confidently walking around in the school.

 

“Don’t they feel awkward when they see others gather as a group and they look left out?” I wondered.

 

I stared at them for a few more minutes, and I answered myself.

 

“No, they’re perfectly fine without a friend beside them.”

 

If I didn’t grow up as part of a group, I might have felt more natural spending my time alone in public. However, being alone after spending most of my time with the group was a nightmare for me. It made me feel like a lonely performer on a stage. Seeing others living perfectly fine without friends around them helped me release my tension, and I gradually learned to be confident by myself in a crowd.

 

Everyone has a choice in whether to join a group or work alone. I’m not an introvert or an extrovert: I’m a person who loves being both and trying to balance them. Spending too much time socializing is exhausting for me, but it is also difficult for me to stay at home for more than three days.

 

Friendships can play important roles in our life, but allowing them to take over your schedule is not healthy. Learning to be alone is essential because you never know when you might be separated from your friends. Always stay patient and calm when you need to go through some time alone. Only that will make your friendships grow stronger.

Are you an introvert or extrovert? An ambivert, maybe? An omnivert, perhaps? Or maybe you’re something else entirely? Let us know in the comments below, or join our community platform to make a whole bunch of instant connections! And whoever you are, we appreciate you!

Uniquely Beautiful

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Anais Delépine reminds us that we’re all one-of-a-kind, and reveals how appreciating that can create positivity within our diverse communities.

 

Everyone in this world is diverse, and that is okay.

 

Traits such as physical aspects are visible. Some are less so: we have different sexual orientations, we do not think or act the same way, and we all have different social and cultural backgrounds. Beliefs and opinions forged early in age may change over time as one matures.

 

Some enjoy listening to music, others don’t. Some like playing soccer, others enjoy football. One person’s faith may be oriented toward Buddhism while another is agnostic. Some believe that fighting for world peace is a number one priority ,while others may think climate change is the most critical world challenge.

 

All in all, there may be someone similar to you in many aspects, but there will never be someone that is exactly like you in every aspect. All these traits are a reflection of our personalities and make us unique and rich.

 

Diversity is beautiful as long as one remains true to themselves.

 

Trouble comes when one hides their true self, consciously or unconsciously. Why would they do that? They want to be liked or avoid being judged, so they show others what they think those others want to see, or the kind of person they think those others want them to be. Situations may also reveal one’s personality: even if, for example, one person is the sweetest being on this planet, this aspect can easily change in a second. Something drastic could happen and make that person become rude and aggressive all of a sudden. Of course, this phenomenon can also happen in a positive way. 

 

Although diversity is beautiful, our differences may lead to conflicts when communicating.

 

We can overcome these challenges by working toward better understanding our own personalities. Are you a doer, a socializer, a thinker, a relater or a subtle mix of all that? Know your true colors and leverage your strengths while working on your potential limiters. Once this knowledge has been acquired, you can start to understand others and establish a common ground where discussions can take place amongst all of our different diverse personalities. That’s how the most beautiful ideas and relationships arise in this world!

 

Are you a doer, a socializer, a thinker, a relater or a subtle mix of all that? Let us know in the comments below, or among a small group of supportive peers at a Conscious Connections meeting!

With Confidence

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Low Entropy Volunteer Writer Alexandra Dadivas emerged from the depths of negative self-talk and peer pressure with the support of a very special person. Now committed to bringing others up with her, Alexandra speaks to the importance of creating a chain reaction of love and positivity.

 

For the past couple of years, my biggest personal project has been myself. Being a high school student, I am constantly immersed in an environment that points out which parts of you are acceptable for society and which parts are not. I know that, for me personally, the majority of my insecurities were not insecurities before society told me they were. Like so many others, I fell down a deep hole, into a relentless mindset that if others didn’t like me, I wasn’t allowed to love myself. Me? Looking like this? I didn’t believe I deserved it. Mirrors taunted me. Pictures and videos triggered voices in my head screaming at me that I was a complete waste of space and that it was hopeless for me to ever be considered pretty. It wasn’t fair. Everyone else was so beautiful and easy to love, so what was wrong with me?

 

I then came across a treasure – I met one of my dearest friends, Pat. She took on a sister-like role almost immediately after we clicked, and I still can’t believe I got lucky enough for her to enter my life. We quickly became comfortable with opening up to one another, free from the fear of judgement. When she told me she was just as insecure about herself as I was, it was as if my brain couldn’t comprehend such an idea. She was perfect to me, beautiful on the inside and out, and it confused me how she didn’t see that. Instead of showering me with the seemingly typical compliments of pity, she made a suggestion that ended up changing the way I lead my life: “Why don’t we climb this mountain together?”

 

Together. For the longest time, it felt like it was just me in this infinite well, with no hope of being free. Yet here comes along this light that manages to seep through the cracks, allowing me to finally breathe. She said we were going to tackle this one baby step at a time, and that we were going to catch one another if we fell. We recognized that we were not going to carry the other person to the top so much as guide them, for everyone has their own unique mountain to climb. And so that’s what we did. For two years, we both stumbled and we both almost gave up numerous times, but we had each other’s back. I can now proudly say that, though I am not at the summit just yet, I am so much farther than when I first started my journey – my journey to love every single aspect of me, whether it is deemed acceptable to society or not.

 

My 2020 New Year’s resolution was to feel comfortable in my own skin. With Pat by my side, I have achieved so many small personal goals, but I have also helped achieve some of hers along the way. It’s an incredible feeling, to see someone grow right before your very eyes. I found myself craving that feeling, and so I made it my 2021 resolution to try to extend the sensation of being confident enough in yourself that you live your life with no fear anymore. I am no longer afraid to wear the clothes I want to wear, to act the way I want to act, and to do the things that I am passionate about. If I have the power and opportunity to extend such an experience to other teenagers like me, I want to take it.

 

Empowering others is like a garden of flowers. All it takes is one strong flower to bloom and shed its seeds, and from there it is an endless domino effect. That is the beautiful thing about helping others with confidence – once someone gains confidence in themselves, they gain confidence in others as well. They begin to believe in people and feel the need to spread self-love to as many individuals as possible. This then leads to creating an incredible community of people who all started in different places and all have their own stories, but ultimately have the same goal. This community acts as an enormous wall of support for humans who are trying to get to where they want to be, and just need a little push. 

 

If you are not where you want to be on this mountain yet, join hands with another. You may not realize it, but everyone has had the same cruel thoughts running through their heads as you have. Likewise, everyone has their time to bloom, including you! This body of people is constantly expanding, so no matter where you are or where you go, know that you always have a place to turn to, and I am proudly a part of that place.

If you’re looking for a supportive, encouraging group of people, Low Entropy might be the place for you! Check out our online community or drop by a Conscious Connections meet-up to keep that domino effect going!