Cristina Crescenzo (she/her/hers), Low Entropy Volunteer Writer
I have been having a lot of sleepless nights, so naturally I listen to music to put myself to sleep, but last night I came across a song I haven’t heard in a while. It was “this is me trying” by Taylor Swift. While I was listening to it, I couldn’t help but think about the resilience of the human soul and how everyday someone in the world is actively fighting something. The song itself is about two people fighting very difficult obstacles, alcoholism and depression, with lyrics about wasting your potential as you are getting drunk on that third glass of whiskey. Another part of the narrative was about someone driving up to a cliffside and thinking about ending it all. In the end both of these people don’t give into their demons by the simple acts of not pouring another drink and by turning around and driving home.
However, I believe we live in a society where small victories like that go unacknowledged, and that we have to be 100% fine or just give up entirely. The funny thing to me is that I know every single human being is dealing with their own problems, and while some are better at hiding it, we still know in our hearts that we don’t give others the benefit of the doubt. In my own personal experience, I think it is a big accomplishment when I just get out of bed, brush my teeth or eat something. To me, those are things that mean that I am not giving into my dark thoughts that day. I know that must seem like the bare minimum, but for me that is enough for now. Furthermore, I found as I grew up, there were fewer opportunities to be rewarded for our wins in the midst of a whole lot of loss than when we were kids and our teachers gave us gold stars.
Unfortunately, as an adult, I guess we have to accept that there isn’t always going to be someone there to pat you on the back when you do something well, and we have to learn that the validation we give ourselves is enough. Therefore, although I may want my family to recognize the strength I have used in order to live my life, I will also have to realize that sometimes those small gestures towards peace might go unnoticed. So it may not be what you need, but it’s what you have to do to survive. Thus, if you are one of those people taking those small steps to overcome your affliction and you feel like no one sees you, just know that I do, and congratulate you on all your hard work up to this point! I would also like to suggest listening to some Taylor Swift, she always cheers me up when I am down.
Lastly, I just want to say to everyone who believes that their loved one isn’t doing anything to fix their situation, I promise you, if you pay attention, one day you will be able to have a front row seat to the greatest victory of their lives as they proclaim, “This is me trying!”
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I am a 21-year-old English major at Capilano University with hopes of eventually writing young adult novels, and spreading disability and mental health awareness.